Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Suicide

Options
12467…18

Comments

  • Options
    #92
    Burial.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,131 ✭✭✭Burial.


    BorneTobyWilde wrote: »
    TALK TALK TALK .
    Who truly wants to go out of their way to help someone.
    It's easy afterwards to claim they would have helped.

    Yeah. Especially in Ireland I have found. Obviously suicide occurs for different reasons but the nature of Irish people, how we're clumped together in rigid cliques, our weird delight in hearing bad news about someone, our be grand attitude to things, our unease at a stranger trying to start a conversation, our unwillingness to be open and vulnerable at all... I think it has an impact for sure. Frankly we don't give a f*ck about others until it's too late.


  • Options
    #93
    BorneTobyWilde
    Registered Users Posts: 35,721 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    Irish families take joy in the unhappiness of other family members. It's an Irish thing, keep everyone down, keep everybody weak.


  • Options
    #94
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    BorneTobyWilde wrote: »
    Irish families take joy in the unhappiness of other family members. It's an Irish thing, keep everyone down, keep everybody weak.

    That's a very sweeping statement statement not to mention grossly inaccurate.


  • Options
    #95
    ChikiChiki
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,950 ✭✭✭ChikiChiki


    Whats disheartening is this has been a crisis for many years now and I can absolutely say no progress has been made, if anything the epidemic is worsening. There is no political will to tackle it akin to the campaign to reduce road deaths which by all accounts was a success.

    I've lost too many friends and family and still I'm not sure how we can fix it. Personally I felt the need to escape from it all and spent the night before I left the country at the wake of a friend who took their own life that morning. :-( Everyone at the wake told me to get on that flight. Our road had 3 suicides in a couple of years including my own father.


  • Options
    #96
    BorneTobyWilde
    Registered Users Posts: 35,721 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    anna080 wrote: »
    That's a very sweeping statement statement not to mention grossly inaccurate.

    It's just me then eh .


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #97
    Widdershins
    Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    BorneTobyWilde wrote: »
    Irish families take joy in the unhappiness of other family members. It's an Irish thing, keep everyone down, keep everybody weak.

    My mother was like that. If I'd been less of an optimist I'd be a real mess, psychologically.


  • Options
    #98
    Ace2007
    Registered Users Posts: 19,695 ✭✭✭✭Ace2007


    Thankfully I haven't experience the pain of it nor can imagine losing a loved one/friend in that manner, but I think one of the biggest issues is that there is still a stigma attached to it. Folk say more die by suicide than on the roads, but not nearly the same about of money is being provided by the government to tackle the problem.

    The problem I see here is that when I was growing up you would see on news Monday morning - 10 people killed on Irish roads this weekend or more and why they died (drink/seat belt, etc.) - so slowly but surely people were educated, laws were changes and money was made available to sort out the problem, there is of course still an issue as 1 death is too much.

    I like probably most - wouldn't have a clue how many died by suicide last weekend, for all I know it could be 3 or 33. Perhaps if it was reported more then more might be done to help those who need it - even say look into possible reasons. Again I don't know much about the issue - but online gambling has an affect on a lot of men - they are simply betting numbers on a screen and don't realise how much money there are losing until they are in a hole - stuff like that is very easy to hide from love ones. Indeed it might be months after a suicide that a family realises that a brother/father/son has lost a fortune gambling when they realise they have nothing in a will or are in debt.

    If it was a mental health issue - again studies could be done, there is some Chinese thing, that you should visit a doctor when healthy and not when sick as - there is some truth in that - prevention is better than the cure attitude.

    Simply sweeping it under the carpet, and not reporting it, or reporting it as something that it's not (single car accident (if there's a letter left for instance)), will never solve the problem, being honest and open - seeing the pain if has on people, understanding the reasons may help.


  • Options
    #99
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


  • Options
    #100
    Ace2007
    Registered Users Posts: 19,695 ✭✭✭✭Ace2007


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Like most things, the solutions are not in the short term - find out how many died, what the reasons where - mental health, gambling, debt, marriage issues whatever the reasons and then educate people.

