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I have never - and I mean NEVER

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  • 21-09-2020 1:02pm
    #1
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭


    Found a Snack bar that doesn't have a chunky bit of chocolate at one end. Maybe it's a reflection of my own sad existence but I find the whole thing very exciting. As soon as I unwrap it, I always take a bite out of one end and hope I guessed right, hope that it's the chunky bit.

    There's always - and I do mean ALWAYS - one side a bit chunkier than the other, too. I take that out immediately afterwards. I see some men biting the sides off first, like it's corn on the cob, and you can tell they're extremely good at cunnilingus because they have mastered the art of teasing and leaving it a while before putting their lips around the good bit, the clitoris in this analogy. They really work up to it, whereas I just go for the chunky bit immediately - or what I think is the chunky bit.

    Sometimes you can tell off look alone.

    Sometimes there's such a thin and puny layer of chocolate at one end that you can literally see the biscuit through it, as if the Cadburys people painted some chocolate on to it.

    I don't know how they do it, but talk about consistency. Bloody hell.

    I've eaten probably 5,000 of them during my life and I swear, every one of them has a chunky side. I used to think it was by accident, like when you find the perfect Monster Munch - you know what I'm talking about, don't pretend you don't - but the accident kept happening and then I was like, oh maybe they do this on purpose to give fat c*nts like me some sense of enjoyment in their lives.

    Thank you Cadburys.


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Comments

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    #2
    JasonStatham
    Closed Accounts Posts: 548 ✭✭✭JasonStatham


    Yorkie bar


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    #3
    Rodney Bathgate
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,445 ✭✭✭Rodney Bathgate


    Reese’s Peanut Butter Sticks.


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    #4
    stoneill
    Registered Users Posts: 3,610 ✭✭✭stoneill


    You get a biscuit bar and are then delighted that there is no biscuit.


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    #5
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    Sorry some people here seem to think they can blurt out the name of random chocolate bars, like it isn't a big deal. Well it is. This is dedicated to Snack bars, so by naming others you're sort of outing yourselves as people of an 'All lives matter' disposition. Yes, all bars matter equally, but we're only talking about Snacks in here.

    What's everyone's favourite memory of eating a Snack bar?


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    #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I ate a Smartie that turned out to be solid chocolate. It was one of the best days of my life. Yes, I know the option is there to buy solid chocolate to begin with but it was the surprise that made it special.


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    #7
    Rodney Bathgate
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,445 ✭✭✭Rodney Bathgate


    Would be my least favourite from that range (which includes the yellow one and a wafer etc).


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    #8
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,295 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    On average 1 in every 5000 Snack bars don't have a chunky bit. I recall seeing a report on this a while back where the expiation given is that they make them in batches of 5000 and for some technical reason the last batch doesn't have the chunky bit. Can't for the life of me remember exactly why but it did stick in my mind how unfair it was.

    I'm sure if you drop Cadburys an email and explain the situation they would compensate you. I had an issue with a packet of buttons once where there were 5 less than usual and after contacting them it they sent me a voucher for half the price of a packet of buttons which I though was fair enough.


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    #9
    MAJJ
    Registered Users Posts: 1,679 ✭✭✭MAJJ


    Hammer, I once bit in to a snack bar and the whole thing was solid chocolate. It was stuff of legend and will always remember the when and where.


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    #10
    Timberrrrrrrr
    Registered Users Posts: 25,418 ✭✭✭✭Timberrrrrrrr


    First World problems eh?


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    #11
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    MAJJ wrote: »
    Hammer, I once bit in to a snack bar and the whole thing was solid chocolate. It was stuff of legend and will always remember the when and where.

    No you need the biscuit too. This wouldn't interest me at all.


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    #12
    randd1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,824 ✭✭✭randd1


    I have never - and I mean NEVER - killed someone.

    Yet.


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    #13
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    Candie wrote: »
    I ate a Smartie that turned out to be solid chocolate. It was one of the best days of my life. Yes, I know the option is there to buy solid chocolate to begin with but it was the surprise that made it special.

    Nail on the head. Everyone loves a surprise regardless of age - and especially surprised of the savoury kind.


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    #14
    Gregor Samsa
    Registered Users Posts: 8,925 ✭✭✭Gregor Samsa


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    There's always - and I do mean ALWAYS - one side a bit chunkier than the other, too. I take that out immediately afterwards.

    I always go for what I think/hope is the chunkier chocolate end too. I'm not sure why you wouldn't, unless you were some kind of self-loathing masochist.

    Legend had it that a kid in my primary school in the 80s had an ALL CHOCOLATE Club Milk. The holy grail itself! Where would you even begin eating that? It's more than most mortals could handle.

    Edit: MAJJ, speak more of your wisdom to us...

    Edit Edit: Ok, don't. Hammer89 doesn't want to hear it, and I respect that even though I don't agree with it. Take notice entire Current Affairs forum: this is what mature discourse looks like.


