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Need help with relationship of sorts

  • 25-05-2015 3:21pm
    #1
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭


    Hi folks.

    Bit of an issue, the only thing I could think of was to ask for impartial advice :\

    I was dating a woman that I *really* liked, we got on really well, she said she liked me, then she was busy for a week, then nada, zip, nothing on the communicado front.

    I got stressed out about unrelated matters a fortnight after that and sent a message to the lass that probably was ill-advised (it wasn't massively bad, just not the best thing for trying to suss out the situation :rolleyes:).

    Since then there has still been no reply, but I've wanted to apologise, not just to try and get things back on track but to simply apologise for said message.

    I though sending flowers with a note might be nice to do, however while I know her address, she never actually told it to me (it coincidently came up when conversing with mutual friends on FB, no really!)

    So the question is would it be très creepy to send flowers to an address I'm technically not supposed to know or just minorly creepy to the extent that the apology would outweigh it?

    Thanks peeps :o


«1

Comments

  • #2
    mocha please!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 179 ✭✭mocha please!


    Very creepy. A text or Facebook message with an apology would probably be more appropriate.


  • #3
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    So the question is would it be très creepy to send flowers to an address I'm technically not supposed to know or just minorly creepy to the extent that the apology would outweigh it?

    It would be creepy.


  • #4
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Stalker level 5


  • #5
    Menas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    You would probably get better advice in the relationships forum op.

    My 2 cents? Dont contact her again unless she contacts you first.


  • #6
    Red Kev
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,793 ✭✭✭Red Kev


    She doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with you. So maybe just leave it.

    You could send them to her workplace, but maybe a text is the best option in this case, if she doesn't reply then leave it.


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  • #7
    whatismyname
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,707 ✭✭✭whatismyname


    If you're not supposed to know her address, I would find it highly inappropriate to send anything there. Stalkery and creepy. Potentially even more so when it's not even an occasion as such.


  • #8
    engol
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭engol


    Creepy. Leave it alone now. Move on. Don't apologise either. Just leave her alone.

    Sorry it didn't work out.


  • #9
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭wolf99


    mocha please! wrote: »
    Very creepy. A text or Facebook message with an apology would probably be more appropriate.

    My first reaction, however as I mentioned the non-communicado bit - she's not on FB


  • #10
    Tilly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,987 ✭✭✭Tilly


    Leave her alone and move on.


  • #11
    pmasterson95
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,074 ✭✭✭pmasterson95


    Just buy a tent and move onto her lawn. Also buy some good binoculars.


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  • #12
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭wolf99


    Trigger Happy wrote: »
    You would probably get better advice in the relationships forum op.

    My 2 cents? Dont contact her again unless she contacts you first.

    Darn it I did look for a better forum on boards but I cant find anything since boards was restructured a while back :rolleyes:


  • #13
    engol
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭engol


    whatismyname wrote: »
    Potentially even more so when it's not even an occasion as such.


    Off topic but fwiw, getting flowers when it's not an occasion as such is hugely better than getting flowers when it is. Like, by a million miles.

    I thought everyone knew this??


  • #14
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Trigger Happy wrote: »
    You would probably get better advice in the relationships forum op.

    I don't think so... http://i.imgur.com/wzNwfeU.jpg


  • #15
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    Go no contact for life


  • #16
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    Trigger Happy wrote: »
    Dont contact her again unless she contacts you first.
    It doesn't sound like she wants to. Move on op. She is not on OP your last message was such that you felt the need to apologize. Don't contact her.


  • #17
    Tilly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,987 ✭✭✭Tilly


    wolf99 wrote: »
    Darn it I did look for a better forum on boards but I cant find anything since boards was restructured a while back :rolleyes:
    You'd get the same replies in there tbh.


  • #18
    Buzz Meeks
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 127 ✭✭Buzz Meeks


    Wolf99 do you know how to pick locks?


  • #19
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭wolf99


    engol wrote: »
    Off topic but fwiw, getting flowers when it's not an occasion as such is hugely better than getting flowers when it is. Like, by a million miles.

