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  • 22-07-2019 12:54pm
    #1
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭


    ... after a first date. If you went on a date with a girl and liked her and wanted to see her again, how long would you wait to message her?

    I'm aware it's different for everyone and depends on the people involved but in general. The date went well and I think there was a spark, just looking for opinions. Were both away next weekend.

    Thanks


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    #2
    Lotus Flower
    Registered Users Posts: 1,193 ✭✭✭Lotus Flower


    I'd say as soon as possible. I can't stand three day rules and all that nonsense. Just a simple text like "I had a great night, would you like to get together again?" should suffice


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    #3
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    Porklife wrote: »
    ... after a first date. If you went on a date with a girl and liked her and wanted to see her again, how long would you wait to message her?

    I'm aware it's different for everyone and depends on the people involved but in general. The date went well and I think there was a spark, just looking for opinions. Were both away next weekend.

    Thanks

    As soon as you wake up in the morning
    Hi! I had a great time last night. I hope you did too😂I’d love to meet you again real soon?. How does next Wednesday 31 sound? John xx


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    #4
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Yup, if you like the person, you don't wait.

    Are you waiting to send a message or are you waiting for a message, porklife?


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    #5
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    wiggle16 wrote: »
    Yup, if you like the person, you don't wait.

    Are you waiting to send a message or are you waiting for a message, porklife?

    Waiting/ hoping to receive one. Was thinking it's Monday and we're both at work so wouldn't really expect one until this evening. I think if I don't hear by tomorrow or Wednesday I have my answer!


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    #6
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Porklife wrote: »
    Waiting/ hoping to receive one. Was thinking it's Monday and we're both at work so wouldn't really expect one until this evening. I think if I don't hear by tomorrow or Wednesday I have my answer!

    Have you sent a message and are waiting for a reply? If not, then why are you waiting? Just message them.


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    #7
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Yeah just do it and message them. Don't let someone else waste your time!


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    #8
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Have you sent a message and are waiting for a reply? If not, then why are you waiting? Just message them.

    No, I haven't sent a message. I was hoping they'd message me first. I just think if a guy really likes you, he will message you! The movie He's just not that into you really stuck with me! :)
    I don't mind if he doesn't, it'll sting a teeny bit but at least if I don't message either then I save face. That probably sounds very immature but i do firmly believe if a guy wants you - he will come and get you!


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    #9
    miamee
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 12,021 Mod ✭✭✭✭miamee


    When was the date?


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    #10
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    miamee wrote: »
    When was the date?

    It was only yesterday and it's Monday working hours now so I don't expect a message until this evening... just worrying now that I may not get one!


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    #11
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Porklife wrote: »
    No, I haven't sent a message. I was hoping they'd message me first. I just think if a guy really likes you, he will message you! The movie He's just not that into you really stuck with me! :)
    I don't mind if he doesn't, it'll sting a teeny bit but at least if I don't message either then I save face. That probably sounds very immature but i do firmly believe if a guy wants you - he will come and get you!

    But the reverse is also true.

    He could be thinking the same thing.

    Seriously just text him. The idea that the man must make the first move is outdated and sets a lot of women up for disappointment.


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    #12
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    Don't mug yourself. Play it cool.


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    #13
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    wiggle16 wrote: »
    But the reverse is also true.

    He could be thinking the same thing.

    Seriously just text him. The idea that the man must make the first move is outdated and sets a lot of women up for disappointment.

    Ok maybe you're right but then if he replies I'd start thinking he only replied out of politeness. This dating lark is tough I tells ya!
    We got along really well and he drove me home and kissed albeit only a peck so no real reason for me to be thinking negatively. He also suggested dinner, not me and he paid so all good signs I think.

    I'll wait until this evening though as I know he's busy at work in a very stressful job!


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    #14
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    If you enjoyed yesterday's date and you think she likes you there is no issue with sending a text to express this to her.

    If you want to see her again just go ahead and ask her out again.

    Take your time, be assertive.


