Found edge of condom wrapper in boyfriend’s car.

LegacyUser · 02-07-2020 1:27am #1

Today I was travelling in my boyfriends car. It is a two seater commercial van. There is a lot jackets and bits and bobs in the back of the van. I was moving my bag to the back and moved some clothes to cover it because we were leaving the car. I noticed the corner of a condom wrapper when I moved all these clothes.

I asked him straight away why that was in the back of the van. He seemed surprised so he went to look. He said he had no idea why that was there. He often drives friends around in his car and I have often seen them leave stuff (gear bags, jackets etc) in the back. He says that maybe it could have been in a jacket or a bag belonging to one of his friends.

Honestly I have no reason not to trust him. We are together nearly 3 years. I spend nearly all my time with him and he is nearly overly honest about a lot of things that go on with him.

He didn’t get upset when I was asking him. He was very calm. He just said he had no explanation for where it came from. He didn’t raise his voice or get angry or nervous. He said that he hadn’t done anything and that he understood why I was upset and hoped that I believed him. He said that he was sorry I was upset about it and wished there was something he could do to prove it.

In my gut I feel like he is telling the truth. I can usually tell if he is non being truthful about something, he is a terrible liar. Am I crazy to believe him? I am thinking now in the next few weeks I will try to be aware of anything suspicious, but I hadn’t noticed anything before this.

Kidchameleon · 02-07-2020 8:18am

I really feel for you OP, that is a horrible situation to find yourself in.

Reminds me of the time I found a cigarette butt in my car. I was thinking, how the f**k did that get there? I don't smoke! Then I realized that I must have walked it in from the street.

Do you trust him 100%? Is there any reason you jumped straight to suspicion when you found it rather than assume it was one of the many other explanations for it being there (fell out of friends bag, walked in from the street, blew in when the door was open? I could see a situation where he puts a box of tools on the ground before opening the door & the wrapper getting stuck to the box. There's lots of explanations. Does his work involve going into peoples houses & if so, it could have transferred to his equipment from there. I also find it strange that you would think he's been having an affair in the back of a commercial van, not a very romantic setting :pac:

I don't know you guys so I'm basing my opinion on probability and it looks to me like he might be innocent. It's a very unfortunate turn of events because I don't think there's any way for him to prove it 100%. If you find you are paranoid about this going forward, it might be a good idea to take stock of your relationship and see if there is required trust there. If you do decide he is innocent, I think you owe him a massive apology.

Jurgen Klopp · 02-07-2020 9:05am

When you say just corner so a very small light piece? It could very easily have got stuck to the bottom of a boot, wellie, etc

Perhaps he gave a lift to a coworker and they brought it in etc

Would there even be room in the back of this van for 2 people if it's full of work tools then to be fair I'd really be thinking it's harmless

If it was a full rapper you might think how would that stick to a shoe etc but a small little corner would be easy enough

SouthWesterly · 02-07-2020 9:25am

Op, it looks like the core of your post is "he didn't get upset"

What reaction did you want? Him crying into his cornflakes? Shouting protesting his innocence?

I don't know if he did anything other not. You say you believe him? What's your issue?

sallyanne12 · 02-07-2020 10:04am

He’s innocent- dont give it another thought

suicide_circus · 02-07-2020 10:04am

what's more likely;

that a small fragment of household rubbish adhered to someone's shoe / equipment and fell off in the car. Or was even blown by the wind.

Or your boyfriend brought someone into the small space in the back of a car derived van to cheat on you.

His reaction seems like that of a clear conscience.

Foweva Awone · 02-07-2020 10:08am

Go with your gut, if you've no reason not to believe him, then there's your answer. A relationship is nothing without trust.

Tork · 02-07-2020 10:16am

I hope you've calmed down a bit now - I see that this only happened yesterday and that you posted it in the early hours of this morning. It's highly unlikely that he had anything to do with this piece of condom wrapper. As you said yourself, he often gives his friends lifts in his van and a piece of wrapper is exactly the sort of thing that could fall out of a pocket. You're fretting about nothing.

Iseedeadpixels · 02-07-2020 10:22am

Was it 100% a condom wrapper like branded etc? Some packets look very similar like in the below link

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/thatHappened/comments/3gt10d/girlfriend_mistakes_chicken_packet_for_condom/

leggo · 02-07-2020 10:26am

Yeah agree with what everyone else is saying. There's nothing to disprove what he's saying here and his reaction is pretty bulletproof. Zero reason to cause issues.

LegacyUser · 02-07-2020 11:23am

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I do trust him but I just thought it was a very unusual thing to find in the back of the car. He doesn’t keep tools in the back it’s like a car with two seats in the front and a big boot. Most of the time there is just junk back there. Like I said clothes, bags etc and books and papers to do with his job. It would be big enough to lie down there you wouldn’t be able to stand and not really much room for anything else I’d say!

It was definitely a condom wrapper. It wasn’t really a big piece of it, it was like if you ripped the side of it off in a straight line. But still a small piece of it.

I was not expecting him to have a big reaction or get upset. I was just describing how he reacted to see what others thought of it. I felt like it was a genuine reaction. If he had been shouting and getting upset I feel like it would be because he is hiding something. So it must be better than he was calm?

Thanks again. I feel more reassured now that it is just there randomly. I will have a talk with him later today. I was just thinking was I being gullible and wondered what other people would think!

facehugger99 · 02-07-2020 11:44am

GUEST202020 wrote: »

Honestly I have no reason not to trust him.

You've answered your own question.

