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Sperm Donation

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  • 12-11-2011 6:59pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Recently I've been considering donating sperm and would liek to hear some other peoples views on it.

    I did search but the few threads there were were old and in AH and was looking for bit more sense so thought I'd post here anonymously.

    I've been contacted by a couple through a sperm donation website who are potentially looking for me to donate sperm to them and they will then go about the rest of the buisness.
    Initially it was just an idea I considered so put myself up on the site but now its progressing a bit and so I'm having to really think about if I want to do it.

    On one hand I'd like to give them the oppurtunity to have a child.

    But on the other it would be strange to have a child who you have no part in the upbringing off. Another aspect of it is they would like when the child is 16 or 18 for them to be able to make contact, some things I'm considering here is where will I be in 16 years, married with my own children, what would a future wife of mine think of me having another biological child.

    I'm still undecided, probably more leaning towards donating but would just be curious to hear the thoughts of other.

    Thought this was good place to post as maybe some here have done or considered before.


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    #2
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    folks, first and final warning- no AH style replies. serious and helpful posts only.


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    #3
    Coriolanus
    Registered Users Posts: 4,879 ✭✭✭Coriolanus


    Can they make contact? I'd always assumed that children arising from donated eggs and sperm came under different rules than say children that were adopted.


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    #4
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    hi op,

    a few thoughts came to mind when read your post, the main one being the Childs right to know their biological parent. it might not be a problem for you now but as you say it might be in 16 years depending on your circumstances then.

    also, is it right not to tell the child for 16 years? that's some bombshell to drop on them at that stage.

    they may have health problems that may be genetic... it might be necessary to contact you for info on family history, willingness to be a donor etc - that could happen at any stage ,would be a bombshell if you had not told a future partner

    what about your moral obligation to the child? even though they would be raised in a two parent family, you'd still be the biological dad. would you be happy to gave no contact for the planned 16 years? what if the parents are bringing him up in done way to which you really object?

    these are just the initial thoughts that come to mind , I haven't thought any of them through very much, but I think it's a huge decision for you to make.

    all the best.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here

    Nevore, with regards to making contact that is something that would be agreed on.

    I should probably clear up some facts the donation would not be made through a clinic it would be a case of me giving the donation direct to them and they doing the inseminnation themselves. There is a contract of sorts availble for this kind of donation which agrees certain terms such as not being put on birthcert and contact details being made available at some stage.

    Also the couple in this case is a lesbian couple which obviously does have an effect in some ways.
    Such as the dropping of the bombshell at 16 I havn't discussed it with them but I would assume from a young enough age the child would be aware it biological father is not one of it parents.

    With regards to genetic problems there are none that I am aware of in my family anyway, although I would like to look into getting tests done before going through with it.

    I would like to meet the parents before agreeing to see what kind of people they are and discuss a number of things.

    But yeah my main concern is how will I feel in 16 years, how would a future partner feel, any girls opinions on how they would feel are welcome. And also yeah not having a part in the childs life. These are all things I need to consider.

    It is a very big decision alright, initially I didn't really think it through when putting up that I would donate its only now that it has moved on a bit that I've started to really consider it.


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    #6
    bnt
    Registered Users Posts: 12,957 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    I would not consider it: not out of any "ick factor", but because of the legal risks involved. I hope to be a bit better off financially, 19 years down the line, than I am today, and I would not want to be at the wrong end of a lawsuit from some kid I don't know.

    I said the same thing when asked about this a couple of years ago, and the response was "but aren't you protected by law?" Well, there are protections today, but 19 years is a long time to trust in laws that could be changed by a future fickle government. The change is already under way in the UK, the right to anonymity was removed in 2005 - so many British women are heading to Denmark for tall blue-eyed blonde sperm.

    From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch’.

    — Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 Astronaut



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    #7
    Captain Havoc
    Moderators, Sports Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 11,391 Mod ✭✭✭✭Captain Havoc


    I couldn't do it myself. I think if you can do it and not think about it after then it's a great thing to do but you'd have to wonder if you'll feel the same in a few years time or if there's other future considerations but I guess that's why you're here.

    https://ormondelanguagetours.com

    Walking Tours of Kilkenny in English, French or German.



