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Parents Financial Settlement

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  • 24-05-2019 2:15pm
    #1
    Badger2019
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭


    Hi All,

    I've created a new account for this as may be recognised by my other username.

    My parents separated about 6 years ago, amicable enough until now.

    My mother is looking for a significant financial settlement from my father. He has already purchased a house for her, covers her car loan and as I understand gives her an agreed monthly payment also.

    My father is a farmer, asset rich, cash poor. He will have to sell land to come up with the cash she is looking for. He is quite angry at the moment. Very entranced in his views over land (I've spoken to him on countless occasions about the possibility of selling it/some of it to sort things out, it typically falls on deaf ears)

    On top of this, I am due to marry next year, although I know time doesn't stand still, I can't help but feel this request for a financial settlement is timed very strategically.
    It likes added pressure is now on my dad as none of us will want our family relationship to be in ribbons for my wedding.

    I'm not even sure I'm in the right forum, guess I'm looking to hear from others who's parents have gone through similar.

    Typically speaking, if a couple go through mediation to resolve this, what would the time frame be? If it proceeds to court, how long would this take?

    I feel very disheartened at the moment, this is meant to be a really special time but I feel upset that this is likley to darken the lead up to my wedding.

    I appreciate it's not really any of my business, they are adults and will need to sort it out between them but we are a small family so it is having an effect on me.


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    #2
    Ken.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,898 ✭✭✭✭Ken.


    Mediation can take one session or go for ever and never reach an agreement. On their first visit the mediator could tell them there is no hope of an agreement. At the moment for free mediation there is a waiting list of 3-20 months depending on your area.

    As to court, again it depends where they are as to how long. Considering their entrenched views I can imagine its going to take a while and the only ones going to make anything are solicitors.


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    #3
    hairyprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 2,293 ✭✭✭hairyprincess


    You mentioned you have talked to your father about the situation, have you or anyone else in the family talked to your mum? Why does she think he should give her anymore than what he has and is doing?
    Are there any dependents living with your mum?

    If they both dig their heels in it’s likely to take a few years to resolve.


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    #4
    Badger2019
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭Badger2019


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    You mentioned you have talked to your father about the situation, have you or anyone else in the family talked to your mum? Why does she think he should give her anymore than what he has and is doing?
    Are there any dependents living with your mum?

    If they both dig their heels in it’s likely to take a few years to resolve.

    That's what I'm afraid of. My dad could sell a portion of the land to cover what my mum is looking for and still retain a sizable farm.

    There are no dependents living with either parent. My mum works but doesn't have a good salary, she raised the kids while working part time and would have received very little financial assistance off my father when they were together. I don't want going into too much detail here.

    From my perspective, a financial settlement is needed (my father would even acknowledge this) but on a selfish level I am somewhat annoyed at the timing of it.

    In saying the above, It would be my father who will dig his heels in if it means having to sell land. I have told him to engage on this and not to let it get to court because then he will most certainly have to sell a substantial amount of it, more than what my mother is currently looking for and as muted already the solicitors will make a nice sum in legal fees out of that too.


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    #5
    holliehobbie
    Registered Users Posts: 395 ✭✭holliehobbie


    She got more than most women I've heard of! I had to buy my husband out by remortgaging and we have dependent children who he doesn't pay maintenance for! And legal cases can take years especially if one party refuses to cooperate and fires solicitors and is a complete tosser! And my ex husband doesn't give any money to me! Your mother and father should get divorced and sort out all their finances legally.


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    #6
    hairyprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 2,293 ✭✭✭hairyprincess


    From what you have said, your mum is not badly off at all. In fact she’s in a far better situation than most separated wives. Just because your dad has land/money does not mean she is entitled to it. Yes the argument could be made that she facilitated him in gaining the assets he has but she is capable of working and earning her own money, as you said she is doing.

    Could your dad, if he feels a settlement is necessary, put a piece of land into her name and let her do with it what she wishes?


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    #7
    Badger2019
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭Badger2019


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    From what you have said, your mum is not badly off at all. In fact she’s in a far better situation than most separated wives. Just because your dad has land/money does not mean she is entitled to it. Yes the argument could be made that she facilitated him in gaining the assets he has but she is capable of working and earning her own money, as you said she is doing.

    Could your dad, if he feels a settlement is necessary, put a piece of land into her name and let her do with it what she wishes?

    In ways she isn't and I think the money she is looking for it OTT however they do need to come to some agreement.

    He could put land into her name, the difficulty being that he is very set in his ways in terms of the land.
    I have a feeling that this will turn very nasty between them and any semblance of a family will be lost in it too, just saddens me considering my marriage next year.


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    #8
    Another day
    Registered Users Posts: 146 ✭✭Another day


    Your mother works, he has bought her a house, he is paying spousal maintenance. She is very fortunate that he has agreed to buy her a house and pay maintenance. Not many women are as lucky. You say your father didn't give much financial help during their marriage, however he did provide a home, am sure he took care of bills, food etc.

    I imagine your dad is afraid that if he agrees to this she will come back for more time and again. And he is right. He hasn't abandoned your mother financially, he is looking after her. Your mum needs to accept the pot is empty. If your father sells land I am sure that will affect future income and he may not be able to afford future spousal maintenance. So your mum needs to get real.

    Your wedding is a year away
    It will be fine as most couples can leave differences aside for the sake of family celebrations. I know this from experience!


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    #9
    utyh2ikcq9z76b
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭utyh2ikcq9z76b


    Your mother is milking that cow


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