Stuff You Got Wrong As A Kid

bottlebrush · 05-02-2016 12:02am

When the news reader used to say 'and there was another night of violins in the North last night' , I used to imagine men in tuxedos all over the streets of the North playing violins

DMcL1971 · 05-02-2016 12:19am

PixelTrawler wrote: »

Cant remember the age I was but I remember having no interest in something called Knightrider because it was probably about horses and olden times.... I refused to watch it... Until one day I saw it by accident... Mind blown

I had the same problem with 'The Dukes of Hazzard'. I avoided that for years, thinking it was some boring BBC historical drama about Dukes and Duchesses, Lords and Ladies. Then one day I finally saw it by accident and realised how awesome it was. Daisy Duke and The General Lee was almost too much excitement for a young boy.

Bigus · 05-02-2016 1:10am

If your mam asked you to go into a shop with a pound note and get change , I thought the cash register turned a paper ( changed ) fiver into metal coins, by some sort of alchemy or mechanical metal stamping magic.

In mass why did we our Lord need, TANKS and praise , was he going to war ?

When I was young I was asked would I like to go to America (1970 's )
I said no , because I might get SHOT in America ,

turns our I was very prophetic about the USA and getting shot ,sure only 34000 shot and killed this year.

My own daughter asked one day why I when went into the filling station shop I didn't come back with goodies after getting petrol , she thought petrol was like a tap and didn't need to be paid for, a bit like us now and IRISH WATER.

And of course in Dublin chimneys were always Chimbleys, sewage was sewerage, a site was somewhere you built a house and a tablet was prescribed by a doctor.

nullzero · 05-02-2016 1:14am

iLikeWaffles wrote: »

Remember watching The Wizard of Oz when I was about 4 or 5. It was probably the first black and white film I seen I was thinking to myself that everybody in the world couldn't see in colour up until the point of the colour coming into the film. Very confused...

I remember seeing some sort of footage from the turn of the century Era (1900's) and observing that the speed of the footage was unusually fast. I asked my dad how did people walk around at that pace back then... I was 25 years old.

Elemonator · 05-02-2016 1:29am

1. When I heard the parents talking about the government in the 1990's, I used to think the Government was one man and why he was so mean

2. When I was 3, I didn't know the name for Skittles. So when my parents were getting sweets in the shop, I'd ask "get me a packet of taste the rainbow".

3. I thought a condom was a piece of fruit, specifically a lime.

4. I used to think God was actually Tarzan for some reason.

Filmer Paradise · 05-02-2016 1:42am

Candie wrote: »

I think this is common with kids, I used to think the whole world was in black and white in the 'olden' days...i.e. before my life.

I remember some of my parents generation calling those silent B&W films the 'quick walking days'.

namenotavailablE · 05-02-2016 1:43am

I used to confuse 'Protestant' with 'prostitute' so thought that most people in Northern Ireland were prostitutes.

WinnyThePoo · 05-02-2016 2:04am

I remember being in trabolgan when I was younger. I was in the pool and they had artificial waves which was cool. I remember the pool being packed. I looked around I saw this mother in pool with hair coming from her nether regions like loads of it, swishing away with the waves. I asked my mom why she had hair in that region coming out of her swimming suit. Dont remember if my mom answered.

When I look back at it. Jesus Women shave.

Graces7 · 05-02-2016 9:05am

RobertKK wrote: »

I had an aunt (RIP) who told us the story of asking a shop assistance where were the 'Kimberley Mickadoos were', she died laughing telling us as she hadn't realised how Mikado was pronounced when she asked for them.
I know it says 'as a kid', but was told this as a kid.

Well I call these delicious confections Mickadoos for fun but would never do it in public! Love them....Yumm!

Graces7 · 05-02-2016 9:07am

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

My mum had a very old,very cantankerous red mini when I was very small , 3 to around 5. We would have to get into it around 10 minutes before it would actually deign to start up. My mum would be there turning the key going "come on, come on, COME ON!!". I on the other hand would be in the back talking to the car, encouraging it saying things like "please start, just today, we love you so much,you're the best car in the world,you can have a big rest later" etc and I fully believed it was my gentle coaxing that would persuade it to start in the end.
When it would start I would be like "see, you just had to be nice to it mam!".

