We can't have sex..

LegacyUser · 01-12-2008 12:10pm #1

When my boyfriend and I got together, he wasn't able to preform in bed, at all. I undertstood, mainly because he ticked all the other boxes and we have had a great relationship since.

We have had some good sex but not alot. He got some viagra last year but it was not like having real sex at all, it went on for far too long and while this was great the first few times, after that it was like, oh no, you knew it wouldnt be a quicky before bed but a 2 hour painful expedition.

I found myself not wanting sex over the last few months because I was thinking, 'whats the point, we wont be able to do it anyway', or, 'it will only last 2 minutes', or, 'I wont be fulfilled'.

Lately, hes been saying to me, 'c'mon, we dont have sex anymore', but with him its never penetration, but him having sex on top of me, into my hips or something.That gets boring after a while.

I love this man, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, get married and have children. but Im at a loss here, Its not majorly affecting me, but someone posted here, how often is often, and I was amazed at people having loads of sex and I wasnt.

My previous boyf and I did it almost every night and I use to be giving out that I wanted a night off!

I dont crave sex as much as he does, but I've lost confidence. Even if I give him oral, hes floppy. The other morning as we 'tried' to have sex, I just felt nothing, I knew we wouldnt be able to, he would be hard for 34 seconds and that would be it, a whole load of trying to get hard again.

Its getting hard, Im not shallow enough to let this be a huge focus point in our relationship, specially because I dont want to hurt his feelings. He didnt have a gf for a long time, and me being cool about his problem in the beginning gave him his confidence back, but it doesnt seem to be improving his problem.

I feel this is a personal issue because I dont know what to do. I love him and we love each other pyhsically, but since Ive been disapointed sexually, I dont want to have sex anymore.

Any advice is appreciated, thanks. I love this man with all my heart.If I approach him, I dont know what to say, I never want to hurt his feelings.

Wibbs · 01-12-2008 12:36pm

If he gets hard even for 30 seconds it doesn't sound purely physical, though even still I would get him to a doctor.

I would reckon and in my humble, given that an erection, requires a vascular system in good nick, a hormonal system in good nick and an emotional/psychological system in good nick, a consistent failure to perform means something.

That something, whatever it is needs to be looked at. Is he healthy in other ways? I mean properly healthy. Not too overweight, heavy smoker/drinker, that kinda thing. Is he very stressed in his life? All need to be looked at.

I mean I presume he's under 50, so if this is an issue now it will only get worse, not better. Are you using condoms as a matter of interest? They can give me the instant floppy at times for some reason. I could be like a rock all night without one and suddenly it's playing snooker with a rope when one gets put on the oul chap. Go figure?

This will eat more and more into your realtionship. Sex is not the be all and end all, as many think, but it is damned important to a healthy relationship. If everything else was perfect and still no sex you will become frustrated more and more. And so will he. You will feel more and more undesired and unfulfilled as a woman who wants her natural needs looked after. He needs to step up and get himself sorted for his sake alone too. You both will be the better for it.

Now approaching this will not be easy. Most men get a bee in their bonnet if a woman even suggests all may not be well in the sack. Then again, if its a choice between that discomfort and you leaving or getting increasingly frustrated and then leaving its a discomfort worth going through.

I wish you luck. The doctor would be my first port of call.

TheChevron · 01-12-2008 12:37pm

Did you try watching porn together?

Wibbs · 01-12-2008 12:40pm

I reckon the porn thing will do bugger all tbh. I recon its a deeper issue than that. The porn may make the OP feel even more undesired too, even if it did work(which I doubt).

TheChevron · 01-12-2008 12:50pm

It seems that the poster is being a little picky tbh, too short at first, add viagra it becomes too long.

How can you quantify the correct ammount of time?

Try the porn, if that doesnt work, go with the viagra.

LegacyUser · 01-12-2008 12:51pm

TheChevron wrote: »

Did you try watching porn together?

No... I dont think it would work even if we did!

[QUOTE=You will feel more and more undesired and unfulfilled as a woman who wants her natural needs looked after. He needs to step up and get himself sorted for his sake alone too. You both will be the better for it.?[/QUOTE]

Yeah Wibbs, you hit the nail on the head there. He went the doc last year twice though, and she prescribed viagra.

He doesnt smoke anymore, but I think you're right in that he must have another problem, blood circulation related. Its not me! Im a pretty little thing. I do have womanly needs dammit!