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    #15
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    If you enjoyed yesterday's date and you think she likes you there is no issue with sending a text to express this to her.

    If you want to see her again just go ahead and ask her out again.

    Take your time, be assertive.

    I'm the girl in the situation if that makes any difference to your opinion... just wish he'd message me first!! Hate showing my hand!


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    #16
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    Porklife wrote: »
    I'm the girl in the situation if that makes any difference to your opinion... just wish he'd message me first!! Hate showing my hand!

    Okay. Tx for clarifying. From your op and your avatar it was difficult to comprehend this.

    Given that I now know that you are the girl , i would advise you to stop being so scatty about yesterday's date and get on with things.

    Do you fancy him ?
    If yes, did you convey this to him?
    Did you get close to him?
    Is there someone else in the world who you would prefer?

    If you now really like him and feel that you did not express that accurately yesterday, maybe a " hows things " text would suffice.

    Or even wratch things up a notch with a full blown phonecall, adopt a needy voice etc, you know how it goes..


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    #17
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Ah come on, is it not 2019?

    He seems to have made it pretty clear he enjoyed himself, he paid, he drove you home, he could be sat there thinking "Well I gave her a lot of clear signals and no word from her, I don't want to hassle her/embarass myself by texting her as well!"

    I'm assuming he isn't someone you work with or you'll otherwise have to see often, you've literally nothing to lose by texting him. Doesn't have to be full on.

    "Hey hope your Monday didn't suck too much! I had a great time last night, let me know if you're up for doing something this weekend"


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    #18
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    Okay. Tx for clarifying. From your op and your avatar it was difficult to comprehend this.

    Given that I now know that you are the girl , i would advise you to stop being so scatty about yesterday's date and get on with things.

    Do you fancy him ?
    If yes, did you convey this to him?
    Did you get close to him?
    Is there someone else in the world who you would prefer?

    If you now really like him and feel that you did not express that accurately yesterday, maybe a " hows things " text would suffice.

    Or even wratch things up a notch with a full blown phonecall, adopt a needy voice etc, you know how it goes..

    Do I fancy him? Yes. Do I now really like him? It's way too early to tell! We've been on one date! Did I convey to him that I'm attracted to him? Well, I wore a lovely dress, complimented his outfit, had dinner with him, asked him questions, listened etc. I wouldn't sleep with someone after such a short space of time (unless I was drunk :pac:) and we only had 2 beers!

    Gonna try not to think about it anymore. If he gets in touch great but if not Ill live!


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    #19
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    Megan Substantial Undergarment wrote: »
    Ah come on, is it not 2019?

    He seems to have made it pretty clear he enjoyed himself, he paid, he drove you home, he could be sat there thinking "Well I gave her a lot of clear signals and no word from her, I don't want to hassle her/embarass myself by texting her as well!"

    I'm assuming he isn't someone you work with or you'll otherwise have to see often, you've literally nothing to lose by texting him. Doesn't have to be full on.

    "Hey hope your Monday didn't suck too much! I had a great time last night, let me know if you're up for doing something this weekend"

    We're actually both away this weekend, I'm also away next weekend.. if I haven't heard from him by this evening I'll swing him a text. It's confusing though. I usually reply when a guys texts me even if I'm not interested just cos it's mean leaving someone hanging but I guess my answer would indicate I don't really care, i.e. I'd answer what they asked me but wouldn't ask a follow up question.

    Might just say... hey hope you had a nice Monday. Thanks again for dinner and fro driving me home... then I'll gauge his level of interest from his response!


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    #20
    fineso.mom
    Registered Users Posts: 1,092 ✭✭✭fineso.mom


    Porklife wrote: »
    Ok maybe you're right but then if he replies I'd start thinking he only replied out of politeness. This dating lark is tough I tells ya!
    We got along really well and he drove me home and kissed albeit only a peck so no real reason for me to be thinking negatively. He also suggested dinner, not me and he paid so all good signs I think.

