Letting to a friend - Issues

Hogzy · 04-02-2019 5:09pm #1

So myself and my other half (OH) have bought a 2 bed apartment. We agreed to rent the spare room out for 12-18 months in order to fund some of the initial costs of owning our first home, as our savings were wiped out with the depost. We decided to allow my OH's friend (Friend) to move in for the first 3 months at a reduced rent (50% less than market value) because the spare room wasnt really ready for a lodger as it needed painting, a new bed needed to be bought and other stuff around the apartment needed fixing before we would feel comfortable letting it to a stranger and charging market rate for it. It also suited Friend as she was planning on emigrating so the short term let suited her too. Win Win situation.

Alas it is now 7 months since Friend moved in and she has told us she has no intention of emigrating, to which we decided that we were going to up the rent to closer to market value the apartment is now in fairly good condition, she has a new bed, wardrobe unit etc and the place has been fully painted.

Since the increase in rent things have taken a turn for the worse. She wasnt always the best in terms of cleaning up after herself but when it was meant to be a short term let and the fact the apartment was half under construction for the first few months we turned a blind eye to a certain degree of cleanliness. She is becoming quite hard to live with in that she is having random lads over the entire time (last week she had a guy call over 5 of the 7 nights) and she isnt discrete when having sex either which I find quite disturbing to be honest. She knows she can be heard when doing it and its extremely awkward when yer man is over, annoyingly my OH is away on a work trip this week so hasnt experienced the 5 out of 7 day sleep over. This is starting to get on my nerves as its quite disrespectful to myself and my OH in my opinion. There are other issues such as not cleaning dishes, being loud slamming doors at 2am, leaving laundry in the kitchen to dry almost indefinitely.

This has been an issue for a while now but the sex things has made it a lot worse. My OH doesnt want to jeopordise their friendship but at the moment shes not experiencing the level of discomfort and disrespect that I am as shes away with work. My OH is looking forward to Friend leaving but doesnt want to kick her out so to speak as the Dublin market is an absolute nightmare.

I feel like im walking a tightrope here as I want the Friend gone but dont want to jeopardise my OH and friends relationship but at the moment I dont feel comfortable in my own home, ESPECIALLY now that my OH is away with work and im stuck here with this sex freak for the next 2 weeks.

Any recommendations?

ELM327 · 04-02-2019 5:11pm

Important to note, you are not letting to this person, they are a licensee and can be asked to leave at any time as they are not protected by the RTA.

So your issue is a social one and not with the "tenancy". IMO.

frag420 · 04-02-2019 5:12pm

Hogzy wrote: »

So myself and my other half (OH) have bought a 2 bed apartment. We agreed to rent the spare room out for 12-18 months in order to fund some of the initial costs of owning our first home, as our savings were wiped out with the depost. We decided to allow my OH's friend (Friend) to move in for the first 3 months at a reduced rent (50% less than market value) because the spare room wasnt really ready for a lodger as it needed painting, a new bed needed to be bought and other stuff around the apartment needed fixing before we would feel comfortable letting it to a stranger and charging market rate for it. It also suited Friend as she was planning on emigrating so the short term let suited her too. Win Win situation.

Alas it is now 7 months since Friend moved in and she has told us she has no intention of emigrating, to which we decided that we were going to up the rent to closer to market value the apartment is now in fairly good condition, she has a new bed, wardrobe unit etc and the place has been fully painted.

Since the increase in rent things have taken a turn for the worse. She wasnt always the best in terms of cleaning up after herself but when it was meant to be a short term let and the fact the apartment was half under construction for the first few months we turned a blind eye to a certain degree of cleanliness. She is becoming quite hard to live with in that she is having random lads over the entire time (last week she had a guy call over 5 of the 7 nights) and she isnt discrete when having sex either which I find quite disturbing to be honest. She knows she can be heard when doing it and its extremely awkward when yer man is over, annoyingly my OH is away on a work trip this week so hasnt experienced the 5 out of 7 day sleep over. This is starting to get on my nerves as its quite disrespectful to myself and my OH in my opinion. There are other issues such as not cleaning dishes, being loud slamming doors at 2am, leaving laundry in the kitchen to dry almost indefinitely.

This has been an issue for a while now but the sex things has made it a lot worse. My OH doesnt want to jeopordise their friendship but at the moment shes not experiencing the level of discomfort and disrespect that I am as shes away with work. My OH is looking forward to Friend leaving but doesnt want to kick her out so to speak as the Dublin market is an absolute nightmare.

