Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

19-06-2018 11:38am

JustAThought wrote: »

Handpicked? Like a robot chooses all other peoples gifts or like flowers from a field? As for handmade nonsense I have all kind of problems with people visiting who have gifted me their extraordinarily bad "art" and "craft" eyesores. Unless you are extraordinarily talented or maybe disabled I really dont want a house filled with adult juvenile crafts from a workshop,hobby or class you once attended where I made the fatal mistake of being polite and praising your efforts. I have a corner in a kitchen press where I whip out 'homemade arts and crafts' and put them back in display when I know their makers/ people are coming or who I spot in advance at the door. If it were just one person it would be managable but the volume of mediocrely talented or flat out untalented adults who do it is staggering. Get over yourselves. I have a nice home & dint want it filled with huge pieces of bad art or mála fired cartoon knickknacks- nor do I want any more people to 'surprise' me with unframed canvasses from their art class and tell me I 'jyst' have to frame it or that it would be 'perfect' for over my mantlepiece. Get lost the lot of yiz! Wedding list is perfect please - post it on and I will choose from it for your gift. Handcrafted Art my aras.

That's a very mean spirited attitude you have. Ok so you get gifts from people who aren't Picasso but it's a nice thought. At least you don't throw them out I suppose.

JustAThought · 19-06-2018 11:44am

Wow. How 2-faced can you be?[/quote]

Perseploy and Goz - after repeatedly -crucifyingly -repeating to people that 'its nice but not to my taste/ its lovely but wouldnt fit in with my style / its kjnd of you to offer but I dont have room "etc when they march up to deliver or worse post their crafts what is a person supposed to do? Say I hate it you're egomanical and utterly talentless or let me put it in the bin/shed I said I didn't want it. ? People can be so empowered by their crafts that they forget to audit the nice message of Nice but Nothanks or listen when people say simply NO. What am I to do -tell the person who spent an hour telling me how much it meant to them and how many hours/weeks they spent making it that it is dreary or awful or trite or absolutely unsuitable? Hurt their feelings having already said No about 5 times politely and tell them to put it in the bin behind them on their way out?
That is why I like wedding lists. No matter what's on the list and how ambivilent I am about it I know they like it and want it and it will not be an annonying flashing unwanted eyesore raking up valuable space in their home. Hiding it in a press is the least cruel thing I can do with it. They are friends and the gift was still a gift. Not something to hurt someones feelings with your treatment of it. Hiw about my house filled to the gills with unwanted amateur knicknacks and awful art. Giving is not supposed to all about the 'talent' of the giver. Its also supposed to be something the reciever might like or want. What part of no is ambigious? Keep yer crafts or sell them on the open market -amd not to hardpressed friends and family being suckered into supporting your hobby. Its not kindergarden anymore. Grrr

PARlance · 19-06-2018 11:47am

Christ, what kind of people do you hang around with that you're inundated with sh1te.

partyguinness · 19-06-2018 11:47am

goz83 wrote: »

Wow. How 2-faced can you be?

How is that 2 faced? I think diplomatic is the word. If budding Picasos are giving you pieces of well intended crap what would you do? Throw it back in their face.

My wife loves orange chocolate and has a elderly lady client (widowed, no children and nearly 80) who brings her boxes of Jaffa Cakes several times a year and has done so for the best part of 20 years. But my wife actually does not not like Jaffa Cakes at all and won't touch them. Thankfully I love them..:D

So is it 2 faced for my wife to graciously accept them or should she tell her to shove them up her wrinkly ass?

JustAThought · 19-06-2018 11:53am

PARlance wrote: »

Christ, what kind of people do you hang around with that you're inundated with sh1te.

Well meaning, mostly deaf, romantic, empowered liberal types with far too much time on their hands and grossly oversentimental. Nice otherwise. : )

partyguinness · 19-06-2018 11:57am

JustAThought wrote: »

Well meaning, mostly deaf, romantic, empowered liberal types with far too much time on their hands and grossly oversentimental. Nice otherwise. : )

In other words, tight asses with personal hygiene issues.:D

robinph · 19-06-2018 11:58am

partyguinness wrote: »

But my wife actually does not not like Jaffa Cakes at all and won't touch them.

That's not right. Get her help immediately. :eek:

erica74 · 19-06-2018 12:00pm

partyguinness wrote: »

How is that 2 faced? I think diplomatic is the word. If budding Picasos are giving you pieces of well intended crap what would you do? Throw it back in their face.

My wife loves orange chocolate and has a elderly lady client (widowed, no children and nearly 80) who brings her boxes of Jaffa Cakes several times a year and has done so for the best part of 20 years. But my wife actually does not not like Jaffa Cakes at all and won't touch them. Thankfully I love them..:D

So is it 2 faced for my wife to graciously accept them or should she tell her to shove them up her wrinkly ass?

How does one go about meeting someone who will regularly deliver jaffa cakes?

partyguinness · 19-06-2018 12:01pm

robinph wrote: »

That's not right. Get her help immediately. :eek:

Yeah I know- she is a sick sick puppy.

