Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

Jonty · 03-10-2014 12:03pm

newtoboards wrote: »

When I explained to my career guidance teacher what I wanted to do once I left school she was disgusted (I wanted to be an engineer). She explained that the courses and the jobs were full of men and what would I do if I get pregnant. Thankfully didn't listen to the crazy and when I did get pregnant in a job that is male dominated I went on maternity leave and had a baby like a normal woman.

As opposed to an abnormal woman where the baby is born via the oesophagus.

OldNotWIse · 03-10-2014 12:05pm

"Science opens doors"

mrkiscool2 · 03-10-2014 12:05pm

OldNotWIse wrote: »

"Science opens doors"

When you think about it literally, it actually does...

maisiedaisy · 03-10-2014 12:23pm

Our French teacher was an absolute genius, but not cut out for teaching at all. Came out with some great lines though

'Oh, get down off your mentally crippled one legged high horse and stop making noise!' Said to one gentleman in our class who liked to think he knew everything.

'In ten years time, I want to see at least 10 of you throwing Mary Harney out the window. That's called defenetrisation. Happened in Switzerland in the 1600s, and the term comes from the French word for window. Mind you, you'll have to find a big window.'

He also loathed inspections, and after we were inspected, he had been advised he was teaching at too high a level. His response was to teach us some obscure old written tense 'because I can, ad they cant't stop me with ther sloppy standards'

Going Strong · 03-10-2014 1:24pm

the_monkey wrote: »

Oh yeah that too ... the Irish teacher mentioned above also used to taunt the girl about Man United - he was a Liverpool fan, and one day he called Paul Ince a n**** and was pulling his lips out.

he was some piece of work ... again - yearhead now - or maybe even principle.

Cronyism ??? in Ireland - never .

Big into the GAA in school too ... yeah it helps.

My primary school had a head mistress who did some dodgy book deal where everybody had to use some weird maths book which was written by her cousin. She also put her son through the school even though it was patently obvious he should have been in a Special Education School. We used to have to be changed around in class about once a month as that's all anyone could sit near him for without going mad due to his poor hygiene and disruptive behaviour.

oldyouth · 03-10-2014 1:27pm

Head Brother grabbed my arm one day and said "Oldyouth, you know you're not going to get a decent leaving cert, but a good looking lad like you will get job anywhere"

That man really had my best interest at heart.

MsBubbles · 03-10-2014 2:25pm

My German Teacher told me to change from Honours to pass as I would be lucky to get a D in Honours. Not only did I get a C in Honours but I now have a degree in German. Can't make up my mind if she said it on purpose to make me work harder.

josip · 03-10-2014 2:35pm

Going Strong wrote: »

I once shared a house with a pair of H-Dip teachers. I used to correct the corrections they made on their students homework as their own spelling, grammar and general knowledge were far worse than their pupils.

..students' homework...

Stojkovic · 03-10-2014 2:37pm

Watching a docu in History class in which my great uncle was interviewed (same surname as me). Teacher asked was he on my fathers side or my mothers side of the family.

PS This was back in the day when 99.999999% of children had their fathers name.

o1s1n · 03-10-2014 2:37pm

My science teacher in 3rd year, spoken as fact;

'Snowflakes are amazing, no matter where you are in the world, they are all the same shape...'

uch · 03-10-2014 2:53pm

Said to me by most of my teachers in secondary school "I'll batter you, you cheeky little Bollocks"

gormdubhgorm · 03-10-2014 3:04pm

Kerry English teacher to us Dubs -

"And yer main street is named after Kerry-man"

gormdubhgorm · 03-10-2014 3:07pm

A very angry red faced English teacher to a student with a particular surname "Get off your perch Mr Pidgeon....!!!!"

jimgoose · 03-10-2014 3:09pm

"If there's anyone that'll do it, and has the stuff to do it, 'tis Moloney. Why? Because he's thick enough! Tell Moloney to dig a hole and he won't stop 'til he'll reach Australia! Isn't dat riiight Moloney? Dat's riiight Moloney!!"

