Pressure & Worries

Hammer89 · 06-01-2019 2:36pm #1

I've been thinking about this and there's only one period of your life when you're not under some sort of pressure, generally speaking.

This is from the age of 0-11. I can't remember much of anything before I was 11, and that's probably because my life centered around Goldeneye and Mario 64. No stress. No pressure. No worries. No nothing.

But then you're 11 and sh*t starts to get real. Suddenly there's pangs of angst about puberty, kissing girls, the prospect of secondary school. Then it's just carnage from that point on. Pressure and stress by the boat load - and does it ever f*cking end?

Am I going to pass the Junior Cert? Have my balls dropped? Will Katie hear that I told everyone that I fingered her when I didn't? Who are my friends? Will I pass the Leaving Cert? Has my willy finished growing? Will Emma hear that I lied about riding her? Will I last long enough when I do lose it? Do I have enough money for Malia? Am I going to get into a good college? What'll college be like? Will Emma and Katie be there? Am I stupid? Does my dad hate my guts in real life? Will Centra be impressed by my CV? Will I pass first year exams? Is it the end of the world if I don't? What's a J1? Does my lecturer think I'm a wanker? Will I pass second year exams? Will my dad hate me even more if I drop out to start up a business? Can I afford to move in with Brian and David to Ranelagh? Will Centra give me a raise? Will I pass third year exams? What's the Australian equivalent of a J1? Is it a paid internship? What'll happen when David moves out? Will Brian and I be able to cover the rent on our own? Will LinkedIn help me get a job? Why hasn't Katie accepted my Linkedin invitation? Did she find out I lied about fingering her? Does Sarah love me? Should I move in with Sarah and tell Brian to go f*ck himself? Would she say yes if I proposed? What did the guests think of the day? How many trimesters are there? What if there's something wrong with the baby? Can we afford that place in Blackrock? Is Crumlin grand? What'll happen to Sarah's vagina after the pregnancy? Is her older brother stable enough to babysit? Can I afford Rory's stag in Bratislava? What happens if Sarah finds out I slept with one of the HR girls in work? How much is a creche? Will the child get on with everyone else? Will the child get on her with her new brother or sister? Is it wrong to hope it's a C-section to preserve what's left of Sarah's gee? Can I afford that Mitsubishi Chariot? How does David make it look so easy? Will I be able to take Simon to school on his first day? Should I confront Simon's bully or his dad? How can I sensitively broach the topic of kegels with Sarah? Do we need to move? Can we afford that place in Swords? Where the **** is Bunclody? Will Simon hate us for relocating? Will he make new friends? How much can I get for the Chariot? Should I leave Sarah for the HR girl in work? Will Simon stick with the GAA in secondary school? Why doesn't Sarah let me sleep in her bed anymore? Is it weird to **** at work? If I'm caught will it affect my chances of that promotion? Where's the last place Sarah will find empty wine bottles? Should I volunteer to manage Simon's GAA team? Will he hate my guts in real life if I do it? Is mum getting dementia? Is dad supposed to be ****ting blood? What'll I do when they're gone? Why has Katie been looking at my Linkedin invitation? Is it weird if I message her? Can Sarah and I afford that wedding in Clones? Will she divorce me if I make a holy show of her again? Do I subconsciously want her to? Why is Simon turning into a moody c*nt? Will he pass the Junior Cert? Is he still a virgin? Does he understand that it's okay if he is? Where's the best place to hide empty whiskey bottles? Why doesn't mum remember my name? Why can't I cry since dad? Was I a good son? Am I a good dad? Will Simon pass the Leaving Cert? Should I buy him a pack of condoms before Malia? Should I ask Sarah for anal while he's away? Why hasn't Katie responded to my lunch message? Can we afford Trinity or UCD? Is Simon smart enough to get into either? Is it alright to fake a cough and mumble 'Bunclody College of Further Education' when people ask me where my son studies? Will he behave himself on the J1? Should I put in a good word for him to Centra? Will he get bitten by a snake in Australia? Is event management a thing? Am I stagnating in work? Is 17 stone heavy? Why did Simon tell us he got a girl pregnant in Perth? Will he move out there to manage events? Will Sarah and I last after he flees the nest? Can we afford to go and visit our son and grandson? How did Brian get pancreatic cancer? Is David okay? Why amn't I looking forward to retirement? What'll I do every day? Why isn't my willy as suspended as before? Why am I pissing blood? Why am I pissing myself? Who is that old lady and why is she crying? Who is that man and why is he upset? Who is that teenager and has he lied about fingering a girl yet?

