Pressure & Worries

Hammer89 wrote: »

I've been thinking about this and there's only one period of your life when you're not under some sort of pressure, generally speaking.

This is from the age of 0-11. I can't remember much of anything before I was 11, and that's probably because my life centered around Goldeneye and Mario 64. No stress. No pressure. No worries. No nothing.

But then you're 11 and sh*t starts to get real. Suddenly there's pangs of angst about puberty, kissing girls, the prospect of secondary school. Then it's just carnage from that point on. Pressure and stress by the boat load - and does it ever f*cking end?

Am I going to pass the Junior Cert? Have my balls dropped? Will Katie hear that I told everyone that I fingered her when I didn't? Who are my friends? Will I pass the Leaving Cert? Has my willy finished growing? Will Emma hear that I lied about riding her? Will I last long enough when I do lose it? Do I have enough money for Malia? Am I going to get into a good college? What'll college be like? Will Emma and Katie be there? Am I stupid? Does my dad hate my guts in real life? Will Centra be impressed by my CV? Will I pass first year exams? Is it the end of the world if I don't? What's a J1? Does my lecturer think I'm a wanker? Will I pass second year exams? Will my dad hate me even more if I drop out to start up a business? Can I afford to move in with Brian and David to Ranelagh? Will Centra give me a raise? Will I pass third year exams? What's the Australian equivalent of a J1? Is it a paid internship? What'll happen when David moves out? Will Brian and I be able to cover the rent on our own? Will LinkedIn help me get a job? Why hasn't Katie accepted my Linkedin invitation? Did she find out I lied about fingering her? Does Sarah love me? Should I move in with Sarah and tell Brian to go f*ck himself? Would she say yes if I proposed? What did the guests think of the day? How many trimesters are there? What if there's something wrong with the baby? Can we afford that place in Blackrock? Is Crumlin grand? What'll happen to Sarah's vagina after the pregnancy? Is her older brother stable enough to babysit? Can I afford Rory's stag in Bratislava? What happens if Sarah finds out I slept with one of the HR girls in work? How much is a creche? Will the child get on with everyone else? Will the child get on her with her new brother or sister? Is it wrong to hope it's a C-section to preserve what's left of Sarah's gee? Can I afford that Mitsubishi Chariot? How does David make it look so easy? Will I be able to take Simon to school on his first day? Should I confront Simon's bully or his dad? How can I sensitively broach the topic of kegels with Sarah? Do we need to move? Can we afford that place in Swords? Where the **** is Bunclody? Will Simon hate us for relocating? Will he make new friends? How much can I get for the Chariot? Should I leave Sarah for the HR girl in work? Will Simon stick with the GAA in secondary school? Why doesn't Sarah let me sleep in her bed anymore? Is it weird to **** at work? If I'm caught will it affect my chances of that promotion? Where's the last place Sarah will find empty wine bottles? Should I volunteer to manage Simon's GAA team? Will he hate my guts in real life if I do it? Is mum getting dementia? Is dad supposed to be ****ting blood? What'll I do when they're gone? Why has Katie been looking at my Linkedin invitation? Is it weird if I message her? Can Sarah and I afford that wedding in Clones? Will she divorce me if I make a holy show of her again? Do I subconsciously want her to? Why is Simon turning into a moody c*nt? Will he pass the Junior Cert? Is he still a virgin? Does he understand that it's okay if he is? Where's the best place to hide empty whiskey bottles? Why doesn't mum remember my name? Why can't I cry since dad? Was I a good son? Am I a good dad? Will Simon pass the Leaving Cert? Should I buy him a pack of condoms before Malia? Should I ask Sarah for anal while he's away? Why hasn't Katie responded to my lunch message? Can we afford Trinity or UCD? Is Simon smart enough to get into either? Is it alright to fake a cough and mumble 'Bunclody College of Further Education' when people ask me where my son studies? Will he behave himself on the J1? Should I put in a good word for him to Centra? Will he get bitten by a snake in Australia? Is event management a thing? Am I stagnating in work? Is 17 stone heavy? Why did Simon tell us he got a girl pregnant in Perth? Will he move out there to manage events? Will Sarah and I last after he flees the nest? Can we afford to go and visit our son and grandson? How did Brian get pancreatic cancer? Is David okay? Why amn't I looking forward to retirement? What'll I do every day? Why isn't my willy as suspended as before? Why am I pissing blood? Why am I pissing myself? Who is that old lady and why is she crying? Who is that man and why is he upset? Who is that teenager and has he lied about fingering a girl yet?

Never ends lads.

bilbot79 wrote: »

I wrote something this crazy years ago when I was pilled off my face. I remember listening to the Forrest gump theme music over and over again and if I hear it today I get relapse of the hollow feeling from that particular downer.

Learned to hate pills in the end. Thank god