LegacyUser · 01-12-2008 12:56pm

Chevron, thats terrible advice.

When he wants to come on the viagra, he cant. It stays hard for two long as in, over 2 hours. Its a little unnatural and they're his words. Anyway, viagra is expensive and we saved his tablets for special occasions.

Im not being picky. I just want normal sex which is what we dont have and Im looking for answers.

Wibbs · 01-12-2008 12:58pm

TheChevron wrote: »

It seems that the poster is being a little picky tbh, too short at first, add viagra it becomes too long.

How can you quantify the correct ammount of time?

Try the porn, if that doesnt work, go with the viagra.

Have you even read beyond the title? They have tried viagra. And yes of course time is a factor in this. Even for me as a bloke, banging away for an hour getting nowhere is frankly tiring and nearly as bad as going for 30 seconds. The porn solution as I said is hardly going to make much of a diff. I mean that's fine if you're looking for spice in an otherwise healthy sex life, it's not a subsitute for no sex life(unless your single).

Wibbs · 01-12-2008 1:01pm

NOSEX101 wrote: »

No... I dont think it would work even if we did!

I agree.

Yeah Wibbs, you hit the nail on the head there. He went the doc last year twice though, and she prescribed viagra.

Viagra seems a bit of a sticking plaster. Did she tell him what she reckoned was wrong. If hes a young man, just giving him viagra without further follow up seems lax to me anyway.

He doesnt smoke anymore, but I think you're right in that he must have another problem, blood circulation related.

If you both suspect that I would seek another medical opinion. Demand one in fact.

Its not me! Im a pretty little thing. I do have womanly needs dammit!

Well Im glad you know its not you. That's a bonus. too many times the partner blame themselves.

TheChevron · 01-12-2008 1:21pm

NOSEX101 wrote: »

'whats the point, we wont be able to do it anyway', or, 'it will only last 2 minutes', or, 'I wont be fulfilled'.

Lately, hes been saying to me, 'c'mon, we dont have sex anymore', but with him its never penetration, but him having sex on top of me, into my hips or something.That gets boring after a while.

Take the viagra now and then and go at it until you've had your fill, and finish up then.
Surely he can put up with pleasuring you once in a while if your willing to put up with his hip humping purely for his gratification.

Its not a simple problem and im sure it wont have a simple solution so some compramise might be required.

Peewee_lane · 01-12-2008 1:43pm

TheChevron wrote: »

(1) Take the viagra now and then and go at it until you've had your fill, and finish up then.
(2)Surely he can put up with pleasuring you once in a while if your willing to put up with his hip humping purely for his gratification.

Mod - Chevron should be banned for being a dick to OP. Thats unhelpful advice.

OP, just talk to him about how you feel. His problem shoudn't be yours and he should go back to the doc again and demand more results for the doc, god knows it costs enough to be seen, they should do their jobs right.

Marksie · 01-12-2008 1:50pm

Peeweelane: leave the modding to the mods.

The chevron last warning, on the viagra issue.

Though i will add this before posting advice: get your boyufriend to go to the doctors, there are alternatives to viagra and differing doeses..get professional advice on its uses.
Alternatively go to a qualified sex therapist

Dragan · 01-12-2008 1:50pm

Peewee_lane wrote: »

Mod - Chevron should be banned for being a dick to OP. Thats unhelpful advice.

I don't Mod PI but if you look to the left of every post you will see a small black and red symbol of an exclamation mark in a red triangle, if you have any issue with a post then use this report post function, as opposed to making in thread statements.

This is a sitewide boards.ie policy.:)

Marksie · 01-12-2008 2:16pm

NOSEX101 wrote: »

When my boyfriend and I got together, he wasn't able to preform in bed, at all. I undertstood, mainly because he ticked all the other boxes and we have had a great relationship since.

Understanding is one thing, communicating is another. Working on this through adequate communication from the beginning would have begun to sort this issue out.
if your relationship was as good as you thought, you would have been able to work on the bedroom issues.

NOSEX101 wrote: »

We have had some good sex but not alot. He got some viagra last year but it was not like having real sex at all, it went on for far too long and while this was great the first few times, after that it was like, oh no, you knew it wouldnt be a quicky before bed but a 2 hour painful expedition.

Now there is so much here i will have to break it into bits
1) your boyfriend is aware and has tried a sticking plaster approach. But he is aware.
What did you two do to try and get around this?
Real sex??? what is sex to you? penetration being the ultimate?

