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Honour your mother and father

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  • 02-10-2019 1:59pm
    #1
    naturalgems18
    Registered Users Posts: 42 ✭


    Hi,

    Im wondering if someone should shed some light on this issue for me. My mother is a devout catholic and her faith is very very important to her. She spent a lot of time looking after my grandmother when she was ill and spending a lot of her spare time doing work for the legion of Mary. In doing so, she neglected us, her children, quite a bit. We really weren't important to her at all. She'd no time for her grandchildren either. After my grandmother passed, the situation has remained the same. If she's ever pulled up on not spending time with us or grandchildren, she will hark back about being busy with the legion of Mary, her sister, etc. etc. But it is very hurtful. She constantly brings up the Ten Commandments about honouring your mother and father, but what about your children? I honestly don't want to offend her because I know her religion is important, but surely your family are too? Can any one help out with dealing with this? Thanks


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    #2
    theological
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,831 ✭✭✭theological


    naturalgems18 wrote: »
    Hi,

    Im wondering if someone should shed some light on this issue for me. My mother is a devout catholic and her faith is very very important to her. She spent a lot of time looking after my grandmother when she was ill and spending a lot of her spare time doing work for the legion of Mary. In doing so, she neglected us, her children, quite a bit. We really weren't important to her at all. She'd no time for her grandchildren either. After my grandmother passed, the situation has remained the same. If she's ever pulled up on not spending time with us or grandchildren, she will hark back about being busy with the legion of Mary, her sister, etc. etc. But it is very hurtful. She constantly brings up the Ten Commandments about honouring your mother and father, but what about your children? I honestly don't want to offend her because I know her religion is important, but surely your family are too? Can any one help out with dealing with this? Thanks

    I don't know the full circumstances of the situation that you are referring to, but there are two sides to look at it from.

    Your side, and her side.

    Your mother was right to want to take care of her parents and to honour them in that way. The Bible tells us that looking after our families is of crucial importance. That also includes looking after children too.
    1 Timothy 5:18 wrote:
    But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

    However, I would encourage you to build your mother up with your words rather than tearing her down. If we're Christians we've received grace and forgiveness in the Lord Jesus. We are not perfect, and neither is your mum. Perhaps you need to cut her some slack. Constantly berating someone for their mistakes isn't helpful.
    Ephesians 4:29 wrote:
    Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear
    James 2:12-13 wrote:
    So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

    I would recommend taking a positive approach rather than a negative approach with your mother, and also remember that you also fall short and that you are not perfect. That's why Jesus needed to die for your sins on the cross.


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    #3
    Kaybaykwah
    Registered Users Posts: 3,097 ✭✭✭Kaybaykwah


    theological wrote: »
    I don't know the full circumstances of the situation that you are referring to, but there are two sides to look at it from.

    Your side, and her side.

    Your mother was right to want to take care of her parents and to honour them in that way. The Bible tells us that looking after our families is of crucial importance. That also includes looking after children too.



    However, I would encourage you to build your mother up with your words rather than tearing her down. If we're Christians we've received grace and forgiveness in the Lord Jesus. We are not perfect, and neither is your mum. Perhaps you need to cut her some slack. Constantly berating someone for their mistakes isn't helpful.





    I would recommend taking a positive approach rather than a negative approach with your mother, and also remember that you also fall short and that you are not perfect. That's why Jesus needed to die for your sins on the cross.

    "That's why Jesus "felt" he needed to die for your sins on the cross".

    I added the "felt" to restore some minuscule amount of reason to your last, tired old sentence.


    I can't think of a better way to portray the delusional character of the Christian faith than the prerequisite maxim you just stated. It wreaks of induced psychosis.


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    #4
    Cabaal
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 28,470 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cabaal


    naturalgems18 wrote: »
    If she's ever pulled up on not spending time with us or grandchildren, she will hark back about being busy with the legion of Mary, her sister, etc. etc. But it is very hurtful. She constantly brings up the Ten Commandments about honouring your mother and father, but what about your children? I honestly don't want to offend her because I know her religion is important, but surely your family are too? Can any one help out with dealing with this? Thanks

    Honestly it sounds like an unhealthy obsession,
    Family should always come first in the grand scale of things and imho nobody should be quoting the ten commandments when they are asked why they don't spend time with their grandchildren.

