Ex GF pregnant, is this the right thing to do.

LegacyUser · 05-01-2009 3:23am #1

Hello PI, ye have really helped me in the past and I am hoping ye can now.

Basically the story is, I was going out with a girl, Never had sex with her, but we messed around alot, and I tend to excrete alot of "pre-cum" which I know contains sperm. Then She went back to her hometown for the holidays and while there she decided we were no good for eachother, I don't know why because I had been of the view that we were getting on very well, I was well smitten and Dare I say it, In love. She had said she loves me too, but thats beside the point.

I got a call a few days ago, and turns out she is (most likely) pregnant, she did sleep with another guy, whether before or after she decided we are no good for each other I don't know.

She used a condom and he didn't cum inside her, she says she prefers me, but I suspect that due to the fact that I percieve her to have lonelyness and abandonment issues, I suspect this because I know she hates to be alone, it is something that really scares her, and something I was trying to help her through.

Anyway that's a tangent, We have talked extensively about it, and I suggested that I do a paternity test before she tells the other guy she is pregnant, because she feels he will take it badly. She would be pregnant 1 month now MAX, so I would have to wait at least another 2 months for a paternity test.

This has been on my head constantly since I heard about it, and I was thinking of all scenarios, I then decided to put my thoughts down on a flowchart, as it helps me get things straight in my head,

What I am really asking is for you fine people of PI, to look at my flow chart and tell me if it seems like to the right way to go about this. and for any other helpful comments on this.

Abortion is not an option due to me being absolutely against it. And thankfully her not wanting it.

This is my flowchart I am not sure how well it will show up so if It is bad I will repost in a minute.

Thanks PI

*SNIP*

Wibbs · 05-01-2009 10:07am

For a start, OK pre cum can contain sperm, but in much smaller doses and not as active. As a method of contraception it's not reliable, but it's not as unreliable as many think. That's with full intercourse with withdrawal. If you didn't have penetratative intercourse with this woman, then if she is pregnant with your child, that's one unlucky(lucky) sperm. Yes it's possible, but something doesn't fit for me in this. I'd be looking for a paternity test in a big way.

Wibbs · 05-01-2009 10:09am

unsure wrote:

she did sleep with another guy, whether before or after she decided we are no good for each other I don't know.

I'd be asking the questions on that timeline too. If she was making the beast with two backs with this other fella(who tbh I suspect is the daddy) before you got the heave ho, it would colour my attitude to her.

Steve.Pseudonym · 05-01-2009 10:33am

If what you say is true, I can't imagine how it could be yours, it's astronomically unlikely.

Also, I'd just like to point out the chain of events: Girl you've never slept with dumps you, sleeps with someone else, and then comes back to you saying she's pregnant because the other guy would take it badly and you're more likely to offer her support, what with you being in love with her and all.

This advice is given out a lot on PI, but seriously, distance yourself from this girl.

D-Generate · 05-01-2009 10:41am

You ain't the daddy. Well the odds are much more likely that the other guy is according to what you have said. She is looking for someone to mind a baby because the other guy is probably a bit of a douche, hence she hasn't even told him.

littlebug · 05-01-2009 10:55am

I can't read your flow chart.

Dates are very important to know- the date her last period started, the dates you were last with her, the dates she was with the other guy. It's not impossible for you to be the daddy but if she's telling the truth about the other guy using a condom then... who knows... one of you has been very unlucky.

Wibbs · 05-01-2009 11:16am

The other thing that slightly raised an eyebrow for me is that you and her were boyfriend and girlfriend and didn't have sex for whatever reason, yet she apparently has a one off with some other guy she wasn't going out with? Dates to be confirmed. Yet she claims now to like you more? What's going on there? Did you not want the sex or did she not? Was it some other reason? Something really doesn't sit well with me on this one.

Lollipops23 · 05-01-2009 12:15pm

wait wait wait just a darn minute!!!!is she even sure she's pregnant?christ if she thinks she's just a month gone it could just boil down to a very late period(very common). has she been to the doc?if she IS, someone was extremely unlucky; you because you didn't cum,him because he used a condom.I'm dubious that she IS pregnant tbh.

Toots · 05-01-2009 3:39pm

OP, when you say she is 'most likely pregnant', has she actually taken a test? And has she been to a doctor to confirm it? I would hold your horses until she confirms that she's definitely pregnant. 1 month pregnant is enough for a test to be positive, she needs to take one if she hasn't already. Lollipops23 is right, it could well be a late period. TBH, if she is pregnant, you'd officially be the most unfortunate guy in history if it turns out to be yours. The odds are much much much greater that it's the other guy's.