Many people reduce sex to a "quickie before bed" and that leads to these issues in that arousal cannot be gauranteed.
Better really to step back and focus on what sex actually is and what you want.
In this you should look to yourself and your own attitudes

NOSEX101 wrote: »

I found myself not wanting sex over the last few months because I was thinking, 'whats the point, we wont be able to do it anyway', or, 'it will only last 2 minutes', or, 'I wont be fulfilled'.

Again you have gotten into a pattern of thinking and this i think stems from a real lack of communication on this issue.

NOSEX101 wrote: »

Lately, hes been saying to me, 'c'mon, we dont have sex anymore', but with him its never penetration, but him having sex on top of me, into my hips or something.That gets boring after a while.

I have always said in this forum that sex is never about penetration and that full satisfying sex can be had merely by foreplay alone.

Again, dont look at your boyfriend to try and fix this as he is stuck in the viagra rut..he is aware but unable to do thing.

Look to yourself and your own attitudes and reasonings

There is an often quoted tantric saying: if you want your lover to become an ecstatic lover, become one yourself.

Change your thinking on what sex is, and in particular the reliance on penetration as the ultimate goal of it. It isn't. Be proactive, think differently and set aside time to explore each other without pressure to pentrate.

This is an issue stemming from both sides. If you cannot resolve it yourselves, then go to a therapist

NOSEX101 wrote: »

I love this man, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, get married and have children. but Im at a loss here, Its not majorly affecting me, but someone posted here, how often is often, and I was amazed at people having loads of sex and I wasnt.

It is an issue, and will be one, if you have already stopped desiring intimacy with this man, you are only going to get resentful in the end.

NOSEX101 wrote: »

My previous boyf and I did it almost every night and I use to be giving out that I wanted a night off!

Different strokes for different folks tbh. You are comparing your current with and ex. not good in my book.

NOSEX101 wrote: »

I dont crave sex as much as he does, but I've lost confidence. Even if I give him oral, hes floppy. The other morning as we 'tried' to have sex, I just felt nothing, I knew we wouldnt be able to, he would be hard for 34 seconds and that would be it, a whole load of trying to get hard again.

What have you done to rectify it?
What steps have you taken to step back and look again with a different view..this will be up to you as your b.friend has tried in a way he knows how..chemically.
There are techbniques, like pc control, stop start techniques

barring physiological problems which should be checkout out..there will be a large amount of psychological ones built up here.
he is saying lets have sex, he is trying to show he still "cares" that way. What are you doing to help the situation. ?
again... hardness= sex..it doesnt.

Penetration= sex, it doesn't.

Incidentaly when i have been floppy when recieving oral, its been way more intense. Thats an aside btw.
But even if i am unable to maintin and erection, hey, you would be amazed at how satisfying for myself and my partners our sex lives are. That is up to and including being able to orgasm without touching by merely breathing together.. and all that stems from one thing..we communicate right from the beginning, we never assume, and we take responsibility for our own pleasure.
Simply because we don't think that one small act..that of penetation is the dealbreaker.

NOSEX101 wrote: »

Its getting hard, Im not shallow enough to let this be a huge focus point in our relationship, specially because I dont want to hurt his feelings. He didnt have a gf for a long time, and me being cool about his problem in the beginning gave him his confidence back, but it doesnt seem to be improving his problem.

Being cool about it, and communicating and experimenting to work around it are two totally different things.
My bet is he isnt confident at all, but is masking by willingess .... you havent dealt with it, but accpted it. big difference

NOSEX101 wrote: »

feel this is a personal issue because I dont know what to do. I love him and we love each other pyhsically, but since Ive been disapointed sexually, I dont want to have sex anymore.

You are responsible for your own orgasm, and you are responsible for your own happiness and unhappiness. Niot your boyfriend. he is perfectly willing to initiate. You have stopped dead in your tracks. Instead of saying hey lets try this and that, or lets concentrate on doing this or that. you are lumping the responsibility on him.... take responsibility for your own actions and reactions

NOSEX101 wrote: »

If I approach him, I dont know what to say, I never want to hurt his feelings.

That is the crux of this. It appears he is unaware or focussed again on the one aspect.

You havent been able to communicate.

he is also the one initiating..hey lets have sex.

Now take a step back and look at why you have chosen to withdraw or disengage from this.

change that thinking. Change your approach. initiate. but initiate not for penetration, but for open exploration of all techniques but penetration.

