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"Mammy's a bisexual"

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    #62
    TOPDAWG
    Closed Accounts Posts: 637 ✭✭✭TOPDAWG


    Dizzyblabla wrote:
    So I'm only two at the time, so you have to remember the times they were, but I informed the doctor that he couldn't operate on me because he was dirty, to which he replied, opening a button on his shirt to show me his chest, "but I'm all black?"

    OH MY GOD! iv one exactly like that! Iv a best buddy and we met up on the first day of school and he's halfcast. but remember when you were young and every kid hates bathtime?? well i used to tell my mam "i wish i was like him cos his skin is always dirty and he never has to wash"


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    #63
    SpAcEd OuT
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,963 ✭✭✭SpAcEd OuT


    embarssing moments for my parents,I can think of one both embarassing and potentially fatal.

    when I was about 5 or 6 I was at my dads bar having a coke when the bouncer comes over to my dad and tells him theres a few criminals having a drink in the corner...I wasnt paying much attention,until the bouncer told my dad what they were involved in......he started rambling on....until he said he sells coke,I finished my glass stood up and shouted "dad im finished my coke can I buy some more off that man over there".....

    only years later did I find out what I did to my poor dad....one good thing came of it though,the criminal never came back to have a drink there again


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    #64
    banquo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,487 ✭✭✭banquo


    [on a packed bus]: Mammy, where's you vagina?


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    #65
    BossArky
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 9,494 Mod ✭✭✭✭BossArky


    When I was about 6 I was deemed too young to go to a family wedding which my brother was the page boy at (...page boy brings the ring up to the priest). Therefore I was left at the neighbours house for the day and following night. Anyway... my mother had often told me that eating too many sausages was bad..... so when dinner time at the neighbours comes the woman asks me what if I wanted any sausages.... to which I replied "no my mother says that sausages are bad for you". I must have appeared like an ungrateful little child.

    Funnily enough, playing with the childen of that neighbour that evening was the first time that I ever heard the word "bored"... it came up when we were playing with some Lego I think (not that I ever found Lego boring).

    These were the same neighbours who used to ask me to go and ask my father various expressions in French (I presume they were all dirty / insults).

    !


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    #66
    kjt
    Registered Users Posts: 3,057 ✭✭✭kjt


    lmao omg... that was so ****e!!!!!


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    #67
    tk123
    Registered Users Posts: 14,032 ✭✭✭✭tk123


    Heehee I just taut of one...My nephew was staying with us one time when he was 2 or 3 and my mum decides to bring him to the park. All is well until half way back when he starts to do "the toilet dance" so they're half running back home when my mum decides forget this and tell him to go against the wall in the laneway around the corner.Anyhoos as he's p-ing the person who lives there opens their door to put rubbish out and gives her a filty look - my poor mum was mortified!! hahahaha


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    #68
    i R baboon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22 ✭i R baboon


    tk123 wrote:
    Heehee I just taut of one...My nephew was staying with us one time when he was 2 or 3 and my mum decides to bring him to the park. All is well until half way back when he starts to do "the toilet dance" so they're half running back home when my mum decides forget this and tell him to go against the wall in the laneway around the corner.Anyhoos as he's p-ing the person who lives there opens their door to put rubbish out and gives her a filty look - my poor mum was mortified!! hahahaha

    ha ha ha,very good, must have been an awkward moment. on monday i finished college forever and like any student, went mental on the beer, and went to a house party that night, so in the sitting room which was full of people, i decided to take a little nap right in the center of the floor, but it wasnt long til i was woken by everyones laughter, my best friend had covered me in shavin foam, fortunately, i had woken before they started shavin stuff. then we had a game of dares (how mature am i!!!), i was dared to take my pants down around my ankles, put my top over my head and do the macerana (cant even spell it, ya know that dance), proudly i did it in the center of the group. them were simpler times, all three nights ago.


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    #69
    Larianne
    Registered Users Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    Didn't happen to me but the family I use to babysit.

    The youngest was 5 at the time and would pick things up from his older brothers and sister. And obviously picked up or was thought by his siblings 'the finger'.

    The family would always go to mass on a sunday morning and sit up the front. One Sunday morning, 'David' stood up on the seat and started giving 'the finger' to the whole congregation!! :D Scarlah for da parents!


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    #70
    Atlas_IRL
    Registered Users Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭Atlas_IRL


    one time at band camp!


