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Do you talk to your neighbours?

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    #92
    I Am Nobody
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭I Am Nobody


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Indeed - 3 of a planned 4 kids so far - and it drives my religious neighbour completely batty. Literally performing services over our land with one of those holy water throwing things priests normally have. Not sure where he got it.

    We actually befriended a priest from the area some time ago so he visits us on occasion and the neighbour even accosted him at the entrance to try and stop him going anywhere near us. I have passed him on the street on occasion and he has literally hissed at me.

    But all our neighbours slightly further afield we get on really well with. It is only unfortunately the one closest to us that is the total nut job.

    Well in the Good Book it does say go forth and be fruitful and multiply.But seriously is it not very stressful for you at times?


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    #93
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I Am Nobody wrote: »
    Well in the Good Book it does say go forth and be fruitful and multiply.But seriously is it not very stressful for you at times?

    The neighbour or the relationship?

    The first - not really. I guess I probably helicopter parent a little more than I would like to if the kids are outside the house just in case the neighbour targets them for any of his preaching or whatever. But for the most part except for the hissing and performing holy water services and accosting our visitors - he has left us well enough alone as time has gone on. He does seem to develop a sudden love of telescope star gazing from behind the curtains - in the summer every year - during the day time - in our garden - when the sunbathing season starts though :)

    The second - not so much. There are things that are harder for us than couples would have. My user name for example was based on exasperation trying to work out tax returns for us :) But there are things much easier for us that couples. So it balances out overall. Three incomes. The same amount of life chores and bills but split over three people rather than two. Three sets of grandparents to help with the kids rather than two. And so on. Economies of scale and all that. Overall I would say we have it no better _or_ worse than any average relationship.


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    #94
    I Am Nobody
    Closed Accounts Posts: 726 ✭✭✭I Am Nobody


    Deleted User wrote: »
    The neighbour or the relationship?

    The first - not really. I guess I probably helicopter parent a little more than I would like to if the kids are outside the house just in case the neighbour targets them for any of his preaching or whatever. But for the most part except for the hissing and performing holy water services and accosting our visitors - he has left us well enough alone as time has gone on. He does seem to develop a sudden love of telescope star gazing from behind the curtains - in the summer every year - during the day time - in our garden - when the sunbathing season starts though :)

    The second - not so much. There are things that are harder for us than couples would have. My user name for example was based on exasperation trying to work out tax returns for us :) But there are things much easier for us that couples. So it balances out overall. Three incomes. The same amount of life chores and bills but split over three people rather than two. Three sets of grandparents to help with the kids rather than two. And so on. Economies of scale and all that. Overall I would say we have it no better _or_ worse than any average relationship.

    Well fair play to you for making it work!I wouldn't be able TBH.


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    #95
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I Am Nobody wrote: »
    Well fair play to you for making it work!I wouldn't be able TBH.

    I cede most of the credit to the other two for that. They are more to blame for it working so far than I am. Sometimes I think it works _despite_ me not because of me :)


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    #96
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Deleted User wrote: »

    The second - not so much. There are things that are harder for us than couples would have. My user name for example was based on exasperation trying to work out tax returns for us :) But there are things much easier for us that couples. So it balances out overall. Three incomes. The same amount of life chores and bills but split over three people rather than two. Three sets of grandparents to help with the kids rather than two. And so on. Economies of scale and all that. Overall I would say we have it no better _or_ worse than any average relationship.
    Often wondered about your username, I assumed you were an accountant or something.

    Excuse my nosiness, it must be annoying when people pry, but here I go anyway. Are you married to one of them, and is there an 'original' wife or girlfriend, if you know what I mean? And what about jealousy? The nature of human relationships is such that you must feel closer to one than the other?


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    #97
    Jenneke87
    Registered Users Posts: 807 ✭✭✭Jenneke87


    I do. I play an instrument so I want to make sure they are not bothered by It and know that they can tell me if they are. We take parels for each other and greet/make small talk when we see each other.


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    #98
    gogo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭gogo


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    Often wondered about your username, I assumed you were an accountant or something. ?

    Beginning to think it’s Martin Cahill reincarnate, two girls and ahem ... tax problems... the general is back!


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    #99
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    Excuse my nosiness, it must be annoying when people pry, but here I go anyway.

    I like talking about myself as much as anyone really. I do feel bad if I take over a thread that is not about me and make it about me though. So I hope I do not annoy anyone :)
    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    Are you married to one of them, and is there an 'original' wife or girlfriend, if you know what I mean? And what about jealousy? The nature of human relationships is such that you must feel closer to one than the other?

