Is online dating worth trying?

26-05-2020 2:01pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

It's a hard pill to swallow that the genetic lottery determines your fate in life. Just think, if you'd been born with a stronger, more masculine jawline, you too could be out kissing random girls in the park, instead of wasting your prime years on web forums...

Or he could simply be past it. Not his prime years but the need to prove himself, or the need to play around.

I find that the people who talk or care most about dating or sex tend to be the people with the least experience of it. I certainly was that way when I was younger, but as I experienced more, there was less need to prove myself (one way or another). Just as I had less interest in the purely physical side of being with someone, and my need evolved towards the physical/emotional/intellectual to be intertwined to maintain my interest.

And while being physically attractive helps considerably, the people who are truly successful are the funny/witty types. Often those who are "gorgeous" don't develop themselves in ways other than the physical... Many women, especially the more beautiful, can become very weary of the parade of superficial handsome guys who can't be trusted not to cheat, or not to be playing some other nasty "game".

Ultrflat · 26-05-2020 2:42pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

It's a hard pill to swallow that the genetic lottery determines your fate in life. Just think, if you'd been born with a stronger, more masculine jawline, you too could be out kissing random girls in the park, instead of wasting your prime years on web forums...

Genetic lottery my hole. Develop a sense of humor learn how to be social then just be creative with your messages. Because every one likes to laugh and to be honest there nothing worse then the person below

A woman can be 5.8 have legs that wont quit and ass that makes yoga pants look like they should be molded and prayed to by man kind. Looks amazing and have the personality of a breeze block.

I've been there, their not much fun to be around, and worse of they tend to have a complex because every man can't take there eyes of them.

But you could meet a woman like the below have a great time, laugh get up to all kinds of mischief.

You can have another woman who is 5.2 not an amazing body and maybe not as good looking but be so much more fun to be around and a personality that is a riot.

I'd still go woman 2 all day long.

You may think a strong jawline, confidence and charm is exceptionally important.
It is but confidence overrules looks. Humor overrules looks, As for being charming as far as I'm concerned that's another side of confidence.

Just get on with it and learn its not rocket science.

s7ryf3925pivug · 26-05-2020 2:53pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

That's just not true though is it? A beautiful young woman is not going to start dating average or below average looking men just because she got burned by Chad.

Like, where is your proof for this?

I wish people would stop saying things like Chad as if it was a normal way of talking

HiGlo · 26-05-2020 2:55pm

I found this thread an interesting read.

I'm a female who uses online dating platforms. I'm pretty average looking - prob 6 out of 10, maybe a 7 on a good day.
What I find the most surprising online is how BAD majority of guys photos are. There are many many guys I've swiped left on where their brutal photos were a big deciding factor in that.
I find myself excessively superficial on dating sites; I definitely dismiss guys that if I actually encountered them out and struck up conversation with I would be open to chatting more or meeting for coffee. I'm sure there's guys that do the same to me. So even more so good photos are needed. If your average looking but have little or no blurb/info about yourself I would probably swipe left - you're not good looking enough for just your photos to sell yourself so you need to show something else too....
Need to have at LEAST 1 good face pic. There seems to be a relatively high number of guys who don't put any face pics or photos of themselves at all on their profile. I can't help but wonder how they achieve any matches. I assume they are the guys who then swipe right on everyone and just to see who pops up for them.
Don't have just group photos where I have to spend 15 mins working out which one you are - you'd be surprised how often that happens!

HiGlo · 26-05-2020 3:02pm

Ultrflat wrote: »

You may think a strong jawline, confidence and charm is exceptionally important.
It is but confidence overrules looks. Humor overrules looks, As for being charming as far as I'm concerned that's another side of confidence.

Just get on with it and learn its not rocket science.

Completely agree with this, you don't have to be model-esque to be confident. Even if you have to fake it till you make it confidence is key. If you're putting yourself down or behaving really timid etc, its just not attractive and I think that goes for both sexes.
A total average Joe with a good self confidence can be more appealing than an arrogant/ignorant demi-god.

26-05-2020 3:08pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

Cope, cope and more cope. You're literally saying 'y-yeah but the guys who are taller and hotter than me also have things to worry about so I win haha'.

And what, I'm short and ugly but I should be grateful because I could have born in a ****hole like India? That's supposed to make me feel better, seriously, are you for real?

You could stop looking for excuses. I have a strong shaking disorder that affects my whole body, along with a very skinny physical frame. For years, I used that as a crutch to excuse my lack of success (along with a ton of rejections)... until I learned to develop myself in other ways. Stop looking for excuses and start developing some skills. Put some work into this rather than expecting it to fall into your lap.