Never ends lads.

sk8erboii · 06-01-2019 3:09pm

How much speed did you take?

Roger Hassenforder · 06-01-2019 3:32pm

Hammer89 wrote: »

Will Katie hear that I told everyone that I fingered her when I didn't?

Will Emma hear that I lied about riding her?

Will Emma and Katie be there?

Why hasn't Katie accepted my Linkedin invitation? Did she find out I lied about fingering her? Does Sarah love me?

Should I move in with Sarah and tell Brian to go f*ck himself?

What'll happen to Sarah's vagina after the pregnancy? What happens if Sarah finds out I slept with one of the HR girls in work?

Is it wrong to hope it's a C-section to preserve what's left of Sarah's gee?

How can I sensitively broach the topic of kegels with Sarah?

Should I leave Sarah for the HR girl in work?

Why doesn't Sarah let me sleep in her bed anymore?

Why has Katie been looking at my Linkedin invitation?

Should I ask Sarah for anal while he's away? Why hasn't Katie responded to my lunch message?

Sarah is some fcuking saint!

odyssey06 · 06-01-2019 3:55pm

Obviously your parents went easy on you, they should have been toughening you up for the real world aged 11. You know, randomly killing your pets. Feeding you occasionally dodgy meals. Making you hand wash all your clothes. Using an outside toilet.
That way, you would be able to handle today's pressure.

jobless · 06-01-2019 3:57pm

The lack of full stops and paragraphs in that are making me anxious

LirW · 06-01-2019 4:00pm

odyssey06 wrote: »

Obviously your parents went easy on you, they should have been toughening you up for the real world aged 11. You know, randomly killing your pets. Feeding you occasionally dodgy meals. Making you hand wash all your clothes. Using an outside toilet.
That way, you would be able to handle today's pressure.

Because BACK IN THE DAY!!!!!

Hammer89 · 06-01-2019 4:12pm

jobless wrote: »

The lack of full stops and paragraphs in that are making me anxious

This was intentional. It represents the cluttered mind of the average person. One worry transitions into the next without any respite - or line break, in this instance.

Let's meditate.

06-01-2019 6:22pm

I try and envisage my last day on this planet, and as I draw my last few breaths I wonder what I will be thinking about, and what I will be regretting.

A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life? The 5 main regrets of the dying

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Muckka · 06-01-2019 6:25pm

jobless wrote: »

The lack of full stops and paragraphs in that are making me anxious

There's no full stops in anxiety...

dxhound2005 · 06-01-2019 6:26pm

I wouldn't go for the Mitsubishi anyway.

Alf Veedersane · 06-01-2019 6:31pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I try and envisage my last day on this planet, and as I draw my last few breaths I wonder what I will be thinking about, and what I will be regretting.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

1. I wish I was a little bit taller

2. I wish I was a baller

3. I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her

4. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat. And a six four Impala

sk8erboii · 06-01-2019 6:37pm

dxhound2005 wrote: »

I wouldn't go for the Mitsubishi anyway.

He’s on it already man

harry Bailey esq · 06-01-2019 6:38pm

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Sarah is some fcuking saint!

With a gee like a wizards sleeve unfortunately

Roger Hassenforder · 06-01-2019 6:41pm

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

With a gee like a wizards sleeve unfortunately

What she expect when she wont do her Kegles

Poor OP cant even touch the sides.

