Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Head turned too easily

Options
  • 13-09-2019 7:00pm
    #1
    Kermit D. Frog
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭


    I'm a mid 30s male married to a woman. We do not have sex very often anymore due to a young child and pregnancy complications.

    I am extraordinarily horny. I find myself eyeing up curves everywhere. From walking around the supermarket to sitting having a coffee watching women of all ages and sizes pass and it rouses a crazy desire. Not physically. Mentally. I don't sit there with a... Y'know. If she's between 20 and 50 and in reasonable shape, she's fantasy fodder.

    This is terrible carry on. It's driving me close to mad. My wife has made token gestures but its not the same. I've tried talking about it and she acknowledges it, but to be fair she is working hard and has a toddler, she says she wants to but is too tired for any frequency it seems.

    Surely others have experienced this? Does it pass. Will my list and desire just fade so it won't be a problem?

    I find myself regularly looking at porn and self medicating but fear this could be problematic if I continue.

    Leaving my wife isn't an option. I do love her. I'm just massively sexually unsatisfied.


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    zapper55
    Registered Users Posts: 684 ✭✭✭zapper55


    I've no advice for you in the short term, but is your wife seeing a doctor, gynae/physio for pregnancy complications?

    I'd imagine she'd love to get the spark back too but maybe she feels very frumpy or wrecked. Do you mind tour kid for a good few hours here d there to give her a real rest? Knowing how tough toddlers are, a full time job (I'm presuming she's at home and you are at work?) is so so much easier than being home all day with one, in my experience.


  • Options
    #3
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,203 ✭✭✭Augme


    Kermit D. Frog wrote: »
    I am extraordinarily horny. I find myself eyeing up curves everywhere. From walking around the supermarket to sitting having a coffee watching women of all ages and sizes pass and it rouses a crazy desire. Not physically. Mentally. I don't sit there with a... Y'know. If she's between 20 and 50 and in reasonable shape, she's fantasy fodder.

    This is terrible carry on. It's driving me close to mad. My wife has made token gestures but its not the same. I've tried talking about it and she acknowledges it, but to be fair she is working hard and has a toddler, she says she wants to but is too tired for any frequency it seems.

    Surely others have experienced this?

    Thought this would be normal for most man, even happyily married ones getting lots of sex?


  • Options
    #4
    redfox123
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭redfox123


    Augme wrote: »
    Thought this would be normal for most man, even happyily married ones getting lots of sex?

    Eh I don’t think that is normal. It’s way ott, he is very frustrated and that’s why the constant horniness.
    Op the porn is definitely not helping things, it can really become addictive and can kind of screw with your mind and thoughts towards a healthy sex life and attitude.
    I know most here will defend it and disagree with that, but that’s my opinion and experience.
    Talk to your wife, don’t put pressure on her. Find ways of enjoying each other that is not just intercourse. You’re going to have to plan time for each other, regularly. Be present with her, your desperation is coming across on here and it will be obvious to her, and that’s a turn off. Focus your attention and thoughts on her, in affection and doing things to help her out. Go overboard in being a better husband and she will want to return the affection.


  • Options
    #5
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,330 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    redfox123 wrote: »
    Eh I don’t think that is normal. It’s way ott, he is very frustrated and that’s why the constant horniness.
    Op the porn is definitely not helping things, it can really become addictive and can kind of screw with your mind and thoughts towards a healthy sex life and attitude.
    I know most here will defend it and disagree with that, but that’s my opinion and experience.
    Talk to your wife, don’t put pressure on her. Find ways of enjoying each other that is not just intercourse. You’re going to have to plan time for each other, regularly. Be present with her, your desperation is coming across on here and it will be obvious to her, and that’s a turn off. Focus your attention and thoughts on her, in affection and doing things to help her out. Go overboard in being a better husband and she will want to return the affection.

    I disagree with you. It's unnatural for a man not to find attraction in the opposite sex. It doesn't necessarily mean something is going to happen.
    Even if you have a healthy sex life, there is still going to be a sexual attraction anyway to others. It's simply natural.