Billy86 · 19-06-2018 12:03pm

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

A wedding is a family event so no, parents should have a major input.

Nobody's parents should be saying who is and isn't allowed at their wedding. It's their wedding, not their 7th birthday party.

PARlance · 19-06-2018 12:20pm

JustAThought wrote: »

Well meaning, mostly deaf, romantic, empowered liberal types with far too much time on their hands and grossly oversentimental. Nice otherwise. : )

Start hanging around with a**holes. Problem solved.

Christine LaDuchesse · 19-06-2018 12:29pm

JustAThought wrote: »

Handpicked? Like a robot chooses all other peoples gifts or like flowers from a field? As for handmade nonsense I have all kind of problems with people visiting who have gifted me their extraordinarily bad "art" and "craft" eyesores. Unless you are extraordinarily talented or maybe disabled I really dont want a house filled with adult juvenile crafts from a workshop,hobby or class you once attended where I made the fatal mistake of being polite and praising your efforts. I have a corner in a kitchen press where I whip out 'homemade arts and crafts' and put them back in display when I know their makers/ people are coming or who I spot in advance at the door. If it were just one person it would be managable but the volume of mediocrely talented or flat out untalented adults who do it is staggering. Get over yourselves. I have a nice home & dint want it filled with huge pieces of bad art or mála fired cartoon knickknacks- nor do I want any more people to 'surprise' me with unframed canvasses from their art class and tell me I 'jyst' have to frame it or that it would be 'perfect' for over my mantlepiece. Get lost the lot of yiz!

I earn more than enough from it to live rather comfy, but since you are not interested in 'art' or handmade items, and actually mock them, I do not feel obliged to disclose my profession to you. Let's put it this way, people that are displaying/using my handmade stuff, are proud and happy to do so.

Wedding list is perfect please - post it on and I will choose from it for your gift. Handcrafted Art my aras.

Please tell me where we can find your aras? ..

Gadgetman496 · 19-06-2018 12:30pm

It's all his fault!

erica74 · 19-06-2018 12:43pm

Gadgetman496 wrote: »

It's all his fault!

Who is that?

LirW · 19-06-2018 12:46pm

erica74 wrote: »

Who is that?

The Irish Say Yes to the dress guy, some wedding planner I think. Franck I think is that bloke's name.

goz83 · 20-06-2018 10:00am

partyguinness wrote: »

How is that 2 faced? I think diplomatic is the word. If budding Picasos are giving you pieces of well intended crap what would you do? Throw it back in their face.

No. Diplomatic would be to kindly, politely and occasionally assertively refuse their very kind gesture where possible. If there is not sufficient back-bone to do that, then the "art" can be donated/sold/binned.

2 faced is to accept the gifts (which people have put time, effort and though into) and then to scramble around the house to put them on display when the door bell rings.

If I was an artist and gave art as gifts to people who didn't display them, I wouldn't give them more art.

My wife loves orange chocolate and has a elderly lady client (widowed, no children and nearly 80) who brings her boxes of Jaffa Cakes several times a year and has done so for the best part of 20 years. But my wife actually does not not like Jaffa Cakes at all and won't touch them. Thankfully I love them..:D

Who is this elderly lady? I love Jaffa cakes. You need a new wife. :P

So is it 2 faced for my wife to graciously accept them or should she tell her to shove them up her wrinkly ass?

No, that's not 2 faced...it's a minor misunderstanding and is irrelevant, because the Jaffas are eaten as intended. It would be 2 faced if she accepted them and only held onto a pack for display purposes if the old lady called around for tea.

goz83 · 20-06-2018 10:08am

JustAThought wrote: »

Perseploy and Goz - after repeatedly -crucifyingly -repeating to people that 'its nice but not to my taste/ its lovely but wouldnt fit in with my style / its kjnd of you to offer but I dont have room "etc when they march up to deliver or worse post their crafts what is a person supposed to do? Say I hate it you're egomanical and utterly talentless or let me put it in the bin/shed I said I didn't want it. ? People can be so empowered by their crafts that they forget to audit the nice message of Nice but Nothanks or listen when people say simply NO. What am I to do -tell the person who spent an hour telling me how much it meant to them and how many hours/weeks they spent making it that it is dreary or awful or trite or absolutely unsuitable? Hurt their feelings having already said No about 5 times politely and tell them to put it in the bin behind them on their way out?
That is why I like wedding lists. No matter what's on the list and how ambivilent I am about it I know they like it and want it and it will not be an annonying flashing unwanted eyesore raking up valuable space in their home. Hiding it in a press is the least cruel thing I can do with it. They are friends and the gift was still a gift. Not something to hurt someones feelings with your treatment of it. Hiw about my house filled to the gills with unwanted amateur knicknacks and awful art. Giving is not supposed to all about the 'talent' of the giver. Its also supposed to be something the reciever might like or want. What part of no is ambigious? Keep yer crafts or sell them on the open market -amd not to hardpressed friends and family being suckered into supporting your hobby. Its not kindergarden anymore. Grrr

I think the problem is that you are lying to these "artists". If you were clear, they would know their art is not to your taste and would go to someone who appreciated their "eyesores". I certainly wouldn't leave an unwanted gift in a cupboard and then display it when the person who gave it called around.

