Would this annoy you?

LegacyUser · 13-06-2019 12:08pm #1

Sorry, I know this might seem like a very trivial post, but I am very curious to get people's opinions on this.

Last night I was just about to sit down after a really busy day. We have 2 armchairs side by side in front of the tv, and hubby was sitting in one armchair with his legs stretched out in front of the second armchair. I asked him if he would move his foot because I wanted to let out the footrest on my armchair. He was like "in a minute". I sat down with my cup of tea and said, "can you just move your foot". He got really annoyed and said could I not wait he was in the middle of sending a text message. In my head I was like, "WTF can't he just move his foot??". A big row followed because he was really annoyed that I couldn't just wait until he was finished what he was in the middle of.

So, would that annoy you or am I being unreasonable getting annoyed at the fact that he was so annoyed at me?????

skallywag · 13-06-2019 12:44pm

Perhaps he was deep in thought and not actually taking in what you were asking? Did you give him a few seconds at least to wrap up what he was doing?

Either way it's a pretty dumb reason for a flaming row in my opinion.

LegacyUser · 13-06-2019 12:50pm

Thanks for your reply skallywag!

I did give a few seconds (but only about 5 😁) . I figured if he was able to say "in a minute" he was able to move his foot over to his own side..

ManOfMystery · 13-06-2019 12:55pm

He's being ridiculous. Moving one's foot does not in any way stop them from continuing to type their text message, unless he's gone beyond ambidextrous and can type with his feet as well.

CPTM · 13-06-2019 12:56pm

The thing is that living with people is annoying sometimes. Yes, what he did was annoying. But so is leaving the lid off tooth paste or tea bags in the sink. There's 100s of examples of things that people do which are annoying but not particularly damaging. If he's committed, going in the same direction and respects you generally then these crappy things are just part and parcel of living with another human. Give his foot a gentle slap or throw it to the side, roll your eyes and move on from it together.

Keep an eye on the phone use.. That can be a damaging thing in relationships. I know we constantly watch our habits on that front to make sure it doesn't take over.

13-06-2019 1:08pm

Curiousaboutsomething wrote: »

I asked him if he would move his foot because I wanted to let out the footrest on my armchair.

He was like "in a minute".

I sat down with my cup of tea and said, "can you just move your foot".

He got really annoyed and said could I not wait he was in the middle of sending a text message. A big row followed because he was really annoyed that I couldn't just wait until he was finished what he was in the middle of.

Do things always escalate this quickly between you?

Your question is not about who was right or wrong as regards the moving the foot issue, but about how annoyed your husband got over such a trivial matter. Frankly, it appears his reaction was well out of proportion with the situation. Does he often get "really annoyed" with you?

LegacyUser · 13-06-2019 1:15pm

CPTM wrote: »

The thing is that living with people is annoying sometimes. Yes, what he did was annoying. But so is leaving the lid off tooth paste or tea bags in the sink. There's 100s of examples of things that people do which are annoying but not particularly damaging. If he's committed, going in the same direction and respects you generally then these crappy things are just part and parcel of living with another human. Give his foot a gentle slap or throw it to the side, roll your eyes and move on from it together.

Keep an eye on the phone use.. That can be a damaging thing in relationships. I know we constantly watch our habits on that front to make sure it doesn't take over.

Thanks CPTM! Just to clarify, I wasn't in any way annoyed about his foot being where it was. I was simply asking if he'd move his foot because it was preventing me from sitting comfortably. He was the one that got annoyed by me asking him twice. I didn't see this as an argument, but I did get annoyed with him after he got annoyed at me.

I hear you on the phone front, phones can do a lot of damage! ðŸ‘

GreeBo · 13-06-2019 1:35pm

Probably you were both tired and irritable and just need to hug and make up.
It happens.

Ursus Horribilis · 13-06-2019 2:27pm

It's impossible to advise with such little information. It was an overreaction to something trivial but it's not something that can be read into without context. We don't know how you normally relate to each other or if you have had rows like this before. As you are well aware, we all say and do ridiculous things sometimes. On a bad day, the most innocuous things can summon the red mist. Unless there's something going on here that you're not telling us about, it sounds like something you should be able to resolve and move on from.

wiggle16 · 13-06-2019 2:38pm

Agree with the above... it's a non-issue in isolation, it's just two people annoying one another and letting it go too far.