    As for the OP, It's much better if as a couple you watch porn than simply indulge yourself. But ultimately the age old rule still exists when it comes to your situation; if you want to get some action then indulge your wife, tell her on a saturday that you will take care of the child, she can relax, cook,clean whatever. Pamper her, make her a lovely meal, let her relax in a hot bath with nice music, candles etc.
    Put the effort in and you'll get the reward.


  • Options
    #6
    bilbot79
    Registered Users Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭bilbot79


    redfox123 wrote: »
    Eh I don’t think that is normal. It’s way ott, he is very frustrated and that’s why the constant horniness.
    Op the porn is definitely not helping things, it can really become addictive and can kind of screw with your mind and thoughts towards a healthy sex life and attitude.
    I know most here will defend it and disagree with that, but that’s my opinion and experience.
    Talk to your wife, don’t put pressure on her. Find ways of enjoying each other that is not just intercourse. You’re going to have to plan time for each other, regularly. Be present with her, your desperation is coming across on here and it will be obvious to her, and that’s a turn off. Focus your attention and thoughts on her, in affection and doing things to help her out. Go overboard in being a better husband and she will want to return the affection.

    Nope. It's normal. It's as normal as the day is long.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    redfox123
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭redfox123


    Nope I said he is ott. I didn’t say horniess in general in not normal. Of course it is. He started a thread for God’s sake he is so desperate. Of course sexual desire is normal. Salivating 24/7 at every single female like a 14 year old because he is not so unsatisfied at home is hardly sustainable. Anyway just gave my advice I’m out, boardsies are draining. And never ever say porn is anything but healthy, you’ll be reprimanded.


  • Options
    #8
    Kidchameleon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,482 ✭✭✭Kidchameleon


    Could you both afford if your wife left her job? Or even took a career break for some time? She would be much happier if she spent her time with her new child rather than sat in an office, its just unnatural for a new mother to be away from her child. Being at home would also allow her body to recover much quicker and better.


  • Options
    #9
    lainey_d_123
    Registered Users Posts: 2,385 ✭✭✭lainey_d_123


    Are you doing all you can to pitch in with the childcare and housework or is she doing more than her fair share? I can never quite believe how many men whinge about their SO not being in the mood for sex, then it turns out the poor woman is coming home wrecked from work at 7pm, making dinner, bathing the baby, feeding the baby, cleaning up the house. Who would feel horny after all that?


  • Options
    #10
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Kermit D. Frog wrote: »

    Will my list and desire just fade so it won't be a problem?


    Of course it will. With age it will naturally anyhow. Men in their 40s and 50s are totally different.

    My advice for now is to explore other aspects of your personality. There is more to you than a dick. There is spirituality...or if you are atheist there is nobility brains etc.

    Self control is not just about not doing anything but trying not to feel it too because if you feel it all the time and don't act on it that is going to be torture isn't it?

    I know society tells men its ok to look at other women. But really it comes between you and the woman you do have if you do it too much.

    There is more to you as a person than this ...exercise that muscle it will set you free.

    Take up a hobby you are passionate about like an instrument etc. Or exercise.

    There are other levels you can operate on besides the sexual one.

    And yes....it will fade with the years and the wisdom. And don't be sad about that because its a new phase of life where other parts of your body soul and mind come forth.

    From what you say the issue is more temporary right now with your wife's pregnancy and a small child. So keep in touch with her ..in a year or so things will probably be easier. So keep the intimacy. It will get a bit better in time when this situation passes.

    I hate to say this ....but many people in my generation are unprepared for marriage and have unrealistic expectations. They are seeking marriage for the wrong reasons. Marriage is not for sex ..its for an emotional/spiritual union within that union and commitment sex is often a part of it ...but often its not a part of that union at all at least for some time.

    The only other suggestion OP i can think of instead of you and your wife saying we have to have sex ...say you can't for a while ...see if it re awakens things.


Advertisement