'Grow Up'

Potential-Monke · 19-01-2020 4:19pm #1

Idea from another thread, and something that genuinely intrigues me as to what people consider 'growing up' involves, or what you should be at/doing to be considered grown up.

In the other thread (Cocaine), it was mentioned being able to look after yourself and not living with mammy and daddy, and reproducing. Which leads me to think that you need to live away from home, be self sufficient and have kids to be grown up, which I don't agree with.

My own situation, I had the good job, lived by myself in my own mortgaged house. Didn't have any kids but did have a 7 year relationship, which I ended because I didn't want any. Fast forward a few years, left the job for mental health and family health reasons (among others), sold the house and took the negative equity, now living back with my parents initially out of necessity, and lately out of a; not being able to afford to have my own place, and b: I help them with the things they struggle with, what with being in their 70's.

So, because I don't want kids, and I'm back living with my parents, am I no longer grown up? Do past times and hobbies come into it? Are there certain past times and hobbies that are considered childish for adults?

What are your views AH? Personally, I think the poster who replied and I created this to discuss so as not to derail, has it somewhat right, being able to look after yourself. But I don't agree that you need to be living away from home or have kids to be grown up.

Deebles McBeebles · 19-01-2020 4:23pm

Having to have kids to be a grown up sounds awfully "as a parent..." to me.

Your Face · 19-01-2020 4:24pm

I think what people call 'growing up' is giving up, settling down and do what everyone else does.

Doctor Nick · 19-01-2020 4:29pm

Being self sufficient and able to look after yourself meets the criteria for me. If it revolved around having kids then certain people, child free for medical reasons or by choice, would never be grown up.

LaFuton · 19-01-2020 4:37pm

its money related for most, to have it and be making enough to give it to those around u, they decorate it all they want but thats it for most

no mention of maturity, knowing yourself and the world, learning to understand and love people, warts and all, not being overwhelmed by fickle nonsense and slowly earning a peace with life, death and the important bits in between.

im 102

Leg End Reject · 19-01-2020 4:38pm

Being able to make your own decisions and dealing with the consequences, capable of living independently even if you don't, able to fund your own lifestyle and not blaming others for your current circumstances would be how I would define it.

Moving home for whatever reason is different tp someone who has never has any independence. If you've never left home and always had your food bought and cooked, laundry and cleaning done for you is also a lot different to someone who has always lived at home but contributed to household finances and chores.

EmmetSpiceland · 19-01-2020 4:40pm

Having a “drinks” cabinet/press that isn’t empty is a sign you’re a grown up.

Widdershins · 19-01-2020 4:43pm

Treat people with dignity and respect, try to behave considerately and handle people and situations and challenges with maturity.
It's more an attitude than a status attained by hitting set milestones.

Marhay70 · 19-01-2020 4:50pm

Being grown up to me means being self sufficient, being able to make the hard decisions, being able to see good advice for what it is and taking responsibility for your own fcuk ups. No matter how grown up you think you are, rest assured you will make fcuk ups.
As for having kids, I reckon it helps in achieving maturity. I remember meeting my eldest for the first time, the shock of realising that this helpless little bundle would be dependent on me for everything for years to come. It's a definite reality check.

jackboy · 19-01-2020 4:55pm

Being able to cook.
Being able to look after ones health.
Trying to be self sufficient.
Trying to do good.

That’s it basically.

19-01-2020 4:55pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Having a “drinks” cabinet/press that isn’t empty is a sign you’re a grown up.

Funny and basically true!
Also random wisdom such as knowing what tog duvet to buy! Knowing a small bit about plumbing/boilers/water tanks

Wibbs · 19-01-2020 5:15pm

Your Face wrote: »

I think what people call 'growing up' is giving up, settling down and do what everyone else does.

It's been my observation that this is a large part of what most people see as growing up alright. I know far too many men and women with the cubicle job, mortgage, two cars on the never never, a couple of kids, in leafy suburbia who think this means growing up. It's barely even growth in many cases. Kids tend to take the rough edges of self involvement out of most, though it often creeps back in through other things. I have found many get to a stage usually in their thirties where they reckon they've solved the "way things are" and will ride that definition all the way into the grave(men in particular are more set in their ways. I have found more women get a second wind in later life).

How might I define it? Hard one. I would say that life broadly follows a growth in self awareness. As a small child it's barely there and slowly comes in as we age. Growing up shouldn't be a destination, but a journey and much of that journey is or should be about self awareness and how you relate to other people and life in general throughout one's life. Doing as you said, "what everyone else does" is a lazy template and end point. It's comforting though and much of wider society relies on it as well. And let's face it, with the best will in the world many people can aspire to little else.

Raconteuse · 19-01-2020 5:17pm

Being past early 20s and your mammy still doing your laundry, and not being able to do any cooking whatsoever (I'm talking boiling pasta level of basic, not culinary genius), doing no housework, relying excessively on the folks for money.

Not having children or living in your parents' house due to necessity after being gone for a few years, are not signs of needing to grow up.

LaFuton · 19-01-2020 6:15pm

a fart at the right time will always be funny i dont care how grown up i get

"i never grew up, i was born grown and i grew down
the older i get the dumber the sh1t i get in"

Widdershins · 19-01-2020 6:21pm

There's a quote about not putting away your childish things because its good to keep your sense of wonder. Im sitting here eating a blue Wagon Wheel and trying to remember it. Im probably not qualified to define "grown up."

'Grow Up'

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