Hopeless

ojnab · 07-02-2021 12:50am #1

Hello.

I feel like I'm never going to achieve anything in life. Since I've left school 20 years ago, I've never held down a proper job, because of anxiety. As the years went on, I've isolated myself more and more and don't see any way back to normality. My head is just too messed up.

Gremlinertia · 07-02-2021 1:01am

Hey Ojnab, horrible thing to be dealing with, anxiety is everywhere in life, it's a sneaky bastard. Have you sought any advice or help along the way?

ojnab · 07-02-2021 1:26am

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey Ojnab, horrible thing to be dealing with, anxiety is everywhere in life, it's a sneaky bastard. Have you sought any advice or help along the way?

Thanks for the reply.

I've been to a few different psychologists and group therapy over the years, self help books etc, but to no real avail. I started medication 5 years ago, went off it for a few months, then had lots of suicidal thoughts and went back on it again. I am a dead end really.

Gremlinertia · 07-02-2021 1:35am

I get that dead end feeling, i understand. You're here though, posting here, that's hard and brave. If you have a good relationship with your gp discuss your meds and perhaps a plan for the next few months.. Avail of the help available from Aware, Pieta, Samaritians (contact details in a sticky thread at top of page) and others.. You are far from alone.

ojnab · 07-02-2021 2:01am

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I get that dead end feeling, i understand. You're here though, posting here, that's hard and brave. If you have a good relationship with your gp discuss your meds and perhaps a plan for the next few months.. Avail of the help available from Aware, Pieta, Samaritians (contact details in a sticky thread at top of page) and others.. You are far from alone.

This is my first time seeking virtual help, seems like it's a last resort. I have sent an email to the Samaratians also. I was considering going to a psychiatric hospital - Does anyone have any personal experiences of how it works?

Gremlinertia · 07-02-2021 2:06am

As far as i know most hospitals have a waiting list though private health insurance would help if you have it i think. Then again i'm just a poster here, whoever your doctor/prescriber of medication is, they would be the best to talk to about how it all works.

km991148 · 07-02-2021 2:10am

ojnab wrote: »

This is my first time seeking virtual help, seems like it's a last resort. I have sent an email to the Samaratians also. I was considering going to a psychiatric hospital - Does anyone have any personal experiences of how it works?

It's not easy sometimes to make that first contact, doesn't matter if it's a post here or a phonecall or email. You have and it's a good first step and from here things will get better, even if it doesn't feel like it. Many people have been there and can testify to that.

I don't have experience of the hospital I'm afraid. I imagine the first step will be a call to the gp? Maybe someone else will have more info?

Edit to add: I think the Samaritans also have a 24/7 phone number if you need someone to talk to now, it might be worth a shout. They have a good service.

ojnab · 07-02-2021 7:39pm

Thanks for all replies.

I'm just wondering at this stage if I've exausted all the usual options, gp, psychologists, self help, medication. It's been 20 years of this and no improvement. Any success stories out there of anyone in a similar situation?

I'm thinking at this point, is it time to accept this is my life and maybe find peace or content with that, is that a viable option? Is there ways to do this. I know people who have just existed with medication, still going to therapy to try and improve, but no change.

In one of my group therapy sessions, around 10 years ago, an older man said "looking back on my life, if I were the same age as the younger people here, I could see that I've let anxiety hold me back too much and I could have beat it/improved. I asked him "with that knowledge, why are you still 'stuck' now"? He couldn't answer.

km991148 · 09-02-2021 1:04am

ojnab wrote: »

Thanks for all replies.

I'm just wondering at this stage if I've exausted all the usual options, gp, psychologists, self help, medication. It's been 20 years of this and no improvement. Any success stories out there of anyone in a similar situation?

I'm thinking at this point, is it time to accept this is my life and maybe find peace or content with that, is that a viable option? Is there ways to do this. I know people who have just existed with medication, still going to therapy to try and improve, but no change.

In one of my group therapy sessions, around 10 years ago, an older man said "looking back on my life, if I were the same age as the younger people here, I could see that I've let anxiety hold me back too much and I could have beat it/improved. I asked him "with that knowledge, why are you still 'stuck' now"? He couldn't answer.

I'm can't really advise on specific really but I would say try and engage again with be a gp and if not helpful, get a second opinion. Options that were not available to you before may be available now and if trying therapy again, start with that exact question (about acceptance). There are a multitude of different types of therapy and varying abilities of therapists, but they will all all strive to work with you to live your life in as much comfort as you can.