    You teach kids/young adults not to take drugs, sex education, teach people how to look after their bodies - gym/food etc. Who teaches you to look after your mental health, you don't just become depressed over night - there are triggers - if you teach people what they are - then perhaps you can prevent them - but as a substitute to medication as medication has side effects etc.

    For instance, maybe more people would go to the doctor for help if it wasn't going to cost then €50 a pop, they see that as a waste of money whereas if could save your life.

    Again as I said I'm no expert, but I don't believe folk are born with the trigger already in them, things happen, but then they don't know what to do. Everyone has reason to do something, therefore everyone has a point at which them may talk - it's finding that connection that is the hard part and maybe the part that studies can help.


  • Options
    #101
    bernard0368
    Registered Users Posts: 1,424 ✭✭✭bernard0368


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    The impossible! A functioning, accountable mental health service.

    My Son killed himself a couple of years ago.
    He had tried 5-6 times before hand unknown to us as he lived in another town. He was always full of chat on the phone and when he came home

    His friends didn't want to be the ones to break his confidence by telling the family.
    When it was discovered, we eventually got him help with the HSE, a mistake.

    He did not get on with the counselor appointed to him and asked to be referred to another. That is when they abandoned him, The attitude was tough luck there is no one else your on your own.

    A local charity provided him with the best help they could.
    I believe we came to know to late, though I don't blame his friends they should have shouted out to all who knew him especially family.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #102
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


  • Options
    #103
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    You're kind of answering your own question from above then sasha. The what more that can be done is to provide prompt access to professional services.

    The only option available to people who are desperate at the weekend at the moment is to go to an A and E. I have been there myself and if you're at a really low point you're not going to hang around. There are no after hours mental health services in this country at all.


  • Options
    #104
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    I actually do think there are circumstances in which people want to die.

    Take an example of a lady who's children have died before her whose husband then passes away and she's maybe in chronic pain also. Can she not decide that she's had enough of life?


  • Options
    #105
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


  • Options
    #106
    Widdershins
    Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    If you realise someone is suicidal and seems to have the intent in their mind, what should you do right then? I mean if they're not already in the first steps of the process, but you're afraid they will be if you don't constantly stay by their side?
    Say if they hadn't family r if you couldn't find out who their family are.


  • Options
    #107
    brevity
    Registered Users Posts: 8,496 ✭✭✭brevity


    marvin80 wrote: »
    Powerful message/song by the Rubberbandits:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4WfDafHijY

    Embedded it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4WfDafHijY


    Required viewing by everyone imo.


  • Options
    #108
    dense
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,175 ✭✭✭dense


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Let's not presume to know the reason. Does she still have "the right to die"?

    If not, why not? It's her life, body and decision.
    We don't even know her yet want to control her.


  • Options
    #109
    dense
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,175 ✭✭✭dense


    pilly wrote: »
    I actually do think there are circumstances in which people want to die.

    Take an example of a lady who's children have died before her whose husband then passes away and she's maybe in chronic pain also. Can she not decide that she's had enough of life?

    I know of a couple of cases where people received terminal prognoses and decided they didn't want to or couldn't face it.

    Should they be forced to go through what they don't want to? No.


  • Options
    #110
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


  • Options
    #111
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #112
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    sashafierce wrote: »
    Again they don't want to die they want to get better but haven't the choice.

    I agree with dense. Sometimes people will decide they can't endure the life they have. Sometimes there is nothing to be done.


  • Options
    #113
    dense
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,175 ✭✭✭dense


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Why is it anyone's business what she decided to do?


  • Options
    #114
    Ace2007
    Registered Users Posts: 19,695 ✭✭✭✭Ace2007


    dense wrote: »
    Why is it anyone's business what she decided to do?

    if it's no one's business why bring it up?

    but the majority of cases I'd say aren't in that category - it's more the help isn't there, or people don't know who to turn to/are afraid to admit what they have done etc. and don't see anyway out. pressure/stress mounts and something clicks. You've seen some posters say that look for help and not there etc.

    Talking about issues is the way to help - like another poster said women talk/give out etc a lot more than men do - and maybe that's part of the problem with me - they bottle everything up and it drives the mind to thoughts.


  • Options
    #115
    WinnyThePoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,417 ✭✭✭WinnyThePoo


    I've been through the ringer with depression on and off for my adult life.

