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  • 19-12-2008 11:49am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My OH and I are together two years, a second relationship for us both, he has children from his first and I don't, I want children at some stage and he's done, finished, I don't know what to do, I love him and don't want to lose him but don't want to wake up in ten years time and realise I've given up my chances to have children, when we speak about it, which isn't often he says he can do nothing and the ball is in my court in terms of whether to continue wtih the relationship, for the record this isn't said in a cold heartless way! If I don't whose to say I'll end up with 2.4 children anyway! Don't know why I'm posting, just would like some advice please.


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    #2
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    Have you conveyed to him that you want children as much or more than he doesn't? What would he say if you told him it was a deal breaker??


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    He's told me he loves me to bits but can't give me what I want and if it's a deal breaker then there's nothing he can do about it, I have to do what I need to do! So it's a bit of a no win situation I suppose.


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    #4
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    You have to make the decision I'm afraid, he's right, the ball IS in your court.

    There's one you want more than the other. You either want him, or you want children. It seems you can't have both.

    Make the decision sooner rather than later, it won't be an easy one.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I know he's right, and I know it's up to me, but I'm terrified of doing the wrong thing, I don't know if it's really really important for me to have children, or if it's just because I always assumed that was how it would or should be. I love him and don't want to be without him but I'm afraid I'll end up resenting him, I'm also afriad to make a break because either way in ten years time I could be childless and oh maybe alone as a bonus. Fear features strongly here!! I know there's nothing anyone can say to really help, but it's just good to trash it out here.


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    #6
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Unregistered wrote: »
    He's told me he loves me to bits but can't give me what I want and if it's a deal breaker then there's nothing he can do about it, I have to do what I need to do!

    I have a child from a previous marriage.
    When I started going out with my now partner I told him very early on that I wouldn't be having anymore and if he did then we were finished. I meant it.

    Your partner has been very honest with you.
    Do not stick around if you really want kids, you should not force this issue on him as it's something only you want.
    Make your decision and stick to it. At this stage in your life, you should know what is most important to you.


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    #7
    xxdilemmaxx
    Registered Users Posts: 330 ✭✭xxdilemmaxx


    Or, you could end up breaking up with him in ten years time anyway and being really mad as you will have lost the chance to have a family of your own...

    It's such a tough decision but if you do want to have children you are probably best to walk away from this relationship, hard and all as it may be, and put your hope in the fact that you will meet someone who is looking for the same things as you are...

    Only you can decide though, good luck, I hope it works out for you.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yeah I appreciate that he has been very open and honest about it, but in fairness, how could he not? It wasn't something that came up at the beginining of our relationship as I suppose neither of us knew how serious it would become, but it has come up, it's not something that I nag and harass him about as I do respect his feelings and opinions on the matter, I would hate a child because somebody was afraid to say no to me!
    I'm pretty much in a no win situation at the moment, and maybe I should automatically know what is more important to me at this stage of my life but I don't, it's hard to pit a man you love against a child you might never have!
    But thanks everyone for your advice, I appreciate all comments..


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