Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

Green Giant · 08-10-2014 11:11am

Construction teacher criticising a classmate's [admittedly shoddy] Leaving Cert project: "In three years' time I will show this to my Leaving Cert Construction class and tell them that this is David's project. Then I will tell him 'do not make a replica of David's project', because it is the greatest heap of $HlT I have ever seen."

David found it funnier than the rest of us, and we were in tears laughing!

MRnotlob606 · 09-05-2015 6:59pm

Teacher once asked which famous bibilical character got stoned to death and a lad replied Bob Marley

PopePalpatine · 09-05-2015 7:00pm

All he said was that halibut was good enough for Jehovah. :pac:

major bill · 09-05-2015 7:18pm

Woodwork Teacher to a year 4 years ahead of mine after finding planks of wood in the bin

''Lads what are these doing in the bin?? christ, it doesnt grow on trees''

he never lasted

dandyelevan · 09-05-2015 7:43pm

In Oct 1958 I was but a young school 'chissler' when one windy day our teacher's wife (also unbelievably a Teacher) breezed into our class-room to make the following announcement - "Our beloved Pope has just died and there will be be three dark days and three dark nights starting tomorrow, so...off home now children and tell your parents to prepare for the end of the World!"

Ahh, Jeez...the good old days.

_Whimsical_ · 09-05-2015 7:57pm

My biology teacher described the testicles as "very like walnuts in every respect", thus ruining walnuts for everyone and leaving us with some serious questions and strange expectations.
It's always stuck with me. I wish I'd asked for a further explanation

Cee-Jay-Cee · 09-05-2015 8:30pm

I had an Irish teacher in 1st year who told me "get the fcuk out of my class you disruptive little prick" which really upset me as I was 5'11" and he was about 5'8".

El_Duderino 09 · 09-05-2015 8:35pm

We were told that history was all about God because it was His - story.

She wasn't a clever lady but she was the most senior teacher in the school.

MRnotlob606 · 09-05-2015 8:45pm

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

I had an Irish teacher in 1st year who told me "get the fcuk out of my class you disruptive little prick" which really upset me as I was 5'11" and he was about 5'8".

why does height come into it :pac:

CiaranTheGreat · 09-05-2015 9:00pm

Had a teacher who his family was riddled with different forms of cancer and on our first day in first year he came into class and said:

"One in four people get cancer"
Pointing at each student
"1,2,3 Cancer
1,2,3 cancer
1,2,3, cancer"

MRnotlob606 · 09-05-2015 9:08pm

I remember one day in a fifth year history class me and my friend were looking through the history book when we got talking about lord Mountbatten. My friend had a strange idea in his head the Lord Mountbatten and Filed Marshal Montgomery were the same person. I said that it's not true they are both completely different people. Anyway, We argued on until we both mutually decided that we would ask the teacher to verify the validity of his erroneous claims, and our History said "YES THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON.

In another situation, my friend who at the time was doing higher level History, was asked in a test who was Gandhi and he replied "leader of the islams"

pmy.murphy · 09-05-2015 9:14pm

If someone yawned:

"Put your hoof over your gob let your false teeth fall out cos its most embarrassing"

tastyt · 09-05-2015 9:23pm

a lot of people telling stories and then adding oh but I still got an A or B so how great am I.

Come on, yer better than that

Meteorite58 · 09-05-2015 9:26pm

We had a teacher who roared one day " if ye had twice as much brains ye would be half wits !

Duffy the Vampire Slayer · 09-05-2015 9:30pm

My teacher said George Orwell was an anti-socialist.

MRnotlob606 · 09-05-2015 9:33pm

Our Biology teacher was real country woman and one day she was talking about her fathers occupation to us city lads,She said her father was a "boner" and that he "Bones cows" and it elicited the most sneaky eruption of laughter adolescent young men that I have ever heard.

wallywhittle · 09-05-2015 9:58pm

Technical graphics Teacher told foreign student to emigrate out the door.

dandyelevan · 09-05-2015 10:16pm

Our 'music teacher' referred to himself as 'The crow finder'.
This entailed a test where the ole foogie would strike a Tuning Fork against a corner of his table, then, quick as a flash he'd place his ear near the mouth of each boy as we strove to copy the high notes.
Foogie would frown and then shout...'Effin' crow, you're an 'effin' crow...get outa the choir boy!'

cruais · 09-05-2015 10:40pm

School report

Cruais has great potential, but quite frankly, if she was any more laid back, she'd be horizontal.

Nadser · 09-05-2015 10:51pm

I was in Irish class trying to defend myself from the compass wielding lad sitting behind me when the teacher comes out with "Miss goody two shoes, two faced bitch!" and said she wanted to talk to my parents. I replied no problem and told her my home number and the best time to call. (My dad had examined the leaving cert oral Irish exam the year before and was appalled at the low standards in the school so my parents and I had zero respect for her. She never did make that call.)