    It's not something that is easily described. My own take on my depression is like I'm 'In a fog... I have no idea where to move and it's often the voice in my head that I listen to is the negative one'

    Self hatred... Where I tell myself so much that I'm a piece of ****, I start to believe it.

    I know when I look at myself objectively, I'm not a piece of ****. Though those thoughts are further away than the negative ones.

    I've been better recently. Started to going to aware meetings which I've found to be good talking with people with similar issues.

    I've had some bad experiences with councillors before. A psychiatrist last year referred me to a cbt councillor, who spent the entire first session glued to her phone.

    Family members tried to help but I pushed them away. I become a hermit, anxieties started up and even going to the shop become a chore. It's like a paradox.. I don't want to be alone... But I stay alone because I tell myself that's all I'm worth.

    I do feel like I'm going in the right direction more recently and I'm feeling more positive about the future. Got a new psycho therapist aswell.

    I keep telling myself the mantra 'baby steps '

    I may never be alright again. Though I want to fight the negative thoughts.


  • Options
    #116
    MickDoyle1979
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 82 ✭✭MickDoyle1979


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Just reading this this morning, and this 31-year-old man is the third son of the same family to take his life in the past 6 years. Poor, poor people. His brother Kieran took his own life at 24, and his other brother, Niall, took his life at 19 (a 19-year-old first cousin, Christopher, also took his life). And as is mostly the case in Ireland they were men.

    Family pay tribute after losing 3rd son to suicide in 6 years

    Ireland has one of the highest teenage suicide rates in the EU

    34 suicides in three years in one Cork town

    Suicide rate among traveller men is seven times higher

    New figures show young men are at greater risk of suicide:




    In Donegal some years ago there was also a cluster of suicides (among girls, if I recall) in the one area, as if one suicide puts the idea into the heads of people as a real alternative. It really is a destructive presence in our society.

    It isn't a surprise that the death of one person because they are depressed and think life isn't worth living would set off other people vulnerable to depression to contemplate suicide and act on it.

    Most people meanwhile can handle tragedy and don't lose hope and continue on living.

    In my experience depression is caused by failing to achieve what you set out to do and giving up and failing to see the worth in trying again or something different than before.

    A pattern of negative thinking brings you down and if you stop fighting it you go descend into a cycle of depression and then suicide.

    Get educated exercise pursue hobbies friends travel have aims and do your best to reach them is the way to get out of it.

    Not easy but nothing is.

    Embrace difficulty and fight through it. That's what life is about.


  • Options
    #117
    PTH2009
    Registered Users Posts: 37,872 ✭✭✭✭PTH2009


    Been through depression a good bit and quite unusually I didn't/don't get on or like councillors. I felt it didn't work for me, I hated having to take anti depressants (I got a lot of side effects like excessive weight gain, tiredness, paranoia etc). If I feel down I try and do something I enjoy (it can be hard). I hit the drink pretty hard in 2014/2015 after my mam passed away from a sudden illness but I started to realize the money I was wasting and cut down considerably. I have not had a date with a girl in years as I felt scared too go about it (ie online dating etc). So in 2017 I'm ok (not 100% happy, not 100% bad either) but I still feel down time to time as I work in a retail job and people can be cruel. I'd consider myself a bit of a loner but I do enjoy interacting with people from time to time (work, pub, matches etc). I like going to the pub every few weeks and letting my hair down and I love going to events like concerts/matches etc, I'm 28 this year and still have a lot to live for (getting married or finding a long term partner, having kids, hopefully finding a good full time job, getting a college degree). It's hard enough in Ireland now to find good jobs, college can be very expensive and stressful. I wonder does the Irish education system accelerate suicide among teens as it can be quite hard to learn for some people???

    So if anyone feels down at any point get help GET HELP weither it be online, from friends/family, call a hotline. Councilling/medication didn't work for me but it's not to say it's won't work for many others

    Best of luck as crazy as it sounds everyone on boards.ie looks out for one another and we are all there for anyone feeling down


  • Options
    #118
    Billy86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,495 ✭✭✭✭Billy86


    tayto lover wrote: »
    A bit like the woman in Wexford? a few years ago who sought help at the weekend but there were no HSE staff working. She then went and drowned herself and her two children.

