Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

lazygal · 13-03-2014 12:45pm

We had a free bar and it didn't break the bank. Most people didn't take advantage and it was one of the best things we did. Didn't cost near eight grand either.

Sligo1 · 13-03-2014 12:48pm

lazygal wrote: »

We had a free bar and it didn't break the bank. Most people didn't take advantage and it was one of the best things we did. Didn't cost near eight grand either.

Your friends and family have a lot more restraint than mine (or at least my OHs). Lol. It's a nice gesture if you have guests who don't drink too much. If we did that I would've been bankrupt. People would've totalled pulled the p*ss.

lazygal · 13-03-2014 12:57pm

Sligo1 wrote: »

Your friends and family have a lot more restraint than mine (or at least my OHs). Lol. It's a nice gesture if you have guests who don't drink too much. If we did that I would've been bankrupt. People would've totalled pulled the p*ss.

Well we knew our crowd. We also had some rules like no.doubles or cocktails or premium spirits. If we were hosting any other event we'd provide all food and drink so it made sense to do it for a wedding we.hosted.

Kontrapasa · 13-03-2014 12:58pm

kkcatlou wrote: »

Sounds like a Spanish wedding to me! Been to one, and while it was great, I still do like our traditions and culture more (cos i'm Irish I suppose).

I didn't like the late wedding - waiting around all day for the wedding to start. i didn't like the short wait between church and ceremony - this is a great time to catch up with people and enjoy some hopefully complimentary food and drinks.

I really felt uncomfortable with a lot of that camaradarie that goes on during the meal. Most of us Irish didn't get it, and it was messy. And I also didn't like that the meal took about 4 hours to get through!

And the lack of speeches was weird. Like that somebody got up and made some jokes, but there was none of the sentimentality you get at an irish wedding - which granted, usually is OTT, but a small bit is nice...when else are you going to get praise like that from your nearest and dearest?

But that's cos I'm Irish and I'm conditioned to like what we do.

To be honest, most things people do, they do because they work and are tried and tested. And slowly but surely, the things that don't work are being filtered out and replaced by those that do make sense.

Spot on!

I realize we're different culturally and we're way more touchy and on top of each other kinda, which sometimes clashes with other cultures were they're "colder" or like to keep their distances, but I personally prefer this rather than having to be quiet for an hour listening to the father's speech then the other father then the groomsmen and so on. And I find it silly looking when they're reading it straight from a paper (I have been to a couple of those!), I get having cue cards, like you're nervous and want to make sure you remember everything but reading straight from paper....lost my attention in 3, 2, 1... :P

lazygal wrote: »

We had a free bar and it didn't break the bank. Most people didn't take advantage and it was one of the best things we did. Didn't cost near eight grand either.

Yeah, like although cost adds up people don't go crazy and they only drink as much as if they were paying for it. It doesn't become a drink as much as you can while is free game.

One thing I really like about Irish wedding tho I have to say is having a good band. We used to have bands but once DJs started showing up, they have almost vanished and it's really hard to come across one. DJ's do great jobs usually and interact with the people and bring in as much fun as band would, but I really like the Irish culture of live music in bar/pubs and weddings. You can't beat a great live band playing covers and being entertaining

Sligo1 · 13-03-2014 1:00pm

lazygal wrote: »

Well we knew our crowd. We also had some rules like no.doubles or cocktails or premium spirits. If we were hosting any other event we'd provide all food and drink so it made sense to do it for a wedding we.hosted.

Lol... We knew our crowd aswell... All of them... Which is why we wouldn't have provided all drinks. Lol
Ah ok fair enough... I though you meant ALL drink and all types of drink. We had about 150 at ours and provided pretty much unlimited (good) wine and champers. It just wouldn't have been possible to allow for cocktails and spirits etc...

Dolbert · 13-03-2014 1:01pm

What I really hate about other people's weddings is *insert list of criticisms and things I didn't do*

It's not like my wedding, where we *insert pointless bragging about how my wedding was brilliant and everyone else's is crap*

*repeat ad nauseum until thread goes down toilet and is inevitably locked*

LynnGrace · 13-03-2014 1:04pm

cofy wrote: »

We had a quiet wedding 35 people. Wedding cermony started at 3pm and meal at 5.30 in a restaurant that gave us a full menu.