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    #15
    ozmo
    Registered Users Posts: 3,853 ✭✭✭ozmo


    Gregor Samsa wrote: »
    Legend had it that a kid in my primary school in the 80s had an ALL CHOCOLATE Club Milk. The holy grail itself! Where would you even begin eating that? It's more than most mortals could handle.

    I had a friend growing up whos Dad worked making them in Coolock - used to get some of solid Snack bars from him -

    When making - They weigh them at the end of the conveyer belt - and any too heavy get rejected and given to staff and visitors to the factory. Think you could buy a bag of rejects also by weight - saw them in a jar once in a small sweet shop.

    Doubt health and safety would let anyone sell rejects today.


    Except - Did you know they mash up the reject kit-kats to make one of the layers in Kit-Kats, inception style ( https://www.today.com/food/kit-kat-bars-are-made-ground-kit-kats-t106777 )

    “Roll it back”



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    #16
    imme
    Registered Users Posts: 3,200 ✭✭✭imme


    You'll have to get on to them directly.

    Cadburys have cut back on everything in recent years, quality of ingredients, quality of wrapping /containers.

    The amount of Cadbury items that have "made under licence" on them is chronic.


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    #17
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,554 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    For years I’d go for the pink Snack. Sometimes I’d go for the yellow but I never, ever, went for the purple Snack.

    What a fool I had been! All those work “breaks” I could have spent enjoying that chocolate-y biscuit-y goodness but instead I settled for less.

    No more.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #18
    SuperGrover
    Registered Users Posts: 990 ✭✭✭SuperGrover


    Purple > Yellow > Pink


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    #19
    Rodney Bathgate
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,445 ✭✭✭Rodney Bathgate


    SuperGrover wrote: »
    Purple > Yellow > Pink

    Pink > Yellow > Purple.


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    #20
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,554 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    SuperGrover wrote: »
    Purple > Yellow > Pink
    Rodney Bathgate wrote: »
    Pink > Yellow > Purple.

    Purple > Pink > Yellow.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #21
    Gruffalux
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,023 ✭✭✭Gruffalux


    I worked in a Cadbury's Biscuit factory at a decidedly non-pecunious time of my life. Night shift too. If you saw what the lorry loads of globulous fat looks like shortly before it combines with other things and turns into biscuit you would be a very sad boy or girl. Still, I do succumb to a snack bar or two if himself buys them. Working at a biscuit factory is like labour. You forget the truth completely so you can go again..


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    #22
    Gregor Samsa
    Registered Users Posts: 8,925 ✭✭✭Gregor Samsa


    Yellow > Purple > Pink

    There's 6 biscuits in the Yellow Snacks. This increases their savourability.

    Purple Snacks are good, but they're not as good as the Club Milks they so blatantly rip off.

    Pink Snacks are only for decoration in traditional Irish pubs, like old Guinness posters and the soap in the toilets.


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    #23
    corner of hells
    Registered Users Posts: 8,362 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    Candie wrote: »
    I ate a Smartie that turned out to be solid chocolate. It was one of the best days of my life. Yes, I know the option is there to buy solid chocolate to begin with but it was the surprise that made it special.

    I know the feeling , I bought a bag of doughnuts that was supposed to have 5 in the bag.Turned out there was 6 in the bag.
    A truly momentous day.

    I worry there is a poor soul somewhere who only got 4 in his bag.


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    #24
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Kit-Kat chunky!!


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    #25
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Club bar for me and yes I take my time with it.


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    #26
    Mr Meanor
    Registered Users Posts: 197 ✭✭Mr Meanor


    Years ago I remember getting a snack bar with no wafer inside, just pure chocolate like a miniature Yorkie bar.
    That was a good tea break.


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    #27
    SureYWouldntYa
    Registered Users Posts: 7,724 ✭✭✭SureYWouldntYa


    Does anyone else eat all the chocolate off the purple one before eating the biscuit.....


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    #28
    Errashareesh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 572 ✭✭✭Errashareesh


    Yeah I love that too. There's a tiny air pocket - like a gasp of anticipation... and then that sweet, pure, unspoiled chunk.

    The chewy Malteser is a similar experience.

    Although the purple Snack isn't quite the same since they got rid of the foil.


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    #29
    ohnonotgmail
    Registered Users Posts: 40,179 ✭✭✭✭ohnonotgmail


    SureYWouldntYa wrote: »
    Does anyone else eat all the chocolate off the purple one before eating the biscuit.....

    is there another way to eat them?


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    #30
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Errashareesh wrote: »
    Yeah I love that too. There's a tiny air pocket - like a gasp of anticipation... and then that sweet, pure, unspoiled chunk.

    The chewy Malteser is a similar experience.

    Although the purple Snack isn't quite the same since they got rid of the foil.

    Malteasers take me ages to eat. I have to attempt to eat the chocolate coating while leaving the honeycomb centre intact. It's a joyous occasion when I achieve a perfectly smooth, round ball of honeycomb.

    It's the little things. :)


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    #31
    bobbyy gee
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,306 ✭✭✭bobbyy gee


    you should all find girlfriends


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