Feel like my life is Over at 28

padzer220982 · 22-05-2019 1:56am #1

I really need to get this off my chest and any advice would be greatly welcome. I feel at the age of 28 my life is over. I live at home with my parents as I cannot afford to move out and at the minute my future is looking very bleak.

For my last job I worked in a warehouse and was not kept on when my contract finished back in January. after that I enrolled in a minibus driving course that finished this May. I didn't pass my test for the D1 licence so effectively wasted my time doing it.

I don't have a girlfriend as I would be genuinely embarrassed to approach a girl and tell her about my current situation. I drive a car that's nearly 20 years old. The few friends I do have have all made decent lives for themselves and compared to them i feel like absolute garbage to be still living at home with my parents.

I feel like my life has been one failure after another and genuinely fear that I will never be able to get out of my current situation.

Odyssey 2005 · 22-05-2019 2:20am

Do the test again. And if you fail that ...then apply and do it again. Baby steps. Dont be arsed what others think, look out for yourself. Nothing wrong with a 20 year old car,its better than a leap card.!

LegacyUser · 22-05-2019 3:53am

Hey OP,
I just wanted to say I’m 28, lucky to be in a good position in life and couldn’t care less about cars, whether someone lives with their parents etc. it’s really hard these days to make ends meet and everybody knows that. I would much rather date someone genuine caring and kind than someone who lives in their own place with a fancy car who lacks these qualities. Any girl worth dating isn’t going to care about this stuff. You are being way too hard on yourself. You are comparing and despairing when really you have no idea what your friends lives are like, what qualities you have that they are lacking, what struggles they have and what their insecurities are, we all have them. Wish you the best with passing the test if you decide you want to resit.

vikings2012 · 22-05-2019 8:07am

Comparison is the thief of joy!

You will never be happy if you constantly compare your circumstances to others. There will always be people in life richer, smarter, fitter and more successful. It’s important not to emphasize on their lives but rather focus on your own.

You’re young, healthy, you have friends, you have your parents, you can drive and you have very few significant obstacles preventing you from living a great life! I believe you should be thankful for the above because a lot of people in this society do not have the same and would love to be in your position of having family and friends.

You seem to have ambition and a desire to change and better yourself! Take small steps. Do the test again. Do a CE or local community scheme while you’re not at work. Volunteer and bulk up your CV. Volunteer and help others, I can’t describe the sense of fulfillment I get from this and it provides me with a reality check on life.

Regarding the car, yes you own an old car. If it gets you from A to B then it serves the same purpose as a new car. Remember most people who have these expense cars do not own them and have taking out debt or actually rent them (pcp).

I don’t think you’re life is over. I understand your struggle. You are stuck in the mud at the moment. You can either sink or you can try to focus on your life so that you can get out and live the best life possible.

TheUnderfaker · 22-05-2019 8:11am

I felt like this a few years ago too. I went back to education and really knuckled down. 3 and a half years later I own my own house and have a very good job that's the envy of my peer group.

It can be done.

.Charlo · 22-05-2019 8:13am

No shame in having an old car, I know fellas your age dont have a car of any kind. Go for the test again. Best of luck.

....... · 22-05-2019 10:16am

I didnt even learn how to drive until I was in my early 30s and I lived with my parents til then too.

AT 28 your life is only starting. So youve had a few setbacks but the good news is that you are at an age AND the economy is at a stage, where you can just carry on and try again.

Do the bus driving test again. And again, and keep at it til you pass it. Practice makes perfect!

padzer220982 · 22-05-2019 1:26pm

cheers for all the reply's.. I know I do have a lot going for me its just I really can't stop feeling like a loser and an embarrassment to my family.. my 2 sisters (1 older, 1 younger) and my brother (older) have all all moved out and have have partners and have their lives pretty much sorted, while I'm stuck at home in the same situation I was when I left school 10 years ago. I really feel like I'm wasting my life and all the things everyone else does (buy a house, get married, have children) seems to be passing me by. I just hope it will get better someday i suppose.

Hedgelayer · 22-05-2019 1:33pm

padzer220982 wrote: »

cheers for all the reply's.. I know I do have a lot going for me its just I really can't stop feeling like a loser and an embarrassment to my family.. my 2 sisters (1 older, 1 younger) and my brother (older) have all all moved out and have have partners and have their lives pretty much sorted, while I'm stuck at home in the same situation I was when I left school 10 years ago. I really feel like I'm wasting my life and all the things everyone else does (buy a house, get married, have children) seems to be passing me by. I just hope it will get better someday i suppose.

From where im looking you're on the cusp of going one way or the other.

Grasp life, and enjoy it.

A lot of people who bought houses and are married would love to be in your boat.

You could head off anytime you like, girlfriends, relationships car's and houses are not the be all and end all.

I am a lone wolf most of the time and left the high life behind.
Gave up my corporate lifestyle, studied horticulture and heritage and love the quite lifestyle that goes with it...

