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Ex changing custody agreement

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  • 12-02-2020 11:01am
    #1
    ultimoguerrero
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭


    Me and my ex broke up last March, we have an 8 year old daughter and lived together since she was born. Currently we are doing a 50:50 custody arrangement in the 2:2:3 pattern which means I have my child Monday Tuesday and Friday Saturday Sunday one week and then Wednesday Thursday every second week.

    It's a fair agreement where we both see the child equally and have a weekend with her and then a weekend to ourselves without ever spending more than 3 days apart. It also meant we could plan things in advance as we'd know when we'd have our daughter and when we wouldn't. Usually we just drop our child to school on the exchange days and the other one picks her up. Our houses are 5 minutes apart and 2 mins from the school so there's no long journeys or dragging clothes and bags and we have done numerous things together with her in the past year.

    My ex has now decided she wants to change the arrangement with 2 weeks notice so she has our child Monday - Thursday and I have her Friday Saturday Sunday every week as I'm self employed and work Mon-Fri. I'm in a new relationship now and this is purely to try make my life harder, the next text she sent says "PS I want you to be as miserable as we are" and that I have to live with the consequences of my actions by having broken up with her as it's not fair that I now have time to go out and take trips away.

    I want to keep the current arrangement as I think it's fair and I don't believe it's selfish to want equal time to myself but also give time to my daughter. I also don't want her never to see her mother at weekends and only see her from 4pm or 6pm 4 days a week having been in school all day. I've tried my best to make the whole situation as easy as it can be, it's tough but I've taken my daughter for extra days so my ex could go away, she refused to do the same for me. I've given extra lifts and done extra school runs on my off days as I work from home but now I feel this is too much and is being done for the wrong reasons.

    What are my options? Can she change the setup now without my agreement. We don't have a court agreement but have been doing this arrangement for almost a year now so should I request a court sitting or what would be best? Thank you.


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    #2
    RocketRaccoon
    Registered Users Posts: 4,396 ✭✭✭RocketRaccoon


    Go to court, have a solicitor and explain to them exactly the set up you have had for the last year. And ensure you have a backup of that text she sent.


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    #3
    Cork Trucker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,553 ✭✭✭Cork Trucker


    As above , go to court, it's the only way to get these things properly resolved.


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    #4
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,718 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    yes, she can seek to change the agreement unilaterally because it was never anything more than a voluntary arrangement. If things were this acrimonious you would have been better served by having the agreement brought before the family court and formalised.

    That way the only way she could amend it was to go to court.

    however you do not have to accept this new arrangement. the solution is to go to court and present your evidence, and your text from the ex, which was very prejudicial.


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    #5
    Thierry
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭Thierry


    Is your current agreement in place a written agreement?
    If no, then you will need to draw one, but obviously each party will have the option to review things as they stand.
    The issue would become one, if/when you ex-partner refuses to let you see/have your child. If there is no agreement in place through the courts, then you will not have any option.

    What you want to do is regulate access to your child. It can be done and should be done through the courts. The fact that you have a working agreement since last year may play in your favor, but you will need to prove that it was agreed (find old e-mails or letters outlining the current arrangement), and as stated above the text messages may or not be useful. Not sure you want to spend much time and money in legal fees for this kind of nonsense: "you wrote this, you said that...etc.: at the end of the day, the judge will look at the welfare of the child and go for the easiest option. The judge will not try to solve your social/emotional needs.

    From the courts perspective, in joint custody, the person who leave the family home (I believe it is you), can regulate access to the children... while the person staying home usually ask for maintenance... From experience, I wanted also 50:50 which I did not get, but actually over time I found that quality time with your child is far more important than quantity. Note that in your case, you do not have to accept to see your child each week-end... just state what you want, she states what she wants and try to negotiate amicably. It will save money in solicitors fees.


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    #6
    bozd
    Registered Users Posts: 90 ✭✭bozd


    Maybe try mediation with her, cannot see a face to face working with you but with a referee to manage it could help. Mind you when my wife made demands that even mediator looked flustered about they got a picture of what she is like, maybe your partner needs someone to highlight this to her. My wife started using kids as weapons but they are older and their choice to get involved, very distressing with young children involved. Best of luck


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