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    #8
    The Princess Bride
    Registered Users Posts: 18,581 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    TBH, OP, I think you'd want to give this more consideration. There is a significant difference to you giving a donation to a clinic versus giving to a chosen couple online.,the legal issue being the main bone of contention.
    I would hear alarm bells at the thought of them wanting potential contact in years to come.

    Relation of mine had ONS (protected)in teens,doorbell rang in his early 40s,daughter & 2 grandkids saying hello- ended up having good relationship with her,but caused considerable stress with wife (who'd always wanted a daughter)and children from marriage.
    Not quite the same scenario as yours,I know,but you don't know what your life will be like in 20 years.

    You might be biting off more than you can chew, so, I would advise you to seek legal advice before commiting.


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    #9
    CIARAN_BOYLE
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,599 Mod ✭✭✭✭CIARAN_BOYLE


    OP if you are not 100% comfortable with the idea don't go through with it.

    Best of luck with the process if you do.


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    #10
    minidazzler
    Registered Users Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    On a risks versus rewards thing, I say do it. Two loving parents who want but can't have a child, you'd make them happier than you can possibly imagine. If there is a contract I would assume it has clauses saying you have no financial responsibility for the kid and they have no claim on any inheritance and such, make sure you are protected, but do it. I think it's something I would do if asked.


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    #11
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Its something Id never consider.If the day ever comes for me to become a father Id want it to be with someone I loved and for us to share parenthood for the first time together.


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Op here,

    http://free-sperm-donations.com/members/member-only/
    here is a link to the contract that is available on the website, now obviously the law of the land can supercede this so yes I would be gettin legal advice before doing it.

    One thing is I wouldn't really consider it me becoming a father, yes biologically I would be but as far as I'm concerned the parents of a child are the ones who bring it up and love it. I would never meet the child I wouldn't even see a scan or have any real contact after donating.

    I'll agree with you Ciaran I need to be 100% comfortable with it. At this point its not that I'm uncomfortable with any aspect of it more just that I'm unsure, I need to consider it more.

    With reagrds to the legal side of things, I'm guessing there is legislation of some sorts in place for donations made through clinics, along the lines of the biological father waives any rights and vice versa. If anyone is aware of the legislation here love to hear what it is. And can it be applied to other donations. Obviously if I am going ahead I would get proper legal advice but if anyone is aware of anything in this regard that wouldn't contravene forum rules on legal advice, eg previos cases or that, be curious to hear.


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    #13
    rolly1
    Registered Users Posts: 204 ✭✭rolly1


    Donor wrote: »
    Op here,

    http://free-sperm-donations.com/members/member-only/
    here is a link to the contract that is available on the website, now obviously the law of the land can supercede this so yes I would be gettin legal advice before doing it.

    One thing is I wouldn't really consider it me becoming a father, yes biologically I would be but as far as I'm concerned the parents of a child are the ones who bring it up and love it. I would never meet the child I wouldn't even see a scan or have any real contact after donating.

    I'll agree with you Ciaran I need to be 100% comfortable with it. At this point its not that I'm uncomfortable with any aspect of it more just that I'm unsure, I need to consider it more.

    With reagrds to the legal side of things, I'm guessing there is legislation of some sorts in place for donations made through clinics, along the lines of the biological father waives any rights and vice versa. If anyone is aware of the legislation here love to hear what it is. And can it be applied to other donations. Obviously if I am going ahead I would get proper legal advice but if anyone is aware of anything in this regard that wouldn't contravene forum rules on legal advice, eg previos cases or that, be curious to hear.

    It is every child's right to know and be cared for by both of it's parents.

    Knowingly denying your child that right is wrong. And if he or she meets you in 16 or 18 years time, there's every chance they will tell you this to your face. Messing around with kid's lives at this most basic and fundamental level is wrong.


    Right now you may think you will have no problem forgeting all about the fact that you have a child in the world, but when the birth happens and it's a concrete reality you may change. Either way it's likely the child won't forget he/she has a father in the world.

    Private legal contracts seem to be a moveable feast in this area. As far as I am aware there is still no comprehensive legislation covering this area.

    Have a look at this case, the private legal contract originally drawn up was ripped apart in subsequent court hearings:http://www.irishexaminer.com/breakingnews/ireland/eymhqlqlkfcw/

    Say the child really wants to know and meet you way before 16/18 etc. and the mother goes along with this and also wants you to meet the child, what then?