Alf Veedersane · 06-01-2019 6:44pm

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

With a gee like a wizards sleeve unfortunately

Even has Simon moody

Hammer89 · 06-01-2019 6:47pm

Simon contracts AIDS from playing too much GAA

harry Bailey esq · 06-01-2019 6:58pm

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

What she expect when she wont do her Kegles

Poor OP cant even touch the sides.

Valid point.

orourkeda1977 · 06-01-2019 7:36pm

did you ride her?

Church on Tuesday · 06-01-2019 8:54pm

LirW wrote: »

Because BACK IN THE DAY!!!!!

Yes, the industrial revolution was great fun for everyone and street urchins.

Tell me how · 07-01-2019 2:22am

Hammer89 wrote: »

This was intentional. It represents the cluttered mind of the average person. One worry transitions into the next without any respite - or line break, in this instance.

Let's meditate.

Did you write the script for Train Spotting (the original)?

Hammer89 · 07-01-2019 2:28am

Choose Kegels.

Rubberchikken · 07-01-2019 2:32am

im an average person and sweet god but my mind has never been like the op.
that post is way too long and crappy to read.
calm it op. lifes too short for crap.

Klonker · 07-01-2019 2:50am

I know it's posted as a bit of a joke but it's still true. There's always worries in life unfortunately or you are one of the lucky ones.

For example you are in final year of college and you are worried about exams, will I pass? will I get a good grade? If I fail is my career over before it starts and I'm a failure? If I just get the grades I want I'll have no worries in the world. Get the grades. What if o interview and nobody hires me? That's basically saying I'm smart enough but my personality is so bad nobodies will hire me. If I get the job will I be able for it? will they fire me if they realise I don't know what I'm doing? Is this the career for me at all because I don't love it? What if I quit, go back to college for 3 or 4 years and get a job in another field and I dislike that even more.

And that's just a small area of life covered as an example.

Personally, I'm here in bed not able to sleep with 10 worries doing laps in the head. Very jealous of the people who can just put their head to the pillow and are out like a light. And wait til I have kids and I know it'll be worse.

qwerty ui op · 07-01-2019 3:10am

Life is just one damn thing after another, Mark twain or Churchill or someone said that.

oneilla · 07-01-2019 4:11am

Hammer89 wrote: »

...
Will Simon pass the Leaving Cert? Should I buy him a pack of condoms before Malia? Should I ask Sarah for anal while he's away?
...

This reads like you've been having anal with Simon.

Hammer89 · 07-01-2019 12:56pm

oneilla wrote: »

This reads like you've been having anal with Simon.

There isn't much to do in Bunclody I'm afraid.

Strumms · 08-01-2019 12:59am

Pressure and worries... in a way we are conditioned to believe that those states and stress when connected with work are natural, at least at times. Part of life and... That you should just ‘deal with it’. Stress is a killer and it almost did for me. Advise from me based on that is...you get one shot at life, do EVERYTHING in your power to be happy, healthy and positive. For you and your loved ones. That well payed job that you enjoy doing but you are ultimately surrounded by cünts, overworked and stressed to the point of not sleeping / drinking too much ? Get the fûck out of there, the relationship with the OH of your dreams that is fading whilst surrounded by arguing, mistrust and jadedness ? Get the fûck out of there. Or any similar situation that’s making you unhappy, get the fûck out of there and set the compass to find happy. Be selfish, you have to, only one shot at this.

backspin. · 08-01-2019 1:20am

Strumms wrote: »

Pressure and worries... in a way we are conditioned to believe that those states and stress when connected with work are natural, at least at times. Part of life and... That you should just ‘deal with it’. Stress is a killer and it almost did for me. Advise from me based on that is...you get one shot at life, do EVERYTHING in your power to be happy, healthy and positive. For you and your loved ones. That well payed job that you enjoy doing but you are ultimately surrounded by cünts, overworked and stressed to the point of not sleeping / drinking too much ? Get the fûck out of there, the relationship with the OH of your dreams that is fading whilst surrounded by arguing, mistrust and jadedness ? Get the fûck out of there. Or any similar situation that’s making you unhappy, get the fûck out of there and set the compass to find happy. Be selfish, you have to, only one shot at this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dbb7xeZGR-U

