White Lines [Netflix]

Half-way through this mess of a series. Have no idea why I felt compelled to comment on such a poor series - more of a rant really - probably because I find it annoying that they're trying to tout it as a hit of the summer. I will probably watch the rest because it beats debating what we'll stick on tv while our dinner's getting cold.

It's a shame as I really liked the trailer, which made the show look interesting - some sort of detective show where everyone was out of their depth and trying too hard to be cool. Not ground breaking comedy, but enough to know it wasn't taking itself seriously.

But the show does not live up to the promise of the trailer. It has long bouts where it seems to think its storyline is akin to the Godfather before reluctantly squeezing some weak humour in that the writer/director almost seems to instantly regret. It feels like a dodgy soap opera that they've tacked the bare minimum humour into. Think 'Death in Paradise' set on Ibiza with the police procedural replaced by some half-witted imaginings of what party culture/Spanish criminality are like mixed with superficial musings on what life is really about.

The characters are two-dimensional caricatures. Axel is 24. Just remember that. 24. He was a prat.
The lead - Zoe - is that type of whingey, inconsistent character that only helps the story lurch forward by doing stupid and/or selfish things. I get the whole point of her taking Lithium/tranqs, and what it's trying to hamfistedly say, but as with much of the writing, it feels like a 60-something-year old who really has a problem writing women trying to imagine characters and storylines based on very outdated views.

Not a fan of club culture, but the depiction here is pathetic - maybe that's the point? Hard to tell if they're glorifying it in places or trying to soft-sell morality lessons on drug-use while flashing a bit of skin. They don't seem to have done any real research, and have concocted a scenario based on 90s club culture from a handful of Telegraph and Daily Mail articles.


The scenery is stunning, however. Series knocks it out of the park on that one. Not into clubbing myself, but have friends (some of the right vintage for this show and go to Ibiza regularly) who have told me how stunning the place is. I have to admit it, it seems beautiful.

This tries to be nostalgia porn for an ageing clubbing generation - but it's let down by the fact it's obviously written by someone who did the minimum level of research to fit club-culture around a stock murder mystery yarn without any regard for the huge gaping plotholes.

The show has so few redeeming features, I'd avoid it - unless, like me, you want to just start eating your damn chicken fingers for once before they go cold!