    I thought everyone knew this??

    this was the basis I was working off. :o


  • #20
    scdublin
    Registered Users Posts: 643 ✭✭✭scdublin


    She'd definitely find that odd. If she hasn't been in touch after several texts I'd just leave it....don't even bother with the apology.


  • #21
    SEPT 23 1989
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,028 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    send her a wreath instead of a bunch of flowers


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  • #22
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    scdublin wrote: »
    She'd definitely find that odd. If she hasn't been in touch after several texts I'd just leave it....don't even bother with the apology.
    Actually sometimes leaving someone alone IS an apology.


  • #23
    engol
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭engol


    wolf99 wrote: »
    this was the basis I was working off. :o

    Yeah but I said "off topic". My reference to sending flowers is not for you. Repeat, not for you. You have to leave this woman alone. :o


  • #24
    Menas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    wolf99 wrote: »
    Darn it I did look for a better forum on boards but I cant find anything since boards was restructured a while back :rolleyes:

    Ach, you are grand here as long as you can handle the jibing!


  • #25
    Chancer3001
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,480 ✭✭✭Chancer3001


    Leave her alone.

    Chances are if you leave her off shell have a much higher chance of coming back to you


  • #26
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    Chancer3001 wrote: »
    Leave her alone.

    Chances are if you leave her off shell have a much higher chance of coming back to you


    http://static.celebuzz.com/uploads/2013/08/14/jennifer-lawrence-10.gif


  • #27
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭wolf99


    engol wrote: »
    Yeah but I said "off topic". My reference to sending flowers is not for you. Repeat, not for you. You have to leave this woman alone. :o

    Ha ha, yeah, I did note the FWIW, just meant that was where I was coming from. I am not a psycho. Repeat, NOT a psycho! :p


  • #28
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    engol wrote: »
    Off topic but fwiw, getting flowers when it's not an occasion as such is hugely better than getting flowers when it is. Like, by a million miles.

    I thought everyone knew this??
    Flowers for no reason > flowers because of obligation

    BUT

    flowers sent to your house for no reason when the sender isn't supposed to know your address = contacting the gardai, moving house, and possibly changing your identity.


  • #29
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Send her a bunch of these.


  • #30
    engol
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭engol


    wolf99 wrote: »
    Ha ha, yeah, I did note the FWIW, just meant that was where I was coming from. I am not a psycho. Repeat, NOT a psycho! :p

    Yeah I think I'm just going to repeat DoYouEvenLift's meme at you now.

    :P


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  • #31
    FluffyAngel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 518 ✭✭✭FluffyAngel


    wolf99 wrote: »
    Darn it I did look for a better forum on boards but I cant find anything since boards was restructured a while back :rolleyes:

    Use it for what it is , a huge lesson on the difference of communication between the genders

    Next time try not to think with your head and listen to your heart


  • #32
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭wolf99


    I didn't say I wasn't *supposed* to know her address, I was invited there a couple times, just never made it there. I just meant I had never specifically been told it by her. AFAIK it may be likely that it was expected that I did know it... Still creepy anyway though I guess! :rolleyes:

    @FluffyAngel: Communication with the fairer sex, my eternal weakness. Im a very literal, very open and totally honest type - seems that doesn't really go hand-in-hand with today's dating scene. :(


  • #33
    engol
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭engol


    FluffyAngel wrote: »
    Next time try not to think with your head and listen to your heart

    I don't know what that means.


  • #34
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    wolf99 wrote: »
    I didn't say I wasn't *supposed* to know her address, I was invited there a couple times, just never made it there.

    There's your problem Op. She was horny and you were lazy...


  • #35
    _Whimsical_
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,958 ✭✭✭_Whimsical_


    kylith wrote: »
    Flowers for no reason > flowers because of obligation

    If sitcoms have taught us anything it's that if a man buys flowers outside of socially established occasions he is alerting to you to the fact that he has done something terrible, usually had an affair. All flowers that are not occasion flowers are supposedly apology flowers.*

    I saw this bar of choc, book,postcard,whatever and thought of you > flowers. Always.

    * I don't personally believe this but as it's held true for so many of my favourite tv characters I feel obliged to mention it.