    Religion might be important to her, but like any unhealthy obsession it sounds like in your case that its actually causing more harm then good in her life. Sadly she doesn't seem to notice it.

    From experience this creates a difficult situation for you as people like this can get very single minded on whats important in life and its difficult to change their obsessive routine.

    What happens if you invited her to a day out or family event, will she try side step it?


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    #5
    Sagats_knee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 91 ✭✭Sagats_knee


    Kaybaykwah wrote: »
    "That's why Jesus "felt" he needed to die for your sins on the cross".

    I added the "felt" to restore some minuscule amount of reason to your last, tired old sentence.


    I can't think of a better way to portray the delusional character of the Christian faith than the prerequisite maxim you just stated. It wreaks of induced psychosis.

    The Christian has been freed by truth. Go peddle your anti Christian waffle on the atheist forum or after hours with all the other edgelords.


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    #6
    Kaybaykwah
    Registered Users Posts: 3,097 ✭✭✭Kaybaykwah


    Sagats_knee wrote: »
    The Christian has been freed by truth. Go peddle your anti Christian waffle on the atheist forum or after hours with all the other edgelords.

    What truth do you speak of?

    That Jesus was put on a cross for humans to expiate the sin of breathing?

    Fancy footwork indeed.

    Christianity is about celebrating the death of Christ, not his life. That is the thing on which it hinges, where the priestly kind get you to bend down and take it, so to speak.

    Good luck with all that jazz.


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    #7
    Sagats_knee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 91 ✭✭Sagats_knee


    Kaybaykwah wrote: »
    What truth do you speak of?

    That Jesus was put on a cross for humans to expiate the sin of breathing?

    Fancy footwork indeed.

    Christianity is about celebrating the death of Christ, not his life. That is the thing on which it hinges, where the priestly kind get you to bend down and take it, so to speak.

    Good luck with all that jazz.

    Christianity is not about celebration. We do celebrate the resurrection of Christ, the defeat of death as the ultimate result of sin. Christianity is about salvation through Christ.

    The truth I speak of is that Christ is our Lord and Saviour. There is no greater purpose in life than to understand this and follow Him.

    The sin is not of breathing, the sin is the sin nature we have inherited in this fallen world through Adam, who like you turned his back on God. We all sin. We all break His commandments to love one another, and to love God.

    When you separate yourself from the Source of life, then you wither and die. The world is full of such death in its fallen state.

    Christ offers us a way back to life, he took that death for us, defeated it and rose again in Glory. He tore the veil between us and God. He is the Way to eternal life, and those who reject Him don’t have life within them.


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    #8
    Cabaal
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 28,470 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cabaal


    Sagats_knee wrote: »
    Christianity is not about celebration.

    In your view, thankfully many other Christians will diff on this view.
    Essentially you morn your existence rather then celebrate it...what a sad way to look at the world.


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    #9
    smacl
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,723 Mod ✭✭✭✭smacl


    Cabaal wrote: »
    In your view, thankfully many other Christians will diff on this view.
    Essentially you morn your existence rather then celebrate it...what a sad way to look at the world.

    Kevin Smith fan? Sounds a bit dogmatic ;)


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    #10
    Cabaal
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 28,470 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cabaal


    smacl wrote: »
    Kevin Smith fan? Sounds a bit dogmatic ;)

    Not a fan, but Serendipity sure did make a lot of valid points :pac:


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    #11
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,731 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    naturalgems18 wrote: »
    Hi,

    In doing so, she neglected us, her children, quite a bit. We really weren't important to her at all. She'd no time for her grandchildren either. After my grandmother passed, the situation has remained the same. If she's ever pulled up on not spending time with us or grandchildren, she will hark back about being busy with the legion of Mary, her sister, etc. etc.

    Can you be specific about what sort of neglect this was?

    Because from what you've said, it could be anything from leaving you locked in the house unfed, to using bought birthday cakes instead of home-made ones.

    What did you father do about it? He was, after all, equally responsible for your wellbeing


    Mother's don't always like their children, BTW. If you were conceived as a result of rape or in a poor-quality marriage, you may be nothing but a constant reminder of that.


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