    Not married no. Thankfully one of them works in law. So we worked with a solicitor and wrote up a lot of documents and signed them to get as many of the perks and privileges of marriage between us and she helped a lot understanding that process. Next of kin rights - medical proxy - guardianship of the kids and so forth. I do not speak legal though so we often joke that she probably took ownership of our souls in some of the things she had us sign :) But it is good to know that if I and one of them died tomorrow - the remaining parent is not likely to have some of our kids ripped away from her because they are not "hers".

    The day the final document was signed we had a "wedding" ceremony of our own design with friends and family and drink and food and so forth. So not officially married in any way - but we celebrated it all the same. Vows and the lot. Not unlike a Quaker wedding in some ways how we did it. Mixed with a "roast" too. A quaker wedding mixed with a jewish roasting.

    Jealousy has never been an issue. But that does take work. We try to remember that we are not just one relationship but actually four relationships in one. A truple - and three couples. And we do our best to nurture each of those 4 and never leave one wanting.

    As for loving one more than the other - do people love one parent more than another? One kid more than another? One sibling? I dunno. I have never quantified it as "more" or "less" just - different in some ways and the same in other ways.

    Our capacity to love as humans is probably the only resource that I have not yet seen a limit too. It feels limitless. And just when you think you are loving as many people as you can as much as you can - you do something like have another baby and you find the limits pushed back even further. Perhaps the capacity is infinite? I dunno. I like to think so.


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    #100
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Deleted User wrote: »
    The day the final document was signed we had a "wedding" ceremony of our own design with friends and family and drink and food and so forth. So not officially married in any way - but we celebrated it all the same. Vows and the lot. Not unlike a Quaker wedding in some ways how we did it. Mixed with a "roast" too. A quaker wedding mixed with a jewish roasting.
    You probably could have had a quaker wedding, they'll let you do anything. My own Dad was a quaker, they'll have anybody as long as you bring baked goods to service. Mazel Tov!


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    #101
    Nigel Fairservice
    Registered Users, Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 2,186 Mod ✭✭✭✭Nigel Fairservice


    In the estate I grew up in I would have known many of my older neighbours quite well. I don't know any of the newer people that moved in. I haven't seen some of them in years despite living on the same road. I don't know any of my neighbours where I currently live. Oddly enough my movements seem to be synced with my next door neighbour. I see him most days but we never say a thing to each other.


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    #102
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,792 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Leg End Reject wrote: »
    Talk to them all but friendlier with some.

    If the sh1t hit the fan for any of us there's a choice of doors to knock on, yet we don't live in one another's pockets.

    I can't understand not wanting to be on good terms with neighbours.

    Hope this doesn't come across as rude, but nowadays, with perhaps the majority of people living in some sort of adjoining accommodation like apts especially and also semi-d's/terraced houses - majority with mickey mouse soundproofing - living in one another's pockets isn't a huge exaggeration...

    Like someone else said "if you don't fall in you can't fall out". Get talking to your apartment neighbours and then who knows what concessions they'll expect you to make ranging from the not unreasonable to the bizarre.

    Stuff like "don't have people ringing your doorbell because I can hear it and think it's for me" level of crap :mad:

    Granted, people are naturally supposed to live in communities in close proximity from since the stone age but (and a slight:P exaggeration here) they're not supposed to be crammed together like sardines.

    As for me, no, not so much; I do my best to shun them if anything. I'm not a complete misanthrope though, I do like a lot of people and a good few I talk to regular - but neighbours; I don't really see the percentage (for percentage read 'point', 'value' etc, and not any "gain" ) in engaging with them.

    Which, while I'm here this convo reminds me of the 'olde money' big house planter types and how they're often well regarded as being friendly/valuable contributing members of the community; and good luck to them. Easy to do that though when "one" is removed from everyone else and therefore not involved in squabbles over noise or parking spots etc.. Plus they most likely have plenty of money which helps as they're less likely to need 'favours' and the like, so therefore have no need to "reciprocate". Neighbours be complaining bout how some folk be take take take and never do much to help their neighbouring fellow man/woman.

    The way I see it is "not being on bad terms" with one's neighbours is pretty much good enough.