    One time my parents wanted me to have a bath, i used to hate them(was young at the time) and i ran naked straight out the front door and halfway across the park with all my friends there breakin their ****e laughing!

    Still gets brought up at birthdays( my mates 20th her sisters couldnt stop laughing at it :o


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    #71
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,290 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Larianne wrote:
    Didn't happen to me but the family I use to babysit. The youngest was 5 at the time and would pick things up from his older brothers and sister. And obviously picked up or was thought by his siblings 'the finger'. The family would always go to mass on a sunday morning and sit up the front. One Sunday morning, 'David' stood up on the seat and started giving 'the finger' to the whole congregation!! :D Scarlah for da parents!
    A four year old decided to give me the finger on the DART. What she didn't realise was gesticulating with your little finger isn't all that offensive. :D


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    #72
    Larianne
    Registered Users Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    Victor wrote:
    A four year old decided to give me the finger on the DART. What she didn't realise was gesticulating with your little finger isn't all that offensive. :D

    LOL


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    #73
    i R baboon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22 ✭i R baboon


    Atlas_IRL wrote:
    one time at band camp!


    One time my parents wanted me to have a bath, i used to hate them(was young at the time) and i ran naked straight out the front door and halfway across the park with all my friends there breakin their ****e laughing!

    Still gets brought up at birthdays( my mates 20th her sisters couldnt stop laughing at it :o

    i used to sleep walk when i was younger, one night i was asleep and my parents were watchin tv when my dad said to my mom 'did you hear the front door open there', so they wondered out to find the front door wide open and me standing at the end of our drive, wait it gets better, in my jocks with my blanket grasped tightly under my arm, can see the headline in the paper now, local boy found wondering the streets with no clothes and nothing but a blanket with him


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    #74
    Squirrel
    Registered Users Posts: 2,376 ✭✭✭Squirrel


    Dizzyblabla wrote:
    mine is bad....

    I was 2, I fell and hit my head off the door and split my forehead, my 8 1/2months pregnant mother brought me to the hospital to get it sorted....
    So I'm only two at the time, so you have to remember the times they were, but I informed the doctor that he couldn't operate on me because he was dirty, to which he replied, opening a button on his shirt to show me his chest, "but I'm all black?" with tears rolling down his face he thought I was so funny... that wasn't good enough for me though, I had to help him wash his hands first before I would let him stitch me up!
    I'm surprised my mother didn't go into labour she was soo embarrassed!

    I've done that, it was a nurse, I was there for half an hour with a scrubbing brush trying to vlean her hands, poor woman. I was sitting in mass 1 day with my brother and some random old woman was sitting on the other end of the bench, and I let out a nice fart, no noise, but it shook the bench, me and my brother were in stitches and we hear some surpressed lauhter and turn to see this 70 odd year old woman with tears running down her cheeks laughing


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    #75
    kawaii
    Registered Users Posts: 2,327 ✭✭✭kawaii


    MobileInfantry wrote:
    ciarán, darragh etc - all shíte names id hate to have

    lol. You just named my cousins.


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    #76
    LadyJ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,122 ✭✭✭LadyJ


    Yay! It's back! :D


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    #77
    Mossy Monk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 28,128 ✭✭✭✭Mossy Monk


    when i was 2 i told a priest to **** off to the embarrassment of my mother


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    #78
    up for anything
    Registered Users Posts: 5,776 ✭✭✭up for anything


    Just come across this thread. My youngest son at three has never had his hair cut, it falls in lovely curls down his back and he's always being mistaken for a girl. Today in the supermarket a lady remarked on what a pretty girl he was and he looked at her, pulled down his pants a bit and waggled his willy at her and said "I'm not a girl". I'm still laughing. Apparently his older brothers have been teaching him to do that.


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    #79
    qz
    Registered Users Posts: 8,753 ✭✭✭qz


    up for anything wrote:
    Just come across this thread. My youngest son at three has never had his hair cut, it falls in lovely curls down his back and he's always being mistaken for a girl. Today in the supermarket a lady remarked on what a pretty girl he was and he looked at her, pulled down his pants a bit and waggled his willy at her and said "I'm not a girl". I'm still laughing. Apparently his older brothers have been teaching him to do that.

    :eek: Genius!


