Manager is too personal

greenerie · 26-02-2021 9:40am #1

Looking for some advice on how to upwardly manage this relationship.
My organisation hired a new Operations Manager in the last six months who I report to directly. It is a small organisation and we have to be in contact quite a bit (though working from home at the moment). After they joined, we met for a coffee just as an introduction but I found they spent most of the time sharing very personal info about their life (I should say, we're close in age). I'd like to think I'm a nice person so I didn't shut it down at the time and assumed in the run of our normal working days, things would be more professional.

However, that hasn't turned out to be case and now I could find myself on an hour-long call where they complain to me about the Board, their dating life, personal health concerns among other things. I try very, very hard to temper this by not sharing any personal information in return but find I come off the calls a bit overwhelmed and not focused on my work.

On a separate note, my role is quite numbers-specific and I often find that they will CC me on emails where they share reports I have created and take credit for them with higher management. I appreciate that managers are entitled to present their employees work as an indication of overall business activity but they actually take credit for it and when questioned on it, provide inaccurate answers becasue they don't understand the specifics.

It's all just very frustrating and I'd like to take some steps to professionalising the relationship. Any advice that you could offer would be so appreciated.

OMM 0000 · 26-02-2021 3:01pm

The fact this person talks to you like a friend is a very good thing and very good for your relationship with them, so I don't understand why this is bothering you so much.

The fact they are pretending they did your work is a real problem. Are you sure they're not making it clear you did the work but they are just taking the credit as they are the manager?

thefa · 26-02-2021 5:17pm

Yes, could do with clarifying are they claiming they created the report or is it a case that they are receiving the positive feedback/credit?

I work in finance and have provided figures and been cc’d as described. Assuming the manager isn’t claiming they created the report, I think you may be looking at it the wrong way. The manager is acknowledging your involvement with the CC and most recipients will see the CC of a team member and put two and two together. From my experiences, decent managers will be more than willing to put in a good word for you if you’re making them look good so if your manager is giving you decent appraisal, I wouldn’t be worried about being explicitly acknowledged in emails.

If the manager is providing poor insights into the data then it could be worthwhile catching up to see why he/she interprets it that way or correct him/her going forward. Maybe you can provide brief summaries with the report itself.

greenerie · 26-02-2021 5:18pm

I think the problem with this overly personal relationship is that I am responsible for significant amounts of money and major targets and with my previous manager, it was clear that we maintained a good working relationship to ensure there was no conflict of interest and clear lines of communication. It was even acknowledged at times that we had to do this so that I could always be held accountable and the relationship dynamic would be clear (manager, employee). I understand what you mean though, it wouldn't typically bother me but this is just particularly personal.

Unfortunately, it is pretty clear they are not giving me credit for my work. I've had three individual instances now where someone has informed of information they have shared with them as though it is their own and shows great progress and initiative when in fact I have supplied the information.

greenerie · 26-02-2021 5:22pm

I've actually found the fact that I've been cc'd as unusual as you're right, it would typically act as an acknowledgement, but I'm just cc'd with a number of others and my information (which really is highly-specific, like it takes a good understanding of my particular role to get head around it - not saying I'm do anything special, it's just a lot of numbers) is just presented as part of their report. It also happens more casually, where they say things at meetings that they are working on but it is actually the case that I'm working on it and have had to ask for some information from them on it.

jackboy · 26-02-2021 5:50pm

greenerie wrote: »

Looking for some advice on how to upwardly manage this relationship.
My organisation hired a new Operations Manager in the last six months who I report to directly. It is a small organisation and we have to be in contact quite a bit (though working from home at the moment). After they joined, we met for a coffee just as an introduction but I found they spent most of the time sharing very personal info about their life (I should say, we're close in age). I'd like to think I'm a nice person so I didn't shut it down at the time and assumed in the run of our normal working days, things would be more professional.

However, that hasn't turned out to be case and now I could find myself on an hour-long call where they complain to me about the Board, their dating life, personal health concerns among other things. I try very, very hard to temper this by not sharing any personal information in return but find I come off the calls a bit overwhelmed and not focused on my work.