Does this kind of thing happen often? It strikes me that as long as he wasn't messing, he was being ridiculous, thats like something a bratty child does to wind up their sibling.... but also that you are quite concerned with being in the right about it.

Does this kind of thing happen often?

utyh2ikcq9z76b · 13-06-2019 2:42pm

Yeah it would annoy me if I'm sitting down relaxed and someone starts demanding I move

woodchuck · 13-06-2019 3:04pm

Would it annoy me? Yes.
Would I get into a big row about it? No.

In isolation, it's a non-issue. However I suspect there must be more to this to make you post about it here. Do you fight about small things like this often?

The chan chan man · 13-06-2019 11:57pm

When you have a huge row over something small, its never actually about the small thing.

In my marriage we argue over small things because there’s a lingering resentment over a lack of sex..

qwerty13 · 14-06-2019 2:48am

Hhmm. I would read this as though he’s already annoyed with you, and the current irk escalated into a needless row due to this.

I’m not saying he was right to be already annoyed with you. Just that it feels as though there’s a background to this. At least on his part.

Hoboo · 14-06-2019 3:14am

That's bullying. Minor but it's an attempt at a show of dominance. Strange behavior from an adult, other than being a complete dick.

LolaJJ · 14-06-2019 3:12pm

hmmm, Sometimes people are just thoughtless...

I mean, are you asking if his refusal to move his legs is a sign that he no longer loves you and your marriage is doomed? I don't think any of us can tell you that.

My partner does **** all the time that I could easily interpret as him being uncooperative, or inconsiderate.....but he probably does more stuff to indicate how much he does care about me and wants me to be happy and comfortable, so, I can choose my battles and not sweat the small stuff.

The question really is, was him refusing to move his legs just another typical exmple of how much regard he generally shows for you?

Crank Stain · 14-06-2019 5:14pm

I think you are both to blame but you more so.

You were not prevented from sitting down, you just couldn't put up the footrest, and wouldn't wait for your hubby to finish what he was doing.

He said he'd move his foot, but you wanted it moved on your terms, you decided what you wanted was more important.

Could you not have waited like you were asked?

Equally it's not rocket science so your hubby could have moved.

But there had to be a bit of give and take in a relationship and I'd find fault with you wanting your way regardless.

Trying to make a joke of your reaction with the smiley face doesn't help your case either.

AulWan · 14-06-2019 7:37pm

If I was focused on something (eg. writing an email, sending a text) and someone else interrupts and breaks my train of thought, then I too would be irritated by that.

Not enough to cause a flaming row, but I would find it annoying. Like has already been pointed out, you could have sat down, its not like he was preventing you from doing so.

You should have just pushed his feet out of the way.

I think there is a pair of you in it.

LegacyUser · 17-06-2019 10:59pm

Hi all,

I just wanted to say thanks for all the comments. I really appreciated getting lots of different views and opinions, and I have taken all comments onboard.

To answer the recurring questions, yes, I think we do fight about ridiculously trivial things a lot, but maybe it's better to fight about silly things, than something that could be a lot more serious. And yes, my husband can get annoyed quite easily in general. Also, maybe there was an underlying issue due to less action in the bedroom recently (we have both had a lot on with busy jobs, young children etc).

I don't really want to get the topic going again, but I wanted to get back to thank everyone who took the time to reply.

ElizaBennett · 19-06-2019 6:25pm

I've known men who are pathologically unable to answer a question while I the middle of something else like watching tv or texting. My ex would actually not even hear me and told me I had to use his name loudly in order to get his attention. Is your guy just a bit like this? It's not their fault

joeguevara · 20-06-2019 12:49am

When tiny things like this cause a row then in my experience it is because of a bigger issue. When things are 100% then nothing’s a burden. When someone snaps because of a trivial request usually there is something else up.

Ask him. But in a non confrontational way. Is everything ok your side?

Xterminator · 20-06-2019 9:24am

Hoboo wrote: »

That's bullying. Minor but it's an attempt at a show of dominance. Strange behavior from an adult, other than being a complete dick.

some massive projection going on there! how you can jump from minor disagreement, with no history given, to he is trying to dominate you ..... ???

OP this incident on its own is very minor. But if there is a pattern, perhaps something does need to be nipped in the bud before it becomes normalised.

I agree with an earlier poster that perhaps your partner was snappy in this incident; but that there was something else behind it. IE they had a bad day, or they are annoyed at you for some other issue?

Would this annoy you?

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