Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Should I end it with him?

Options
  • 06-01-2009 10:46am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Recently my bf and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch. I love him dearly though and sometimes couldn't imagine life without him. I'm 21, hes 24.

    However I've been having doubts lately and recently we had a conversation in which he said nothing in the world is perfect (true), and that in a perfect world we wouldn't be together. (I think that meant that he'd be with his perfect type).

    Now he thinks I'm a dreamer for thinking two people can love each other completely (even each others flaws), but I think he's the realist for thinking of this "perfect world"! :P

    You might be wondering at this point, and no, I don't have much experience with relationships and this is the first I've had that's this intense.

    So folks, is what he said ringing alarm bells and should I leave? (even though I'd probably be devastated). Or is he just being a realistic bloke? :P What he said really hurt me, but he thinks it shouldn't. I've been told this is to do with having a male brain :P


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,075 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    He sounds sensible enough TBH, but bloody hell he really could have put it better.:rolleyes: I mean if he had said, "we'll have our ups and downs like any other two people in love as nothing is perfect, but we'll come through it better for us and the relationship" that would have amounted to pretty much the same thing but far better put.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Options
    #3
    Rev. Kitchen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,045 ✭✭✭Rev. Kitchen


    Not my quote but i think it sums it up pretty well

    A successfull relationship is 10% luck and 90% hard work.


    But your 21 dont worry about it if you think ye are "settling" for any reason just to be in a relationship then split.


  • Options
    #4
    m83
    Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭m83


    If anything it's you who is the realist. By our nature, people are naturally flawed. If he's looking for the perfect partner then good luck to him because he's going to end up empty handed.


  • Options
    #5
    Vegeta
    Registered Users Posts: 11,394 ✭✭✭✭Vegeta


    Was at a wedding on new years eve and the god father of the bride read out a piece at the end of the ceremony and I thought it was very good

    "...its not about finding the best partner, its about being the best partner"

    Don't know who wrote that or how common it is but I thought it was very good.


  • Options
    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies. I'm seriously considering breaking up with him today and moving on.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    Das Kitty
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    Why not talk to him about it rather than just deciding going in to break up with him? Keep an open mind.

    It could have been a spur of the moment thing and he was looking for a reaction?

    I would be against the opinion raised earlier that said that if you feel that you may be settling you should cut your losses because you're young. Your age doesn't come in to it, you should never leave a relationship without knowing for sure that it's un-salvageable you need to give things every opportunity to work before leaving or you'll be left with a "what if..."


  • Options
    #8
    Craft25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 470 ✭✭Craft25


    theoretically i think he has a point.. for example marriage should be based on a realistic knowledge that its not all gonna be perfect because you found the magical 'the one' .. there has to be an element of realism thet things may get really tough, tougher maybe than you ever imagined possible, you may even fall out of love.. but if both parties are realistic you may be able to work things through.. rather that run away saying 'they werent who i thought they were'...

    that said.. what he said to you, was obviously insensitive and he hurt you, he made you feel not special... he may not have meant to do this and may just be a bit of an eejit...

    dont throw it all away without giving him a chance.. but do let him know he has hurt you and give him a chance to redeem himself


Advertisement