sh1tstirrer · 03-10-2014 4:14pm

Our secondary school maths teacher who has since went onto the town council and a couple of Mayor jobs used to rattle off what we needed at the start of every class "pens, pencils, ruler, jotter, exercise copy. He used to rattle the list off very fast

a few times when he would be doing a sum on the board and there was a missing number we needed to find he would actually go out the door to the yard to find it :eek: I often wondered about his sanity

sh1tstirrer · 03-10-2014 4:19pm

newtoboards wrote: »

When I explained to my career guidance teacher what I wanted to do once I left school she was disgusted (I wanted to be an engineer). She explained that the courses and the jobs were full of men and what would I do if I get pregnant. Thankfully didn't listen to the crazy and when I did get pregnant in a job that is male dominated I went on maternity leave and had a baby like a normal woman.

Career guidance teachers seem to spend more time telling you what you shouldn't do instead of trying to help you figure out what you want to do :mad: Looks like the majority of them picked the wrong job for themselves.

Philo Beddoe · 03-10-2014 4:25pm

sh1tstirrer wrote: »

Career guidance teachers seem to spend more time telling you what you shouldn't do instead of trying to help you figure out what you want to do :mad: Looks like the majority of them picked the wrong job for themselves.

My Career Guidance teacher had 17 children. I'm not joking, himself and his wife had 17 kids. How are you supposed to take advice from someone like that? Fortunately his idea of career guidance was to hand you a college prospectus in response to any questions.

sh1tstirrer · 03-10-2014 4:52pm

Philo Beddoe wrote: »

My Career Guidance teacher had 17 children. I'm not joking, himself and his wife had 17 kids. How are you supposed to take advice from someone like that? Fortunately his idea of career guidance was to hand you a college prospectus in response to any questions.

That's the trouble with public sector workers a lot of them are lazy if they were paid on performance they would quickly cop themselves on.

Waits for backlash

Satts · 03-10-2014 5:23pm

"Satts, Go down to the chemist and buy a big bottle of 'Cop On' for yourself."

sh1tstirrer · 03-10-2014 5:38pm

Satts wrote: »

"Satts, Go down to the chemist and buy a big bottle of 'Cop On' for yourself."

Are you talking to yourself Satts?:)

Einhard · 03-10-2014 5:50pm

Maths teacher: "You've a mouth like a torn pocket- everything falls out"

Same maths teacher used to warn us abot upcoming parent teaching meetings, saying that he didn't want to have to tell a father that his Johnny was the thickest in the school. Always used the name Johnny, and always with the thickest. Funny at the time, but bit weird now that I think of it.

Satts · 03-10-2014 5:50pm

sh1tstirrer wrote: »

Are you talking to yourself Satts?:)

Yes, now as well as then, that's why I needed the bottle of Cop On. :pac:

Are you stirring sh1t ?

cloud493 · 03-10-2014 5:55pm

I've never met a good careers guidance counsellor in any irish school. All of them were incredibly negative, quite rude, and gloomy about prospects I may or may not have.

RhubarbCrumble · 03-10-2014 5:56pm

MsBubbles wrote: »

My German Teacher told me to change from Honours to pass as I would be lucky to get a D in Honours. Not only did I get a C in Honours but I now have a degree in German. Can't make up my mind if she said it on purpose to make me work harder.

My English teacher basically told me I was wasting my time doing honours English because I hadn't a hope, wasn't able for it and should switch to pass.
I wouldn't switch, and got a B1 in honours.

Still waiting for his apology almost 20 years later.

CantonasCollar · 03-10-2014 6:03pm

You don't have to understand how to do this equation, you just need to know it

sh1tstirrer · 03-10-2014 6:28pm

Satts wrote: »

Yes, now as well as then, that's why I needed the bottle of Cop On. :pac:

Are you stirring sh1t ?

Nope there's no sh1t to stir

just telling it how it is

Sonics2k · 03-10-2014 9:27pm

In 4th class I had an argument with a teacher over which happens first, lightning or thunder.

The teacher insisted thunder happened first. I eventually got annoyed and called him an idiot, he sent me to the principals office. I explained it to him, he laughed in disbelief and actually asked the teacher himself if what had happened was true.