Tig98 · 02-07-2020 11:57am

I'd believe him.

I moved home with the lock down and while getting something that rolled under the bed I spotted a condom wrapper down there. I haven't had sex in the room in months and months, so I'm guessing it must have fallen out of a pocket or a bag when I was unpacking.

He reacted "well", he didn't get nervous or fidgety or anything. To me it's believable that It could have fallen out of his friends stuff. You have to 100% trust him and move on from this though, otherwise it will always be at the back of your mind and come to haunt you if he's late for anything or goes offline for a while.

cj maxx · 02-07-2020 12:41pm

If you have no reason to doubt him, then believe him. As mentioned there are loads of ways a tiny piece of foil could end up in his van. I used to travel in the back of a van years ago to work. Anything and everything would be thrown into it, condoms included as a " joke"

Big Bag of Chips · 02-07-2020 3:58pm

GUEST202020 wrote: »

I will have a talk with him later today.

About what?
Are you going to question him again? Or are you going to say sorry for immediately jumping to thinking the worst?

You say you believe him, so unless you have accused him of something and now want to apologise then I don't see what's to talk about.

He has probably completely forgotten the whole incident already.

Tork · 02-07-2020 4:34pm

Why oh why do you want to talk to him about this again? Are you disappointed you didn't get enough drama first time around? Everybody (including you, allegedly) have agreed that the condom wrapping probably fell out of his friend's pocket. So what is there to talk about? The only thing this will do is plant seeds of doubt in your boyfriend's mind. Unless this is what you want, of course? Do you want him to think you don't trust him?

LegacyUser · 02-07-2020 4:47pm

Sorry if I have given ye the wrong impression but I was only going to tell him that I didn't want to discuss it any further and that I believed his story. Last night he wanted me to stay in his house and I went home because I was a bit distracted over it all. Also when I said in the orginal post that I was upset, I wasn't fighting with him or shouting. There was no drama yesterday. I meant upset as in I just felt kind of down about it.

LegacyUser · 02-07-2020 4:54pm

My last post went before I had finished it.

He was a bit annoyed that I didn't go to his house yesterday. So I was just going to clear the air. But maybe ye are right and its best not to mention it!

Tork · 02-07-2020 5:08pm

I think it'd be better to say nothing, unless he brings it up.

Tig98 · 02-07-2020 5:14pm

At this stage, I would bring it up one last time. He surely knows why you didn't stay last night if it was out of character, and it's best to not let it be one of those unspoken things.

I'd say that you completely two hundred percent trust him yadda yadda yadda the event just threw you a little bit as it was so unexpected. Sorry for acting strange and I hope we can just laugh about it in the years to come

Emme · 02-07-2020 6:53pm

OP if you have no reason to distrust him leave it. You said he gives lifts to his friends and it most likely fell out of one of their pockets or came in on somebody's boot. I don't think you have any reason to be annoyed with him so if you can make it up with him and forget about the rubbish his friends leave in his van.

sallyanne12 · 02-07-2020 7:15pm

Tork wrote: »

Why oh why do you want to talk to him about this again? Are you disappointed you didn't get enough drama first time around?

Because she’s a woman ðŸ˜‚

Neyite · 03-07-2020 2:00pm

Mod:
Sallyanne12,
We don't allow gendered generalisations here. Also, this is an advice forum rather than a discussion forum so all replies to the original poster should be with genuine advice on their issue in a kind and considerate manner.

Please read the forum charter for more information on these guidelines.

05-07-2020 4:53am

it could have been a torn part of a Super Noodles flavour packet OP

padser · 05-07-2020 7:01am

sallyanne12 wrote: »

Because she’s a woman ðŸ˜‚

It not pass the forum chart to make such a sweeping generalisation but this particular woman does very much seem like a drama seeker.

OP, you found a condom wrapper in what is, essentially, a shared space that is most commonly occupied by your boyfriend.

I don't really see how this can really be a source of drama in and of itself unless you make it one. I'd suggest you've made as much drama from this as is possible at this stage. You've managed to drag it out over several days. You should move on.

If you have other reasons to be suspicious then so be it - but this by itself doesnt qualify in my opinion.

LegacyUser · 05-07-2020 9:00am

I did not create drama and drag this out for several days. I found the wrapper in the back of the car and asked it where it came from. I didn’t shout at him or accuse him of anything. When I said in the first post I was upset, I was just being kind of quiet. I wasn’t hysterical. The most of the “drama” was that he wanted me to stay at his house and I decided to go home because I was kind of thrown by it. I met him the next day and I didn’t even bring it up, neither did he.

I did think to myself it was a bit odd and just wondered what opinions would other people have, that’s why I posted here. Obviously I shouldn’t have assumed the worst but it wasn’t something I expected to see there. Thanks to everyone for your replies and advice anyway.

05-07-2020 12:46pm

I've followed your thread from the start OP and I think you reacted very well and have every right to have felt shocked/upset. I'm surprised that all the responses seem to be so blasè ,most women I know (myself included) would definitely feel a bit surprised at finding a wrapper in the van but people on here seem to think you shouldn't bat an eyelid ,I genuinely don't know any woman that wouldn't question it or just forget about it if they're fella brushed it off as being someone elses.

It probably is innocent but I'd definitely have reacted as you did and it would play on my mind also. I feel if you posted saying you caught your fella cheating and had seen a condom wrapper in the back of his van previously but dismissed it you'd be accused of missing the signs. Maybe it's just me but I think you're reaction is very normal.

Found edge of condom wrapper in boyfriend’s car.

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