Skip the PUA nonesense, but look to improve your communication abilities, your ability to read other people, the ability to genuinely listen, and most of all, learn to put away any sexual desire. Also expand your general knowledge and prepare the basics for a variety of conversations (since they tend to repeat) Do that, and you'll get 60%-70% of the women you're interested in. Some women just won't be interested, will have better options, or simply, you messed up somehow. It happens.

Online dating seems to (often) be for those people who want to avoid actual dating. The approaches, the rejections, etc. It's a learning process.

26-05-2020 3:12pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

That's just not true though is it? A beautiful young woman is not going to start dating average or below average looking men just because she got burned by Chad.

Like, where is your proof for this?

Personal experience.

You're not going to get proof.. from anywhere. Which is the point of asking for it, I guess.

It's simply much easier to believe the world is against you.. and others always have it better.

s7ryf3925pivug · 26-05-2020 3:13pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

Why? Why does it bother you that people are using slang that you are not familiar with?

I am familiar with the term. It's a concept that is part of the alt-right worldview. It bothers me because the alt-right worldview is repugnant and not something that should be treated as normal or acceptable.

CrankyHaus · 26-05-2020 3:13pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

You're not rejecting guys for their bad photos, you're rejecting them for their bad faces. Proof? I have a fake Chad Tinder profile. His profile consists of three selfies of him, in his room. His bio is a couple lines saying he is 6'3 and loves traveling and working out.

He is INUNDATED with matches from the hottests girls on the site. Why hasn't his crappy profile turned them off?

I love when the Incels come out of the woodwork on these threads, always good for a belly laugh.

HiGlo · 26-05-2020 3:15pm

I said they're a big factor, not the only factor. If a guy is unattractive to me I'm going to swipe left. If I think I guy could possibly be decent looking but I can't tell properly cause his photos are ****e then I'm swiping left.
If a guy is 6ft and great body, really good looking face, well groomed etc then I'm swiping left also. He's too good looking for me and that's not really a look I go for anyway. I'm interested in someone who's interested in more than their own looks. Your "Chad" profile is set up to find girls who are only focused on looks - the very girls who would never swipe right for your real profile anyway. Are those the kind of girls you're ACTUALLY looking for? I can't speak for other girls, everyone has their own likes/dislikes/motivations etc...

Tinder is a very superficial place, if you don't present yourself well in good photos then you're self sabotaging from the start.

Feel free to continue your narrative "I'm ugly, no girl will ever want me" - it seems to suit you.

s7ryf3925pivug · 26-05-2020 3:24pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

'Chad' just means 'jock' or 'player'. It has nothing to do with the alt-right.

It's part of their dialect. Manosphere-speak.

26-05-2020 3:28pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

Ok so explain how I can improve my terrible face then? Apart from surgery, what options are open to me? Is there a gym routine that makes the jaw more defined and masculine?

Why should I? I didn't suggest that you change your physical appearance. I can't change my shaking disorder, or my body type. I've certainly tried in the past...

I'd suggest developing your character and personality... it's far easier than any gym routine.

Look I get it, your male, you can't admit there are things in life outside your control, like facial aesthetics. So you come up with coping strategies like 'just be confident and have a good sense of humour' (I'd love to know why you guys aren't using your amazing personality and humour to score girls off Tinder?)

I'm 3/10. Realistically my only option is to move to somewhere like Belarus or Burma.

Hilarious since I'm not any kind of control freak. I have a completely stress free life because I moved away from all that rubbish. And I'm guessing you're male too.. there is a general theme from your posts which would suggest that you are.

Coping strategies? Haha. I'm not suggesting strategies. I'm suggesting that you develop yourself as a person, who women might want to be with.... irrespective of your supposedly ugly appearance.

I don't use Tinder because I meet women in real life. I don't need a dating app. I do use one social media app for communication, but I don't search online for women... because it's all so fake. An online persona is generally different from a real life persona...

Oh, and lastly, confidence can be faked.. it's actually part of many confidence training programs. Repetition brings about confidence in most skills... and I wouldn't say move to those countries for those reasons, since they will have standards too.

I'm curious.. how do you think people retain a partner in a relationship? Once the physical needs have declined.

silverharp · 26-05-2020 3:28pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

It's a hard pill to swallow that the genetic lottery determines your fate in life. Just think, if you'd been born with a stronger, more masculine jawline, you too could be out kissing random girls in the park, instead of wasting your prime years on web forums...

in terms of gender positives and negatives, individual men have it easier in terms of the their ability to improve themselves in a way thats not open to women. Unless you have been dealt an unusually bad hand, you can change your lot. Plenty of men that are attractive to women are not "pretty" , but you need to be effective and have your sh1t lined up

s7ryf3925pivug · 26-05-2020 3:30pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

Slang changes. Don't be insecure because younger people are using words you don't get.

lol

Every generation tries to shock the previous one. In the case of this one it is by being so ****ing lame.

26-05-2020 3:33pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

'You just can't admit that women are shallow. Why is that? No one seems to care that women are attracted to money and status. Why are looks such a taboo?