Statistically (just had a quick check on Wikipedia) condoms have a 'Perfect Use' Failure rate of 2%, and a 'Typical Use' (more realistic) failure rate of 15%. I couldn't even find a statistic for a woman getting pregnant from pre-cum, without having sex. While it is possible, it's very unlikely.

iguana · 05-01-2009 4:29pm

Toots85 wrote: »

I couldn't even find a statistic for a woman getting pregnant from pre-cum, without having sex. While it is possible, it's very unlikely.

It's something like .4%. Which means that of every 1000 couples using this method of "family planning" 4 a year will get pregnant. It's unlikely, but not impossible. Out of the whole list of things a person never needs to know about themselves, top of mine is that I know that I was conceived this way.

That said in this case where the woman in question doesn't actually know that she is pregnant and she has slept with somebody else I would suspect the OP is not the father if there even is a baby.

gonker · 05-01-2009 4:53pm

I have a 12 year old nephew concieved using that very method

First things is get a pregnancy test.

javaboy · 05-01-2009 6:55pm

littlebug wrote: »

I can't read your flow chart.

SNIP

That should work. The original was a link to the thumbnail.

Wibbs · 05-01-2009 6:59pm

Javaboy cool for the dig out re flowchart but have to snip it. Personal detail in it. Also snipped thumbnail in OP's link in case there's more techie types about

Jammyc · 05-01-2009 9:12pm

Wibbs wrote: »

The other thing that slightly raised an eyebrow for me is that you and her were boyfriend and girlfriend and didn't have sex for whatever reason, yet she apparently has a one off with some other guy she wasn't going out with? Dates to be confirmed. Yet she claims now to like you more? What's going on there? Did you not want the sex or did she not? Was it some other reason? Something really doesn't sit well with me on this one.

Exactly what Im thinking.... Seems awful strange to me here.
Interested to see what happens here.
Pregnancy test, then paternity test if needed.
Hope it works out for you OP.

yomamasflavour · 05-01-2009 9:56pm

Sorry, I'm a bit lost here - If you've never had penetrative sex with her, then how can you possibly be the father?

vibrant · 05-01-2009 10:52pm

Unsure, wrote: »

Basically the story is, I was going out with a girl, Never had sex with her, but we messed around alot, and I tend to excrete alot of "pre-cum" which I know contains sperm. Then She went back to her hometown for the holidays and while there she decided we were no good for eachother, I don't know why because I had been of the view that we were getting on very well, I was well smitten and Dare I say it, In love. She had said she loves me too, but thats beside the point.

I got a call a few days ago, and turns out she is (most likely) pregnant, she did sleep with another guy, whether before or after she decided we are no good for each other I don't know.

She used a condom and he didn't cum inside her, she says she prefers me, but I suspect that due to the fact that I percieve her to have lonelyness and abandonment issues, I suspect this because I know she hates to be alone, it is something that really scares her, and something I was trying to help her through.

Anyway that's a tangent, We have talked extensively about it, and I suggested that I do a paternity test before she tells the other guy she is pregnant, because she feels he will take it badly. She would be pregnant 1 month now MAX, so I would have to wait at least another 2 months for a paternity test.

Hi Unsure,
It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, not a great start to the New Year. From reading your post, the text I highlighted above made alarm bells go off in my head.

I think she is playing you. I don't think she suspects she is pregnant at all. She explicitly told you she had sex with the other guy, but he didn't cum inside her. Now all of a sudden, she suspects she is 1 month pregnant. She has, you say, abandonment issues and is lonely. I know somebody like this myself, and they will pretty much do or say anything in order to get and (try to) keep a partner. I don't think it is fair for her to burden you with this - you are a shoulder to cry on, so to speak, someone who she can get to pay attention to her when nobody else will. I really really hope that I am wrong, and I am sorry if I was very blunt in my post, but my experience where I saw this going on first hand has made me a bit suspicious.

dudara · 05-01-2009 11:04pm

The odds are against you being the father, if things are as you describe. But only a paternity test will let you know for certain.

It does appear that she has decided that you are the best father material (or perhaps that you are a softer touch) and therefore she has decided to tell you that the baby is yours. We could be doing her an injustice here, but this is how she appears based on what you've told us.

Firstly, get the pregnancy confirmed by a doctor. Then arrange for a paternity test at the earliest possible time.

dudara · 05-01-2009 11:07pm

yomamasflavour wrote: »

Sorry, I'm a bit lost here - If you've never had penetrative sex with her, then how can you possibly be the father?

You don't have to have penetrative sex in order to get pregnant. Prior to ejaculation, the OP may have leaked some pre-cum, which still contains sperms. There is a minute chance that the pre-cum may have ended up near or on her vagina.