On a separate note, my role is quite numbers-specific and I often find that they will CC me on emails where they share reports I have created and take credit for them with higher management. I appreciate that managers are entitled to present their employees work as an indication of overall business activity but they actually take credit for it and when questioned on it, provide inaccurate answers becasue they don't understand the specifics.

It's all just very frustrating and I'd like to take some steps to professionalising the relationship. Any advice that you could offer would be so appreciated.

Reply to all, thanking your manager and saying if anyone has any questions about my report or needs anything else then let me know.

26-02-2021 5:56pm

greenerie wrote: »

I've actually found the fact that I've been cc'd as unusual as you're right, it would typically act as an acknowledgement, but I'm just cc'd with a number of others and my information (which really is highly-specific, like it takes a good understanding of my particular role to get head around it - not saying I'm do anything special, it's just a lot of numbers) is just presented as part of their report. It also happens more casually, where they say things at meetings that they are working on but it is actually the case that I'm working on it and have had to ask for some information from them on it.

I'm not sure but if I'm reading you correctly, you seem to assume your boss should credit you for your work during a presentation? Their job is for you to do the work and then they present it.

You are acknowledged.

Calahonda52 · 26-02-2021 7:04pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm not sure but if I'm reading you correctly, you seem to assume your boss should credit you for your work during a presentation? Their job is for you to do the work and then they present it.

You are acknowledged.

Pre Cambrian, if even.

OP, I would not at all be concerned about the credit for the work: it's a sign of immaturity and insecurity, as is the way the relationship is being run as well as bad mouthing the Board to you, etc.
Its an ill-concealed attempt to get you to row in with your grips about the gaff and thereby be somewhat beholden to them

Try and limit the conversations...eg I am busy working on this or that report for the person u refer to as they.

Only concern your self with what you can control.
Keep up the good work, you sound like someone I would love to have on my team

:)

random.stranger · 26-02-2021 8:49pm

Calahonda52 wrote: »

Pre Cambrian, if even.

OP, I would not at all be concerned about the credit for the work: it's a sign of immaturity and insecurity, as is the way the relationship is being run as well as bad mouthing the Board to you, etc.
Its an ill-concealed attempt to get you to row in with your grips about the gaff and thereby be somewhat beholden to them

Try and limit the conversations...eg I am busy working on this or that report for the person u refer to as they.

Only concern your self with what you can control.
Keep up the good work, you sound like someone I would love to have on my team :)

I agree, it's a sign of insecurity.

Would it be an option to put yourself down as author on the title page of reports & credit any contributors?

If they are insecure, they are unlikely to do anything about this, particularly if they are new & need to keep you on side. I'd be concerned their behavior would only get worse if you don't do something.

Lavdogg · 27-02-2021 1:29am

random.stranger wrote: »

I agree, it's a sign of insecurity.

Would it be an option to put yourself down as author on the title page of reports & credit any contributors?

If they are insecure, they are unlikely to do anything about this, particularly if they are new & need to keep you on side. I'd be concerned their behavior would only get worse if you don't do something.

Totally agree, sometimes having the initals in the filename or adding something different(like a new graph) leaves breadcrumbs for the people reivewing the information to see, if a query does come up in the future you have your backup.

JustAThought · 27-02-2021 1:37am

I used on occasion send files as PDF’s and embed my initials in the source filename in the footer. Stopped a few in their tracks. There are ways around it now but I found it always helpful.

I liked someones suggestion about thanking the mgr and asking if anyone needed clarification on your file to contact you if they needed. Subtle but genius.

You can also send clarification emails for misunderstandings or an accidental error /oversight included - maybe an update to your report or some detail that you were not able to have figures for prior to forwarding it for inclusion to your (named) manager. With your name as the originator of course.

Re all the closeness and bitching - maybe that’s how they create friendships - by sharing - maybe the see you as an ally and work friend - not a threat. Don’t make them your enemy. Who does your performance reviews?

thefa · 27-02-2021 11:35am

JustAThought wrote: »

I liked someones suggestion about thanking the mgr and asking if anyone needed clarification on your file to contact you if they needed. Subtle but genius.

Disagree on this point. It would come across as unusual to me if a member of a managers team was coming over his/her mail, thanking him/her and saying to contact them for further information on the report. Would seem like a thinly veiled attempt for recognition and insecurity works both ways.