What's your address. I have some art for you

JustAThought · 20-06-2018 11:52pm

goz83 wrote: »

I think the problem is that you are lying to these "artists". If you were clear, they would know their art is not to your taste and would go to someone who appreciated their "eyesores". I certainly wouldn't leave an unwanted gift in a cupboard and then display it when the person who gave it called around.

What's your address. I have some art for you

[/quote

When your friends refuse to take the NO you kindly offer them. Whats a person to do. Toss it in the bin as you turn to make them coffee?!?? At keast I have a deep press!

JP Liz V1 · 20-06-2018 11:58pm

SeanHarty wrote: »

I always look at it like paying for your dinner so usually 150-200 from a couple!

That being said though if I got some of the meals I've gotten at weddings from a nice restaurant costing 200 they wouldn't be getting paid!

Fillet Steaks, Caviar and Oysters for that price meal

Personally I think €100 is grand from a couple

c.p.w.g.w · 21-06-2018 8:47am

Find the idea of wedding gifts pretty bizarre you've been invited to a party. Your expected to gift the couple a minimum of €100(implied). Normally the food is middle of the road, mass cooked and sometimes there is no choice. And sometimes having to take annual leave to attend.

And if you don't give enough you may get a please reconsider your gift email/letter.

Cork Lass · 21-06-2018 9:10am

[QUOTE And if you don't give enough you may get a please reconsider your gift email/letter.[/QUOTE]

Are you serious ? I thought I’d heard it all, obviously not :eek:

iamwhoiam · 21-06-2018 9:19am

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

Find the idea of wedding gifts pretty bizarre you've been invited to a party. Your expected to gift the couple a minimum of €100(implied). Normally the food is middle of the road, mass cooked and sometimes there is no choice. And sometimes having to take annual leave to attend.

And if you don't give enough you may get a please reconsider your gift email/letter.

I am guessing that never actually happened .

JustAThought · 21-06-2018 10:31am

Omg surely not. Horrific concept. I wouldn't even blame the land of Donald Trump for that.

If somebody sent me that I'd be asking for the gift back and returning it and not replacing it with another :0 .

goz83 · 21-06-2018 12:25pm

JustAThought wrote: »

Omg surely not. Horrific concept. I wouldn't even blame the land of Donald Trump for that.

If somebody sent me that I'd be asking for the gift back and returning it and not replacing it with another :0 .

There have been a few threads with exactly this. Pure brass necks

Permabear · 21-06-2018 12:42pm

This post has been deleted.

bot43 · 21-06-2018 1:00pm

Wedding threads on boards are brilliant.

_Dara_ · 21-06-2018 1:10pm

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

Find the idea of wedding gifts pretty bizarre you've been invited to a party. Your expected to gift the couple a minimum of €100(implied). Normally the food is middle of the road, mass cooked and sometimes there is no choice. And sometimes having to take annual leave to attend.

And if you don't give enough you may get a please reconsider your gift email/letter.

iamwhoiam wrote: »

I am guessing that never actually happened .

I’m dubious too. These stories are almost always anonymous. They just strike as someone trying to stir up a bit of controversy.

Water John · 21-06-2018 1:14pm

There was a case last year, in the UK, but such a one off shouldn't be used as an indicator of any trend. Just a nutcase, who emailed back saying the present wasn't good enough.

Eggs For Dinner · 21-06-2018 1:21pm

bot43 wrote: »

Wedding threads on boards are brilliant.

The weddings forum is brilliant. Some of the notions that people over there are unbelievable. The same poster will be there one minute looking where to get organic chocolate for the chocolate fountain and then over in the banking forum looking on how to manage their credit card debt.

Permabear · 21-06-2018 1:29pm

This post has been deleted.

Jamsiek · 21-06-2018 10:10pm

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

Yes they do easily, between the people couple want to invite and the people their parents want it is very very easy to have 200+ people

Its not just the couples day its a family event, parents should and do have a big say in invites too. Its their day too. Only a pig of a son/daughter would act up against their parents.

It's not your parent's wedding. My parents wouldn't dream of pressuring me on who to invite. They would also respect my decision as an adult.

I'm getting married next month and it's family only in a garden with roughly 100 friends (and partners) coming to a party 2 days later.
They're all friends of the bride and groom only.

freshpopcorn · 21-06-2018 10:12pm

Some people are cool with inviting a few of their parents friends to their wedding.

Eggs For Dinner · 22-06-2018 7:23am

Miles Wrong Babbler wrote: »

Its not just the couples day its a family event, parents should and do have a big say in invites too. Its their day too. Only a pig of a son/daughter would act up against their parents.

My son got engaged last month. All I know so far is that it won't be a church wedding, will only be for immediate family and close friends and then a big blow out party for whoever at some stage. Looking forward to that. It's not my wedding, I won't be looking to influence any aspect of it or who attends. I had my day out. I'm looking forward to it and will help out or advise IF ASKED.

Is 200 enough of a wedding present from a couple?

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