But I always talk to my car... Doesn't everyone?

Graces7 · 05-02-2016 9:12am

maudgonner wrote: »

Prepare to have your mind blown...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVo_wkxH9dU

I'm still recovering from finding out that pineapples don't grow on trees

You had ME going for a minute there then I remembered the pineapple pits at Chatsworth House.. but a quite reasonable assumption really...they weigh less than coconuts after all

actuallylike · 05-02-2016 9:23am

I was told that swallowing chewing gum meant you die in 3 years...exactly. So I did, and I had a pretty adult reaction to it. Pretty upset yes that I wouldn't grow up, but started getting my affairs in order. Made a commitment to myself that I was going to enjoy my last few years as much as I could and Said my goodbyes to everyone. I was 4.

seamus · 05-02-2016 9:36am

storker wrote: »

I had the Northern Ireland problem figured out by the time I was 10. If the IRA were so keen on being soldiers, I reasoned, then just let them all join the Irish Army and they could do it to their hearts' content. Seemples!

Funny the things which probably started because parents came up with a simple way of explaining something. Then they both forget the original explanation but the child's imagination goes wild. Your parents had probably explained to you at some point that the IRA were people who wanted to be soldiers but couldn't, so ran around pretending to be, and the real army kept stopping them.

Coat22 wrote: »

"Ausfahrt" was another - I thought it was a sign telling you to let one rip:):):)

Yes, this was only four years ago for me. In my defence I'd never learned German nor been to Germany until we went for a stag. I was straight from the Airport onto the Autobahn, and 30 minutes later I said out loud, "Jaysus, this "Ausfahrt" place must be huge; every exit goes to it". I think the other lads thought I was taking the piss and making a lame joke.
It wasn't until a bit later someone was dying for a piss, and pointed out a sign saying, "Ausfahrt - 2km", that it dawned on me what it meant.

Akabusi · 05-02-2016 10:08am

I used to think that after every flight a plane had a full service. Imagine my horror as an 8 year old having to get on a plane for the first time that had just landed:eek:

The King of Moo · 05-02-2016 10:53am

When I was in Senior Infants my teacher used to say "Now for homework tonight I want you to..."
Being quite literal, I assumed I had to wait until it got dark to do my homework, and quite angrily insisted so with my parents.
Apparently my mother had to ask my teacher to tell me that I could do it any time after I got home.

When I learned that 30 minutes could be called "half an hour" I assumed that that was the only way to refer to that length of time.
Shortly after that we went on a ferry trip that had many signs proudly proclaiming that the crossing only took 35 minutes.
I didn't understand why neither my family members nor other passengers weren't happy for me to correct when they said "thirty-five minutes" instead of the obviously correct "half-an-hour and five minutes."

Until Italia '90, shortly before I turned 7, I used to think that in football, you had to score against your own goalkeeper, and didn't understand why the keepers didn't just deliberately let all the goals in so their team would win.

I used to think that Leslie Nielsen and Steve Martin were an older and younger version of the same man making films in the same time period.

whisky_galore · 05-02-2016 11:01am

Was shown a small lizard in a wine-making jar by a neighbour and told quite matter-of-factly that it was a baby crocodile...and not to go swimming in the river because there was adult crocs in there...there you go, crocs...in a river in Ireland...

sbsquarepants · 05-02-2016 11:06am

Graces7 wrote: »

Well I call these delicious confections Mickadoos for fun but would never do it in public! Love them....Yumm!

Same. Me and the bro always called them mickadoos -never knew anyone else did!

RainyDay · 05-02-2016 11:26am

snowey07 wrote: »

When I was little I thought when water went down the plug hole it went through the earth and came out of taps in Australia. I spent many a night shouting down the sink hole to my auntie in Australia and was always upset that she never answered :-(

After being told that our drains emptied out into the Liffey, we were heading on a family outing into town one Saturday, so I emptied a bottle of Clinic shampoo down the sink to see if I could turn the Liffey blue.

WinnyThePoo wrote: »

I remember being in trabolgan when I was younger. I was in the pool and they had artificial waves which was cool. I remember the pool being packed. I looked around I saw this mother in pool with hair coming from her nether regions like loads of it, swishing away with the waves. I asked my mom why she had hair in that region coming out of her swimming suit. Dont remember if my mom answered.

