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Pregnant and Single

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  • 06-03-2021 8:57pm
    #1
    tsejpf973um0ra
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14 ✭


    Hi all

    I really need some advice and support as I'm struggling. I'm due a baby in June of this year, and my partner has just broken up with me.

    I also have a child from a previous relationship.

    We met about a year (I had been single for about 4 years, and was content raising my child alone). We fell in love quite quickly and it was very intense. He constantly showered me with "I love yous", and told me he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. We are both in our 30s and I felt truly happy for the first time in my life. Fast forward to later in the year and I fall pregnant. It was not planned but we knew we wanted a future together so it wasn't unexpected either.

    I was extremely sick and hormones hit me very fast. I started to feel insecure and would look for a little reassurance. Each time I did, he would take it as almost an insult and not respond how I wanted, or give me what I needed at the time. We had four or five little fights and then yesterday he said to me he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me.

    This is completely out of the blue and I'm honestly feeling very vulnerable and don't know where to turn. I'm embarrassed to tell people that I'm about to become a single mother for the second time. What will people think of me? Will I ever meet a man who accepts that?

    I've asked him for clarity because I don't understand what happened. He says it just isn't working but to me - he started these silly fights and he even admitted that, so I feel like this is so out of the blue. He was just telling me how much he missed and loved me the other day.

    I should also add we haven't seen each other as much as we would like due to lockdown - we are both in high risk jobs so I do think this didn't help. There is no chance he's cheating - he's not like that.

    I asked him if he's sure about this and he said he is. I feel so depressed. I love him dearly and I cant understand how the love is gone. Has anyone been in this situation? All advice is so appreciated.


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    #2
    Kerry25x
    Registered Users Posts: 554 ✭✭✭Kerry25x


    Hi,
    Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're in this situation. I can't imagine how much a shock this must be to come out of the blue and only a few months before the baby is due. Is he going to be involved with the baby?


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    #3
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,678 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    You poor thing, how abandoned you must be feeling.

    I think your baby will give you strength and that is what you should focus on. I am sure you might have been worried what people would think when you had your first but then when baby arrived those worries most likely fell to the wayside. I am sure that will happen again.
    You are in your 30s, nobody’s going to question you. A lot of women go it alone on purpose at that age if they want kids and haven’t got a partner, I don’t think anyone will think anything negative.


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    #4
    Cash_Q
    Registered Users Posts: 1,920 ✭✭✭Cash_Q


    You poor thing, maybe contact your maternity hospital and see if they have any supports in place for parents experiencing a relationship breakdown, or indeed for single mothers. No idea if its an option but there are mental health supports so maybe they have advice for people in your situation.

    Try not to worry about what people think, focus on what the good people around you do and say, you can't read anyone's mind so it's not worth stressing over other people's thoughts.


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    #5
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    I'm so sorry that you're going through this especially at such a precious and vulnerable time in your life. Being pregnant is tough enough without throwing a breakup into the mix. Massive hugs to you.

    My story is similar except I'm due in May and my boyfriend moved out of our apartment days after finding out im pregnant. I was devastated and didn't think id get through it but here i am, 6 months later, calmly listening to music with my little bump. You will get through this too no matter how hard it may seem and how sad you may feel, i promise you you're stronger than you even realise.

    I called a fantastic company called One Parent Family back in September. I could barely speak through the tears. They offer councelling to anyone who's pregnant be it a happy planned pregnancy, a crisis pregnancy or a story like ours. I recommend you call them. They are free and offer next day councelling in a case like yours. The lady i spoke to is called Jenny. She is amazing and has been a huge support to me during my pregnancy. Please give them a call.

    Right now it all seems so overwhelming but life has a way of unfolding and working itself out. I understand how devastating this is, i really do but having kind of come out the other side, i know you'll find the strength to do this.

    We don't know what is around the corner. Your partner may come back in a day or two or in a few weeks. Not to say for a second you should let him back, just that he may be panicking about being a dad and he's not thinking clearly.
    It's irrelevant really. What matters right now is you and your little baby. Keeping yourself calm and together despite feeling desperate is paramount here. Try not to jump to conclusions or to let your mind run away with you. Stay calm and focused. Chances are high he will feel guilty and so he should, and come back but for now build a different wall of support around you.

    Do you have friends or family nearby who you can talk to? As i said above, please contact One Parent Family. They were my anchor when i was spinning out of control when my partner walked out. I also started a thread in Personal issues on here and received so much support and advice. Maybe consider doing that too, it really helped me.

    Massive hugs to you and know that you're not alone. My heart goes out to. You are gonna be fine, i promise xxx


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