Look around, there are resources out there. hell there are enough peope here to give some advice or tips..but in the end you have to realise its not the techniques but the attitude that have to change.
Until that changes, then you wont even begin to resolve any physical issue.

If you want to expand your lovemaking, then its going to be up to you to do it.
you can start by not trying to cram a quicky in between the end of telly and bed.*

*ther reason i mentioned that is level one tantra workshop, intro speech.... this is for those who think sex is a quicky to be crammed in between telly and bed.
what ou said, struck that chord

LegacyUser · 01-12-2008 2:27pm

Marksie wrote: »

There is an often quoted tantric saying: if you want your lover to become an ecstatic lover, become one yourself.

Thanks, this would be really helpful if we were having problems about actually having sex, but I cant make him get an erection from being an estatic lover, and he cant get one himself from being one either.

My partner is having a problem for well over a year now of sustaining or obtaining an erection and I am reaching out for advice and help?

I already had the chat with him, its been brushed under the carpet.

The only person who hit the nail on the head was Wibbs. I feel Marksie is pointing the fingerputting the blame on me, the problem is, he cant get a hard on, and Im upset that we went down the road of communicating and it was forgotton about. I'll bring it up with him again.

I guess I am really upset he hasnt sorted it out, despite quittin smoking and going to see the doc twice last year and only being prescribed viagra.

Marksie · 01-12-2008 2:35pm

OP: i would have staked my salary that you would have reacted like that in terms of pointing fingers and blame.

If you are looing for advice you will get all aspects. However if you are looking for people simlpy to agree with what you have already decided, then just say so. So if you think wibbs advice hits the nail on the head..then thats because you hae already made your mind up

Edit: for the record i don't play the blame game. If the advice you find is unpalatable, its is none the lesson reasoned and potentially useful

LegacyUser · 01-12-2008 2:53pm

Marksie, I havnt asked anyone to agree with me.

I want any girl/guy who have experienced this problem to come forward and give their opinion. Im not reaching out to people who have not had any first hand experience.

I presume because you are replying to this thread, you must have had the same problem. If not, then stop turning this into a thread about you having a mod over poster argument and let other people come forward if hey have experienced this or not.

Nevyn · 01-12-2008 3:08pm

If is is a year with erectile issues then he needs to see a dr.

LegacyUser · 01-12-2008 3:11pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

If is is a year with erectile issues then he needs to see a dr.

Im starting to think the exact same thing. I think he needs to see a specialist, not a GP.

Has anyone any idea of where to look for a specialist in Dublin dealing with erectile dysfunction?

TheChevron · 01-12-2008 3:30pm

Peewee_lane wrote: »

Mod - Chevron should be banned for being a dick to OP. Thats unhelpful advice.

Far from being a dick I was actually offering the advice that sometimes people have to suck it up and deal with it.

You calling me a dick is not a very nice way to be posting and if I were anyway like you I could be calling for a ban on you: but seeing how I think everyone deserves an opinion I wont do that.

I still stand by my advice and Im sure there will be many other pieces of advice given, and I wish nosex all the best with it.

Curvy Vixen · 01-12-2008 3:31pm

OP,

I have been with men over the year who have had this issue from time to time though never for the length of time your partner has. I had one particular boyfriend who only ever came from being masturbated, never from penetration. It was fun in the beginning and I had some great toned arms but my God that got as boring as someone who could never get an erection because for me, that had the same effect of 'no sex'..

My first piece of advice would absolutely be the doctor route. You say he has been there and has only been prescribed Viagra. Then he needs to go back and insist that something further is done. Too many people just take drugs issued by doctors without question and assume they are 'fixed.

If he is having erection's at any stage then medical opinion tends to be that it is nothing physical so we'll assume that's the case and look at the mental side.

I think that a lot of what Marksie says hits the nail on the head. There are many, many, other things that can be done that don't involve penetration, some of them seem a bit laughable until you try them tbh.

Does he have oral sex with you? Or use his fingers or toys or anything? Whereby he is satisfying your needs I mean, thereby taking the mental pressure off of his own? Because however 'relaxed' or 'casual' he will seem about this, you can be sure that it's a pressure on him. All of these things will take the focus off of the 'inny-outy' bit and might arouse him enough for you to masturbate him maybe...?

Or have you just tried nice massages and the like? Messing about with chocolate mousse! Something a bit more fun than trying for penetration or a hard on from him?