....... · 22-05-2019 2:14pm

padzer220982 wrote: »

cheers for all the reply's.. I know I do have a lot going for me its just I really can't stop feeling like a loser and an embarrassment to my family.. my 2 sisters (1 older, 1 younger) and my brother (older) have all all moved out and have have partners and have their lives pretty much sorted, while I'm stuck at home in the same situation I was when I left school 10 years ago. I really feel like I'm wasting my life and all the things everyone else does (buy a house, get married, have children) seems to be passing me by. I just hope it will get better someday i suppose.

Stop comparing your life to other people. You never know what is really going on in other peoples lives. You could be looking at someone with their own place and partner and thinking they have it all and really they could be miserable in their relationship and struggling with the rent or mortgage and thinking youre made up cos youre single and debt free. Its all swings and roundabouts.

Youre not a loser or an embarrassment to anyone but the only person who can make changes is YOU.

MartyMcFly84 · 22-05-2019 3:19pm

**I don't have a car. So would be very happy with a 20 year old one.

You seem incredibly hard on yourself. Everyone fails, and it is only a waste of time if you dont try again.

I would recommend getting into martial arts, It was a life changer for me in my 20s . Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Judo, MMA,, Wrestling, kickboxing, would be a great ones. It really opened my eyes to what it takes to progress, and succeed, discipline, practice and constantly failing and trying to learn from mistakes, and doing it again and again, until you get it. These attributes can be applied to all areas of life .

Time spent feeling sorry for yourself is time not spent changing what you want to change.

santana75 · 22-05-2019 8:27pm

Op you have to forget about what any girl will think of you. What other people think of you is none of your business. Thats an actual book title. Your life is not a performance for anybody else. If the whole world decided to reject you so be it, you'll still be fine. Thats the attitude you have to develop, only when you're free from the slavery of "what will people think of me" can you really start to get along with people. Its a paradox, but a necessary one for you to have a healthy life. What do you want out of life, what is it you're drawn to? Obviously its not Mini bus driving. Lets be honest if you had a passion for driving you wouldve aced that test. It sounds like something you just did maybe for money. Your job is to respect yourself, not be concerned one bit about what anyone else may or may not be thinking about you, and figure out who you are. Its a full time job and requires focus but you wont be able to focus so long as youre looking around and comparing yourself to everyone else. Its kind of hilariously mellow dramatic to be saying your life is over at 28. Stop watching the clock and comparing yourself with what you think society expects of you. Society will bleed you dry in a job you hate til your 65 then spit you out into retirement where you'll keel over and die of a broken spirit 3 years later. Forget societal norms or expectations. I would venture to guess that all those friends you mentioned are not exactly living the dream so dont give them another second of your thinking. Focus on you, invest your time in getting to know who you really are.

ILoveYourVibes · 24-05-2019 4:45pm

When you are 78 these things won't matter so much.

Jurgen The German · 24-05-2019 5:10pm

padzer220982 wrote: »

I really need to get this off my chest and any advice would be greatly welcome. I feel at the age of 28 my life is over. I live at home with my parents as I cannot afford to move out and at the minute my future is looking very bleak.

For my last job I worked in a warehouse and was not kept on when my contract finished back in January. after that I enrolled in a minibus driving course that finished this May. I didn't pass my test for the D1 licence so effectively wasted my time doing it.

I don't have a girlfriend as I would be genuinely embarrassed to approach a girl and tell her about my current situation. I drive a car that's nearly 20 years old. The few friends I do have have all made decent lives for themselves and compared to them i feel like absolute garbage to be still living at home with my parents.

I feel like my life has been one failure after another and genuinely fear that I will never be able to get out of my current situation.

When I turned 30 I was unemployed, couldn't drive and was living at home with my parents. I wasnt able to find a job so took one in a call centre. Worked hard, did a few professional qualifications that my employers paid for, got a few promotions, changed jobs a couple of times and last week got a new job with a global giant in the field that pays more than treble what I was being paid in the call centre job and includes the full suite of benefits too. You are still only young and we are in a job rich market at the moment. There are companies crying out for staff in various financial services streams for example. If an office type role isn't for you there are lots of construction jobs available as labourers. Doing a safe pass course could be an idea. Perhaps an apprenticeship? I know you feel like crap but try and take the positives from your situation. You have somewhere to live, you are healthy and you want to work. That's three things alone that alot of people cannot say.

lulu1 · 26-05-2019 11:27pm

Op you have a car that will do the same job as a brand new one
My daughter just out of collage and started her first job and what she was going to do when she got her wages. She soon discovered when she paid 500e a month rent and 500 deposit she wasnt going to do much.
She was going to buy a car and by the way she passed her test on the 3rd go. Now she has no money to buy the car or insure it
So what if you live with your parents who better to live with

MartyMcFly84 · 27-05-2019 1:58pm

]When I turned 30 I was unemployed, couldn't drive and was living at home with my parents. I wasnt able to find a job so took one in a call centre. Worked hard, did a few professional qualifications that my employers paid for, got a few promotions, changed jobs a couple of times and last week got a new job with a global giant in the field that pays more than treble what I was being paid in the call centre job and includes the full suite of benefits too. You are still only young and we are in a job rich market at the moment. There are companies crying out for staff in various financial services streams for example. If an office type role isn't for you there are lots of construction jobs available as labourers. Doing a safe pass course could be an idea. Perhaps an apprenticeship? I know you feel like crap but try and take the positives from your situation. You have somewhere to live, you are healthy and you want to work. That's three things alone that alot of people cannot say.