It’s a small organisation and there’s been instances already where it’s gotten back to you that the manager is claiming your work. Let the manager make a fool of themselves in this regard but the simplest thing I think would be to talk to the manager about it. Awkward conversation to have (maybe could even help slow down the personal conversations for a while) but it’s better to sort these things behind the scenes than by email in front of others.

27-02-2021 11:51am

I'd be interested to know what role your manager was in before.

I've had a few very similar experiences where I've been asked to assist senior consultants. Consultants generally are supposed to be experts in being experts, and are working to a budget and a deadline. I had experiences where they were very personal with me, in an attempt to form a good working relationship in a short period of time, meanwhile they also undermined me quite a bit once senior management were in the room in an equivalent attempt to impress them without necessarily putting the ground-work in.

If your new manager is from a similar business consulting background this might explain quite a bit. Maybe they're inexperienced as an Operations Manager and are trying a bit too hard to convince everyone they're fit for the role.

I wouldn't retaliate in any way. If you have peers under the same manager, it might be worth getting a read on what the general opinion of them is. I'd say once they get more comfortable in the role, they'll either calm down a bit, or they'll eventually expose themselves to management and your problem with resolve itself. I do think it's worth noting to them when they've misinterpreted the figures, but take the high road and try to feed them this info discreetly and sensitively.

False Prophet · 27-02-2021 5:36pm

greenerie wrote: »

On a separate note, my role is quite numbers-specific and I often find that they will CC me on emails where they share reports I have created and take credit for them with higher management. I appreciate that managers are entitled to present their employees work as an indication of overall business activity but they actually take credit for it and when questioned on it, provide inaccurate answers becasue they don't understand the specifics.

Why don't you answer the questions first? If they ask a few queries and one is related to your area, you could just respond to that one.

greenerie · 28-02-2021 12:22pm

False Prophet wrote: »

Why don't you answer the questions first? If they ask a few queries and one is related to your area, you could just respond to that one.

That might be possible in normal working conditions, but when we have to communicated with management and trustees via Zoom, where everyone is on mute except the person presenting, it isn't as easy as interjecting with my comments. I have done so when the information being conveyed is very inaccurate but it isn't really possible to interrupt every time they do it.

OMM 0000 · 28-02-2021 12:45pm

Are you known in the company for being good?

Does everyone know you produce work which is high quality and used at meetings etc.?

I guess I'm asking does everyone know this work is yours and the guy is a bit of a chancer.

The Mighty Quinn · 28-02-2021 9:10pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm not sure but if I'm reading you correctly, you seem to assume your boss should credit you for your work during a presentation? Their job is for you to do the work and then they present it.

You are acknowledged.

I'd share this view..

At my job, I produce a lot of drawings, models and design work on construction projects. Sometimes I send them out, but often a project engineer will review my work and if he's happy send it out to people with a few lines about it.

People on the receiving end know he didn't produce the work and he never claims he produced it.

I think management are expected to present the work of their team no?

Mrs OBumble · 28-02-2021 11:43pm

Management are expected to present work. Their job is to get it done. Who exactly did it is usually not the concern of the recipients - and in many workplaces, it will be a team effort, not an individual one.

I'd be far more worried about the oversharing / lack of boundaries. That would have me job hunting.

beauf · 03-03-2021 12:24am

The over sharing I would cut off by always being busy.

To get out from a managers shadow, you become indispensable. Then get promoted or move laterally. The quality of your work will follow you.

skallywag · 04-03-2021 3:08pm

greenerie wrote: »

On a separate note, my role is quite numbers-specific and I often find that they will CC me on emails where they share reports I have created and take credit for them with higher management.

If I wanted to take credit for work done by a member of my team, I would not be CC'ing them.

beauf · 04-03-2021 4:53pm

skallywag wrote: »

If I wanted to take credit for work done by a member of my team, I would not be CC'ing them.

They might not have thought that through. Not being that bright.

I've learnt to check down through emails as often you'll find something that has been emailed before you were included and it can be your own work passed off as someone else. I've even found my own emails, edited post me sending them, so they read differently going forward.

Manager is too personal

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