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    #80
    LadyJ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,122 ✭✭✭LadyJ


    up for anything wrote:
    Just come across this thread. My youngest son at three has never had his hair cut, it falls in lovely curls down his back and he's always being mistaken for a girl. Today in the supermarket a lady remarked on what a pretty girl he was and he looked at her, pulled down his pants a bit and waggled his willy at her and said "I'm not a girl". I'm still laughing. Apparently his older brothers have been teaching him to do that.
    ROFL :D


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    #81
    up for anything
    Registered Users Posts: 5,776 ✭✭✭up for anything


    That's boys for you. :D I dread to think what they'll be like in ten years!!


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    #82
    LadyJ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,122 ✭✭✭LadyJ


    up for anything wrote:
    That's boys for you. :D I dread to think what they'll be like in ten years!!
    Don't worry,I rarely ask psychology professors about their sexuality anymore so I'm sure your kids will be fine! :D


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    #83
    20 Times 20 Times
    Registered Users Posts: 6,220 ✭✭✭20 Times 20 Times


    well it wasnt with my parents was in mass with my cousin and god father when my cousin went up for his "bread" i jumped up and shouted "ask him for some jam on it "

    i never made my communion at that stage so didnt understand the whole bread thing :eek:


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    #84
    Tippex
    Registered Users Posts: 2,910 ✭✭✭Tippex


    This one happened to me last sunday.

    We were at my nephews christening in a church we had never been to before and a priest who we were warned likes to go on a bit.
    Anyway my 3 year old half way through started to tell me he wants to go home now. I told him that we would be going soon and asked if he was bored and he said yes.
    A couple of minutes passed and then he got his voice and proceeded to sing Bob the Builder.

    I so struggled to stop myself from p***ing myself laughing.


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    #85
    Liquorice
    Closed Accounts Posts: 849 ✭✭✭Liquorice


    A few years ago on Christmas I was in the church with my cousin who was about 3 or 4 at the time. She had some problems pronouncing her 'tr's, tree turned into fee, trick turned into fick etc.

    People were just clearing out after mass and I was standing around with her and the other cousins looking after them while the adults were chatting. So the priest comes over to us and starts asking us what we got for Christmas. Finally he comes to the aforementioned cousin.

    "What did Santa bring you?"
    "A f***"
    "A book?"
    "No, a f***"
    "A what?"
    "He got me a f***!"
    "A frock?"
    At which she shouts "WOULD YOU LISTEN, HE GOT ME A F***!"

    The priest turns to me and when I manage to stop laughing I told him that she got a truck that she could pedal like a bike.


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    #86
    WhiteWashMan
    Registered Users Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    i once put the sprinkler on in my living room to 'water the furniture'.
    i think i was about 5.


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    #87
    therecklessone
    Registered Users Posts: 17,213 ✭✭✭✭therecklessone


    Grandmother to me, a while back...

    "What'a a paedophile"?

    Me to ground:

    "Swallow me up,please..."

    :D


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    #88
    banquo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,487 ✭✭✭banquo


    On the bus, after seeing a documentry on African poverty, I announced to an unsuspecting black man: "You're poor."

    Also on the bus, to an indian lady, "You make tea...[lady smiles benevolently]...with monkies."


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    #89
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,843 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    How to misquote people.

    Lesson 5
    therecklessone wrote:
    "What'a a paedophile"?

    Me to ground:

    "Swallow me up,please..."

    :D


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    #90
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    emm about a year ago, I was sitting in the front room with my parents, I came across the word "nymphomaniac" in my book, so I blurted out what a nympho. After a few seconds o not getting a reply I knew something was up. I looked at mam, she looked at dad, he looked back. Mam : "Would you like to tell your daughter what that is?"
    Dad : "Mother tell your daughter what a nympho is" this tennis went on for a while with those exact words finally, mam looked at me "Its a person that likes a lot of sex", I was 16, and I dont know who was redder me or her!


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    #91
    Shrimp
    Registered Users Posts: 5,645 ✭✭✭Shrimp


    When I was about 3 I think, I said to my dads friend..

    "Why do you always have to come when we are eating dinner?" I said it in a real sarcastic tone though :p

    also I said to another friend of my dads..

    (He was reaching for an apple) "Thats our last apple, you cant eat it, go home and have your own!" I was also about 3 then, I was a little harsh back then..

    But then again (off topic) i was not that hard, one time I was coming up to an esculator (sp?) and I remember not going on it, my mom didn't know that i stopped, she kept walking ahead, it was only when she was at the bottom did she realise that i was still at the top. I was a fool, cos there were steps just to the left of the esculator.


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