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Online Dating when in a relationship

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Comments

  • #52
    Princess Calla
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,995 ✭✭✭Princess Calla


    GreeBo wrote: »
    Im married with children and have a profile on a dating site.

    I havent logged into it in about 6 years (since I started this relationship) and dont even know how anymore...never bothered to cancel/delete it.

    I'm sure someone I know has come across it and wondered but my wife trusts me and I trust her so...meah.

    I'm the exact same, though not married :) a family member of his recently became single and started using the site... I was like emmm if you come across me it's an ancient profile :)

    Though I have to say, if friends of mine knew he was cheating and didn't tell me, I would view them as taking his side and having little or no respect for me. The friendship would be over.

    If they told me, I know it would be a very difficult thing to do and I'd value them more than anything.


  • #53
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    Princess Calla wrote: »
    I'm the exact same, though not married :) a family member of his recently became single and started using the site... I was like emmm if you come across me it's an ancient profile :)

    Though I have to say, if friends of mine knew he was cheating and didn't tell me, I would view them as taking his side and having little or no respect for me. The friendship would be over.

    If they told me, I know it would be a very difficult thing to do and I'd value them more than anything.

    Exactly my train of thought:)


  • #54
    LuasSimon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,208 ✭✭✭LuasSimon


    At a boozy staff night out lately A married female co worker that travels a lot for our company informs me she creates and deletes a tinder profile every time for the night or nights when she’s away from home in hotels in Dublin mostly . She’s late forties and said she seeks blokes in their twenties for no strings when she’s staying in hotels and apparently she’s plenty of offers every time . Reckons she’s slept with dozens of young men over the past few years .


  • #55
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 8,856 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Some people are just so stupid.

    I was playing mini clip 8 ball pool of all things (great game for the iPad & mobile btw). I have a generic user name mini clip ID but you can play via your Facebook account too.

    I friended this east european lady from midlands Ireland (she told me all of this in her posts)- once friends, you can post text messages when playing.

    Over a number of games and days, The whole thing got a bit flirty and she told me she was single with kids- what she didn't realise is that her facebook profile was easily identifiable, even though it only looked like her first name was visible (her full name actually appeared from time to time)- I discovered she had an Irish husband (from who's FB posts looked like he adored her and worshiped the ground she walked on)- I really felt bad for that guy- a FB profile that looked like a perfectly happy family - if only he knew what his wife was up to.


  • #56
    NewRed2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 999 ✭✭✭NewRed2


    Porklife wrote: »
    Couldn't agree more Candie. I was cheated on for almost a year (out of an 8 year relationship) and all of my friends knew about it. Not one of them told me. Ouch.
    The pain of betrayal from my friends was almost worse than the actual cheating.
    I never forgave any of them


    Wow! That's a serious heap of sheet to have to deal with all at once. Jesus! Can't begin to imagine the fallout from all of that, sorry to hear that.
    That would wipe out most people, you did very well to recover from that.
    I lost a partner and a group of friends in the one week a long time ago so this post struck a chord with me, but it wasn't down to anyone cheating, bit complex.
    Still, I recall the feeling of losing all the people I had trusted in a tiny period of time, it's a shocking feeling. Sorry to hear you went through that.


    Aside from that I've nothing to add to the discussion, just alarmed that so many know of people who are in a relationship and have dating profiles. Weird. I've known a couple of people who drunkenly make a mistake but bad enough as that is, it's a different level to soberly and knowingly setting up a dating profile while in a relationship.


  • #57
    Earthhorse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,714 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    I'd reserve the lion's share of my judgement for the married person in the equation, tbh.

    It was more that I was surprised he could find so many women willing to be with him from such a small group that surprised and disappointed me. I knew there were cheaters and people willing to indulge them out there just not to that degree. Very hard to work with any of them after that tbh, I had to get out of there.


  • #58
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    LuasSimon wrote: »
    At a boozy staff night out lately A married female co worker that travels a lot for our company informs me she creates and deletes a tinder profile every time for the night or nights when she’s away from home in hotels in Dublin mostly . She’s late forties and said she seeks blokes in their twenties for no strings when she’s staying in hotels and apparently she’s plenty of offers every time . Reckons she’s slept with dozens of young men over the past few years .

    Nothing shocking about that aside from the fact she's married. I find it pathetic. Zero respect for carry on like this. Fair play to the unattached young lad, absolute shame on the married old hussie. Queen of the Harpies!!!