My mother manipulator-in-law was not happy about this and got the priest to have a word with me, when this did not work she went to the doctor to complain (we have the same doctor).

cofy, I have to ask, what did she want the doctor to do...prescribe a bigger wedding!

lazygal · 13-03-2014 1:05pm

LynnGrace wrote: »

cofy, I have to ask, what did she want the doctor to do...prescribe a bigger wedding!

Prescription for a bottle of cop on I'd say, take three times daily until you cop on to.yourself.

keeponhurling · 13-03-2014 1:34pm

I actually think Irish weddins are great.

I like the way they are a day-long event, really marks the occasion.
Also speeches personalise it a lot, even if you don't really know the b+g you get an idea of their story. Best man speeches are generally hilarious.

I don't get why so many people complain about them
- you don't have to attend
- you don't have to give a gift

amdublin · 13-03-2014 1:38pm

keeponhurling wrote: »

I actually think Irish weddins are great.

I like the way they are a day-long event, really marks the occasion.
Also speeches personalise it a lot, even if you don't really know the b+g you get an idea of their story. Best man speeches are generally hilarious.

Lol! You joking! I tend to know the story of the b&g before I go to their wedding!

Best men speeches IMO are generally rubbish, cringe and boring (in no particular order).

kkcatlou · 13-03-2014 1:43pm

amdublin wrote: »

Lol! You joking! I tend to know the story of the b&g before I go to their wedding!

Best men speeches IMO are generally rubbish, cringe and boring (in no particular order).

That's very harsh!! Hope you're not on my list!

Have to say I love a good speech too. Although a lot aren't - either too emotional or too funny. But, yeah, some of the best speeches have been for couples I don't know that well.

And as I said before, it's the only chance in your life when you get the chance for people to effuse over you - so relish it!

And, also agree that I love the length of an Irish wedding. In other cultures, they are far too short. We really make the most of the day and night!

Maybe someone should start a thread on "Things I love about Irish weddings"....although given how much we love begrudgery and smugness, it would probably be a lot shorter!!

username123 · 13-03-2014 1:46pm

kkcatlou wrote: »

And, also agree that I love the length of an Irish wedding. In other cultures, they are far too short. We really make the most of the day and night!

Thats one of the things I hate most about them. Ive absolutely no interest in a day long drinking session, and even if I dont drink, Ive no interested in hanging round with drunk people all day and some of the night.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 1:48pm

kkcatlou wrote: »

That's very harsh!! Hope you're not on my list!

Have to say I love a good speech too. Although a lot aren't - either too emotional or too funny. But, yeah, some of the best speeches have been for couples I don't know that well.

And as I said before, it's the only chance in your life when you get the chance for people to effuse over you - so relish it!

And, also agree that I love the length of an Irish wedding. In other cultures, they are far too short. We really make the most of the day and night!

Maybe someone should start a thread on "Things I love about Irish weddings"....although given how much we love begrudgery and smugness, it would probably be a lot shorter!!

This thread is called things I don't get about Irish weddings.

See you're thinking about from your perspective "people effusing over you". So I'm on the other side listening to that and I am finding that so goddamn boring.

"we really make the most of the day and the night"
For me, a lot of the time (particularly between church and meal) I'm standing around bored and STARVINg. I really don't get that about Irish weddings that there is no food provided then.

keeponhurling · 13-03-2014 1:56pm

amdublin wrote: »

This thread is called things I don't get about Irish weddings.

See you're thinking about from your perspective "people effusing over you". So I'm on the other side listening to that and I am finding that so goddamn boring.

"we really make the most of the day and the night"
For me, a lot of the time (particularly between church and meal) I'm standing around bored and STARVINg. I really don't get that about Irish weddings that there is no food provided then.