When I look back at it. Jesus Women shave.

Might have been this lady;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84qUAWT8jVk

thattequilagirl · 05-02-2016 5:35pm

This is the best thread on After Hours in ages.

Billy86 · 05-02-2016 5:41pm

German and Eastern European women are all butch, manly, and horribly unattractive. Would have been the early 90s so probably fueled from sports, doping and propaganda but SWEET JESUS WERE THEY EVER LYING TO ME!!

kylith · 05-02-2016 6:11pm

After I learned that the earth rotated I thought that cars stayed in one place and the world rotated underneath them. How I accounted for cars going in different directions I can't remember, but I CAN remember my mother pissing herself laughing when I told her my theory.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 05-02-2016 6:23pm

Do you ever wonder what stuff you've said to kids that's going to have lodged in there and they'll be on threads like this in twenty years?

For instance, I once told a five year old that suicide was a type of car. Really hope he just forgets that one.

ohnonotgmail · 05-02-2016 6:25pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Same. Me and the bro always called them mickadoos -never knew anyone else did!

i thought everybody called them that?

EmperorKuzco · 05-02-2016 6:42pm

When I was a kid, my mum used to occasionally buy us "Daim" bars, the ones in red wrappers with blue writing.

Apparently my dad didn't like them, because one time he saw me eating one and he made a face and he says "Ugh... those things aren't proper chocolate. They're made from recycled waste, you know!"

And me, as a young one, didn't take time to contemplate the reliability of the source or how believable this fact truly was, so I just shrugged and made a face as well, and stopped eating Daim bars.

About fifteen years went by where I literally didn't think about Daim bars at all.

Then, one day in college, a friend went to the shop and came back with a Daim bar... randomly commented about how much she liked them.

The memory of my dad instantly came back into my head, and without thinking at all, I just went "Ah, you know it's not real chocolate though?"

Her: "Eh, what do you mean?"

Me: "They're made from recycled waste! It's like... some eco-friendly initiative, or something... by the government... I mean, they're edible and everything... But I just think... eh.. it's a bit gross... But you know, if you like it, that's okay..."
(me realising how stupid I'm sounding, trying to justify it to myself)

Her: *pause* I really don't think that's true...

Me: *childlike innocence* It is, yeah. My dad told me. I'm sure it says it on the wrapper somewhere.

Her: Ehhhhh... no.....

Ugggggghhhhh, I never lived it down! To be fair, I literally NEVER took any time to reflect on Daim bars in the years between the conversation with my Dad and the conversation in college.

Lots of angry texts to my dad that evening for being a filthy rotten conniving hound. And to think! I trusted the man!!!

05-02-2016 6:45pm

EmperorKuzco wrote: »

"Ugh... those things aren't proper chocolate. They're made from recycled waste, you know!"

Ah! My dad did the same to me with recycled toilet paper. Told me it had been previously used, then it was caught in big nets in the sewage system and washed and made back into rolls.

Totally believed him because it said recycled on the wrapper!

Dads have a lot to answer for.

Hugo Stiglitz · 05-02-2016 6:56pm

Up until my early 20s, I thought goats were male sheep. The existence of goats milk perplexed me greatly.

sryanbruen · 05-02-2016 7:11pm

Up until I was 12, I always did the finger snap wrong. I always did it with my thumb and baby finger until I eventually got it and it was my thumb with my middle finger. God I feel like such an idiot.

New Home · 05-02-2016 7:24pm

sryanbruen wrote: »

Up until I was 12, I always did the finger snap wrong. I always did it with my thumb and baby finger until I eventually got it and it was my thumb with my middle finger. God I feel like such an idiot.

Don't feel like an idiot, at least, don't feel alone in your idiocy - my fingers will not snap when I do it with thumb and middle finger, they only make the snapping sound when I do it with thumb and pinky.

I blame my long, graceful fingers... :rolleyes:

snowey07 · 05-02-2016 8:06pm

sryanbruen wrote: »

Up until I was 12, I always did the finger snap wrong. I always did it with my thumb and baby finger until I eventually got it and it was my thumb with my middle finger. God I feel like such an idiot.

until I saw this I thought everyone used their thumb and little finger

RainyDay · 05-02-2016 9:29pm

Baylor Sticky Photocopier wrote: »

Do you ever wonder what stuff you've said to kids that's going to have lodged in there and they'll be on threads like this in twenty years?