    Ma 2 cents is all :)


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    #103
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    It's interesting and eye-opening for me to discover just how common it is, at least on here, for people to not know their neighbours and to be of the opinion that they don't want to know them. That sort of willful social avoidance by so many people is surely at odds with the way most people lived until very recently. I wonder how many people who say they are 'happy' not knowing their neighbours also consider themselves to suffer from depression and disregard the effect on their mental health of living in an estate/street with people who mostly don't feel any mutual links with. Seems like a step backwards society-wise to me and one with mental health repercussions. Working a job you don't like to pay the mortgage for a house in a sterile neighbourhood where nobody cares about each other; that wouldnt help anyone's mental health. I suppose though that sense of lack of community is something that came about insidiously over the past few decades and for most people it would take a more conscious effort to form any kind of relationship with their neighbours in comparison to the past.


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    #104
    Liamo57
    Closed Accounts Posts: 157 ✭✭Liamo57


    What a sad thread. Not wanting to talk to someone who is being friendly means you have a serious problem. Im glad you are not my neighbour. I live in the country and I stop and talk to everyone. I couldnt give a toss whether they like me or not.


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    #105
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,876 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    Liamo57 wrote:
    What a sad thread. Not wanting to talk to someone who is being friendly means you have a serious problem. Im glad you are not my neighbour. I live in the country and I stop and talk to everyone. I couldnt give a toss whether they like me or not.


    Some people struggle in social situations


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    #106
    witchgirl26
    Registered Users Posts: 2,078 ✭✭✭witchgirl26


    In the place I used to live, we knew the neighbours to wave at & say hi but that was about it. Moved into a new estate at the same time as our neighbours either side & have become quite close to them. Happily chat away in the driveways. We all have kids similar ages so they play with each other a bit. Keep an eye on their houses when they're away, take in parcels for each other, lend tools & bits & pieces. Have had a couple of bbq's & drinks too. It's been great. In fact one neighbour saved my sanity just after I had my first child by lending me a sling & showing me how to use it. At the same time, we don't always stop to have some mad long conversation when we arrive into the driveways at the same time. Both understand that we all have stuff to do & don't always have time for a chat. But always time for a smile & wave.


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    #107
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,792 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Deleted User wrote: »
    It's interesting and eye-opening for me to discover just how common it is, at least on here, for people to not know their neighbours and to be of the opinion that they don't want to know them. That sort of willful social avoidance by so many people is surely at odds with the way most people lived until very recently. I wonder how many people who say they are 'happy' not knowing their neighbours also consider themselves to suffer from depression and disregard the effect on their mental health of living in an estate/street with people who mostly don't feel any mutual links with. Seems like a step backwards society-wise to me and one with mental health repercussions. Working a job you don't like to pay the mortgage for a house in a sterile neighbourhood where nobody cares about each other; that wouldnt help anyone's mental health. I suppose though that sense of lack of community is something that came about insidiously over the past few decades and for most people it would take a more conscious effort to form any kind of relationship with their neighbours in comparison to the past.

    That's an excellent point OnionBelt; sums up modern life and community living perfectly imo


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    #108
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    I speak to them when I meet them out but I don't call over for a chat or any shiite like that. We are the only two houses on our lane and we live across the road from each other so its not like we have adjoining gardens or fence. They don't visit us either which is good, we get on well when we do meet and the current 'arrangement' appears to work well for them too.

    Theres a house being built beside/behind us at the moment and I have met the people building it and they're friendly and nice people but I don't plan on being best buddies or anything like that with them.


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    #109
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,792 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »
    I speak to them when I meet them out but I don't call over for a chat or any shiite like that. We are the only two houses on our lane and we live across the road from each other so its not like we have adjoining gardens or fence. They don't visit us either which is good, we get on well when we do meet and the current 'arrangement' appears to work well for them too.

    Theres a house being built beside/behind us at the moment and I have met the people building it and they're friendly and nice people but I don't plan on being best buddies or anything like that with them.

    Looks like you 'have it solved' :D

    Now where's that jealousy emoji :P


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    #110
    r93kaey5p2izun
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,962 ✭✭✭r93kaey5p2izun


    I have a love/hate, mostly hate relationship with most of them. I know them all but I prefer privacy and not talking to them. I'm not interested in making friends with neighbours. They are quite a close knit community though. Most of them are alright but many of them are scumbags tbh - drug dealers, criminals, etc. More than one murderer! A lot of antisocial behaviour and it pays to be on friendly terms to avoid the worst of that. There's a weird sort of loyalty thing too. Like, one might have given you hassle on the road, yet see them elsewhere and they'll give you a friendly nod. They would also come to your assistance if they saw you being hassled elsewhere, even though they've done the same themselves at home.


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