  • #59
    Porklife
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭Porklife


    NewRed2 wrote: »
    Wow! That's a serious heap of sheet to have to deal with all at once. Jesus! Can't begin to imagine the fallout from all of that, sorry to hear that.
    That would wipe out most people, you did very well to recover from that.
    I lost a partner and a group of friends in the one week a long time ago so this post struck a chord with me, but it wasn't down to anyone cheating, bit complex.
    Still, I recall the feeling of losing all the people I had trusted in a tiny period of time, it's a shocking feeling. Sorry to hear you went through that.


    Aside from that I've nothing to add to the discussion, just alarmed that so many know of people who are in a relationship and have dating profiles. Weird. I've known a couple of people who drunkenly make a mistake but bad enough as that is, it's a different level to soberly and knowingly setting up a dating profile while in a relationship.

    Thank you so much for your reply, I could feel your genuine compassion. It was a really devastating time but it makes you stronger. I like to think most people are inherently good and honest. I have a short attention span/high level of boredom/on the spectrum/**** knows what but I've always walked away from relationships I was unhappy in rather than cheating.
    Or they've walked away from me while they were cheating:p


  • #60
    Raconteuse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭Raconteuse


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Go ahead, and tell them. You'll have lost that friend, and likely he/she will forgive their partner anyway.

    People need to find out these things for themselves. People tried telling me that my girlfriend was cheating on me, and I just couldn't accept it. I'd query her, get into a huge fight, and then apologise because I didn't trust her enough. Until I caught her actually cheating. Later, I found out there was more than one guy over the space of a year. Yay.

    I've noticed that people in love are very easily manipulated by their partner... You might put some cracks in their trust or you could also reinforce the control the partner has over your friend.. But you'll lose that friendship regardless.
    Would you? You don't know that everyone would react so illogically. No loss if so though.

    But if it's a close friend or family member and I have irrefutable proof that their partner or spouse is being unfaithful to them, telling them is the only thing I could do. As others here have said, others knowing and not telling them was particularly hurtful.
    mvl wrote: »
    Sounds like virtue signalling
    What would you have called it before that term came into use? It's just people disapproving of something others have done. We've all done it. Even people who think they haven't. We all judge. Infidelity is a complex beast. Sometimes two people try to fight their feelings and fail. But just shagging someone you know is married (and possibly with children) is just crap behaviour. The married person is worse of course, but not the only person responsible.
    Porklife wrote: »
    Nothing shocking about that aside from the fact she's married. I find it pathetic. Zero respect for carry on like this. Fair play to the unattached young lad, absolute shame on the married old hussie. Queen of the Harpies!!!
    I don't think fair play if they know she's married though, even if she's worse.


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  • #61
    mvl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭mvl


    Raconteuse wrote: »
    What would you have called it before that term came into use? It's just people disapproving of something others have done. We've all done it. Even people who think they haven't. We all judge. Infidelity is a complex beast. Sometimes two people try to fight their feelings and fail. But just shagging someone you know is married (and possibly with children) is just crap behaviour. The married person is worse of course, but not the only person responsible.


    the point I am trying to make is that in work there is no place for sh*t like this: judging co-workers based on what they do on their private time.


  • #62
    Earthhorse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,714 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    mvl wrote: »
    the point I am trying to make is that in work there is no place for sh*t like this: judging co-workers based on what they do on their private time.

    Aye, but by the same token, don’t sh*t where you eat. They’re the ones blurring the boundaries between their personal life and work by being so indiscrete.


  • #63
    Taliyah Some Twin
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Taliyah Some Twin


    Earthhorse wrote: »
    Aye, but by the same token, don’t sh*t where you eat. They’re the ones blurring the boundaries between their personal life and work by being so indiscrete.

    sounds very continuous


  • #64
    Raconteuse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭Raconteuse


    mvl wrote: »
    the point I am trying to make is that in work there is no place for sh*t like this: judging co-workers based on what they do on their private time.
    Up to them to be subtle about it. Although yeah I probably wouldn't let it cloud my behaviour towards them.


  • #65
    Earthhorse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,714 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    bluewolf wrote: »
    sounds very continuous

    No it doesn’t.


  • #66
    Taliyah Some Twin
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Taliyah Some Twin


    Earthhorse wrote: »
    No it doesn’t.

    :P:P


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  • #67
    Raconteuse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭Raconteuse


    Deebles McBeebles wrote: »
    This dude should be hosting an AMA. Now ye're talking - to a swordsman.

    Oh he's a self confessed sex addict.


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