There's usually food though isn't there, snacks and cocktail sausages, sandwiches etc.?
You don't expect a pre-dinner dinner do you?

ronjo · 13-03-2014 1:58pm

Dolbert wrote: »

What I really hate about other people's weddings is *insert list of criticisms and things I didn't do*

It's not like my wedding, where we *insert pointless bragging about how my wedding was brilliant and everyone else's is crap*

*repeat ad nauseum until thread goes down toilet and is inevitably locked*

Excellent point. I can think of one or two round here who seem to do that in many threads..

username123 · 13-03-2014 1:58pm

keeponhurling wrote: »

There's usually food though isn't there, snacks and cocktail sausages, sandwiches etc.?
You don't expect a pre-dinner dinner do you?

Yes of course, if you invite people to an event that starts at 11am (so people may be traveling from 10am) and then you are not providing dinner until 6pm you need to feed them in between!

GeorgeBailey · 13-03-2014 2:03pm

Username exists wrote: »

Why is the hotel thanked during the speeches, it's not as if the meal and service was free.

No it wasn't free. But there are a lot of staff around working hard (mostly) and it's nice to show them a bit of appreciation on a job well done.

Tasden · 13-03-2014 2:04pm

keeponhurling wrote: »

I actually think Irish weddins are great.

I like the way they are a day-long event, really marks the occasion.
Also speeches personalise it a lot, even if you don't really know the b+g you get an idea of their story. Best man speeches are generally hilarious.

I don't get why so many people complain about them
- you don't have to attend
- you don't have to give a gift

I agree completely.

I love weddings, everything about them especially the speeches, a poster said nobody ever said I wish the speeches were longer- I say it every wedding I go to- LOVE the speeches!
Love that all the closest family members and friends give their stories and their own little take on things about the couple

Also, the speeches before the dinner leaving people hungry are sometimes done at that time because the poor people having to give the speeches are so nervous and want it over and done with so they can actually enjoy their meal properly once its done.

Love that its a day long celebration of the couple, and a night to just enjoy everyone's company.
I've never really encountered the gift culture, all weddings I've attended have been entirely about the couple and their friends and family celebrating the day.

I like the top table layout, think its one day for the couple to be centre of attention and its just nice for everyone to "gaze up" at them. I like it.

Completely agree on the church wedding being ridiculous if you never actually attend church.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 2:04pm

keeponhurling wrote: »

There's usually food though isn't there, snacks and cocktail sausages, sandwiches etc.?
You don't expect a pre-dinner dinner do you?

That's my point. There is NOT usually food at this point.

I don't get why not.

The dinner is generally hours and hours away because the church was so early. Why is this? I just don't get it.

Like the b&g spend a lot of time thinking and planning for their guests but never ever seem to think about this big massive gap where there guests are starving and bored.

Why not have a later church? Or an earlier dinner?
Or provide some food during this time.

Milly33 · 13-03-2014 2:07pm

Sounds like you just like a lot of things done they way you would like them

which is the way most weddings run. I have gone to plenty of weddings that have a good few nibbels beforehand that or you just go off yourself and have a bite to eat. tis up to you isn't it what you do in between the church and the dinner

Sam Kade · 13-03-2014 2:07pm

username123 wrote: »

Yes of course, if you invite people to an event that starts at 11am (so people may be traveling from 10am) and then you are not providing dinner until 6pm you need to feed them in between!

What about buying some food for themselves if they are that hungry

amdublin · 13-03-2014 2:09pm

Tasden wrote: »

Also, the speeches before the dinner leaving people hungry are sometimes done at that time because the poor people having to give the speeches are so nervous and want it over and done with so they can actually enjoy their meal properly once its done.

Yeah I never get that!

One person is nervous, so as not to ruin their meal let's torture 100 people and make them sit through 30-45 minutes of speeches before they can eat.

:cool:

lazygal · 13-03-2014 2:09pm

Sam Kade wrote: »

What about buying some food for themselves if they are that hungry

What about keeping your guests fed at an event you've invited them to. I wouldn't have people over for dinner and keep them waiting around for ages, and expect them to fill up beforehand.

Tordelback · 13-03-2014 2:10pm

amdublin wrote: »

Or provide some food during this time.

And then you can complain about the even crazier cost of the wedding.

Weddings are an odd mix of tradition, expectation and individual expression, and one of the few social arenas where two families, their friends and colleagues, get to spend extended time together. Covering all the angles is nearly impossible.