I can second this. When I was 30 I had moved back from being abroad, I was broke, couldn't drive, no job, and was on the dole for a few weeks living a box room with a tiny toilet and a I had a hot plate to cook on. I had put all my chips into trying to be an athlete and had two back to back bad knee injuries and no proper health insurance and realised I probably will never make it. One week I had 40 quid to live off and on my way back from training i realised there was a hole in my pocket and 20 fallen out. I literally had 20 euro to my name and had to survive a week. It was a real eye opener, I felt like a complete loser and I had let myself down, I knew that I needed to make serious changes in my life or I would not be able to support myself.

As above I took a job in something entry level and got some experience, then got a job about 3.5 years ago that would sponsor me to do professional exams. I am now 35. Was able to buy a house in Waterford in Dec and will hopefully get full qualified at the end of this year or early next year.

My life only really started to change when i took a change of direction and went for it at 30/31 years old. 28 is still young and you have time to make changes if you wish.

kg703 · 28-05-2019 12:31pm

The vast majority of my friends live at home and are in their 30s. It’s quite normal these days with the wages not meeting the cost of housing.

Every failure is a lesson, only you can better yourself and improve your situation. We all struggle, don’t be so hard on yourself. Things will get better.

Your despair rings alarm bells, maybe look into someone to talk to eg a counsellor? Don’t compare yourself to others, it will only ever bring you misery. Plus someone who seems to have it all on the outside could be miserable.

Best of luck

Kidchameleon · 28-05-2019 12:42pm

Oh what I'd do to be 28. OP, you have the world at your fingertips. Dont be 40 a look back when its too late to realize that. Start saving for a deposit NOW. Keep taking that test until you pass. Also, skill up beyond that. Do you want to drive a mini bus at 40? What are you passionate about? Get a job related to that eventually. Sort yourself out and the right girl will find you

JustAThought · 03-06-2019 2:36pm

My up the road neighbour has a fleet of busses and drivers working for him - it took time but he worked away at it and now has a little transport and school run empire and a lovely home.

People and their goals change - you sound like you are working hard and striving to achieve. Build on the remarks from the test and try again - plenty of people in this country sat a driving test twice or more and never looked back.

You are a trier, you are working hard to.improve your lot and people see and respect that - including girls and people in your community. You have a car and people who thing well enough of you to gift it to you. There is hope, things will improve, keep working and you will find your path. The world is full of people who started and built their way taking opportunities as they came and not letting glitches take them down permanently. Things will work out. I am sure your brothers and sisters had setbacks en route too - your time is coming - keep at it and don't give up.

average hero · 04-06-2019 8:11pm

First off - congratulations. Why? Because your post indicates that something is not settled in your life and you want to make things better.

My story (for what it's worth!)
At 31, I am working in an entry-level call centre in a job I did 10 years ago before university! However I am studying for banking exams so that is giving me determination to stick it out. I studied for a degree and a masters abroad but am also living at home, working in a job ridiculously lower paid than my experience and I have no car! I am saving for one at the moment - and living like a monk to afford it! So believe you me, I can empathise with your situation!

Your life is not over - it is only beginning!! Please allow me to impart some of the life lessons that got me through tough times where I thought similarly to yourself.

1) Bring discipline into your life. Be determined, set goals, be kind to yourself and others, get up early every day (before 8), go to bed early every night (before midnight) and get into a routine. This will be huge for you.
2) Watch your diet. For me that meant more veg, more fibre and seeds and less meat.
3) Reduce intoxicants - zero drugs and little alcohol. As little as possible.
4) Get financially disciplined - manage your money as best you can and get help BEFORE you feel overwhelmed.
5) Surround yourself with positive people. If you can't, that's fine - volunteer. You will find that you feel so good when you help others, even a little bit.
6) Set goals - whether that is education, getting your van license, or career wise. Make a plan and have a steely determination to get it.
7) Get fit! That doesn't mean a marathon, go for walks and get fresh air daily. Gym, yoga, whatever it is. Practice positivity in so far as you are on a lovely wet island in the Atlantic and not a baron wasteland! Things could be worse!
8) For me martial arts was invaluable - possibly saved my life. Judo helped me develop resolve, stamina and determination. I recommend it.
9) Don't blame yourself!!! If you say you're a failure, you will be a failure. Tell yourself that you are strong and determined and you will become it. Your thoughts become your emotions which become your words which become your actions.
10) For me - some youtubers with positive messaging about determination and discipline helped. Check out Jocko Willink or David Goggins.

As I said, I am in the same boat right now but I hope the above can help in some small way.

Feel like my life is Over at 28

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