MRnotlob606 · 09-05-2015 11:24pm

Nadser wrote: »

I was in Irish class trying to defend myself from the compass wielding lad sitting behind me when the teacher comes out with "Miss goody two shoes, two faced bitch!" and said she wanted to talk to my parents. I replied no problem and told her my home number and the best time to call. (My dad had examined the leaving cert oral Irish exam the year before and was appalled at the low standards in the school so my parents and I had zero respect for her. She never did make that call.)

Sound's like things were really going to kick off.

AndThatsAFact · 09-05-2015 11:28pm

"dont look at me in that tone of voice"

PopePalpatine · 09-05-2015 11:28pm

Jaysus, I hope that auld wagon got fired.

Drakares · 09-05-2015 11:31pm

My geography told us us that Madrid was the capital of Rome

jimgoose · 09-05-2015 11:33pm

Morons. At the religious run secondary school I attended, my late father gave me a blank cheque to pay for books and what-not. The Brother didn't like it. So that forced my father to go out of his way to call to the dress-wearing fool at about 8am and explain to him/her/it how business is transacted outside of Muppetland. The big black Mk. I Granada only had to turn up once.

Pearlstone · 09-05-2015 11:39pm

In Science class in second year and teacher was an old school priest who was doing the reproductive system with us. Asked the class not to be embarrassed to ask any question they liked. There was one lad in class who had lived in England most of his life and he piped up..."Father, what is a call girl ?". Mucho embarrassment ensued as the poor Padre mumbled out some answer. He was a bit of a tyrant at times so we were all scared sh1tless to laugh!

Kwiecien · 09-05-2015 11:53pm

Science teacher back in 1991 -the greenhouse effect will change our climate to a Mediterranean one. We will be growing oranges here 20 years from now...

Cee-Jay-Cee · 09-05-2015 11:57pm

Nadser wrote: »

I was in Irish class trying to defend myself from the compass wielding lad sitting behind me when the teacher comes out with "Miss goody two shoes, two faced bitch!" and said she wanted to talk to my parents. I replied no problem and told her my home number and the best time to call. (My dad had examined the leaving cert oral Irish exam the year before and was appalled at the low standards in the school so my parents and I had zero respect for her. She never did make that call.)

I had a similar experience in English class where the teacher kept me back at the end of class and told me he wanted to speak to my parents and to give him my home telephone number. I refused saying if you want to speak to them find it out yourself. He said he was going to keep me there until I gave him the number, I said fine, you'll have a long wait. The lanky string of piss gave in after ten minutes telling me to go home and tell my mother/father to ring him. Not gonna happen I said and walked out. He never mentioned any of it again.

Nucular Arms · 10-05-2015 1:33am

Philo Beddoe wrote: »

My Career Guidance teacher had 17 children. I'm not joking, himself and his wife had 17 kids. How are you supposed to take advice from someone like that? Fortunately his idea of career guidance was to hand you a college prospectus in response to any questions.

And they used to drive a bus/van in with them in the mornings?

Think we went to the same school!

VickieVexed · 10-05-2015 2:03am

During a history class, we were talking about President Kennedy. One girl asked "Miss, what does the F stand for in JFK? After a long pause, teacher replied "Francis...yes....it's Francis"
When I dared to say, " I thought it was Fitzgerald, Miss", she told me to shut my mouth and never correct a teacher, because they're always right.

colossus-x · 10-05-2015 2:17am

In national school when I was about 9 our teacher during a religious education class told us that sometime in our lifetimes ( and not hers cause she'll be dead ) there will be some kind of amazing miracle. She attached some saint to this event I don't recall who the saint was - I've forgotten. Well it was like 35 years ago or so. Oh well I guess we'll know who the saint is when it eventually happens.

10-05-2015 2:17am

AndThatsAFact wrote: »

"dont look at me in that tone of voice"

Female?

Lyaiera · 10-05-2015 2:55am

colossus-x wrote: »

In national school when I was about 9 our teacher during a religious education class told us that sometime in our lifetimes ( and not hers cause she'll be dead ) there will be some kind of amazing miracle. She attached some saint to this event I don't recall who the saint was - I've forgotten. Well it was like 35 years ago or so. Oh well I guess we'll know who the saint is when it eventually happens.

St. Bernard. The saint of icebergs. A glacier will drop on California and free them from drought.

Ms. Moore never shut up about it. She was touched by the Pope on a visit to Wroclaw, and a jack russell licked her hand when it all became clear. She was a very holy woman.

She must be dead by now. The Californians will be glad of their glacier.

Squaredude · 10-05-2015 3:17am

Had a maths test in 4th class and two of the questions were "what's 10x0?" and "what's 0x10?" I answered 0 to both, apparently only one of my answers was correct.