Surreptitious · 09-02-2021 1:08am

Sorry I just happened upon this thread. You can't just be admitted to a psych ward out of nowhere. You have to be a danger to yourself or others like in a dead end, no way out sort of situation. Especially now with Covid it would be unusual for anyone basically managing to be admitted. Hope this helps.

Graces7 · 10-02-2021 2:47pm

ojnab wrote: »

Hello.

I feel like I'm never going to achieve anything in life. Since I've left school 20 years ago, I've never held down a proper job, because of anxiety. As the years went on, I've isolated myself more and more and don't see any way back to normality. My head is just too messed up.

Can you quantify that ?

I was unable to work for decades because of a misdiagnosis of anxiety etc.

Now nearly 80 and life is worth living . It really is. Just that .It is precious. Enjoy small things and sideline the idea that you "should " be doing like everyone else is. And you need to involve with something however small.

What are your interests? What do you enjoy doing?

ojnab · 10-02-2021 6:39pm

Graces7 wrote: »

Can you quantify that ?

I was unable to work for decades because of a misdiagnosis of anxiety etc.

Now nearly 80 and life is worth living . It really is. Just that .It is precious. Enjoy small things and sideline the idea that you "should " be doing like everyone else is. And you need to involve with something however small.

What are your interests? What do you enjoy doing?

Wasting my life away I guess. I enjoy playing music, I don't enjoy being around others.

Graces7 · 10-02-2021 7:27pm

ojnab wrote: »

Wasting my life away I guess. I enjoy playing music, I don't enjoy being around others.

Your first sentence is not true or you would not be here! OK? OK!

So play music more ? Are there online groups you might enjoy using?

I knit and am now in "ravelry"; we talk about far more than knitting. And I can come and go as I want. egroups can be great.

I don't enjoy being around folk either. Not in the general sense. Although please qualify that? You mean random folk? In shops? Casual encounters? Please define! Thank you.

I am currently cocooned ie in strict isolation as I am high risk of covid. But I was in strict isolation a year before that as I am without a working immune system. I am in touch with a few folk by phone or as here.

As you are doing; welcome by the way!

There is nothing wrong with solitude. There really isn't if you either choose it or are without family etc. It takes getting used to and takes some ingenuity and thought at times. That took me a long long time to get my head round by the way! And that is fine too.

km991148 · 17-02-2021 12:20pm

Hey ojnab,

How are you getting on?

tdf7187 · 17-02-2021 12:34pm

Surreptitious wrote: »

Sorry I just happened upon this thread. You can't just be admitted to a psych ward out of nowhere. You have to be a danger to yourself or others like in a dead end, no way out sort of situation. Especially now with Covid it would be unusual for anyone basically managing to be admitted. Hope this helps.

This is absolutely not correct. The majority of people in psychiatric hospitals in Ireland are not there as a result of being sectioned under the mental health act. The majority have been referred by their GPs.

An Ri rua · 17-02-2021 12:45pm

ojnab wrote: »

Thanks for all replies.

I'm just wondering at this stage if I've exausted all the usual options, gp, psychologists, self help, medication. It's been 20 years of this and no improvement. Any success stories out there of anyone in a similar situation?

I'm thinking at this point, is it time to accept this is my life and maybe find peace or content with that, is that a viable option? Is there ways to do this. I know people who have just existed with medication, still going to therapy to try and improve, but no change.

In one of my group therapy sessions, around 10 years ago, an older man said "looking back on my life, if I were the same age as the younger people here, I could see that I've let anxiety hold me back too much and I could have beat it/improved. I asked him "with that knowledge, why are you still 'stuck' now"? He couldn't answer.

His not being able to answer doesn't negate it's truth. He certainly didn't have the assistance that's available now Op. You have to let go of the fatalism. Adopt a more Stoic approach to life. It's tough, but with nice parts too.
Re psychiatric hospital, yes, your GP should be able to assist where the nearest psychiatric A&E is. You just make an appointment or walk in. Certainly no waiting lists in order to be assessed. Admitted is a different thing however.
Once you realise that many people feel the way you feel, for extended periods of time, but find coping mechanisms or indeed something occurs in their life to change the record, the burden lifts somewhat.
What you're feeling is universal. You may have it much worse than others. And again, not as bad as some others. Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon, even among people you think are doing great/coping/ managing better. Talk to the professionals, earnestly try what they advise. Allow for being an introvert, group therapy is not for everyone.
Forget about the last 20 years. Lose that construct. It's a heavy cross to bear. Embrace today, perhaps tomorrow, but forget about yesterday. For the good of your mental health.