I don't see a blame game going on. But when I have been in your boat, it's so easy to just say 'what's the point?' It becomes a vicious circle where you don't want to upset your partner but you do want sex so you end up telling him, and yourself, that it doesn't matter, although it obviously does.

BTW, I think that the porn suggestion or the 'why don't you dress up in sexy underwear' type suggestion is ridiculous ~ please don't go down that route. What's needed is communication and openess not trying to spare each others feelings by masking it with drugs and porn.

nomorebadtown · 01-12-2008 3:34pm

Marksie wrote: »

Incidentaly when i have been floppy when recieving oral, its been way more intense. Thats an aside btw...

sorry i know this is off topic but i just had to agree here, fricking amazing sensation!!:eek: seriously...

iguana · 01-12-2008 4:16pm

Marksie wrote: »

I have always said in this forum that sex is never about penetration and that full satisfying sex can be had merely by foreplay alone.

You can have great sex without penetration and it seems to me that right now that would be the attitude that the OP and her partner should take. And hopefully if they attempt to focus on their sex life being fun they can both relax and penetrative sex will eventually follow. I'd suggest that perhaps they should make an agreement to spend the next month or two having lots and lots of foreplay and not attempt penetrative sex at all in that time. Then when they both feel ready they can start thinking about penetrative sex.

However, while on a sexual and even emotional level foreplay can be as satisfying as penetrative sex, it can't fulfill all needs long-term. The OP has stated that she and her partner hope to have children in the future. But unless she is happy to adopt or submit to invasive and expensive medical procedures, the chances of this couple having children are very low. So it makes sense that they work on this issue now, because if the time comes that they want to have children and they are still unable to have sex, it will cause a lot of pressure and pain.

Nevyn · 01-12-2008 4:30pm

sex101 wrote: »

Im starting to think the exact same thing. I think he needs to see a specialist, not a GP.

Has anyone any idea of where to look for a specialist in Dublin dealing with erectile dysfunction?

You start by going to the gp and then getting a referral.

The thing is if everything is functioning properly a man will get an errection several time during a 24 hour period.

One way of checking is to get a strip of postage stamps and make a band around the base of the flaccid penis before he goes to sleep, yup lick and stick then into a circle. IF he gets an erection during the night then the perferations between the stamps will give way.

Tbh a gp can do a lot of basic tests, checks and blood work before a referal is needed to a specialist.

LegacyUser · 01-12-2008 5:57pm

Yeah Thaedydal, thank you, thats great, I need to know that GP's can do tests, he was just given viagra twice and the second time, I had made him go back to have a proper chat ( this is almost a year ago) and he was told to curb drink and cigarettes, the female GP wasn't interested.

He's done that now and we're still where we were a year ago.

Also, people are making a big deal about me and penentrative sex.. the PI isnt about me not being able to appreciate sex without it, I have had sex more times with this man without penetration and its been awesome than it has being fully penetrative. I dont why Marksie picked up on that.

Whenever he hasnt been able to get it up, we dont stop, we carry on love making.

Its just getting me down that lately I caught myself saying, whats the point. Its confusing, its really hard to understand, thats why Im looking for help.

It makes me sad Iguana, that something could be wrong, really wrong at this stage.

Wibbs · 01-12-2008 7:06pm

OK I can see where Marksie is coming from and it's some good advice, but I would be of the more pragmatic/logical/non spiritual bent. I also don't agree that the onus has been moved more to you either. Or at least to the degree that I'm picking up(probably erroneously). Yes you are part of this, but the simple fact is if he can't get it up enough to have normal average everyday sex then something is clearly wrong. Physically, emotionally, relationship wise or mentally. Now the penis is his, so while you do have a part to play, it's not your willy.

In brass tacks, no sensual massage terms, the fact is in hetrosexual sex the penis going into the vagina is the end point so; Penetration = sex. Hate to point out the obvious but that's it. Or at least the end point and definition of sex for 90% of hetrosexual couples. That's what the two body parts are designed for. Yes foreplay and other ways of sexual release are great. No doubt there, but like penetration they are part of it. Penetration is a big part. It's called foreplay for a reason. Now there is the notion that its all about giving and recieving pleasure in different ways and tbh sometimes that's better than penetration, but at least penetration is on the menu. For me no amount of other ways to pleasure will make up for that long term.

If you're planning on having children it'll be an even bigger part. If I was was as man with a woman who I couldn't have penetrative sex with for this length of time, while other things would be on the cards, I would be getting extremely frustrated.

