In love with best friend

LegacyUser · 16-12-2008 1:06am #1

Over the past two months I've realised I am in love with someone I have known since first year of college. Up until last year I had a boyfriend so I never thought of my friend in this way until recently.

I started to feel this way about two months ago and it feels that because we have been friends for so long, my feelings have escalated at a rate that I never could have expected. I did not want to like him, it is making my life so complicated. If I were to ever articulate my feelings it could RUIN our friendship and mess up our group. I feel so strongly for him, and its coming to the point that I am angry in his presence because we aren't together (not his fault i know).

The friendship is, on my part, a sham, as I really want to be much closer to him but am taking any crumbs I can get. I think he does not feel the same about me but equally he does not know how I feel, I have not shown any interest in him for fear I may jump his bones altogether.

Its coming to the point that I cant sleep. I think about him all the time, I feel absolutely headwrecked. I need to do something, but i think it would be easier to eat a bull's testicles than to cross the friendship/not friendship barrier.

Thanks for reading, even that was great to get it all out.

artyeva · 16-12-2008 2:36am

mmm f that's a toughie alright... my first random thought says why don't you try and engineer some time alone with him away from friends - try and engineer going for a drink or something with just him? i dunno - he might see that there's more to you that just what he sees in the company of others?

god this isn't sounding as good as it did inside my head - sorry!!!:rolleyes: Those 'cross the line' friendships do work sometimes, though I've seen them fail as well. One thing I do know is that sometimes the feelings do fade and after a while you suddenly think - jesus what was i thinking.:D

JonathanAnon · 16-12-2008 2:43am

hmmm, that's a tough situation. It's not healthy to become so consumed with someone else. Are you sure that it's not the fact that you are spending so much time together that makes you feel drawn to him?

But I would tread carefully. My friend had a girlfriend in his class, she left him and started going out with his friend in the same class. So for 6 lectures Mon-Fri for the next two years of the course he had to look at them across the room.

However you cant go on as you are. I think you need to assess the risk of it all going wrong and then make a decision to either ask him or forget about him. Has he given any indication either way?

~nop~ · 16-12-2008 2:27pm

Could it possibly be that you're simply looking for a bit of distraction? You never saw this guy in this way before because you had a boyfriend.
My advice, if you really don't want to tell him, would be to go out clubbing or something and find another guy/guys. Some people just love to love! Best way to get over someone is to get with someone new yeah.

LegacyUser · 18-12-2008 10:43am

I met a boy at the start of first-year who became my best friend. Had a boyfriend but we weren't right for each other. Started to fall for Best F, left boyfriend for him and we are still together 5 years later.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 18-12-2008 2:16pm

It doesn't have to ruin the friendship. Just don't be bitchy if he's not interested and don't be sleazy with him. If he doesn't feel under pressure to be with you he won't want out of the friendship either. Be clear you don't feel led on by him.

jdivision · 18-12-2008 2:17pm

I'd worry that you've transferred feelings for others to him.

Kya1976 · 18-12-2008 3:13pm

I would talk to him but I probably wouldnt tell him all the details, like that you cant sleep for instance, i think that potentially could scare him off.
A lot of relationships would start out like this though, I was best mates with my hubby before we hooked up.
Hopefully it'll be worth it in the end.:)

LegacyUser · 18-12-2008 10:46pm

Many thanks for all the replies, i really appreciate them.

i can see what you mean about transferring feelings but i dont think im trying to distract myself, I am fairly happy in every other area of my life but this....will try to engineer some time alone with him somehow. Fingers crossed. I get so nervous though when its just the two of us despite the fact that Ive known him such a long time.

I wont tell him about the no-sleep issue, im going to err on the side of not-a-bunny-boiler for as long as possible....

thank you again x

minidazzler · 19-12-2008 2:25am

My advice is, if ye drink, go out get a bit tipsy, and kiss him playfully, see how he reacts. If it's a bad reaction blame the drink and move on.

If it's a good reaction then just go with the flow.

Don't overthink it. While you may love him, I doubt you are "In Love" with him, no need to engineer elaborate plans and drop subtle hints, he won't get them or will ignore them and you will be left wondering.

Just do what I say, it is (probably) the most fool proof way.

DO NOT go spilling your feelings all over him, because that will scare him, or put him on the spot,

You are in college, just be playful about it, don't be all lovey dovey about it.

Just take it easy and follow my steps. They are simple and quite foolproof!!!

LegacyUser · 19-12-2008 3:22pm

I think life is too short for messing about, tell him how you feel, maybe don't say you love him but say you think of him or would ike to think of him as more than a friend and see how he takes it,
ok you may not get a responce you are looking for but its better then not knowing and thinking "what if"

In love with best friend

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