When the 9/11 attacks occurred our teacher came in and informed us that the Israelis had flown two planes into the twin towers.

silverfeather · 10-05-2015 3:24am

STOP DAY DREAMING

Flood · 10-05-2015 3:52am

silverfeather wrote: »

STOP

DAY DREAMING

silverfeather · 10-05-2015 3:53am

NO! :-)

Schrodingers · 10-05-2015 4:48am

Had a tech graphs teacher in secondary who spent at least 60mins of a 80min class talking about France/Aliens/his car

His was a french and maths teacher as well as tech graph, he would hand out a drawing then rant for 60-70mins then say that the sheet is your homework and proceed to tell (not teach) what he wanted done.

He said that EVERY car is most fuel efficient at 60mph in 5th gear without any clue to how a engine worked or gear ratios or final drives etc etc, at the age of 12 i knew more about cars than he did so just ignored him even when i had incomplete homework based on things he didnt teach.

He drove a Fiat Multipa

Katgurl · 10-05-2015 5:11am

There was a woman in our school that was supposed to help with personal development or something, she'd come in and give us talks about our bodies, strange new urges, boys, respecting ourselves etc. It was always hilarious.

Anyway in second year we were summoned and told she had some important news from a local nurse; every other day a young girl was admitted to the ER who had 'damaged herself' trying to use tampons and we were not to attempt it, it was too difficult.

Bizarrely intrigued I raised my hand then queried if one had been using them up to now problem-free surely there was no risk as one had mastered the art. A flash of fury crossed her face before telling us calmly that we were absolutely forbidden and if anyone was found to be breaking the rules there would me major consequences. I'm not sure how she intended checking; I believe it would involve illegal activity.

Antar Bolaeisk · 10-05-2015 5:16am

Had an argument with a teacher regarding the differences between illicit and elicit, she claimed they were the same word

silverfeather · 10-05-2015 5:19am

Antar Bolaeisk wrote: »

Had an argument with a teacher regarding the differences between illicit and elicit, she claimed they were the same word

my god

Chloris · 10-05-2015 5:58am

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote:

I had a similar experience in English class where the teacher kept me back at the end of class and told me he wanted to speak to my parents and to give him my home telephone number. I refused saying if you want to speak to them find it out yourself. He said he was going to keep me there until I gave him the number, I said fine, you'll have a long wait. The lanky string of piss gave in after ten minutes telling me to go home and tell my mother/father to ring him. Not gonna happen I said and walked out. He never mentioned any of it again.

Lyaiera wrote:

She must be dead by now. The Californians will be glad of their glacier.

Katgurl wrote:

Bizarrely intrigued I raised my hand then queried if one had been using them up to now problem-free surely there was no risk as one had mastered the art. A flash of fury crossed her face before telling us calmly that we were absolutely forbidden and if anyone was found to be breaking the rules there would me major consequences. I'm not sure how she intended checking; I believe it would involve illegal activity.

That is legitimately one of the most horrible things I have ever read.

Dangerous Man · 10-05-2015 7:16am

silverfeather wrote: »

STOP

tl;dr

rawn · 10-05-2015 7:29am

"DON'T GIVE ME LIP?" SAID MY iRISH TEACHER

rawn · 10-05-2015 7:30am

"DON'T GIVE ME LIP" said my Irish teacher who had a weird nervous tic where he stuck his lower lip over his upper lip every few sentences.

clever user name · 10-05-2015 7:41am

5th year parent teacher meeting...English teacher.

"He talks to much in class and doesn't listen to me. I've had to put him outside the class numerous times. He just doesn't listen at all. But...when I ask him a question he knows the answer"

Even my mum laughed, and she was a hard ass about school!!

Tombi! · 10-05-2015 8:37am

Mod: stop with the creation and quoting of insanely long posts that are nonsense

Wanderer78 · 10-05-2015 8:48am

SpaceTime wrote: »

This was my first experience of Irish education & basically I thought the place was completely mental!

My folks were called in and they pretty much concluded the same and I was moved to private school!

the church has done more damage than you think in this country in regards our education system but funny story.

you were lucky your folks could afford private school. most would not be able to afford it

Hotblack Desiato · 10-05-2015 11:25am

Lyaiera wrote: »

St. Bernard. The saint of icebergs.

and cut price knickers

Squaredude wrote: »

Had a maths test in 4th class and two of the questions were "what's 10x0?" and "what's 0x10?" I answered 0 to both, apparently only one of my answers was correct.

0x10 = 16

Had an argument one day with my English teacher, he insisted the word "hers" should be spelled "her's" :rolleyes:

SpaceTime · 10-05-2015 12:11pm

Brutal Deluxe wrote: »

Mod: stop with the creation and quoting of insanely long posts that are nonsense

Mmm Ok deleted my post and won't post here again.

Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

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