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11-10-2019, 22:11   #1
Gael23
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Coming out later

I’m 28 and a half and sort of feeling like I’ve missed the boat as regards coming out of the closet, or is it ever “too late”?

I’ve only known for sure myself for a little over a year, and due to life circumstances I honestly haven’t felt like I’ve had to bottle something up. But I’m well aware that’s likely to change in the not too distant future hence the question.
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11-10-2019, 22:20   #2
L1011
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People come out at any and every age. There does seem to be certain life stages that are more common (I've oversimplified it to 21, 24, 27 being weirdly common amongst people I know) but they're not enforced restrictions
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11-10-2019, 22:26   #3
Gael23
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People come out at any and every age. There does seem to be certain life stages that are more common (I've oversimplified it to 21, 24, 27 being weirdly common amongst people I know) but they're not enforced restrictions
Anyone I know came out in their late teens or early 20s but your right I suppose, it can be any age.
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11-10-2019, 22:26   #4
Ten of Swords
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Never too late
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11-10-2019, 22:43   #5
L1011
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Anyone I know came out in their late teens or early 20s but your right I suppose, it can be any age.
I know two lads from the same circle - who would have known me for years as out, so it's not like they were in some backwater with no gays around - came out in their late (very, in one case) 20s. My dad worked with someone who was about 50, waited until his kids were in college.

Everyone has their own time.
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11-10-2019, 22:56   #6
Gael23
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I know two lads from the same circle - who would have known me for years as out, so it's not like they were in some backwater with no gays around - came out in their late (very, in one case) 20s. My dad worked with someone who was about 50, waited until his kids were in college.

Everyone has their own time.
I’ve known I’m attracted to men for a while but only realised around a year ago it was more than just a crush in certain guys if you get me. So you could say I’m still coming to terms with it in my own mind.
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11-10-2019, 23:31   #7
Joeytheparrot
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I’ve known I’m attracted to men for a while but only realised around a year ago it was more than just a crush in certain guys if you get me. So you could say I’m still coming to terms with it in my own mind.
Sure. You have begun the process by coming out to yourself. Makes complete sense.

Nope it really is never too late at all. I know people who came out in their 50s
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12-10-2019, 09:21   #8
Gael23
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Sure. You have begun the process by coming out to yourself. Makes complete sense.

Nope it really is never too late at all. I know people who came out in their 50s
I always like your perspective on things Joey.
Had a situation a year or so ago that led me to make some changes in my life and i guess coming out internally to myself was one big one
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12-10-2019, 12:26   #9
lyinghere
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Never too late - each to their own. Get comfortable with it and go for it if that's what you want.
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12-10-2019, 12:50   #10
liquoriceall
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It's far from late, I came out at 30 and I'm now 38. My soon to be wife came out to her friends in her early 20s but only to her family etc in her early 30s
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12-10-2019, 16:47   #11
Gael23
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One thing I do find hard is that most of the dating apps and sites are all about sex, which does have its benefits sometimes. Otherwise it’s nit easy to go into a gay bar alone to meet lads
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12-10-2019, 18:37   #12
lottpaul
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Anyone I know came out in their late teens or early 20s but your right I suppose, it can be any age.

First of all thanks for (re)starting the discussion - it's one that crops up for someone somewhere in the country almost every day I'd imagine. These days it's almost taken for granted that everyone comes out in their teens - but that's far from reality.
There is no magical or compulsory age - some people are never "in" and good for them.
Then there are some who never come out to another soul and who go through the whole of their lives without ever talking to anyone else about a very important aspect of their lives, much less act upon it.
You say yourself that it has taken you a little bit of time to fully accept it all and that's the only advice I'd give - give people a bit of time to "adjust" but after that move on. It's your life: you are 100% in charge of your own happiness - and we only get one shot at life.
Best of luck with it all!
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12-10-2019, 18:45   #13
Fringegirl
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Originally Posted by Gael23 View Post
I’m 28 and a half and sort of feeling like I’ve missed the boat as regards coming out of the closet, or is it ever “too late”?

I’ve only known for sure myself for a little over a year, and due to life circumstances I honestly haven’t felt like I’ve had to bottle something up. But I’m well aware that’s likely to change in the not too distant future hence the question.
You're a spring chicken at only 28, you do it when you feel you are ready.

You might find that some people already have an idea and won't be at all surprised.

Just do what feels right for you, best of luck.
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12-10-2019, 20:36   #14
Joeytheparrot
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One thing I do find hard is that most of the dating apps and sites are all about sex, which does have its benefits sometimes. Otherwise it’s nit easy to go into a gay bar alone to meet lads
You can try different social groups or sports groups. I could probably list about 20 off the top of my head.
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13-10-2019, 17:46   #15
Joeytheparrot
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https://www.meetup.com/Out-and-About-Gay-Hiking/ (serious hiking group)
https://www.meetup.com/LGBT-Meditation-Dublin/ (meditation)
https://www.meetup.com/LGBT-Ireland-Peer-Support/ (peer support for people coming out)
https://www.meetup.com/dublin-international-gay-social/ (social group)
https://www.meetup.com/Gay-Social-Tennis/ (Tennis)
https://www.meetup.com/FlamingFeathersBadmintonClub/ (badminton)
https://www.meetup.com/lgbt_pros_drinks/ (professionals social club)
https://www.meetup.com/Wet-Wild/ (outdoor pursuits and social)
https://www.meetup.com/Side-B/ (social group for people who like music)
https://www.meetup.com/Gay-Guys-Cafe-18-35/ (outhouse cafe)
https://www.meetup.com/Dublin-Gaymers-Meetup-Group/ (lgbtq+ gamers)
https://www.meetup.com/Queer-Canines/ (dog owners group)
https://www.meetup.com/D08-LGBT/ (dublin 8 group)
https://www.meetup.com/Dublin-LGBT-Meetup/ (running group)
https://www.meetup.com/Gay-Dining-Out-Ireland/ (dining group)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/dublingmbc/ (gay mens book club)
https://outhouse.ie/course-gay-bisexual-men-SeptOct2019 (Personal Development Course)
http://www.gloria.ie/ (choir)
https://www.ewrfc.ie/ (rugby)
http://www.actingoutgroup.com/about.html (acting)
http://dublindevilsfc.com/ (soccer)

There is 21. I would personally REALLY REALLY strongly reccomend Wet and Wild and the PDC Course
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