    It's all a minefield and a very unfair one on the child imo. It's not just the adults that need to be considered.


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    #14
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users Posts: 26,056 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    Bottom line: don’t do this unless you are ready for the possibility that in the future a biological child of yours might wish to contact you, might wish for a relationship with you, and might make a financial claim on you.

    There is nothing that anybody can say to you now, or promise to you now, which will make this impossible. The child will have a viewpoint of its own, and interests of its own, and rights of its own, and nothing that you agree with the parents today can override them.

    Even if you operate within the context of a legal framework which appears to exclude these possibilities, be aware that the legal framework can be changed, and has been in other countries.

    If you decide to proceed, take legal advice. Have a very clear understanding with the prospective parents about exactly what your role will be. Ensure that your current partner, if you have one, knows what you are doing, and if a child is born make sure that any future partner of yours knows about it, even if at that time the child is not part of your life. Do not agree to anything which involves dishonesty, deception or concealment.


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    #15
    syklops
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,969 ✭✭✭✭syklops


    With the raw deal that single dads get in Ireland, I would be very careful if I were you OP. Is there any kind of legislation which would prevent the receiver of your seed being able to get maintenance out of you?

    I know it sounds silly, but I would not put it past someone to even try and get it, and then it will cost you money to defend against it.

    Anonymous donation feels safer to me.


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    #16
    Bl3dyk
    Registered Users Posts: 1 ✭Bl3dyk


    Hi too whoever is reading this I will get straight to the point.

    I am looking to do somthing good in this world and as I am highly fertile young man with 2 beautiful healthy children already I would like to donate my sperm to any women who wants a child. I am Irish , 27 years of age, 5.11, blue eyes brown hair and never had health problems nor have my children.

    Regards

    Matt


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    #17
    Shanotheslayer
    Registered Users Posts: 17,191 ✭✭✭✭Shanotheslayer


    Good for you?


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    #18
    H3llR4iser
    Registered Users Posts: 4,027 ✭✭✭H3llR4iser


    Don't do it, especially if it's a "private contract" or some stuff along these lines. You never know what's going to happen in a few years time, legislation might change, senseless decisions can happen. In the current political, social and cultural climate, literally anything is possible - your "contract" or "agreement" might not be worth the paper it's written on. Let's say you have some recessive trait you don't know about, which hasn't shown up in your family for generations but decided to pop up in the child - you might find yourself on the sharp end of a lawsuit without even knowing why.

    This sounds paranoid, but all one needs to do is take a look at the last few years and the current situation - quite literally we have major countries, even superpowers, governed my incompetent buffoons and mob rule. Maybe it's just a phase that will snuff itself once it becomes clear it's unsustainable, but as for now no dystopian future scenario is "impossible", no matter what.


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    #19
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users Posts: 26,056 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    First point to note is that no contract or agreement between you and the mother can possibly limit or set aside any right the child may have in relation to you as father - the child is not party to the agreement, and so isn't bound by it. So you can't, by agreement, cut off the possiblity of a later claim by or on behalf of the child for maintenance, or inheritance rights, or whatever.

    So you would need to look very carefully at the legislation governing sperm donation/surrogacy/etc in the country you live in/the country the mother lives in/the place where the transaction is arranged. And they you would want to factor in the hard-to-quantify political risk of future change in that legislation.

    Currently in Ireland there is limited law on this subject. There are fertility clinics which will assist in arranging anonymous sperm donations - as in, the mother doesn't know who you are. The clinic, of course, does. Note that any agreement you sign with the clinic, or through the clinic with the mother, mainly has value in clarifying what all involved expect from the arrangement, but it is unlikely to be legally enforceable. SFAIK none of the Irish clinics will pay you for a sperm donation. There is a proposal to establish a legal register of sperm donations which, if implemented, will effectively ban anonymous sperm donation.


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    #20
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,086 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    It’s an excuse to whack one off I guess😄


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    #21
    kerryjack
    Registered Users Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭kerryjack


    Unless your a serious specimen 6 foot plus athlete with a couple of alireland medals in your back pocket i wouldn't bother.


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    #22
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    kerryjack wrote: »
    Unless your a serious specimen 6 foot plus athlete with a couple of alireland medals in your back pocket i wouldn't bother.

    If hes a GAA head he's probably thick as the back of a ditch.


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