Guys could i ask your opinion

Twixmypix · 01-12-2019 1:50am #1

So was with my boyfriend for 6 years lived together the lot. He asked to take a break 3 months ago we had a back and forth so break never really properly happened, we kept in contact but its very limited not like before.

He said he asked for a break because he had doubts about us and how compatible we were, we were each others best friends and everything i tried to fight for him and all of that. He has asked if we can start hanging out and going on some dates nothing happens, I suggested he see other people as in go on dates with other people to eliminate his doubts he said he isn't sure because in his head that means we are breaking up rather than being on a break?

I am terrified of being hurt all over again like i was with the break originally, guys can i ask if you could lay it out for me if that's what i should prepare for?

He said he is confused and that he wasn't trying to string me along, that he is confused and doesn't know what to do because i mean so much to him

NSAman · 01-12-2019 1:55am

Twixmypix wrote: »

So was with my boyfriend for 6 years lived together the lot. He asked to take a break 3 months ago we had a back and forth so break never really properly happened, we kept in contact but its very limited not like before.

He said he asked for a break because he had doubts about us and how compatible we were, we were each others best friends and everything i tried to fight for him and all of that. He has asked if we can start hanging out and going on some dates nothing happens, I suggested he see other people as in go on dates with other people to eliminate his doubts he said he isn't sure because in his head that means we are breaking up rather than being on a break?

I am terrified of being hurt all over again like i was with the break originally, guys can i ask if you could lay it out for me if that's what i should prepare for?

If the guy can’t make his mind up, simple advice here....dump him!

I know that is the easiest solution, but also the most difficult.

If he has doubts, there is only one way to solve this, dump him and I’m sure he will realise his mind.

You have to have a commitment or go and find your Own life, stop waiting for him to make a life for you.

adrian92 · 01-12-2019 2:20am

I agree with NSAman post. Seems like he may be keeping too many options open.

But that is just my view - from what you said, I would be slightly concerned that you are not being treated in an equal manner

refusetolose · 01-12-2019 2:24am

tell him you're done with his s**t
cut all contact

Ken. · 01-12-2019 3:56am

Mod-Thread moved to relationship issues. I think this is a better place Twixmypix. Please read the local charter before posting.

Mongfinder General · 01-12-2019 4:15am

refusetolose wrote: »

tell him you're done with his s**t
cut all contact

+1. This break crap is just affording him licence to string you along while he does what he wants. Get rid.

Kidchameleon · 01-12-2019 9:37am

Dump him now before this crap happens down the line again or even when you are married. When you dump him, prepare for him to beg for you back, but stay strong.

Batgurl · 01-12-2019 12:06pm

9 times out of 10, when a person asks to go on a break, it’s because they want to be with someone else, but they don’t want the other person to be with someone else.

I’d put money on him having already been with someone else and now he’s freaking out you will be too so he’s trying to pull you back in.

stateofflux · 01-12-2019 12:15pm

Sounds like you know its over. The 'Break' Thing is cowardly bull****e from him.

Move on. Its about standing up and respecting yourself now. Things will get better..been there

LegacyUser · 01-12-2019 12:52pm

What does "fighting for him" entail? It sounds desperate and is a way of guilting somebody into not breaking up. You've allowed your boyfriend to have all the power here. It looks like he is the one who will decide whether to rekindle this or not. From his point of view, it's a win-win situation. He is free to play the field if he wants, safe in the knowledge that you're willing to take him back.

Even if a proper break-up doesn't happen, your relationship is doomed. You will never forget all the doubts he had, nor his inability to make up his mind what he wants. The one certainty here is that it isn't you. You're "Miss You're Grand", not "Mis Right".

zapper55 · 01-12-2019 12:59pm

If you have to fight for someone you've already lost him. That must have been horribly humiliating for you to have that conversation.

Look you are in the middle of confusion and you cant see the wood from the trees but his wishy washy actions has shown you exactly what he thinks of the relationship.

He wants to have his cake and eat it. Take some respect back OP. Tell him.its a clear break. And you go on some dates. It wouldnt be for the purpose of making him jealous but for you to get a little perspective.

How attractive and valued do you feel from your boyfriend after this clusterf uck of a few weeks? I'd imagine not very.

Step back away from the back and forth and the upset. It's so unhealthy.

Even if he magically decided you were all of a sudden compatible again would you be able to trust that he meant it or that it wouldnt happen again?

I also wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else that he's more 'compatible' with in the background. Something has brought this idea into his head.

cannotlogin · 01-12-2019 1:27pm

It sounds like he's trying to break up with you permanently but doesn't want to feel like the bad guy or to upset you.

Never fight for some one who doesn't want you. Even if it works for a short while, you are only deferring the enivitable.

LegacyUser · 01-12-2019 1:59pm

Sorry, its absolute **** what you're going through cos Ur probably spend hour upon hour trying to 'figure it out' and Ur head is probably fried....