Tell me how · 08-01-2019 1:26am

Strumms wrote: »

Pressure and worries... in a way we are conditioned to believe that those states and stress when connected with work are natural, at least at times. Part of life and... That you should just ‘deal with it’. Stress is a killer and it almost did for me. Advise from me based on that is...you get one shot at life, do EVERYTHING in your power to be happy, healthy and positive. For you and your loved ones. That well payed job that you enjoy doing but you are ultimately surrounded by cünts, overworked and stressed to the point of not sleeping / drinking too much ? Get the fûck out of there, the relationship with the OH of your dreams that is fading whilst surrounded by arguing, mistrust and jadedness ? Get the fûck out of there. Or any similar situation that’s making you unhappy, get the fûck out of there and set the compass to find happy. Be selfish, you have to, only one shot at this.

Some times though you have to stick it out because of responsibilities to others such as children relying on the income the difficult job brings you, or you yourself needing it for to pay mortgage etc. I agree with the sentiment of trying to achieve happiness but maybe don't take it so literally and bolt at the first sign of trouble. That might be going too far in the other direction.

bilbot79 · 08-01-2019 1:40am

Drugs are bad

Strumms · 08-01-2019 1:56am

Tell me how wrote: »

Some times though you have to stick it out because of responsibilities to others such as children relying on the income the difficult job brings you, or you yourself needing it for to pay mortgage etc. I agree with the sentiment of trying to achieve happiness but maybe don't take it so literally and bolt at the first sign of trouble. That might be going too far in the other direction.

I agree about not bolting at first sign of trouble, I tried to work through the issues for over 18 months however, sit downs with manager and individual who was well aware of this prîck and would sympathize ‘privately ‘ yet actions rarely if ever matched those words in the real world.

Tell me how · 08-01-2019 1:58am

Strumms wrote: »

I agree about not bolting at first sign of trouble, I tried to work through the issues for over 18 months however, sit downs with manager and individual who was well aware of this prîck and would sympathize ‘privately ‘ yet actions rarely if ever matched those words in the real world.

Then it is time to go.

Strumms · 08-01-2019 1:59am

Tell me how wrote: »

Then it is time to go.

Yes I did ultimately and glad of it.

Hammer89 · 19-03-2020 7:29pm

Hammer89 wrote: »

I've been thinking about this and there's only one period of your life when you're not under some sort of pressure, generally speaking.

This is from the age of 0-11. I can't remember much of anything before I was 11, and that's probably because my life centered around Goldeneye and Mario 64. No stress. No pressure. No worries. No nothing.

But then you're 11 and sh*t starts to get real. Suddenly there's pangs of angst about puberty, kissing girls, the prospect of secondary school. Then it's just carnage from that point on. Pressure and stress by the boat load - and does it ever f*cking end?

