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Finding a boyfriend

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  • 28-04-2021 5:29pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Firstly, I really hope this doesn't come across as judgemental/mean/better-than-though but I'm finding it hard to articulate my thoughts.

    I'm late twenties. Everyone thinks I'm straight as I've been "straight" to date but deep down I know I'm gay. For various reasons I'm struggling to come to terms with it.

    One of the reasons I continue to go for girls is that it's just easier. Most people are straight and therefore % wise it's just easier to get a date.

    The problem is I want to know and trust the lad before dating them since it might take me a while to find the way out of the closet. But I don't know many gay lads.

    The stereotypical gay bar just isn't my scene and I don't like the idea of gay meetups. Not sure why, but looking at meetup.com there is a gay dining out Ireland meetup. Not sure why I don't find the idea comfortable. Maybe it's because I haven't accept it yet.

    I suppose the question is what is the best way to find a boyfriend and not just a one night stand (grinder)


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    #2
    Heebie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,302 ✭✭✭Heebie


    confused28apr wrote:
    I suppose the question is what is the best way to find a boyfriend and not just a one night stand (grinder)


    You do need to find ways of meeting gay/bi men.
    Ask yourself seriously if the reason you're not comfortable with gay bars, meetups etc... is that you don't want anyone to find out. It's a very common thing.
    It sounds like you're only at the very beginning of the coming out process.
    Check out The Outhouse. It's not a bar, it's not a meetup group, but you can go there green lunch, maybe chat with some people, and find resources to help you figure things out.

    Good luck


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    #3
    Luker
    Registered Users Posts: 39 ✭Luker


    confused28apr wrote: »
    Firstly, I really hope this doesn't come across as judgemental/mean/better-than-though but I'm finding it hard to articulate my thoughts.

    I'm late twenties. Everyone thinks I'm straight as I've been "straight" to date but deep down I know I'm gay. For various reasons I'm struggling to come to terms with it.

    One of the reasons I continue to go for girls is that it's just easier. Most people are straight and therefore % wise it's just easier to get a date.

    The problem is I want to know and trust the lad before dating them since it might take me a while to find the way out of the closet. But I don't know many gay lads.

    The stereotypical gay bar just isn't my scene and I don't like the idea of gay meetups. Not sure why, but looking at meetup.com there is a gay dining out Ireland meetup. Not sure why I don't find the idea comfortable. Maybe it's because I haven't accept it yet.

    I suppose the question is what is the best way to find a boyfriend and not just a one night stand (grinder)

    Same situation here OP although I’m in my 30’s. I lived abroad for a year. Went to a gay mans meetup group in a bar one evening. Was actually a great night. Met very interesting people. They were all very much comfortable in their sexuality whereas I went there in secret. I wish I had stuck with it. As the years go on , regrets start to kick in.
    I’ve thought about paid dating agencies - my thoughts are if someone pays for an agency they are serious about looking for a relationship. I wouldn’t be into grindr and the likes


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