In my experience, once you get to the stage of doubts/over thinking the relationship, it's done. Every. Single. Time. Sorry, my advice would be to call it off now and save the next few days/weeks/months of back and forth before the eventual break up...but it's easier for me to say that cos ive been there, hung in and still ended with a break up. But Ur probably gonna hold out hope ...but another poster put it perfectly...how valued and attractive do you feel having to persuade him to stay???

Another thing, ppl usually spend a lot of time thinking about it before mentioning it to their partner...so this has been on his mind a while...if after all that time he felt strongly enough to say something, it doesn't bode well...

Calypso Realm · 01-12-2019 2:45pm

Twixmypix wrote: »

He said he asked for a break because he had doubts about us and how compatible we were, we were each others best friends and everything i tried to fight for him and all of that.

No, no, and no! When someone says they're having doubts just walk OP. Simple. Cut all contact and give them all the space they need. Not sure what you did when you tried to fight for him but pleading and going into convincing mode will get you nowhere. It just reaffirms to the other person, they can have their cake and eat it, which sounds the case here with your boyfriend. Not a good position to be in at all! You're essentially leaving it up to him to decide the fate of your relationship.

I would cut all contact now, date others and let the chips fall where they may. Well and good (and it's entirely possible but it can go either way) if he comes back all recharged to give things another go. If not you've started the process of moving on yourself. Remember you'll be OK whatever happens! Good luck.

waxmelts2000 · 01-12-2019 3:02pm

My ex did that to me, said he had doubts. "I love you but I don't know if I love you til I die". We spent another 2 weeks together after that - very uncomfortable weeks where he did not treat me very well, when I asked him to talk, he said he was treating me like that so I would break up with him!!!

Cowardly way out, anyway that was 6 months ago and I wish I had dumped him when he said he had doubts rather than hang on as he dumped me anyway. It has been a tough 6 months and I am not fully over the break up , but I do know I am better than being someone's second option and I deserve to be with someone who loves me

So my advice to you is break up with him, It will be hard but if you stay with him you will always be having doubts and the relationship will never be the same. Good Luck to you

wylo · 01-12-2019 4:19pm

Just throwing a spanner in the works here but if he is not interested in the idea that ye see other people then he may genuinely want a break of some sorts, especially if he is proposing dates etc. 6 years is a long time to not at least try work through it.

I would agree with him that if you actually start dating others then its not really a break, its an actual break up.

My advice would be to actually take a break, but for real, tell him he can have 3 weeks, no contact, and no dating others thats bull****.

Then if he is still unsure after that then end it, but be prepared as he may become sure that he wants to end it.

But who knows, he may be fed up, but that doesnt mean he wants to really end it, even if he doesnt know that himself. A real break may shock him into realising he has deeper feelings he is unaware of.

ILoveYourVibes · 02-12-2019 12:02am

He is treating you terribly.

Break up with him. He is too cowardly to break up with you and not mature enough to be with you.

MissShihTzu · 02-12-2019 12:14am

He needs to hit the pavement. I think he wants to break up but doesn't have the stones to do it directly. For your own sanity, I would do the job for him.

Walk away. Don't look back and don't take him back,

Good luck!

redfox123 · 02-12-2019 9:18am

Has this been going on for 3 months? If so, you have to be the one to end it, he will string you along in his little wishy washy land wasting your time.
I would not be as hard line as the other posters because in reality sometimes people do have doubts and need some space, but that is when there has been lots of issues on going, or lots of arguments etc, which you have not mentioned. Relationships are not perfect, people can go through times of uncertainty.

But I don’t think this ‘break’ thing from a relationship is the answer, it is just a break up but trying to cushion the blow or leave some room for him to come back when he realises being single isn’t all that great.
It seems all from his side and rather out of the blue from your perspective. I think you know what to do.

wiggle16 · 02-12-2019 2:40pm

He wants to break up but doesn't want the unpleasantness of doing it himself. He wants you to be the one to break up with him. He's being a coward, in a nutshell, probably because he doesn't feel he has a "good enough" reason to do it but wants to all the same.

You breaking up with him means that he doesn't have to explain himself to you, which is what he is trying to avoid, because he doesn't want the hassle.

Sorry OP. Mind yourself.

ILoveYourVibes · 02-12-2019 11:02pm

He doesn't want to be with you. But he is afraid of being single and dying alone.

Neyite · 05-12-2019 1:58pm

You've given him three months to figure it out so it's now time to take action of your own and do what he doesn't have the courage to do himself.

As long as you are hanging around waiting for this guy to decide what he wants (and he may never figure that out) you are stalling your recovery from a painful break up and eventually missing opportunities to meet someone who DOES want to be with you, whole heartedly.

Guys could i ask your opinion

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