Some years ago when I still lived in Liverpool, I obtained tickets for a motorcycle show held in Manchester. The sort of show where the manufactureres tried to get people interested in their products. Quite big and a bit posh on the day I went.
It was held close to the railway station (G-Mex Centre??? Not sure now)
Great show really enjoyed it and I stayed there all day trying out bikes for size.
Anyway I had gone by train as it was easier to get there that way, so obviously I traveled home by train too.
I got to the station just as my train was leaving. The next one was not for another hour, so I settled down to wait. After a while I realised I was getting a bit peckish and went to find something to eat. They were selling sandwiches at a small kiosk, and I bought one. Ends were curling up a bit, but food is food.
I returned to the bench with my prize in hand ready to munch away. I unwrapped it and it didn't seem too bad. Opened my mouth to pop it in and take a bite, when I heard this odd noise.
Sounded like screaming and howling, and it was coming from somewhere up above. Mouth still open I leaned back and looked up. This was my big mistake.
Up on the girders were two pigeons, indulging in what we can delicately describe as reproduction actions. They were making a hell of a noise as they got 'down to business'
Then one of these fat arsed little rats with wings opened it's bowels and let fly.
As I said I was below all this. A stream of hot pigeon poo came down in a steaming stream to land on my face. All over my glasses, dripping off my face and (yeuk) filling my open mouth.
Trying to swear and keep my mouth open to let it come out was very difficult. I ran to the toilets calling them all the dirty b*stards going. Over the sink I threw my glasses in the stream of water to get them clean and tried to wash my mouth out. I think I drank and swilled about a gallon of hot water. Totally ignoring the fact there was a notice saying "Not Suitable as drinking water."
Not sure how long I was there for coughing, spluttering and saying rude words about pigeons.
Finally, I left the toilets, wretching and feeling quite frankly, bloody sick. Got to the platform, in time to see the train pulling out of the station, and two fat pigeons destroying my sandwich.
Some guy walked past and said. "Did you know you got pigeon **** on you?"