I feel like im walking a tightrope here as I want the Friend gone but dont want to jeopardise my OH and friends relationship but at the moment I dont feel comfortable in my own home, ESPECIALLY now that my OH is away with work and im stuck here with this sex freak for the next 2 weeks.

Any recommendations?

Yes, kick her out!!

Hogzy · 04-02-2019 5:12pm

ELM327 wrote: »

Important to note, you are not letting to this person, they are a licensee and can be asked to leave at any time as they are not protected by the RTA.

So your issue is a social one and not with the "tenancy". IMO.

So Personal Issues would be a better place to post you think?

Spanish Eyes · 04-02-2019 5:16pm

As the person is a lodger you can get rid of them quite quickly on "reasonable" notice. No RTB interraction required.

I would put my personal enjoyment of my own home above any other person and would give immediate notice to quit. Your OH is too soft. The lodger doesn't seem to care much about you both anyway.

I do understand that the lettings market is quite difficult at the moment, but you are not a charity, it is your home. Enjoy it and evict this person. A friendship is not worth living uncomfortably at all.

If you decide to re let the room, make sure you give a note of terms and conditions. I would not allow any lodger to have overnight guests. Yes, that's right. If they want to have relations with others they can do that in the other person's home. If they don't like the rules they can find somewhere else. Lesson learned.

All the best.

Creamy Goodness · 04-02-2019 5:18pm

Hogzy wrote: »

So Personal Issues would be a better place to post you think?

No, here’s the right place but Elm’s saying there’s very different rules if you were letting (tenant has rights) vs. Renting a room out (little to no rights). You don’t want to confuse the two.

Hogzy · 04-02-2019 5:20pm

Creamy Goodness wrote: »

No, here’s the right place but Elm’s saying there’s very different rules if you were letting (tenant has rights) vs. Renting a room out (little to no rights). You don’t want to confuse the two.

Yeah to be fair I get that. I suppose my question above is a social problem as opposed to a legal one. I know she has bugger all rights but im trying to avoid forcing my other half to have to jeopardise her friendship. It'll be her choice to make how she goes about this to a certain extent.

We might just be better off kicking her out and saying we want to live alone and then in a few months time letting the room to a lodger.

OldMrBrennan83 · 04-02-2019 5:21pm

See will your OH compromise to the point of sitting with the lodger and laying out some ground rules as a final warning. Ball is in their court then. It'll be either that you get a decent lodger and the OH is happy or you get rid but it looks like you tried and the OH is less happy but can't complain.

zl1whqvjs75cdy · 04-02-2019 5:28pm

Just throw her out. She can't value your friendship that much if she's gonna treat you with such disrespect. You won't miss her

JustMe,K · 04-02-2019 5:34pm

Get rid of her while your OH is away. Makes it easy for your OH with the friend as the decision was taken while they were not in the country, and they are distanced from the decision. Incidentally, how does your OH feel about the friend still being there? Obviously the extra cash from having a lodger is handy to have but for me it would not be worth being uncomfortable in my own home.

ct5amr2ig1nfhp · 04-02-2019 5:35pm

You do not say it in your post, so I have to assume you or your OH have spoken to the friend about the issues you have with her behaviour? If not, have a word to her first as she may not realise it (I doubt that though). Agree with your OH what to say before you BOTH confront the friend. I would not do it on your own.

If you have spoken to the friend and she's still acting up, time to get her out. If your OH doesn't like that idea and does not agree with asking her to leave, then I'm afraid you have other issues to address first! :eek:

You agreed three months and the friend is there seven months. You have been 'kind' enough and she's becoming a nightmare, get rid of the friend asap. If you want to be nice about it, give her 4 weeks notice but you really don't have to do that (according to the licensee rules). Life is far too short to put up with a BS housemate like that.

Gravelly · 04-02-2019 5:37pm

So what you're saying is you have a sex mad female lodger in your house, and your missus is away?

I've seen this movie. The lodgers friend comes over too.

cruizer101 · 04-02-2019 5:37pm

How much do you need the money now? not looking for answer but you need to ask yourself.
Really the best option is to kick her out and probably the sooner the better, even for the friendship better to kick her out now and try maintain the friendship than it all blowing up and friendship over.
You could say you don't want to share at all going forward if you can afford it.
You could then look at maybe an odd bit of Air BnBing to get a bit of money in without the commitment of full time lodger. You may not be comfortable with the idea of different kinda random guests mind.
Ideally I would say never rent to friends but I can understand when you thought it was to be 3 months to go with it.
Sadly there is no easy solution but you might be best to bite the bullet and end it sooner rather than later.

the_syco · 05-02-2019 3:25am

Hogzy wrote: »

Since the increase in rent things have taken a turn for the worse.

she is having random lads over the entire time (last week she had a guy call over 5 of the 7 nights)
she isnt discrete when having sex either which I find quite disturbing to be honest
She knows she can be heard when doing it

annoyingly my OH is away on a work trip this week so hasnt experienced the 5 out of 7 day sleep over.
There are other issues such as not cleaning dishes
leaving laundry in the kitchen to dry almost indefinitely.

My OH doesnt want to jeopordise their friendship

I've edited your post a bit.

When it comes down to it, she taking the piss when your OH isn't there. Did the the laundry & dishes issues exist before your OH went way?

Perhaps bring in a rule that she can only have people staying overnight (past 11pm) 2 nights a week, due to her bringing lads over so much. The curfew would be so that she doesn't just have them over until late.

Andrew00 · 05-02-2019 3:32am

If they’re having sex ask can u join in, that’s what i’d Do anyway

pwurple · 05-02-2019 4:51am

Andrew00 wrote: »

If they’re having sex ask can u join in, that’s what i’d Do anyway

Sure you would. I'd say you're mad at it the whole time.

OP
I have had people renting rooms before, and sometimes had to ask them go for one reason or another. It is awkward, but put on your big boy pants and get on with it. I think it should be you, rather than your wife, if she wants to keep that friendship.

I wouldn't mention the sex or the plates, just say you want the room back, and it was supposed to get 3 months. Time is up.

Out of curiosity, is she paying the new, higher rent?

ArthurG · 05-02-2019 9:30am

At the risk of sounding harsh, you need to grow a pair. Your OH doesn't want to jeopardise her 'frienship' with this individual, when in fact it could have a more significant impact on her realtionship with you. Your lodger needs to go.

Xterminator · 05-02-2019 9:35am

Hi Op

you have the legal right to ask your friend to leave, you can give notice and make up an excuse like your not renting out the room any more, it will be your home office etc.

This does not resolve the issue of the habits of your lodger.

So 1st up, you can hear her having sex. She is an adult and is entitled to this activity. If you can hear her a least part of the problem is soundproofing in your apartment. I don't know if she is being ridiculously loud, but assuming she is just being normal, then that implies she can hear you and your OH having sex too, and never complained. So i'd say that's your issue not hers. Buy earplugs, and ask your OH to set a house rule of no sleepovers during the weekdays when she gets back.

not cleaning dishes? get a rota up.

leaving clothes drying - house rules. Do you do it? if so, don't complain. If you don't then pop an airer on the balcony or in her room & ask her to dry only on the airer.

05-02-2019 9:56am

Hogzy wrote: »

So Personal Issues would be a better place to post you think?

As someone said, and no offence, man up, letting a room (licence) to anyone, especially a friend can be difficult, more so than someone you dont know. First off, you should have laid out ground rules, is this your house or theirs? even if you never said jot about it, you can do so at anytime, this person clearly does not give a toss about you or your partner.

Id just say, no guests end of, unless they are mutual friends, as someone said, they want to carry out a relationship, do it elsewhere, you're sorting them out with a room at lower cost which you should rectify, that might help them move, dont pussy foot about it, just say no guests, rent is x from next month, clean your mess more or less as soon as its made, its one thing to let something soak in the sink to get baked in whatever out, but its another thing to treat it like a game of buckaroo where they see how much they can balance on the pile of dishes or how much more they can fit in the bin before it overflows.

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

As the person is a lodger you can get rid of them quite quickly on "reasonable" notice. No RTB interraction required. I would put my personal enjoyment of my own home above any other person and would give immediate notice to quit. Your OH is too soft. The lodger doesn't seem to care much about you both anyway.

I do understand that the lettings market is quite difficult at the moment, but you are not a charity, it is your home. Enjoy it and evict this person. A friendship is not worth living uncomfortably at all.

If you decide to re let the room, make sure you give a note of terms and conditions. I would not allow any lodger to have overnight guests. Yes, that's right. If they want to have relations with others they can do that in the other person's home. If they don't like the rules they can find somewhere else. Lesson learned.

All the best.

I agree with most of what you say, but you can get rid of a guest immediately if you decide, it might be reasonable and fair to give them notice, but its not a requirement, Im not suggesting the OP should do otherwise, but if they turn around and and bring back a guest or have their own giests lounging about the place like some flop house, you can throw them all out on the spot if you so please.

the_syco wrote: »

I've edited your post a bit.

When it comes down to it, she taking the piss when your OH isn't there. Did the the laundry & dishes issues exist before your OH went way?
Perhaps bring in a rule that she can only have people staying overnight (past 11pm) 2 nights a week, due to her bringing lads over so much. The curfew would be so that she doesn't just have them over until late.

Perhaps? just put the kybosh on it end of, no guests unless they are mutual friends and dont overdo it anyway. No need to make it complicated, the OP is in their home, dont need to then share that with out and out strangers if they dont want to, you dont know who the people are, might be nice, might not, either way, the OP did not consider this and now they need to put the foot down.

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi Op

you have the legal right to ask your friend to leave, you can give notice and make up an excuse like your not renting out the room any more, it will be your home office etc.

This does not resolve the issue of the habits of your lodger.

So 1st up, you can hear her having sex. She is an adult and is entitled to this activity. If you can hear her a least part of the problem is soundproofing in your apartment. I don't know if she is being ridiculously loud, but assuming she is just being normal, then that implies she can hear you and your OH having sex too, and never complained. So i'd say that's your issue not hers. Buy earplugs, and ask your OH to set a house rule of no sleepovers during the weekdays when she gets back.

not cleaning dishes? get a rota up.

leaving clothes drying - house rules. Do you do it? if so, don't complain. If you don't then pop an airer on the balcony or in her room & ask her to dry only on the airer.

Yes, entitled to have it anywhere but if the OP decides no guests, that'll be elsewhere, if the OP doesnt want strangers about the place then thats reasonable, might not have bothered the OP if the person was not bringing an ongoing queue of strangers to their house, they are taking the piss, even people in a house share might be put out if strangers were around all the time, this is the OPs home.
As for setting up a rota, to clean their dishes?
This person sounds like a user, lay down the law and up the rent, the longer you dont, the longer they avail of the advantages.

Ursus Horribilis · 05-02-2019 10:30am

Your OH's friendship with this woman is over. There's no way they can ever go back to being the friends they were before this all kicked off. If you use that as your starting point, it might clarify things.

05-02-2019 11:10am

Dont let to friends in your own home, in a house share/rental is a different story.

Grumpypants · 05-02-2019 11:33am

If her friend has no respect for your home or you then she isn't a friend worth hanging on to.

Life is too short for this, tell her you need the apartment for yourselves and she will need to move on in X weeks.

ted1 · 05-02-2019 12:31pm

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi Op

you have the legal right to ask your friend to leave, you can give notice and make up an excuse like your not renting out the room any more, it will be your home office etc.

This does not resolve the issue of the habits of your lodger.

So 1st up, you can hear her having sex. She is an adult and is entitled to this activity. If you can hear her a least part of the problem is soundproofing in your apartment. I don't know if she is being ridiculously loud, but assuming she is just being normal, then that implies she can hear you and your OH having sex too, and never complained. So i'd say that's your issue not hers. Buy earplugs, and ask your OH to set a house rule of no sleepovers during the weekdays when she gets back.

not cleaning dishes? get a rota up.

leaving clothes drying - house rules. Do you do it? if so, don't complain. If you don't then pop an airer on the balcony or in her room & ask her to dry only on the airer.

Op shouldn’t have to buy earl plugs to live in his own house.

Just get rid of her.

Mrs OBumble · 05-02-2019 12:50pm

Hogzy wrote: »

My OH is looking forward to Friend leaving but doesnt want to kick her out so to speak as the Dublin market is an absolute nightmare.

Winter is the best time to do it, because the backpacker hostels have vacancies. Worst case she can go there.

sheroman01 · 05-02-2019 1:36pm

You have to see this from OP's point of view. If he confronts Friend, then Friend will/might get annoyed with OP's gf. If the gf does it, then there's a potential fallout there. Could you say to Friend that you need to put up the rent a good bit more (above market value) so that it might be too expensive for her and she's forced to move out on her own terms?

Edgware · 05-02-2019 1:53pm

Gravelly wrote: »

So what you're saying is you have a sex mad female lodger in your house, and your missus is away?

I've seen this movie. The lodgers friend comes over too.

Just make sure there is enough film in the camera to make a few sequels

L1011 · 05-02-2019 2:48pm

This isn't AH. Posting standard needs to improve

OldMrBrennan83 · 05-02-2019 6:18pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Winter is the best time to do it, because the backpacker hostels have vacancies. Worst case she can go there.

Anyway, she is probably aware of what the rental market is like and isn't acting accordingly. Or I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks she has tenant rights and can do whatever she likes.

elperello · 05-02-2019 6:28pm

Someone mentioned Air BnB.
That might be your way out to avoid any confrontation or ill feeling.
Just say you are going that route.
If after a period of time you decide to get a new full time licencee you can just say the Air BnB didn't work out.

splinter65 · 05-02-2019 7:00pm

Tell her very casually but clearly that you have a new licensee moving in on *date (two weeks from that date) as discussed when she moved in and you’ve even checked around for her and Nofleashere Hostel has lots of empty beds right now and you wish her luck finding somewhere more permanent.
She’ll probably text your wife crying that her evil husband is throwing her out so you’d bother better be on the same page....

KevinCavan · 05-02-2019 7:11pm

Give her a specific date to be out by, a month from now possibly, like March 6th.

Ammonite · 05-02-2019 8:15pm

ArthurG wrote: »

At the risk of sounding harsh, you need to grow a pair. Your OH doesn't want to jeopardise her 'frienship' with this individual, when in fact it could have a more significant impact on her realtionship with you. Your lodger needs to go.

I agree with this. She has not treated you or your property with respect so I would just tell her she is out, have a few lines ready to rattle off about her behaviour. No pussy footing around it.

I've never been a landlord but lived in plenty of house shares with annoying and sometimes plain ignorant people. I tend to avoid confrontation so didn't get involved, but other housemates sometimes tried to address the problem housemates with rotas, passive-aggressive texts, house meetings etc which just led to more arguments in my experience.

Better to just be honest and tell her face to face she is gone by next week. Is she an aggressive type? If so, change the locks after she is gone.

05-02-2019 11:22pm

splinter65 wrote: »

Tell her very casually but clearly that you have a new licensee moving in on *date (two weeks from that date) as discussed when she moved in and you’ve even checked around for her and Nofleashere Hostel has lots of empty beds right now and you wish her luck finding somewhere more permanent.
She’ll probably text your wife crying that her evil husband is throwing her out so you’d bother better be on the same page....

Just make plans to defend against the "he tried it on with me when you were away" response.
If she even hints or suggests it, then be ready with the, "well if that happened why bring it up only now" just so yhou dont get flustered by shock, and aso tell her she has 5 minutes to bag up what she can carry, hand over key and arrange to collect rest of her stuff at another date.

Gravelly · 05-02-2019 11:25pm

1874 wrote: »

Just make plans to defend against the "he tried it on with me when you were away" response.
If she even hints or suggests it, then be ready with the, "well if that happened why bring it up only now" just so yhou dont get flustered by shock, and aso tell her she has 5 minutes to bag up what she can carry, hand over key and arrange to collect rest of her stuff at another date.

Or turn it on it’s head and tell your missus that she tried it on with you while missus was away - she’ll be out the door like **** out of a goose.

05-02-2019 11:43pm

elperello wrote: »

Someone mentioned Air BnB.
That might be your way out to avoid any confrontation or ill feeling.
Just say you are going that route.
If after a period of time you decide to get a new full time licencee you can just say the Air BnB didn't work out.

Airbnb is taxable so the op will lose half the rent in tax compared to rent a room which is tax free.

Why the need for excuses? Then them to live by your rules or get out.

elperello · 06-02-2019 1:14am

Judith Damp Asteroid wrote: »

Airbnb is taxable so the op will lose half the rent in tax compared to rent a room which is tax free.

Why the need for excuses? Then them to live by your rules or get out.

My cunning plan was just to avoid bad feeling. Some people prefer it that way.
There was no need to ever actually use BnB.

06-02-2019 11:15am

elperello wrote: »

My cunning plan was just to avoid bad feeling. Some people prefer it that way.
There was no need to ever actually use BnB.

If you wanted them out for no reason (maybe you just wanted the place to yourselfs) then it makes sense but the bad feeling is already created by then so I wouldn’t care about creating more.

road_high · 06-02-2019 11:23am

Sounds like a total piss taker- bet she had no intention of emigrating. Just a ply to get in and get cheap rent

06-02-2019 12:49pm

The advice of kicking out a friend into a hostel is absolutely bonkers. Where planet do you people live on. Address her poor behaviour first at the very minimum.

GingerLily · 06-02-2019 1:16pm

Deleted User wrote: »

The advice of kicking out a friend into a hostel is absolutely bonkers. Where planet do you people live on. Address her poor behaviour first at the very minimum.

That poster is famous for that kind of militant advise

Mrs OBumble · 06-02-2019 3:43pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The advice of kicking out a friend into a hostel is absolutely bonkers. Where planet do you people live on. Address her poor behaviour first at the very minimum.

Read the OP. The crux of the poor behaviour is overholding: she moved in for 3 months on an emigration-lie, and has stayed for 7. She needs to move out.

Where she goes is her problem.

Doing the chucking out while hostels have empty beds ensures she has an option other than the street. The OP should not book her in: the "friend' is an adult who can do this for herself. But the OP should have the information at hand in case its needed.

Wabbit Ears · 06-02-2019 3:45pm

Say to her that she understood it was a temporary arrangement and she has two months to find a new place as you no longer wish to rent the room.

Work off the assumption that the friendship is a lost cause. Truth be told thats been dead since the day it was ever even suggested, you just didn't realize it until now. Had you asked literally anybody if it would have ended well you'd have been unanimously told not to even consider it. life lesson learned, move on.

06-02-2019 3:57pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Read the OP. The crux of the poor behaviour is overholding: she moved in for 3 months on an emigration-lie, and has stayed for 7. She needs to move out.

Where she goes is her problem.

Doing the chucking out while hostels have empty beds ensures she has an option other than the street. The OP should not book her in: the "friend' is an adult who can do this for herself. But the OP should have the information at hand in case its needed.

Read the OP? Why didn't I think of that.

A conversation with the lodger is the first port of call. Not turfing them out and letting them fend for themselves. This lodger is a friend of OP's OH ffs. Would you honestly turf out a friend of your OH without notice? If you would then I feel sorry for your friends. Would a month to find a new place not be reasonable? Yes, where she goes is her problem but a bit of empathy for a friend wouldn't go astray, let alone a stranger. Have information on hostels at hand? Holy ****.

This lodger is utterly oblivious to how they are to live with, some people are like that, but they won't change their ways unless they're made aware of it. An honest conversation could solve the issue.

road_high · 06-02-2019 4:22pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The advice of kicking out a friend into a hostel is absolutely bonkers. Where planet do you people live on. Address her poor behaviour first at the very minimum.

Well if she behaved herself, respected the generosity and boundaries of her “friends” then she wouldn’t be facing that. She brought it all on herself and actions have consequences- she’ll have to deal with that!

ct5amr2ig1nfhp · 06-02-2019 5:06pm

You may want to re-read the OP yourself. It's all well and good wanting to turf the friend out but the OP's other half doesn't want to turf them out. Where and when the friend goes is and will be the OP's problem unless his OH agrees with whatever they decide to do.

I believe the bigger problem is getting the OH on board with an agreed plan of action.

Edit: Also, the OP hasn't confirmed if they've discussed her moving out or the poor behaviour.

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Read the OP. The crux of the poor behaviour is overholding: she moved in for 3 months on an emigration-lie, and has stayed for 7. She needs to move out.

Where she goes is her problem.

Doing the chucking out while hostels have empty beds ensures she has an option other than the street. The OP should not book her in: the "friend' is an adult who can do this for herself. But the OP should have the information at hand in case its needed.

06-02-2019 10:58pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Read the OP? Why didn't I think of that.

A conversation with the lodger is the first port of call. Not turfing them out and letting them fend for themselves. This lodger is a friend of OP's OH ffs. Would you honestly turf out a friend of your OH without notice? If you would then I feel sorry for your friends. Would a month to find a new place not be reasonable? Yes, where she goes is her problem but a bit of empathy for a friend wouldn't go astray, let alone a stranger. Have information on hostels at hand? Holy ****.

This lodger is utterly oblivious to how they are to live with, some people are like that, but they won't change their ways unless they're made aware of it. An honest conversation could solve the issue.

TBH, some of your post while understandably sypathetic is a bit much, any adult that doesnt take responsiblity for their own actions and behaviour and is that inconsiderate is a bit of a tool, that said, I consider the OP really has an unwitting hand in this in that they sound too passive and didnt tackle this head on when it cropped up first, but they should have tackled it before it ever came up at all by laying ground rules down at the start and sticking to the 3months and then maybe extending that by a month or 2. It has all the potential of being a difficult situation made easier by laying ground rules at the start/clearly not laying ground rules has meant in the absence of any, this person feels they can do as they please, laying down the law later is never going to go well as the person is settled in. I dont think the OPs partner will be hearing much from the friend after she departs.
It is an out and out psstake to bring complete strangers to the OPS house on a regular basis as she was helped out by them.
Person needs to move on, they are taking advantage, plenty of nice people who will respect your place and not mess you about who are looking for a room, if they dont work out, move them on, no hassles, doing this for friends and relatives has the potential to go pear shaped badly as you are more likely to have to put up with hassle and be bumping into them again.

06-02-2019 11:13pm

I don't think what she's doing is all that bad tbh. Nothing that couldn't be solved with a frank conversation and a cleaning rota. She's an adult and can sleep with whoever she wants, imo.

OldMrBrennan83 · 06-02-2019 11:15pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I don't think what she's doing is all that bad tbh. Nothing that couldn't be solved with a frank conversation and a cleaning rota. She's an adult and can sleep with whoever she wants, imo.

Not if she's making a disturbance as a lodger in a house where the owner doesn't want the disturbance.

06-02-2019 11:18pm

OldMrBrennan83 wrote: »

Not if she's making a disturbance as a lodger in a house where the owner doesn't want the disturbance.

True, but if they need the money she doesn't sound like the worst, imo.

Obviously, if they no longer need the money then just have an adult conversation. It's not that hard.

07-02-2019 12:03am

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think what she's doing is all that bad tbh. Nothing that couldn't be solved with a frank conversation and a cleaning rota. She's an adult and can sleep with whoever she wants, imo.

But the OPs post is essentially that they dont like it, The Op isnt trying to prevent her sleeping with who she wants, he just seems not to want her to have guests in their home, as a licencee, she is a guest, a guest then cannot bring their own guests too.
In a lot of cases of licensees and even house shares people in the house dont want random strangers they dont know in the house, could be anyone, but inparticular this is the OPs home, they were doing the person a favour, not opening up as a flop house for this person to let whoever they wanted in, I guess its a matter of outlook and respect for other people, some people wont consider others and will impose on generosity without thought or regard.

worded · 07-02-2019 12:57am

Hi,

If she rings threshold they will not speak to her as she is not a tenant she is a licencee as has been said.

You have to give reasonable notice so a month is fine.

When advertising the place again suggest you do the following

Advertise a single occupancy rate and a couple date rate PM. So note this in the body of the details. This means if the single person becomes a full time couple they were level set / pre warned of a couple rate.

Consider a m-f deal and -20% of market value. Someone may go home every weekend.

Watch out for someone who says they are back home most weekends if that’s a bonus for your.

Never put your phone number on the daft ad. Short list by email.

Only reply to ppl you want to by email and ask

Thanks for your email enquiry.

“is it for you Solo or for a couple and or kids“

Can I ask about your work or study etc

These two questions will usually give you enough info to let you know if they warrant interest.

Find out if they work shift work - does this suit you to have someone working nights etc ?

It’s illegal (you can be sued) to refuse someone on RAS / unemployed but you don’t have to reply to their emails if you don’t want to, that’s not illegal.

Short list to 2 to 5 ppl for interviews and choose one. I’ve been sub letting for years successfully and happily choosing the right ppl for years.

No lease, just a page detailing move in date. Deposit x rent y.

Official move in date and signing date can be different so document it to leave no ambiguity in the future.

Rent to be paid on or before every whatever date every mth.

Signed

You_________________
Owner Occupier

Them________________
licensee

This makes it crystal clear the person is not a tenant and it’s not a lease but conf rent / dep received. Give a rent receipt every mth.

Note any rules you want but keep it brief.

Lastly .....

You may be better off sharing with the right strangers rather than a mate. Choose carefully. Shortlist by Email

Letting to a friend - Issues

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