  • #36
    engol
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭engol


    _Whimsical_ wrote: »
    If sitcoms have taught us anything it's that if a man buys flowers outside of socially established occasions he is alerting to you to the fact that he has done something terrible, usually had an affair. All flowers that are not occasion flowers are supposedly apology flowers.*

    I saw this bar of choc, book,postcard,whatever and thought of you > flowers. Always.

    * I don't personally believe this but as it's held true for so many of my favourite tv characters I feel obliged to mention it.


    I married a dutchman so I get flowers all the time. It's in their dna. Bonus.


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  • #37
    cabla
    Registered Users Posts: 1,002 ✭✭✭cabla


    Send the flowers and a few pictures of you photoshopped with your arm round her in various exotic locations around the world. I can't see how she'd say no to that.


  • #38
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    engol wrote: »
    I married a dutchman so I get flowers all the time. It's in their dna. Bonus.
    And I thought they were more into 'weeds'...


  • #39
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭wolf99


    cabla wrote: »
    Send the flowers and a few pictures of you photoshopped with your arm round her in various exotic locations around the world. I can't see how she'd say no to that.

    Ha ha, maybe some busty hula girls in grass skirts in the background with a "Wish you were here..." tagline? :pac:


  • #40
    Buzz Meeks
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 127 ✭✭Buzz Meeks


    How are you at circumventing modern household intruder alarm systems?


  • #41
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭wolf99


    Buzz Meeks wrote: »
    How are you at circumventing modern household intruder alarm systems?

    Actually I install house alarms for a living...


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  • #42
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    wolf99 wrote: »
    @FluffyAngel: Communication with the fairer sex, my eternal weakness. Im a very literal, very open and totally honest type - seems that doesn't really go hand-in-hand with today's dating scene. :(

    Nah I always respected the honest types when I was on the dating scene.

    The thing is you need to have a bit of mystery, a bit of je-ne-sais-quoi about you too though. Be honest, but don't fully let down your guard. Have other things going on, perhaps other girls you're meeting too.

    If you're in the very early days of meeting someone, getting to know someone and they're like "I LIKE YOU AND WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. WHEN CAN I SEE YOU NEXT? WHEN?" you're more like to think "STAGE 5 CLINGER ALERT, ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!", than "aw, how romantic!"

    So yeah. Don't send the flowers. Don't text either. If she's interested, she'll figure that out by realizing she misses the contact and she'll be in touch. Doesn't sound like she is though, sorry.


  • #43
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    She's just playing hard to get OP.
    Get round there now and propose!


  • #44
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭wolf99


    whiskeyman wrote: »
    She's just playing hard to get OP.
    Get round there now and propose!

    Which one should I bring with me?

    http://www.traps.com.au/media/control/112KA_Poles_315M.jpg


  • #45
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    Just leave her alone full stop. It's not a step to getting her back it's leaving her alone. Accepting endings is healthy.


  • #46
    Buzz Meeks
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 127 ✭✭Buzz Meeks


    wolf99 wrote: »
    Actually I install house alarms for a living...

    I don't think I need to spell this one out for you on a gag napkin.


  • #47
    wolf99
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭wolf99


    Buzz Meeks wrote: »
    I don't think I need to spell this one out for you on a gag napkin.

    the real extent of my knowledge on house alarms

    http://imgur.com/gallery/KLvqsq1


  • #48
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    wolf99 wrote: »
    the real extent of my knowledge on house alarms

    http://imgur.com/gallery/KLvqsq1
    :) Don't worry you have your life ahead of you. The lovers of the future will put this one into perspective.


  • #49
    endacl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,353 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    wolf99 wrote: »
    the real extent of my knowledge on house alarms

    http://imgur.com/gallery/KLvqsq1

    I understand the hammer in the pic. Why the ice cream cone?!?


  • #50
    silverfeather
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,154 ✭✭✭silverfeather


    endacl wrote: »
    I understand the hammer in the pic. Why the ice cream cone?!?
    Snack.:)


  • #51
    Menas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    endacl wrote: »
    I understand the hammer in the pic. Why the ice cream cone?!?

    It is hard work breaking an alarm with a hammer. Ice cream cone is refreshing!


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