That it doesn't work perfectly for all guests is, I think, only to be expected.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 2:10pm

Milly33 wrote: »

Sounds like you just like a lot of things done they way you would like them which is the way most weddings run. I have gone to plenty of weddings that have a good few nibbels beforehand that or you just go off yourself and have a bite to eat. tis up to you isn't it what you do in between the church and the dinner

Sure is.

But I just don't get it. Why have that big gap there at all?

Why not have a later church? Or earlier dinner?

username123 · 13-03-2014 2:11pm

Sam Kade wrote: »

What about buying some food for themselves if they are that hungry

That depends on the venue, it's not always possible to buy food without leaving the venue entirely and while I've done this, if it's remote you could be gone a while and the bride and groom don't like an empty drinks reception either.

Tasden · 13-03-2014 2:13pm

amdublin wrote: »

Yeah I never get that!

One person is nervous, so as not to ruin their meal let's torture 100 people and make them sit through 30-45 minutes of speeches before they can eat.

:cool:

Or they're thinking that if their guests were that hungry that having to listen to a couple of speeches for the bride and groom (who you're there for) would be considered torture then surely they'd sort something out themselves.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 2:13pm

Tordelback wrote: »

And then you can complain about the even crazier cost of the wedding.

Weddings are an odd mix of tradition, expectation and individual expression, and one of the few social arenas where two families, their friends and colleagues, get to spend extended time together. Covering all the angles is nearly impossible.

That it doesn't work perfectly for all guests is, I think, only to be expected.

Does it work for any guests being left hungry

...maybe someone on a diet I guess.

GeorgeBailey · 13-03-2014 2:13pm

amdublin wrote: »

"we really make the most of the day and the night"
For me, a lot of the time (particularly between church and meal) I'm standing around bored and STARVINg. I really don't get that about Irish weddings that there is no food provided then.

From the posts you've made on this thread it looks like you go to a lot of weddings where you don't know a lot of people. Perhaps you should be more choosy of the weddings you go to? If you do know lots of people then there's no reason to be standing around bored unless you're unwilling to socialise with said people. Which would bring me back to my point of perhaps being more choosy about the weddings you go to.

As to the food thing, bring a sambo

Sam Kade · 13-03-2014 2:14pm

lazygal wrote: »

What about keeping your guests fed at an event you've invited them to. I wouldn't have people over for dinner and keep them waiting around for ages, and expect them to fill up beforehand.

How about eating as late as possible before going to the wedding, it isn't as if they are starving.

username123 · 13-03-2014 2:16pm

Sam Kade wrote: »

How about eating as late as possible before going to the wedding, it isn't as if they are starving.

Last wedding I went to was at 11am, 1.5 hrs drive away, so all opportunities to eat were gone by 9am.

Dinner was supposed to be at 5 but ended up delayed due to photographs so no food til after 6pm.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 2:18pm

GeorgeBailey wrote: »

From the posts you've made on this thread it looks like you go to a lot of weddings where you don't know a lot of people. Perhaps you should be more choosy of the weddings you go to? If you do know lots of people then there's no reason to be standing around bored unless you're unwilling to socialise with said people. Which would bring me back to my point of perhaps being more choosy about the weddings you go to.

As to the food thing, bring a sambo

Not at all!

I've made a lot of points on this thread. 6 alone in the first post I think.
Just some things I don't get!

Even when im in a group of my best friends why would I ever choose to stand around hungry so I'm just making the point that I just don't get why we don't serve some food during this time at an Irish wedding.

Just something I don't get! (maybe just me like :pac:)

lazygal · 13-03-2014 2:18pm

Sam Kade wrote: »

How about eating as late as possible before going to the wedding, it isn't as if they are starving.

If you're.invited to a 12 noon service in a remote area when the bride is almost an hour late and then you have a long mass anyone's going to be hungry. Then to have everyone drive an.hour to a second location and provide no food is just bad planning. How about just feeding your guests, it is not difficult.