    When will the Health professionals or those in charge realise that mental health issues can occur seven days a week.

    I'm on a placement in Tusla from a recruitment company (admin role, not social work) and this is something that really leapt out at me too when I started... we share a building with the HSE and between both agencies, when you come in on Monday morning there is always all sorts of stuff that has happened over the weekend (obviously when at-risk kids and teens are most likely to do things to put themselves at risk). A small handful of social workers would keep their phones available on weekends which is highly admirable as they don't get any pay/time in lieu/etc for it, but the fact that there isn't an actual infrastructure to have even have the duty office open weekends, or even after 5pm on weekdays, is something that I find very unsettling.


  • Options
    #119
    cinnamony
    Closed Accounts Posts: 383 ✭✭cinnamony


    MickDoyle1979 wrote: »
    It isn't a surprise that the death of one person because they are depressed and think life isn't worth living would set off other people vulnerable to depression to contemplate suicide and act on it.

    Most people meanwhile can handle tragedy and don't lose hope and continue on living.

    In my experience depression is caused by failing to achieve what you set out to do and giving up and failing to see the worth in trying again or something different than before.

    A pattern of negative thinking brings you down and if you stop fighting it you go descend into a cycle of depression and then suicide.

    Get educated exercise pursue hobbies friends travel have aims and do your best to reach them is the way to get out of it.

    Not easy but nothing is.

    Embrace difficulty and fight through it. That's what life is about.
    I'm educated to Masters level in Data Analytics,
    Do exercise everyday both cardio and strength training, I also go for walks everyday. I travel when I can, have a ton of hobbies. Not many friends but close to the few I have. I even take Vitamin D supplements just in case...but still suffer from OCD.

    And this exactly here is the stigma and the most harmful aspect of it is that people think that when they make these kinds of statements they are helping. Would a person who has cancer suddenly be cured because they got a degree? Or had a run on the treadmill? Or went to Paris for a weekend? No they wouldn't. We are finding more and more evidence that there are physical defects that lead to mental illness and vice versa...

    There was a suicide cluster around my area last year, all them in education, 2k+ friends on facebook and certainly enough in real life that the masses at their funerals were absolutely packed, nice family holidays too. They still killed themselves because in the end it doesn't matter.

    Most of the people I know who commited suicide didn't show any signs anything was wrong, it came as an absolute shock.

    There was no talk about suicide, No sad faces, no 'I'm feeling unwell today', just a call that they were gone.

    We really need to stop thinking everyone with a mental illness is walking around wearing it on their sleeves.


  • Options
    #120
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,264 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    I find that there is a lot of pressure on people Today(I'm not saying our parents had it easy) however when my parents left school. Some did go off to college/unersity but others got jobs locally in factories/shops/offices/etc.
    The main aim of school is third level which is not for everyone. It's almost like your not meant to be happy if you haven't gone to third level.
    People ask a person just finished school. What are you up to? If the person replies I'm tipping around or doing this and that. Don't press them further. If the person replies oh I got a job locally. Former classmates often snigger and others basically say is that all. Basically saying your useless and unmotivated.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #121
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    A poster mentioned earlier that there is no one size fits all approach when it comes to mental health treatment and this I think is a key awareness that's needed. Some people will be able to keep on top of things with exercise, good food, a support network, etc. Making those suggestions isn't feeding the stigma as far as I can see.

    Other people no matter what changes they implement will not heal because they may need an awful lot of therapy in conjunction with medication. Again nothing stigmatising about that. Every single person who presents to a professional either in a state of crisis or needing a chat should be treated as an individual.

    The human experience cannot be quantified. Treating clinical depression for example is nothing like treating a broken limb or chronic physical illness. Treating Bipolar disorder is nothing like treating generalised anxiety disorder. Schizophrenia is a long term debilitating illness which doesn't just go away. It needs to be managed and one way is a lifetime of medication.

    The support required for a person sexually abused tends to be long term psychotherapy which will utilise a specific framework for dealing with trauma and even then that might not be appropriate for that person.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement