Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all! We have been experiencing an issue on site where threads have been missing the latest postings. The platform host Vanilla are working on this issue. A workaround that has been used by some is to navigate back from 1 to 10+ pages to re-sync the thread and this will then show the latest posts. Thanks, Mike.
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Where to put a 15 yr old boy in your wedding

2»

Comments

  • #52
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,384 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    My sister married a man with teenagers. He has raised them alone since they were babies. She has lived with them since they were around 4/5. He didn't even have his own son as bestman. He was a groomsman however.

    And she had his daughter as a bridesmaid, but not MOH.


  • #53
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Mod note: Gingerlily and snoopsheep, either stop bickering or stop posting on the thread. Your choice.


  • #54
    JustAThought
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,324 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    I wouldnt necessarily muddy the traditional and very emotional roles of new husband/first dance or father of the bride/walking up the aisle but I would find a way to say or show him he was very important. A part in the male bridal party would be easy and obvious particularly given that there is already nephews HIS AGE taking part - no point in him feeling isolated by age or like a spare part - and as you are spending all this money on family and friends meals and wine and desert the least you can do is spend on your sons special suit or buttonhole or whatever. Just do it. If he wants an extra role ask him if he does and what - readings at the Church, inclusion in bridal party special photos with the 3 of you and mother & son and step dad & son etc. You havn't mentioned his original father -is he on the scene or part of it at all - well worth a conversation in case there is something going on in his head you'd need to speak about. As it is if he knows he has no rol and is substituted below nephews who are 'adored' and excluded in lieu of them at his own mothers wedding he must be either very chill or a cauldron of issues. If I'd been so publically excluded I certainly would be.


  • #55
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 24,714 ✭ [Deleted User]


    GarIT wrote: »
    As I said in my last paragraph, I wouldn't marry someone who didn't want it to be my child. As you say "Someone who knows them over the years...", for example a child who they would have lived with for a few years and that they would have been putting effort into having a step-parent/step-child relationship with.


    Things can sound very different when you say them differently. "a teenage boy" vs "the child who is becomoing my son on that day". I don't see why they can organise it, everything doesn't have to revolve around drink.


    I don't think it would ever come to demanding it, I wouldn't get that far with someone who wasn't putting significantly more effort into building a relationship with my child than they are with me.

    The relationship between a stepfather and their step child is totally different to friendships over the years with peers. I simply don’t think best man is a role for a teenager, it’s a role for a peer of the groom who has many shared experiences etc over the years.

    It’s an outrageous position to take that you would refuse to marry someone if they wouldn’t take your son/daughter as their best man/maid of honor. The person likely has a best friend or sibling that they want to stand beside them on the day not a teenager who of course they will love etc but may not want them to have the position of bestman. They can be a grooms man or junior groomsman if it’s work out ok but even then I don’t think they necessary need to be involved at the top table at all, at the end of the day groomsmen and bridesmaids almost always come from brides or grooms own side and don’t cross over.

    And yes a stag is all about the craic and drinking and no place for a teenager to even go near.


  • #56
    Tombo2001
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,709 ✭✭✭Tombo2001


    NashD wrote: »
    Yes and No... absolutely I would never have dreamed of trying to veto any of my husbands choices - but if I had a son and he wasn't even considering him as a groomsman that would be a gamechanger for me.
    I think it sends a message of the role the groom sees the boy playing in his life.

    Right - so if I am hearing you right; your message to OP is - bring it up with your husband to be, if he doesnt like it - then thats (in your opinion) a game changer. All bets are off.

    V helpful at this point in proceedings.....


  • #57
    c6ysaphjvqw41k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 466 ✭✭c6ysaphjvqw41k


    tretorn wrote: »
    Groomsman is the grooms choice and its usually someone from his side of the family.

    Would you be happy if he wanted a daughter of his to be your bridesmaid.

    If you are marrying him and he has a daughter, you are marrying into that too. I'd say you might want to rethink that marriage if you didn't want the daughter to be a bridesmaid.


  • #58
    BookNerd
    Registered Users Posts: 56 ✭✭BookNerd


    Tombo2001 wrote: »
    Right - so if I am hearing you right; your message to OP is - bring it up with your husband to be, if he doesnt like it - then thats (in your opinion) a game changer. All bets are off.

    V helpful at this point in proceedings.....


    Each to their own. I personally would be doubting my future with someone who wouldn't even entertain having their future stepchild (my child) in their wedding party if it was something the child wanted.
    Likewise I don't think my partner would be best pleased if I refused to have his daughter in my bridal party, knowing how disappointed and left out she would feel if she wasn't part of the wedding other than as a guest.

    Some children won't care and won't want to be part of things. Some would be extremely disappointed to be left out of their parent and step parents day. Only the OP knows which her son is and if he is the latter then I think her future husband should make every effort to start this new family off on the best, most inclusive foot.


  • #59
    Mrsmum
    Registered Users Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭Mrsmum


    In my opinion, teenager in this case should be top priority in this wedding. The bride and groom are the main characters but if they are anything but immature, they should consider the child who is not some sort of random child but son of bride and stepson to be of groom as highly as themselves. Bride is not coming on her own to the marriage, she and her child come as a package. Groom needs to totally understand that and imo should show it by giving young man pick of jobs. Son is obviously of the highest importance to the bride, therefore should be of highest importance to groom. Nobody's nose should be out of joint because teenage son got top job. As adults they should understand the situation. That's my tuppensworth.


  • #60
    Busymum33
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭Busymum33


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/109856621#Comment_109856621

    Hi, Just to give an update. Our original wedding was cancelled 3 times (Covid) so we ended up doing a very small hotel ceromany and my son walked me up the isle and was my witness. He loved it and so did I. By the way, the smaller the better for a wedding, we felt like we had more fun on the day and a lot less stress!

    Thanks for all the replies.



  • Advertisement
Advertisement