Am I going to pass the Junior Cert? Have my balls dropped? Will Katie hear that I told everyone that I fingered her when I didn't? Who are my friends? Will I pass the Leaving Cert? Has my willy finished growing? Will Emma hear that I lied about riding her? Will I last long enough when I do lose it? Do I have enough money for Malia? Am I going to get into a good college? What'll college be like? Will Emma and Katie be there? Am I stupid? Does my dad hate my guts in real life? Will Centra be impressed by my CV? Will I pass first year exams? Is it the end of the world if I don't? What's a J1? Does my lecturer think I'm a wanker? Will I pass second year exams? Will my dad hate me even more if I drop out to start up a business? Can I afford to move in with Brian and David to Ranelagh? Will Centra give me a raise? Will I pass third year exams? What's the Australian equivalent of a J1? Is it a paid internship? What'll happen when David moves out? Will Brian and I be able to cover the rent on our own? Will LinkedIn help me get a job? Why hasn't Katie accepted my Linkedin invitation? Did she find out I lied about fingering her? Does Sarah love me? Should I move in with Sarah and tell Brian to go f*ck himself? Would she say yes if I proposed? What did the guests think of the day? How many trimesters are there? What if there's something wrong with the baby? Can we afford that place in Blackrock? Is Crumlin grand? What'll happen to Sarah's vagina after the pregnancy? Is her older brother stable enough to babysit? Can I afford Rory's stag in Bratislava? What happens if Sarah finds out I slept with one of the HR girls in work? How much is a creche? Will the child get on with everyone else? Will the child get on her with her new brother or sister? Is it wrong to hope it's a C-section to preserve what's left of Sarah's gee? Can I afford that Mitsubishi Chariot? How does David make it look so easy? Will I be able to take Simon to school on his first day? Should I confront Simon's bully or his dad? How can I sensitively broach the topic of kegels with Sarah? Do we need to move? Can we afford that place in Swords? Where the **** is Bunclody? Will Simon hate us for relocating? Will he make new friends? How much can I get for the Chariot? Should I leave Sarah for the HR girl in work? Will Simon stick with the GAA in secondary school? Why doesn't Sarah let me sleep in her bed anymore? Is it weird to **** at work? If I'm caught will it affect my chances of that promotion? Where's the last place Sarah will find empty wine bottles? Should I volunteer to manage Simon's GAA team? Will he hate my guts in real life if I do it? Is mum getting dementia? Is dad supposed to be ****ting blood? What'll I do when they're gone? Why has Katie been looking at my Linkedin invitation? Is it weird if I message her? Can Sarah and I afford that wedding in Clones? Will she divorce me if I make a holy show of her again? Do I subconsciously want her to? Why is Simon turning into a moody c*nt? Will he pass the Junior Cert? Is he still a virgin? Does he understand that it's okay if he is? Where's the best place to hide empty whiskey bottles? Why doesn't mum remember my name? Why can't I cry since dad? Was I a good son? Am I a good dad? Will Simon pass the Leaving Cert? Should I buy him a pack of condoms before Malia? Should I ask Sarah for anal while he's away? Why hasn't Katie responded to my lunch message? Can we afford Trinity or UCD? Is Simon smart enough to get into either? Is it alright to fake a cough and mumble 'Bunclody College of Further Education' when people ask me where my son studies? Will he behave himself on the J1? Should I put in a good word for him to Centra? Will he get bitten by a snake in Australia? Is event management a thing? Am I stagnating in work? Is 17 stone heavy? Why did Simon tell us he got a girl pregnant in Perth? Will he move out there to manage events? Will Sarah and I last after he flees the nest? Can we afford to go and visit our son and grandson? How did Brian get pancreatic cancer? Is David okay? Why amn't I looking forward to retirement? What'll I do every day? Why isn't my willy as suspended as before? Why am I pissing blood? Why am I pissing myself? Who is that old lady and why is she crying? Who is that man and why is he upset? Who is that teenager and has he lied about fingering a girl yet?

Never ends lads.

I'm self-isolating and decided to find and bump a feel-good post, something to raise our spirits amid the doom and gloom of the apocalypse.

bilbot79 · 22-03-2020 5:43am

I wrote something this crazy years ago when I was pilled off my face. I remember listening to the Forrest gump theme music over and over again and if I hear it today I get relapse of the hollow feeling from that particular downer.

Learned to hate pills in the end. Thank god

Hammer89 · 22-03-2020 12:15pm

bilbot79 wrote: »

I wrote something this crazy years ago when I was pilled off my face. I remember listening to the Forrest gump theme music over and over again and if I hear it today I get relapse of the hollow feeling from that particular downer.

Learned to hate pills in the end. Thank god

I was very lucid when I wrote it.

Pressure & Worries

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