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Reconnecting siblings

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  • 13-11-2019 2:42pm
    #1
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭


    Two of my siblings have had a love/hate relationship for most of their lives. Recently they haven't been speaking. They both want to reconnect and they are both upset with the current arrangement, but they both have long standing issues with each other. They both blame the other. I've decided to try be some kind of mediator between them as there is talk of them not being in the same house for Christmas day. I'm no psychologist so I'm not sure how to approach this. Anybody have any experience with this kind of thing? I'm trying to google as much as I can. Any advice is welcome to even get me thinking about what to do.


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    #2
    khaldrogo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,572 ✭✭✭khaldrogo


    My advice, stay out of it......


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    #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    khaldrogo wrote: »
    My advice, stay out of it......

    Fair enough. That's the attitude I've had for years. They both currently confide in me a lot about this so I'm already in it. They both want to have a relationship. Not speaking to each other is too much imo. I'm trying to think of practical ways to get to the bottom of it.


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    #4
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Fair enough. That's the attitude I've had for years. They both currently confide in me a lot about this so I'm already in it. They both want to have a relationship. Not speaking to each other is too much imo. I'm trying to think of practical ways to get to the bottom of it.

    If they want a relationship its up to them to sort it out. It's not your responsibility to play therapist. Fair play wanting to help but if anyone is going to mediate it should be someone impartial with no emotional involvement.


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    #5
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I think you may be right. I could imagine one of them accusing me of taking sides and it be a complete **** show... Maybe I will take sides without realising... Just seems like such a shame to do nothing


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    #6
    banoffe2
    Registered Users Posts: 421 ✭✭banoffe2


    Always a difficult task to be mediator when you are friends with both, if they are both holding on to grudges and apportioning blame/responsibility to each other nothing is ever going to change.

    The past is gone, sounds like they have the desire and looking for a quick fix, there is no such thing.

    With all of your best intentions one or both of them could end up falling out with you, if they don't like what they are hearing, the truth is hard to listen to for many, especially if they are on the blame game!

    Best of luck to you all, it would be great if they could reconcile their differences, it happens in a lot of families and goes on for life.


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    #7
    hairyprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 2,293 ✭✭✭hairyprincess


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I think you may be right. I could imagine one of them accusing me of taking sides and it be a complete **** show... Maybe I will take sides without realising... Just seems like such a shame to do nothing

    Sometimes the right thing is to do nothing.


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    #8
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    They both want to reconnect? That sounds promising. Do they both know that the other wants to reconnect?


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    #9
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I think you may be right. I could imagine one of them accusing me of taking sides and it be a complete **** show... Maybe I will take sides without realising... Just seems like such a shame to do nothing

    You can support and encourage them. It's not getting directly involved so you're protecting yourself but it's not doing nothing either.

    Whatever drove them apart, you can't undo it. Only they can fix it and tbh it's better you take a back seat on this one or you might get dragged into the drama if the reconciliation doesn't work out.


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    #10
    .red.
    Registered Users Posts: 3,338 ✭✭✭.red.


    I have a sibling I don't get along with, haven't for years.
    They don't have contact with me or my wife, or my kids, haven't been to communions, confirmations etc.

    My advice, stay out of it.

    If they both do feel like a reconciliation is an option, play it slow. Don't try and get them together for this Christmas, it's too soon if things have been very bad. Add in a few drinks on the day and it could get very nasty.

    Are you sure both want to reconcile?
    With my sibling it's never gonna happen, I don't want it to happen and I'm pretty sure it's mutual. If it's one of them pushing it and your caught in the middle it'll get very messy.


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    No harm in letting them know the other wants to reconnect too but leave it at that, if they want to build bridges they can do that without your help


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