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To stag or not to stag

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  • 16-10-2019 2:27pm
    #1
    TomTree
    Registered Users Posts: 64 ✭✭


    Hi.

    I am getting married next year, medium size wedding. I have been invited to a Stag of a school friend, whos wedding and stag are before mine next year.

    My numbers don't allow me to extend an invitation to that circle of friends for my own wedding.

    Should I:

    Decline the invite knowing I cant return it.

    or

    Accept the invite and not return the invite to my own.

    Love to hear peoples opinion on this?

    Cheers
    Tom

    To stag or not to stag 24 votes

    Decline the invitation knowing I cant return the invite
    83% 20 votes
    Accept the invitation knowing I cant return the invite
    16% 4 votes


Comments

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    #2
    yourdeadwright
    Registered Users Posts: 20,542 ✭✭✭✭yourdeadwright


    TomTree wrote: »
    Hi.

    I am getting married next year, medium size wedding. I have been invited to a Stag of a school friend, whos wedding and stag are before mine next year.

    My numbers don't allow me to extend an invitation to that circle of friends for my own wedding.

    Should I:

    Decline the invite knowing I cant return it.

    or

    Accept the invite and not return the invite to my own.

    Love to hear peoples opinion on this?

    Cheers
    Tom


    Personally id go to the stag why not ?


    Your under no obligation to invite people from the stag to your wedding, I doubt they would expect it either,


    Iv been to countless stags with people who have a wedding coming up and others on the same stag aren't invited,


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    #3
    muckwarrior
    Registered Users Posts: 4,051 ✭✭✭muckwarrior


    School Friend: So TomTree, I hear you're getting married next year.
    TomTree: F*ck off, you're not invited. Yes, we're having a small wedding, just family and a few close friends.

    Sorted ;)


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    #4
    Rx713B
    Registered Users Posts: 220 ✭✭Rx713B


    Personally ...i would decline - full of pints on the shtag having banter - no doubt it will come up at some point. Avoid the possibility of this by not going. just my 2 cents.


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    #5
    TomTree
    Registered Users Posts: 64 ✭✭TomTree


    Rx713B wrote: »
    Personally ...i would decline - full of pints on the shtag having banter - no doubt it will come up at some point. Avoid the possibility of this by not going. just my 2 cents.


    Valuable 2 cents thanks.

    I think its nostalgia that is confusing me, I feel I may be closing off a door to that group by declining?


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    #6
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    OP if you want to go, then go. Presumably the invite doesn't come with the condition that they get an invite in return.

    If it comes up in conversation, muchwarrior has the right idea of how to handle it!
    muckwarrior wrote: »
    School Friend: So TomTree, I hear you're getting married next year.
    TomTree: F*ck off, you're not invited. Yes, we're having a small wedding, just family and a few close friends.

    Sorted ;)


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    #7
    PhilOssophy
    Registered Users Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭PhilOssophy


    You could explain to your buddy that you haven't got the capacity to extend your invite to him and that you hope he is OK with it?
    Don't forget - most people, contrary to what many's the bride/groom think, don't really care that much if you don't invite them, especially where numbers are tight, most lads will understand.
    Explain the scenario and all will be good. I have good friends who I didn't invite to my wedding, no fall out after.


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    #8
    TomTree
    Registered Users Posts: 64 ✭✭TomTree


    PhilOssophy wrote: »
    You could explain to your buddy that you haven't got the capacity to extend your invite to him and that you hope he is OK with it?
    Don't forget - most people, contrary to what many's the bride/groom think, don't really care that much if you don't invite them, especially where numbers are tight, most lads will understand.
    Explain the scenario and all will be good. I have good friends who I didn't invite to my wedding, no fall out after.

    That’s the clincher I don’t think at this stage in life post college and a stint of emigration that I actually know him well enough to have that conversation. I was a bit shocked to be asked in the first place and feeling bad that I wouldn’t have consider those guys for my own.


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    #9
    yourdeadwright
    Registered Users Posts: 20,542 ✭✭✭✭yourdeadwright


    TomTree wrote: »
    That’s the clincher I don’t think at this stage in life post college and a stint of emigration that I actually know him well enough to have that conversation. I was a bit shocked to be asked in the first place and feeling bad that I wouldn’t have consider those guys for my own.



    I'm not sure how old you are but trust me a lot of people the older you get are happy not to get a wedding invite in the door,
    You really only want to go to close friends weddings as fun as they are its bill you can do without,


    You've basically said these guys are no longer close to you so im sure they wouldn't expect an invite, I think your over thinking it ,


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    #10
    TomTree
    Registered Users Posts: 64 ✭✭TomTree


    yourdeadwright wrote: »
    I'm not sure how old you are but trust me a lot of people the older you get are happy not to get a wedding invite in the door,
    You really only want to go to close friends weddings as fun as they are its bill you can do without,


    You've basically said these guys are no longer close to you so im sure they wouldn't expect an invite, I think your over thinking it ,

    Definitely over thinking it, your so right.