    I'll wait until this evening though as I know he's busy at work in a very stressful job!

    So, he suggested dinner,he paid for dinner and he drive you home and now you want him to text you first as well? And you say it will sting a bit if he doesn't text but you will get over it. What about him? Did you text him to say thanks for a nice evening,dinner,driving you home?
    Are you considering his feelings in this...maybe he is feeling stung after what he thought was a lovely evening and no word from you since?
    Maybe he thinks since he suggested dinner for the first date that you might suggest a second date. Maybe he doesn't want to come on too strong.
    Also, you say you dont want to lose face? Lose face to who? And how would you lose face anyway by simply texting 'hi, thank you for a lovely evening. Would you like to meet again,maybe go to the cinema Thursday,my treat this time?."
    If he says yes, great. If he says no.then you say"ok no problem,nice meeting you anyway,take care". Theres no "face" lost.
    I wonder sometimes at the amount of potential relationships lost because one party is waiting for the other to text first. Its ridiculous.


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    #21
    ginandtonicsky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 710 ✭✭✭ginandtonicsky


    I get where you're coming from Porklife as I know there's this dance that we do in the initial stages of dating where we need to create a little bit of mystery, does-she-doesn't-she etc, not show our hand too early and give the game away.

    But I think you have to check yourself too here. No man who's into you will be put off by a first text. Think about it. Any man that thinks yeah she's atrtactive, definitely want to see her again, will take that opportunity and run with it. Give him that "in". When I think of exes, the "who texted first after our first date" is immaterial (and i don't remember in most cases) because we quickly found our balance in communicating, because we were both on the same page. Didn't matter who texted first at any stage.

    Drop him a "thanks for last night! Hope your Monday didn't suck?" text and see how things go. Ultimately your gut kicks in pretty quickly on these things anyway and this is a quicker way of knowing the score than sitting and waiting days on end.


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    #22
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    ginandtonicsky wrote: »
    I get where you're coming from Porklife as I know there's this dance that we do in the initial stages of dating where we need to create a little bit of mystery, does-she-doesn't-she etc, not show our hand too early and give the game away.

    But I think you have to check yourself too here. No man who's into you will be put off by a first text. Think about it. Any man that thinks yeah she's atrtactive, definitely want to see her again, will take that opportunity and run with it. Give him that "in". When I think of exes, the "who texted first after our first date" is immaterial (and i don't remember in most cases) because we quickly found our balance in communicating, because we were both on the same page. Didn't matter who texted first at any stage.

    Drop him a "thanks for last night! Hope your Monday didn't suck?" text and see how things go. Ultimately your gut kicks in pretty quickly on these things anyway and this is a quicker way of knowing the score than sitting and waiting days on end.

    You're always spot on with your advice so I was happy when I saw you had posted. I will take your advice but will wait until about 8. Gonna go for a run clear my head and then take the plunge. My intuition will definitely kick in if he responds. You always 'just know'. Hope I get the response I'm after. Fingers crossed!


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    #23
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    Result!!!! Messaged saying thank you for dinner and for the lift home and he replied saying he had a great time and would like to do it again :)
    Thanks all. Delighted!!


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    #24
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Ah brilliant! Delighted for you!

    We told ya ;)


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    #25
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    splinter65 wrote: »
    As soon as you wake up in the morning
    Hi! I had a great time last night. I hope you did too��I’d love to meet you again real soon?. How does next Wednesday 31 sound? John xx

    No way. That is way too keen and needy suggesting a date straight away. Just suggest to meet again "some time"


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    #26
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    No way. That is way too keen and needy suggesting a date straight away. Just suggest to meet again "some time"

    I completely agree. Even just a thanks for a great evening, really enjoyed it is sufficient. You can then gauge by their response if they're keen too.
    I wouldn't put xx after a first date either, way too over familiar. Everyone is different obviously but I personally don't like when guys use emojis, the odd smiley is ok but I hate overuse of emojis, makes me cringe!


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