Milly33 · 13-03-2014 2:18pm

jes haha i'd hate to be the person inviting some of ye to their wedding. The amount of moaning. ye seem to know the low down with how things run so ye have upper hand

Sligo1 · 13-03-2014 2:19pm

I don't mind the speeches.... I like them. I find some of them hilarious. But as I said previously. One father who spoke for 30min (there were about 4 speakers aswell previous which were grand) before dinner.... It was an awful experience tbh. I was afraid to get up and go to the toilet (was dying to go)... And no one could get up and get a drink from the bar... Terrible experience.

Having said that... That majority of speeches I have heard have been relatively short and really nice or funny.

amdublin · 13-03-2014 2:20pm

username123 wrote: »

Last wedding I went to was at 11am, 1.5 hrs drive away, so all opportunities to eat were gone by 9am.

Dinner was supposed to be at 5 but ended up delayed due to photographs so no food til after 6pm.

Oh jeebs!

A bit of nibbles served in the bar around 2/3 would've set you up until 6 though...

lazygal · 13-03-2014 2:21pm

Sligo1 wrote: »

I don't mind the speeches.... I like them. I find some of them hilarious. But as I said previously. One father who spoke for 30min (there were about 4 speakers aswell previous which were grand) before dinner.... It was an awful experience tbh. I was afraid to get up and go to the toilet (was dying to go)... And no one could get up and get a drink from the bar... Terrible experience.

Having said that... That majority of speeches I have heard have been relatively short and really nice or funny.

A friend of mine was at a wedding where both dads had printed a speech off the internet. Twas interesting....it was the same speech.....

Kontrapasa · 13-03-2014 2:24pm

amdublin wrote: »

This thread is called things I don't get about Irish weddings.

See you're thinking about from your perspective "people effusing over you". So I'm on the other side listening to that and I am finding that so goddamn boring.

"we really make the most of the day and the night"
For me, a lot of the time (particularly between church and meal) I'm standing around bored and STARVINg. I really don't get that about Irish weddings that there is no food provided then.

+1

kkcatlou wrote: »

That said, here's my addition to list:
totally agree on the lack of food between ceremony and meal. We've an hour long drive from church to venue, so to combat that, we're putting on food in the pub next door to the church (people will go in anyway) and on arrival at the venue, and crisp stands all around....hopefully people won't be too stuffed though!

Long engagements - you get engaged to get married, not to be engaged or to have a wedding! Anything more than a year I just don't get! Definitely more of an Irish thing.

This is such a weird concept for me. I notice lots of Irish couples do this. Each to their own and it's your day all that, but I don't understand having an hour drive (or sometimes more) between the two venues. In Spain any drive longer than 15 mins between the two places would be considered very rude and inconsiderate towards the guest. You're meant to keep it local and reasonable. I'm not married yet but certainly I wouldn't choose two venues that required me and my guests to spend an hour of my wedding day on a car instead of being already with my guest chit chating, drinking and eating and enjoying a day I put money and effort into.

If bride and groom are from quite far away, I'd understand choosing somewhere halfway through or something that requires a drive, but when both are from same area and majority of friends and relative will be too, it doesn't make any sense to make so many people hit the road for long periods when you could have kept it around the corner.

Also another thing I noticed providing bus for your guest seems rare. With all the drinking that is involved in weddings, I'm surprised there is no bus from church/ceremony to reception and back offered. This is standard in Spain.

Engagements: Don't get them at all. I can see where the tradition comes from (when women were "men's possession") but in this day and age I don't get them. Specially the most traditional style; asking the father for her hand, going down on a knee, putting a ring in her finger and "having to wait" till he proposes, women can not make the decision or propose it (unless it's leap year :rolleyes:).

In Spain, when couples decide to get married, they have a chat among themselves and they go set a date for the ceremony (no longer than a year away). Then they tell the closest ones and then they look for a venue. Once everything is set they invite the extended family and they get married, in less than a year or close to year notice. Nothing like being engaged for years, trying to save up or anything like that. No engagement rings either.

Also I find the asking for her hand and putting a ring on her, so outdated. I would feel offended if my father and my future husband "agreed" that it was ok for him to marry me. Even if it's done because it's meant to be a harmless "cute" tradition. I'm not anyone's property and I'm a person that can make my own decisions for myself and I certainly don't need a ring in my finger to show that "I'm taken" unless he was also wearing an engagement ring to show that he is "taken" too. Equality.

