Wife and Childcare Problem

Sheep Attack · 05-12-2018 2:22pm #1

Hi,

Looking for some advice and guidance here. Myself and wife have been together nearly 15 years married 5 years and two kids age 3 and 2 months. Bit of background we are both young professionals working our way up the career ladder. Both well educated but at the moment money is tight due to new house kids and wife is on unpaid maternity leave. We used to be the perfect couple up to the time we got married and ever since we are constantly fighting. The latest is a big one. I come from a middle class working hard background while my wife comes Dublin working class family (fairly common). The issue is my wife mother and aunty looked after the first child and now she is 3 she is starting to talk real common. So I have suggested we get au pair to mind the 2 kids which my wife is not happy about saying I would be insulting her family. My wife has no real friends of her own and has no interest in joining mother and baby groups but goes down to her mothers every day while on maternity leave. My 3 year old has only one friend her own, first cousin from mother side who is also really common (also 3 years older and both parents play the welfare system). I have no problem with the kids going to see the inlaws few hours a week but I don't want them with them full time but my wife thinks Im insulting them and if she had her way would be living with the inlaws. My wife has no interest in meeting new people/friends although we live in new estate with loads of kids same age as our own with similar background. I just want the best for my kids and to be brought up in environment of good education and working hard in life. I love my wife but the way things are going I think we could split up which would end up me paying 2 mortgages and maintenance and my kids still having common people around them whole time. HELP!

Gorgeousgeorge · 05-12-2018 2:25pm

<SNIP>
Speaking common? How like? Im intrigued?

Dial Hard · 05-12-2018 2:28pm

Gorgeousgeorge wrote: »

Speaking common? How like? Im intrigued?

It's very obvious he's taking about a hard Dublin accent. You can have whatever opinion you want on whether that's an issue or not but pretending you don't know what he means is just silly.

seamus · 05-12-2018 2:30pm

Has to be a pisstake surely?

If you're serious OP, then the problem is not with your wife and her family, the problem is with you. Get over yourself. Unless your wife's family are career criminals, then you're being a snob.

Wesser · 05-12-2018 2:30pm

To be honest it does not reflect well on you calling people ' real common presume you are alluding to a certain accent. You come across as quite the snob. If you want to instill in your children the importance of hard work then both you, your wife and your in laws can all do this regardless if your accent.
You are lucky to have the loving, and presumably free , care if your in laws for your children.
I think you need to reflect on which is more important... an accent , or demonstrating to your children the importance of a loving and stable family home. You should not need to reflect on this for even more than 1 second to know what the answer is!!! If you don't have these important values in you to pass into your children then this will affect your children far more in life then their accent!
If you feel your wife and child are isolated then that is a seperat e matter and can be addressed separately.

Here we go · 05-12-2018 2:33pm

Does the wife not talk like this being her self brought up in the same environment and did she not grow up and have friends from that area and she seems to be just fine ?

retro:electro · 05-12-2018 2:37pm

Not sure how a 3 year old can speak “real common”? If it’s the accent you’re concerned about then that should rectify itself with whatever school you choose to send her to.
All that should be concerning you at that age is, does she say please and thank you, and is she showing good manners. Notions out of you.

GingerLily · 05-12-2018 2:38pm

Here we go wrote: »

Does the wife not talk like this being her self brought up in the same environment and did she not grow up and have friends from that area and she seems to be just fine ?

Good point!

I'd be a lot more concerned the type of school you're children go to and the activities they're involved in at a later age rather then a bad accent early on. You aren't concerned with the level of care your child is getting from her granny, and that really should be enough.

Also, I think it's unfair to pressure your wife to make new mom friends, I'm no expert on the topic but it's up to her to make those decisions, not you.

BettePorter · 05-12-2018 2:45pm

So you're actually potentially gonna split your family up over the fact they may or may not have the 'right' accent?

Apart from the ridiculousness of that , surely your wife had that same accent when you met her ?

snickers · 05-12-2018 2:45pm

GingerLily wrote: »

Good point!

I'd be a lot more concerned the type of school you're children go to and the activities they're involved in at a later age rather then a bad accent early on. You aren't concerned with the level of care your child is getting from her granny, and that really should be enough.

Also, I think it's unfair to pressure your wife to make new mom friends, I'm no expert on the topic but it's up to her to make those decisions, not you.

Real common ha is that the way you speak or just the way you type snob .

julyjane · 05-12-2018 2:46pm

advice and guidance? if your wife's proposal is to keep the same childcare arrangements for the baby as you had for your first child, DO NOT look down your nose at her choice. it's hard enough for many mothers of young children to go back to work and juggle all the balls in the air.

mother and baby groups are not for everyone, if your wife isn't interested in them that's ok. FWIW there's a good few of them in community centres in the more "working class" areas or do you just want her to go to a posh one?

seriously you are really sweating the small stuff here, did you never hear the phrase "happy wife, happy life"?

BettePorter · 05-12-2018 2:50pm

Most people would be delighted with the option of having their kids minded by close family rather than having to pay creche or hire an nanny. Not just cause of financial aspect but for one on one family environment aspect.

You want to pay aupair who maybe has little English rather than have family who are willing to do it (probably for free or little money )

splinter65 · 05-12-2018 2:54pm

seamus wrote: »

Has to be a pisstake surely?

If you're serious OP, then the problem is not with your wife and her family, the problem is with you. Get over yourself. Unless your wife's family are career criminals, then you're being a snob.

He’s not being a snob. If the 3 year old is going to land at 4+ in a school local to where they live with other kids who have good vocabulary grammar and diction and no bad language then he is going to be singled out as “different” as soon as he opens his mouth. The child also needs to make friends in his own estate rather then migrating over to a road that he doesn’t live on.
Wanting your child NOT to think that riding the system and laying about is a good idea is not snobbery either.

Toots · 05-12-2018 3:01pm

This is probably better suited to the Relationship Issues forum, all I'm locking it and moving it over there, so the mods can review before re-opening.

Wife and Childcare Problem

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