The odds are generally against this happening, but it can still happen.

There is a sticky at the top of this forum on the facts of life. Might be worth a read.

BankMan · 05-01-2009 11:17pm

Very hard to know the whole story, but my instinct says she's a headbanger who isn't pregnant, and is playing sill buggers to generate attention. Wide berth OP, proceed with caution.

mollybird · 06-01-2009 12:09am

have you ever heard of condom's breaking/tearing. could be possible that they never noticed. i would def ask her if she has done a test or even seen a doc before you start jumping to any conclusions.

LegacyUser · 06-01-2009 12:24am

How are ye lads, Thanks for all the replies, as it turns out much ado about nothing.

She tells me she is not pregnant, that she had her Period today, which would make me right in telling her that her last period was exactly 30 days ago today. I am still a bit skeptical so As the months wear on I will know if I see her and she has a Bump.

So thanks lads.
Sincerely
Pretty Sure.

Jammyc · 06-01-2009 12:37am

Unsure. wrote: »

How are ye lads, Thanks for all the replies, as it turns out much ado about nothing.

She tells me she is not pregnant, that she had her Period today, which would make me right in telling her that her last period was exactly 30 days ago today. I am still a bit skeptical so As the months wear on I will know if I see her and she has a Bump.

So thanks lads.
Sincerely
Pretty Sure.

Glad to see it all worked out for you!

Steve.Pseudonym · 06-01-2009 6:44am

Unsure. wrote: »

How are ye lads, Thanks for all the replies, as it turns out much ado about nothing.

She tells me she is not pregnant, that she had her Period today, which would make me right in telling her that her last period was exactly 30 days ago today. I am still a bit skeptical so As the months wear on I will know if I see her and she has a Bump.

So thanks lads.
Sincerely
Pretty Sure.

Her last period was only 30 days ago and she went to you saying she's pregnant? I have to tell you, I still think you should stay away from her, she sounds like a nut.

m83 · 06-01-2009 7:01am

yomamasflavour wrote: »

Sorry, I'm a bit lost here - If you've never had penetrative sex with her, then how can you possibly be the father?

It is possible to get pregnant through non penatrative sex. Hghly highly unlikely but possible.

I don't think the OP is the father in this case though.

Jumpy · 06-01-2009 10:48am

Unsure. wrote: »

How are ye lads, Thanks for all the replies, as it turns out much ado about nothing.

She tells me she is not pregnant, that she had her Period today, which would make me right in telling her that her last period was exactly 30 days ago today. I am still a bit skeptical so As the months wear on I will know if I see her and she has a Bump.

So thanks lads.
Sincerely
Pretty Sure.

Jaysus.

Run man. Dont stop, just run.

Dont take this the wrong way, its an observation not an insult, but you seem incredibly naive.

Beta Ray Bill · 06-01-2009 10:49am

Hey Mate

You sound like a very genuine person. and from the sounds of things you're "being taken for a spin". I very much doubt you are the father.

My advice to you is to insist on a Test. If the baby is not yours then it may be best to walk away. As you said you like this girl. I don't know if you want to resume where you left of with this girl (she says she prefers you? why did she leave in the first place then?) personally I would not. I know she said she's scared and alone etc. but she will get through it.

I have seen this situation only once before and it got Very messy after the first couple of months the 3 people involved now hate each other and the babies father is not interested.

Be careful dude

Good Luck

Wibbs · 06-01-2009 11:17am

Eh can people please read the thread before posting. In this case the bit where he told us she's not pregnant.

Wibbs · 06-01-2009 11:17am

Steve.Pseudonym wrote: »

Her last period was only 30 days ago and she went to you saying she's pregnant? I have to tell you, I still think you should stay away from her, she sounds like a nut.

+1. She sounds a tad unstable TBH. Bullet majorly dodged.

who007 · 06-01-2009 11:49am

Don't ignore what everyone is telling you here mate; RUN! Get away from that girl and stay away! Delete her number, tell her you are seeing someone else and busy if she calls or texts, ignore her, get away from her! From everything that's been said she is really not right in the head and she will continue to push the envelope to see what she can get away with if you don't just cut her out of your life.

Sugar Drunk · 06-01-2009 11:59am

its a relief shes not pregnant now stay away from her she sounds like trouble and clearly was not that into you if she was also getting it on with another guy and messing with your head

LegacyUser · 06-01-2009 3:27pm

oh and enjoy oz!!!!!!!!!xxxxxxxxxxx

Jammyc · 07-01-2009 1:13am

Wibbs wrote: »

Eh can people please read the thread before posting. In this case the bit where he told us she's not pregnant.

+1

Ex GF pregnant, is this the right thing to do.

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