And then the taking your husband's name....but that is probably another discussion...

lazygal · 13-03-2014 2:24pm

Milly33 wrote: »

jes haha i'd hate to be the person inviting some of ye to their wedding. The amount of moaning. ye seem to know the low down with how things run so ye have upper hand

Posters who say this are usually having a church wedding and giving out about the rules, not providing food on arrival from a long mass, and trying to tell everyone how much its costing so they'll get cash gifts.

username123 · 13-03-2014 2:24pm

amdublin wrote: »

Oh jeebs!

A bit of nibbles served in the bar around 2/3 would've set you up until 6 though...

Exactly. It was a country house hotel reception so no food available to buy there. The drive from the church was nearly an hour so we didn't even get there til nearly 2. by the time we realised there was no food to be gotten there it was nearly 3 and we were thinking that with dinner being at 5 to just wait it out.

End result, really sozzled guests by dinner.

lazygal · 13-03-2014 2:26pm

username123 wrote: »

Exactly. It was a country house hotel reception so no food available to buy there. The drive from the church was nearly an hour so we didn't even get there til nearly 2. by the time we realised there was no food to be gotten there it was nearly 3 and we were thinking that with dinner being at 5 to just wait it out.

End result, really sozzled guests by dinner.

I hope the photos were worth it. I've been that soldier!

Milly33 · 13-03-2014 2:32pm

Tis kind of a handy thread few things I have taken note so as not to step on the guests toes and think about them on the day too

amdublin · 13-03-2014 2:37pm

Milly33 wrote: »

Tis kind of a handy thread few things I have taken note so as not to step on the guests toes and think about them on the day too

I'm sure you are thinking of them already and trying to make your day different and special.

Forget your magicians, sketch artists, party favours, and photo booth thingies etc. No-one cares about them or remembers them six months later.

Spend your money instead on keeping your guests fed (before the meal!) and watered much better value!

And no long speeches!

Milly33 · 13-03-2014 2:42pm

Ok all noted. I am only have balloons maybe that it and bubbles !! hehe

username123 · 13-03-2014 2:45pm

Hunger really ruins an otherwise good wedding. There was one I went to that the dinner was pretty skimpy and the afters nibbles were gone before even half the people got to them, it was a country house job so no food to be served. People started calling taxis to do take away runs.

Not good. All I recall about that wedding is how hungry I was at it.

PCros · 13-03-2014 2:47pm

amdublin wrote: »

7. Speeches before dinner.
See above, we are starving. If you want people to pay attention to your speeches do them during dessert. Or at a push during soup.

Much easier said than done.

If the people partaking in the speeches are nervous and have mentioned it, it is only fair to do speeches before the meal otherwise said speakers would not enjoy the meal at all.

Having said that speeches should only be 3-5 minute affair at the most.

zoobizoo · 13-03-2014 2:49pm

PCros wrote: »

Much easier said than done.

If the people partaking in the speeches are nervous and have mentioned it, it is only fair to do speeches before the meal otherwise said speakers would not enjoy the meal at all.

Having said that speeches should only be 3-5 minute affair at the most.

If the speeches are good, then they can go on for longer than 5 minutes - sure you'd never get anything across about a person in that time. I know the person I was best man for would have felt short changed.

Oops69 · 13-03-2014 2:51pm

Xmas weddings , stop wrecking my Xmas please.

PCros · 13-03-2014 2:54pm

zoobizoo wrote: »

If the speeches are good, then they can go on for longer than 5 minutes - sure you'd never get anything across about a person in that time. I know the person I was best man for would have felt short changed.

Yes the best mans maybe, the rest shouldn’t really be too long.

sopretty · 13-03-2014 2:56pm

My daughter (age of 9) loves weddings (I don't). She loves them because 'they're like a big long party'.

She elaborated with the following.........

'First of all you have the boring bit, then you have the bit with the photos being taken and stuff, then you get to go to the hotel, then you get your food and then there's the dancing bit, but it goes on for the whole day!! '

I think I'll send her as my ambassador or representative to any future weddings to which I'm invited!!

Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

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