I recall telling an impressionable young teenager about the new Lancia Smegma, the hottest, fastest new model released by the Italian car company. I heard he mentioned it later at the dinner table with all his older brothers around.

valoren · 06-02-2016 12:55am

Thought that "To Let" signs were actually for Toilets.

Lisha · 06-02-2016 1:03am

I thought a pony was a young horse until I was 21....

Graces7 · 06-02-2016 8:01am

ohnonotgmail wrote: »

i thought everybody called them that?

STOP! I know I have a packet but they are downstairs....

googled eyes · 06-02-2016 8:12am

When I was quite young I used to think the world was black and white and then one day it just turned colour. Kind of like the wizard of Oz.

hairyslug · 06-02-2016 8:33am

I don't know how old I was (old enough to know better) but I thought euthanasia (pronounced youth in Asia) was a political movement

New Home · 06-02-2016 8:34am

People who thought the world in the past was black and white, this is for you.

Oranage2 · 06-02-2016 8:41am

- Thought women just had periods once a year.
- Didn't realize there was a difference between then and than.
- thought low fat was good for you.

Walkman · 06-02-2016 6:53pm

greenbicycle wrote: »

I thought small those small annoying flys which are actually called Midges were called Midgets. I hated Midgets!

Well I've just found out now because of ⬆️ that they aren't called midgets (even googled to confirm). I've been calling them midgets for 30+ years and no one has ever corrected me

KungPao · 06-02-2016 7:23pm

I remember in primary school being aghast at discovering that the word 'snake' was not spelled 'sneak'.

freshpopcorn · 06-02-2016 7:26pm

I thought that all gay people were from Germany.

Roselm · 06-02-2016 8:36pm

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I thought that all gay people were from Germany.

I used to think it didn't exist at all. I remember being about 10 and my sister liked Boyzone and she said Stephen Gately was gay. I thought it was just something made up to slag people about so told her he couldn't be.
Sorry Stephen!

Mister Vain · 06-02-2016 9:53pm

I thought girls peed through their anus.

I got my first erection while watching the pink Power Ranger and thought my penis was morphing into a Tyrannosaurus.

DexysGrl · 06-02-2016 10:43pm

When I was a kid I thought only very old people and smokers got cancer (I was actually told that by my parents after my grandmother was died from cancer) so I was completely floored when a friend from school was diagnosed with a brain tumour. When I have kids, I'm going to be up front and truthful about that kind of stuff.

Tsipras · 06-02-2016 10:52pm

googled eyes wrote: »

When I was quite young I used to think the world was black and white and then one day it just turned colour. Kind of like the wizard of Oz.

I thought the same thing, Asked my Dad one day what things were like when everything was black and white

Also thought ATMs just gave out money to whoever wanted it and people just took what they needed (Some kind of Communist Utopia??)

rtron · 06-02-2016 11:31pm

I thought when Aids was in the news, they were talking about first aid boxes.

Hugo Stiglitz · 06-02-2016 11:39pm

When I was little and saying the alphabet I would say "enomenopee" instead of L, M, N, O, P.

06-02-2016 11:41pm

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

When I was little and saying the alphabet I would say "enomenopee" instead of L, M, N, O, P.

Oooh, I did something similar. See my OP.

Peregrine · 06-02-2016 11:49pm

I didn't really believe that the world was black and white but I remember wondering if it was. I disabused myself of that notion fairly quickly though.

It seems to be a recurring one on this thread. That's interesting.

Lisha wrote: »

I thought a pony was a young horse until I was 21....

*penny drops*

cumulonimbus · 07-02-2016 12:55am

When I fell and cut my knee, my older sister said to me "You will have that scar till the day you die."
I thought that you would wake up in the morning of the day you were going to die and all your scars would have disappeared so you would know it was your last day alive.

Hugo Stiglitz · 07-02-2016 12:58am

Candie wrote: »

Oooh, I did something similar. See my OP.

I've just gone back to page 1 and thanked your post.

Stuff You Got Wrong As A Kid

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