I got in trouble for calling a teacher an idiot, even if it was true. :mad:

DEFTLEFTHAND · 03-10-2014 9:52pm

cloud493 wrote: »

I've never met a good careers guidance counsellor in any irish school. All of them were incredibly negative, quite rude, and gloomy about prospects I may or may not have.

I remember our one being a nice woman but she'd no interest in delving too deep into anyones plans, she just went through the motions. If you weren't sure about the future she'd just advise you to do some bullsh1t Arts degree.

md23040 · 03-10-2014 9:56pm

Priest bullhead in charge of discipline, towards the latter halve of my weak educational experience, had been invited in to inform our class on the facts of life, for us a bunch of sexually ebullient and overly randy 16 year olds.

The female biology teacher was gratefully granted leave before he began his basic lecture with illustrations on the masterful art - but this was unfortunately delivered with the oratory skill and deliverance of an anal German reading aloud from a 1940’s car manual, so tediousness set in.

After the 10 minute pep talked ended, he invited questions. One of the students asked in the most serious tone - that his elder sister always quickly had a bath after him, before the water went cold (economical eighties Ireland), and was now extremely worried with the new information, as he liked to relieve himself in the warm privacy of the bath water and asked in the most concerning assetive voice what the chances were his sister could get pregnant.

Silence did not last long before a battering ensued, but in the scheme of things it was worth it and for the elevation of respect the guy gained amongst his fellow peers.

Zubeneschamali · 03-10-2014 9:58pm

cloud493 wrote: »

All of them were incredibly negative, quite rude, and gloomy about prospects I may or may not have.

If they were ambitious and optimistic by nature, they wouldn't have ended up a school careers guidance counsellor.

foxy06 · 03-10-2014 10:00pm

Music teacher: you can sing. You just don't have a very nice voice

DarkyHughes · 03-10-2014 10:54pm

"We know you've been smoking hash""

There was no way they could of known that.

Sam Kade · 03-10-2014 11:36pm

md23040 wrote: »

Priest bullhead in charge of discipline, towards the latter halve of my weak educational experience, had been invited in to inform our class on the facts of life, for us a bunch of sexually ebullient and overly randy 16 year olds.

The female biology teacher was gratefully granted leave before he began his basic lecture with illustrations on the masterful art - but this was unfortunately delivered with the oratory skill and deliverance of an anal German reading aloud from a 1940’s car manual, so tediousness set in.

After the 10 minute pep talked ended, he invited questions. One of the students asked in the most serious tone - that his elder sister always quickly had a bath after him, before the water went cold (economical eighties Ireland), and was now extremely worried with the new information, as he liked to relieve himself in the warm privacy of the bath water and asked in the most concerning assetive voice what the chances were his sister could get pregnant.

Silence did not last long before a battering ensued, but in the scheme of things it was worth it and for the elevation of respect the guy gained amongst his fellow peers.

16 :eek: your joking right?

04-10-2014 12:49am

Rosa Fluffy Bacteria wrote: »

Mid 1950s a teacher told us that by the time we were adults machines would be doing so much that the biggest problem people would have was how to fill all their spare time. He got that one wrong!

He sure did.

Why after we've updated facebook and watched the latest soaps and read all the emails and posts on boards,we don't have any spare time at all!

04-10-2014 1:47am

the_monkey wrote: »

That's shocking !!!!

a Geography teacheradult not knowing this ...

fyp

Hotblack Desiato · 04-10-2014 9:05pm

Zubeneschamali wrote: »

If they were ambitious and optimistic by nature, they wouldn't have ended up a school careers guidance counsellor.

Exactly. It was a dumping ground for alcoholics and sociopaths. Then again, that was true of the 'Christian' 'Brothers' in general...

razorblunt · 04-10-2014 9:17pm

DarkyHughes wrote: »

"We know you've been smoking hash""

There was no way they could of known that.

Your spelling might have been a give away!

Sky King · 04-10-2014 9:23pm

Physics teacher: ... And so the compass points north because of the earth's magnetic field. Many of the planets have magnetic fields

Me: Does Uranus have a magnetic field sir?

Physics Teacher: Yes it does, and I'll be looking forward to reading all the other interesting facts in the ten pages you write all about Uranus in detention tomorrow evening Mr King.

