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my wife hits herslef when we argue

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  • 24-06-2020 3:13pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    as the title says, my wife hits herself on the head when we argue. this doesn't happen much but i find it very disturbing. there are kids present and they have seen her doing it and i keep telling her not in front of the kids but it doesn't seem to make any difference. she has no friends or family whatsoever and i find that it can be very suffocating. She tells me all the time that she is jealous of the fact that i have friends and family. she does seem to get to know people but for whatever reason they stop communicating and never sees the people again.
    i was getting some counselling for some issues and she says that we need couples counselling but i think my wife needs counselling before we both go. she did go for counselling in the past but she said it didn't do anything for her and thought it was a waste of money


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    #2
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    That sounds tough on everyone. To be honest, if she's unwilling to go for sole counselling, but happy to go for couples counselling then that might be the best solution. The hitting happens when you fight, so it's a communication issue, and also if there's jealousy of your other relationships then that's something that can be discussed in couple's counselling. You may think it's all her issue and maybe it is but hopefully a counsellor would be able to resolve them to benefit you both?


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    #3
    cannotlogin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,172 ✭✭✭cannotlogin


    You have half what you need. - she is willing to go to couples counselling.

    Use that half to try to get you everything else - go to couples counselling and raise the issue that you took some time to attend yourself and found it beneficial but you & your wife disagree on your encouring her to do the same and that's one of your issues amongst other things.

    She may listen to a professional instead. I don't see what alternative opinions you have and some counselling is definitely better than none.


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    #4
    Granny Smyth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 59 ✭✭Granny Smyth


    Your wife needs counselling for sure for self harming behaviour. I would recommend both couples counselling as well as on her own.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I am 37 and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I am also estranged from family and have huge issues with relationships as a result of childhood abuse. I also hit myself when arguing.

    Look up 'How to ADHD' on Youtube for your wife and ask her if it resonates. From there, you can go to your doc for an official diagnosis. She just sounds uncannily like me. It's a big deal and needs proper treatment for functional relationships to even be a possibility.

    Look into it is all i'm saying...


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