    I bolted out of the gate and said I’d go when then invitation first arrived and didn’t consider my own situation in the decision. I don’t have a big group of friends so I am I suppose selfishly wanting to go on this but trying to navigate the politics of weddings also without insulting anyone.

    .


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    #11
    yourdeadwright
    Registered Users Posts: 20,542 ✭✭✭✭yourdeadwright


    TomTree wrote: »
    Definitely over thinking it, your so right.

    I bolted out of the gate and said I’d go when then invitation first arrived and didn’t consider my own situation in the decision. I don’t have a big group of friends so I am I suppose selfishly wanting to go on this but trying to navigate the politics of weddings also without insulting anyone.

    .


    It'll be fine just enjoy yourself,


    Iv actually been to stags where a few of us where invited but not invited to the actually wedding and they where great,

    People mite think its odd but on football teams and other sports clubs ,where its like lads I want you all to come on the stag if you can make it but for numbers reason the wedding is just personal friends & family and everyone is fine with it,


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    #12
    PhilOssophy
    Registered Users Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭PhilOssophy


    Yeah 100% re people just inviting you to the stag, you could very easily say to him "here buddy, I don't have room at the wedding but I'd love you to come to my stag".
    Don't forget, for most lads, a stag is a million times better than any wedding. Plenty of pints, no women to annoy you, no present, its a cast-iron excuse to get away for a weekend of pints.
    And also, lads aren't petty and b1tchy about "oh he didn't invite me to the wedding", women are much more likely to think that way.
    I think you are over-thinking it.


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    #13
    hurleronditch
    Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭hurleronditch


    TomTree wrote: »
    Hi.

    I am getting married next year, medium size wedding. I have been invited to a Stag of a school friend, whos wedding and stag are before mine next year.

    My numbers don't allow me to extend an invitation to that circle of friends for my own wedding.

    Should I:

    Decline the invite knowing I cant return it.

    or

    Accept the invite and not return the invite to my own.

    Love to hear peoples opinion on this?

    Cheers
    Tom

    Could you attend the stag, and return the invite to the groom to your stag and wedding, without inviting the whole group? Unless you are doing a very small wedding, 2 extra bodies tends to rarely tip someone over.

    Given he seems to be the only one from that group of older friends to reach out to you, you could then go on his stag and have the craic, attend his wedding, but do enough by return inviting him to yours without feeling obliged to add 20 people to your invite list.

    I had a medium sized wedding as well, and there were several groups of friends where I only invited the 1/2/3 lads I was closest to, and no one was put out. As my stag was being planned, there were even a few lads in those groups who I hadn’t invited to stag (and as a result not to wedding either) who were free that weekend and actually asked me and my best man if they could come along as they thought the stag would be great craic. I happily said yes, without any obligation to invite them to full wedding, which I didn’t.


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    #14
    TomTree
    Registered Users Posts: 64 ✭✭TomTree


    hurleronditch wrote: »
    Could you attend the stag, and return the invite to the groom to your stag and wedding, without inviting the whole group? Unless you are doing a very small wedding, 2 extra bodies tends to rarely tip someone over.

    Given he seems to be the only one from that group of older friends to reach out to you, you could then go on his stag and have the craic, attend his wedding, but do enough by return inviting him to yours without feeling obliged to add 20 people to your invite list.

    I have considered this but he wouldn’t know anymore else from my other friend groups so feel I would need to invite at least one other. We are also the first two from that group to get married.

    All very valid though.

    Looks like the stags are going to be a couple of weeks apart now also.


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    #15
    Stark
    Registered Users Posts: 20,909 ✭✭✭✭Stark


    Can't say I've ever gone to a stag expecting other people on the stag who are engaged to invite me to their weddings. If anything, it would feel very weird if I didn't know them that well.


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    #16
    TomTree
    Registered Users Posts: 64 ✭✭TomTree


    Stark wrote: »
    Can't say I've ever gone to a stag expecting other people on the stag who are engaged to invite me to their weddings. If anything, it would feel very weird if I didn't know them that well.


    It’s just the actual stag that I am wondering about as I wasn’t planning on inviting him to my stag / wedding, therefore wondering should I not go to his as I won’t be returning the favour .


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    #17
    Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    Go to the stag and if the person takes the hump at not getting return invitations, let them.

    I had a teeny tiny wedding - our parents and siblings only. Only one person took the hump, one of my husband’s friends. He didn’t understand that it’s ten or fifty and we had a multitude of very good reasons for wanting the smallest possible wedding. Eventually my husband just very bluntly told him to cop on. Three years later, he is still a very close friend. He got over it. Do what you have to do!


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    #18
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    If the stag is being organized have invitations or at least save the dates been sent. It would be odd to be organising stag before that. If you haven't received invitation to wedding then what's the issue.

    Also is your stag being organised now? If no
    T wait and see how it plays out.

    At end of dAy do you want to go? Would you like him to come to yours? If not don't go. If you do go and invite him to yours.


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