My biggest concern is not the sex tbh. If he could get it up or was whoring around with others or fiddling with himself to the point of blindness, that would be another PI. In this case my concern is his physical/mental/emotional health. This erection issue is IMHO a warning flag. He needs to get seen by someone who will see it as such, not just get pawned off with viagra.

Marksie · 01-12-2008 7:28pm

Because OP up until your last post all you had been talking about was Penetration.

I had certainly recommended going back and checking out physiological issues.

My aim was to think about the one person you knew about i this: yourself . Going back and rethinking whats happenig.

Wibbs there was nothing spiritual about my posting and it was entirely pragmatic, not just voxpopping.

The idea that foreplay comes before sex and that penetrative sex is a big part, has and will cause issues for many people as this now means they have expectations to live up to. It will keep PI going for a long while but thats about it.

The concept that in moving away from penetrative sex but to pleasure through foreplay is not mystical, spiritual or anything of the sort. Its entirely grounded in the fact that once people realsie that they can pleasure in so many ways, performance pressure is reduced and has the effect of increasing the chances of penetration occurring.

Setting aside the possibility of ED, and emotional states, its a relationship... there are two in it and things are very rarely a one way street. Its one thing to simply agree because that is what the poster wants, its another to look at what she has written and how she may be acting within the relationship. There are in fact two in it and it is most definitely more complex than it appears if one cares to re read what was written

Nevyn · 01-12-2008 8:08pm

Tantra is not for everyone nor is it a panacea.

Personally speaking while a range of sexual activity and expression is wonderful if I had not been properly shagged for over a year while in a relationship with a male I would be far from happy.

Some people are just this way, they are penetratively focused and there is nothing wrong with that, I could be getting every orgasm under the sun several times and if I was not getting the ones which I wanted/needed which only can be achieved from deep penetration then I doubted I would have waited 6 months before carting him of to a male dr he could talk to not only for my sake and sanity but for his own health and well being.

Hopefully you can get the medical help needed for your partner sex101 before it impacts any more on your relationship and how you view yourself and your own self esteem.

Wibbs · 01-12-2008 8:11pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Personally speaking while a range of sexual activity and expression is wonderful if I had not been properly shagged for over a year while in a relationship with a male I would be far from happy.

Agreed.

Some people are just this way, they are penetratively focused and there is nothing wrong with that, I could be getting every orgasm under the sun several times and if I was not getting the ones which I wanted/needed which only can be achieved from deep penetration then I doubted I would have waited 6 months before carting him of to a male dr he could talk to not only for my sake and sanity but for his own health and well being.

Hopefully you can get the medical help needed for your partner sex101.

Exactly, get him to a doctor and get any underlying medical reason out of the way before breaking out the essential oils.

iguana · 01-12-2008 8:36pm

sex101 wrote: »

It makes me sad Iguana, that something could be wrong, really wrong at this stage.

Do you know what his sex life was like with previous partners? Has he always had this problem? Do you think a previous partner may have thrown it in his face at some point?

I'd suspect that if he can still get the occasional erection the problem is mental rather than physical. He becomes afraid that he can't perform and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'd suggest going to a gp certainly, but I'd also try to explore the mental side of things. Perhaps see if the gp could recommend a counselor who specialises in this area.

I think it's a good idea to sort this out sooner rather than later. Because whether it is physical or mental the longer it's avoided the harder it could be to address it.

LegacyUser · 02-12-2008 10:52am

All your replies are absolutely fantastic.

This time last year, at the beginning of our relationship we had a good long chat about it and it seemed like we had covered it.

Months went by, he tried different things to see if they were contributing.

You have to understand, we fell so in love that we felt the little problem was nothing, and we could deal with it.

I just realised over the past few weeks like I had said in my original post, that the fact we didnt really have sex anymore made me feel like I could live without it, etc.

Im in my early twenties, hes in his early thirties. His ex had an abortion a good few years ago and I think its something to do with that, Im not sure, one night when he was drunk he let that slip. That was years ago though.(?)

When I was driving home last night, I realised I should have put in my original post if any other couple experience this. I was really reaching out to someone who was going through this, someone to say its okay and it happens to us too but we deal with it, or, we've gone to see x.... *sigh*

Im just going to sit him down and say its a year since you went the doc, lifestyles changed, problem hasnt, its time to go the doc again, this time maybe I'll og with for support.

We can't have sex..

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