An Ri rua · 17-02-2021 2:37pm

Op, edited to add that if you haven't already got a pet, get one. A dog will force you to walk it maybe 2-3 times a day. It will knock the corners off you and 'normalise' you fairly quickly.

I saw a flood (forced evacuation from a house) and minding a scamp of a dog transform a once successful go-getter from recluse to contributing human enjoying life (ups & downs). I mean transformed.
Have they idiosyncratic quirks as a result of the sad episode of years? Yes. Op, we all have.
Don't use language like last throw of the dice, exhausted all avenues etc. You must keep seeking little victories, keep hoping. And life will work better. Control your attitudes, that's within your gift.
Another close relative went to the brink and exhausted many avenues also. They started to hope, gave up news and other stressful inputs, and started to aim for a life. It's working out.
I know plenty about attending psychiatric A&Es and staring into the abyss with others.
Hang on in there. The most resilient people going are finding this Winter oppressive. So hang on, chin up and seek out calm and life affirming things. FORGET the past. And Facebook. Be kind to your mind.

Galbin · 18-02-2021 8:42pm

I am so sorry about what you are dealing with. One thing that never seems to be examined when it comes to anxiety and mental health, in general, is underlying physical causes such as low B12, low cortisol, and hypothyroidism. Unfortunately, a full panel for hypothyroidism is only available privately and all the good thyroid doctors are private too, but in your shoes, I'd see it as a worthwhile avenue to go down. Unfortunately, without the full set of tests, a GP saying your tests are "normal" is pretty meaningless.

I used to have terrible depression before my thyroid was treated and I was told for years that my thyroid was "normal." I have an adrenal gland problem now and get very anxious when my cortisol is low. So that is two real-life examples of the effect of hormones on mental health.

Graces7 · 19-02-2021 8:39am

An Ri rua wrote: »

Op, edited to add that if you haven't already got a pet, get one. A dog will force you to walk it maybe 2-3 times a day. It will knock the corners off you and 'normalise' you fairly quickly.

I saw a flood (forced evacuation from a house) and minding a scamp of a dog transform a once successful go-getter from recluse to contributing human enjoying life (ups & downs). I mean transformed.
Have they idiosyncratic quirks as a result of the sad episode of years? Yes. Op, we all have.
Don't use language like last throw of the dice, exhausted all avenues etc. You must keep seeking little victories, keep hoping. And life will work better. Control your attitudes, that's within your gift.
Another close relative went to the brink and exhausted many avenues also. They started to hope, gave up news and other stressful inputs, and started to aim for a life. It's working out.
I know plenty about attending psychiatric A&Es and staring into the abyss with others.
Hang on in there. The most resilient people going are finding this Winter oppressive. So hang on, chin up and seek out calm and life affirming things. FORGET the past. And Facebook. Be kind to your mind.

Please do not advise getting a pet on these terms. Not everyone is able for such a huge responsibility as a pet is.

Graces7 · 19-02-2021 8:44am

Galbin wrote: »

I am so sorry about what you are dealing with. One thing that never seems to be examined when it comes to anxiety and mental health, in general, is underlying physical causes such as low B12, low cortisol, and hypothyroidism. Unfortunately, a full panel for hypothyroidism is only available privately and all the good thyroid doctors are private too, but in your shoes, I'd see it as a worthwhile avenue to go down. Unfortunately, without the full set of tests, a GP saying your tests are "normal" is pretty meaningless.

I used to have terrible depression before my thyroid was treated and I was told for years that my thyroid was "normal." I have an adrenal gland problem now and get very anxious when my cortisol is low. So that is two real-life examples of the effect of hormones on mental health.

WIse wise words that I have spoken many times . The father of a dear friend was being treated for agoraphobia and I advised a full check. he was in fact suffering from early Parkinsons. Responded to vitamin therapy

I lost 30 years of active life to a misdiagnosis of mental health issues. ( I have CFS/ME) One dr. r even wrote that there were very real physical symptoms they could not understand. Insist on a full check up, please,

19-02-2021 8:52am

Sometimes there can be anxiety about one's life where you think everyone else has it sorted. The truth is we're all trying to work it out. Nobody has it figured out, none of us had a trial run to get it 'right'.

This can seem most evident on social media, but that's a very filtered and sanitised version of a life.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Hopefully help from your GP or phone line service will get you through this down. Might seem a throw away line, but take it day by day. In truth that's what all of us do.