Sunnyisland · 04-10-2014 9:41pm

Back in the early seventies teachers were always saying if you don't educate your selfs proberly, you will end up sweeping the roads...

Turns out that was one if the best paid and pensionable jobs going from dublin corpo :-)

spiralism · 07-10-2014 5:38pm

Going Strong wrote: »

Out of quite a cast of teaching mediocrities.....

The poor French teacher who drew the short straw to teach us the one and only sex education class we ever had. He came in and spent the entire class drawing an anatomically prefect cross-section diagram of the male and female reproductive organs in complete silence, stepped back to admire his handiwork, turned to us and said "There you go now." Then he erased the lot from the board and left the room.

A geography teacher who was utterly obsessed with how brilliant West (as it was back then) Germany was as a country compared to "Poor, pathetic Ireland." Cringey enough but he also reckoned that "Hitler wasn't all bad." and tended to play down Nazi Germany's role in starting WWII in a "Just a bit of horseplay that got slightly out of hand." manner.

A careers guidance teacher who got the role because he was unable to teach anymore who couldn't tell us anything about the world of work and was utterly surprised to find that there was an industrial estate just up the road. "There is? When did that open?" in response to a pupil asking if it was worth their while applying for a job there.

Sounds like Father Fehily from the Ross O Carroll - Kelly series

fiachr_a · 07-10-2014 5:48pm

realies wrote: »

Turns out that was one if the best paid and pensionable jobs going from dublin corpo :-)

So is car park attendant.

saralou2011 · 07-10-2014 5:48pm

I went to school in England, had an argument with a teacher who thought Ireland was part of the UK. b1tch gave me detention :-(

dani27 · 07-10-2014 8:02pm

I got detention in school when I argued for ten minutes with my teacher who told me that Gerry Adams was a Unionist and Ian Paisley was a Nationalists. I kept telling her she was wrong and she said who is the teacher you or me I said you but you are wrong in this case,and that Gerry Adams was 100% not a unionist. she gave me detention for being cheeky

Lalealynn · 07-10-2014 8:06pm

House prices will never crash and the celtic tiger will never end. Geography teach said this during my leaving.

Banjoxed · 07-10-2014 8:07pm

"Now children, I have some very sad news. A great man has died, General Franco of Spain"

Wee Banjoxed: "Miss, wasn't he a dictator?"

"A BENEVOLENT dictator children!"

ToddyDoody · 07-10-2014 8:16pm

"What's wrong with Terry?"
.......He's gay
"Is he gay?"
.......oh he is, brother

"Its amazing what you can't do when you've broken your hand"

Ghost Buster · 07-10-2014 9:21pm

"We are happy and don't intend to go on strike any time soon"

Haunted Angel · 08-10-2014 3:48am

Have a few here:

Home Ec. Teacher: "If ye don't learn how to cook now then ye'll be eating beans on toast for the rest of yer lives!"
Er, no such thing as ready meals or take-away then, no?

Religion Teacher discussing life said something along the lines of: "Take a good look around the room at each other right now, I'm not trying to scare ye and it's hard to believe but at least one of you sat here in this classroom will be dead in the next 10 years..."

Teacher a couple weeks before Confirmation: " Now girls I hope you have all picked an appropriate outfit to wear, no one is allowed to wear high heels in case you fall walking down the aisle but most importantly I don't want to see anyone in anything that's too short or too revealing up top; last year the Bishop's eyes nearly popped out when he saw some of the outfits.."

jill_valentine · 08-10-2014 4:01am

Our English teacher was a priest and our Religion teacher was a guy so weird the priesthood wouldn't actually take him. The priest was great, an absolute gent - the Religion teacher, on the other hand, was an absolute fruitcake of the highest order.

Anyway, he used to pass around photos of double exposure (lol) photos he'd taken at Lourdes and Medjugorje, proudly telling us he'd taken photos of God or the Holy Spirit.

ciaran76 · 08-10-2014 4:08am

My English teacher for my leaving cert (1994) told my parents I'd never get a good job because I didn't join my writing.
She told me once that people wouldn't take me serious in the real world as I write like a typewriter !

Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

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