An Ri rua · 20-02-2021 1:56pm

Graces7 wrote: »

Please do not advise getting a pet on these terms. Not everyone is able for such a huge responsibility as a pet is.

I don't agree with that at all. It could be a shared responsibility with someone else. But responsibility is key.

ojnab · 24-02-2021 6:01pm

km991148 wrote: »

Hey ojnab,

How are you getting on?

Not good really.

ojnab · 24-02-2021 6:04pm

An Ri rua wrote: »

Op, edited to add that if you haven't already got a pet, get one. A dog will force you to walk it maybe 2-3 times a day. It will knock the corners off you and 'normalise' you fairly quickly.

I saw a flood (forced evacuation from a house) and minding a scamp of a dog transform a once successful go-getter from recluse to contributing human enjoying life (ups & downs). I mean transformed.
Have they idiosyncratic quirks as a result of the sad episode of years? Yes. Op, we all have.
Don't use language like last throw of the dice, exhausted all avenues etc. You must keep seeking little victories, keep hoping. And life will work better. Control your attitudes, that's within your gift.
Another close relative went to the brink and exhausted many avenues also. They started to hope, gave up news and other stressful inputs, and started to aim for a life. It's working out.
I know plenty about attending psychiatric A&Es and staring into the abyss with others.
Hang on in there. The most resilient people going are finding this Winter oppressive. So hang on, chin up and seek out calm and life affirming things. FORGET the past. And Facebook. Be kind to your mind.

I have a dog. I've read about Stoicism, useful, but hard to practice.

Galbin · 24-02-2021 6:11pm

ojnab wrote: »

Not good really.

I would really suggest exploring physical causes of anxiety that I mentioned because you have done all the standard psychological stuff.

ojnab · 24-02-2021 6:42pm

Galbin wrote: »

I would really suggest exploring physical causes of anxiety that I mentioned because you have done all the standard psychological stuff.

I might look into it. Can't afford it at the moment. Thanks for the suggestion.

Graces7 · 24-02-2021 9:08pm

An Ri rua wrote: »

I don't agree with that at all. It could be a shared responsibility with someone else. But responsibility is key.

I saw that but not everyone is able for that responisbility and then the pet suffers. It will work for some but not for all. Each has different levels and abilities and at times caring for "you" is too much. As I know from my own experiences .

ojnab · 27-02-2021 12:09am

Graces7 wrote: »

Your first sentence is not true or you would not be here! OK? OK!

So play music more ? Are there online groups you might enjoy using?

I knit and am now in "ravelry"; we talk about far more than knitting. And I can come and go as I want. egroups can be great.

I don't enjoy being around folk either. Not in the general sense. Although please qualify that? You mean random folk? In shops? Casual encounters? Please define! Thank you.

I am currently cocooned ie in strict isolation as I am high risk of covid. But I was in strict isolation a year before that as I am without a working immune system. I am in touch with a few folk by phone or as here.

As you are doing; welcome by the way!

There is nothing wrong with solitude. There really isn't if you either choose it or are without family etc. It takes getting used to and takes some ingenuity and thought at times. That took me a long long time to get my head round by the way! And that is fine too.

Even friends, I've isolated myself from almost everyone except immediate family. I'd like to be off social welfare and making my own money, but I don't know any jobs that don't involve interaction with others.

Graces7 · 27-02-2021 9:46pm

ojnab wrote: »

Even friends, I've isolated myself from almost everyone except immediate family. I'd like to be off social welfare and making my own money, but I don't know any jobs that don't involve interaction with others.

Some craft work that sells? I knitted for export firms for years.
Maybe try voluntary work at first?

Or start by connecting with online forums like here?

ojnab · 13-03-2021 2:50am

Graces7 wrote: »

Some craft work that sells? I knitted for export firms for years.
Maybe try voluntary work at first?

Or start by connecting with online forums like here?

Did you make enough money to live doing that? Any tips?

Graces7 · 13-03-2021 7:04am

ojnab wrote: »

Did you make enough money to live doing that? Any tips?

No; I was on long term disability in the UK. But it helped and it helped morale. I tried many jobs; eg private teaching ( I am highly qualified) , charring, cooking at an old folks home, and so on.

I think you need to face that it may be difficult to find full time work without references etc. And you need to start trying to be with people also.

Or just accept that you cannot work full time?

The other excellent option is voluntary work. It really is. Yes I did that too! Food banks etc. Canteens at hospitals; do you drive? Courier work? List your skills ? Minimal contacts with that. Deliveries are busy these days.

Hopeless

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