Some people are shallow. Some are not. People have their own reasons for being with someone else... and you have no ability to look into their minds to know what those reasons are... assuming that they actually know themselves.

You really have serious confidence issues... but perhaps more importantly, I think you need to start learning how to forgive (both yourself and others for the past). Just so warped..

HiGlo · 26-05-2020 3:39pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

'I'm not like the other girls! I like all kinds of guys but all my ex-bfs were 6'+ and super hot but now I'm open to dating manlets! Tee hee!'.

You just can't admit that women are shallow. Why is that? No one seems to care that women are attracted to money and status. Why are looks such a taboo?

What are you talking about?!?!

Women are shallow. Men are shallow. That's just life. People are attracted to who they're attracted to. End of. There is scientific evidence that women are drawn to resources & strength (coming from primitive instincts of needing to be looked after) and good genetics (coming from primitive instincts regarding breeding), these are not disputed facts.

As I said, I'd probably rate myself about a 6 out of 10.
To many people I'm ugly/unattractive
To many people I'm just average looking - nothing special
To many people I'm a good looking woman
To many people I'm super hot/gorgeous
If I'm constantly looking to appeal to people who think I'm unattractive then of course I'm going to feel rejected and ugly. I feel like this is what you seem to do? Focus on the 10's that aren't interested in the 4's, rather than finding the 4/5's that are looking for likewise........ My advice - ditch Chad. It's just reinforcing your already existing belief that you're ugly.

You deem yourself ugly and maybe you are. In fact, you most likely are as your attitude / way of presenting yourself here is ugly so that can only add to your physical appearance in a negative way.

Speaking from experience I have been won over by guys I didn't initially find attractive purely from my interactions with them and their personality so I do believe it happens. Unattractive people with rubish personalities and no confidence are never going to get anywhere - but personalities and confidence are malleable aspects of people.

Wibbs · 26-05-2020 3:43pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

Cope, cope and more cope. You're literally saying 'y-yeah but the guys who are taller and hotter than me also have things to worry about so I win haha'.

Little to do with coping, more about accepting reality and taking responsibility for my own shit.

And what, I'm short and ugly but I should be grateful because I could have born in a ****hole like India? That's supposed to make me feel better, seriously, are you for real?

Actually yes and the fact that you appear to have trouble with that kinda perspective is a large part of your problem imho.

Edwin Damar wrote: »

That's just not true though is it? A beautiful young woman is not going to start dating average or below average looking men just because she got burned by Chad.

Like, where is your proof for this?

Nope, chances are someone like that isn't going to go much "below" her level of looks. Generally speaking people end up with people with about the same level of "attractiveness". That's backed up by research and looking back through my own life and friends and acquaintances I'd buy that 99% of the time. When I was in love and all that then yes I was sure I was "dating up", but I wasn't. A couple may have been better looking physically than me, but I brought more to the table in other respects, so it balanced out.

Now attractiveness has many facets, physical obviously and about the largest, intelligence, social background, levels of education, sociability, emotional control, wealth(more for men) etc. So yeah you can have a nerdy looking billionaire with a pneumatic bimbette half his age, but he brings wealth and power to the table in "exchange" for her youth and looks. Whatever floats your boat. You mentioned going to more disadvantaged parts of the world where you might have more hope. Like the old European and US ex pats heading to the Philippines for a young wife. That's a similar exchange going on, though on a lower level. Again whatever floats your boat. With normal average every day people then they tend to be far more matched in age and looks and brains.

Now further on that. What makes you, or me or anyone for that matter, feel entitled to pick and choose what I want? That the only woman you feel worth your time is a "beautiful young" one? That's back to the raised expectation stuff. That's not real world I'm afraid. And for all those "chads" on Tinder getting all the attention, they're holding out for a chadess and any plain Jane they do swipe right on is much more likely to be a wham bam thank you mam in between looking for "better".

Edwin Damar wrote: »

'Chad' just means 'jock' or 'player'. It has nothing to do with the alt-right.

Yup, definitely not an "alt right" thing. My objection to its use - and even terms like "alt right" - is more along the lines of it makes someone sound like a retard high schooler on an American forum. Bad enough if you're a Yank, worse if you're not.

26-05-2020 3:47pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

Klaz, I'm not going to bother quoting your post because seem to have no real comeback to my points.

Since your points are unrelated to what I posted? Err... you seem to be wanting to start some rabbit holes.

1. How can I improve my face?

I don't feel that you need to improve your face, because it's not really an option. Hence, the suggestions for things that you can change. Obviously.

2 If looks don't matter then why aren't you using your amazing confidence and humour to meet girls on Tinder? And don't give me 'T-Tinder is faaake man'. Why are you wasting time with bars and clubs when you arrange dates through Tinder?

Because I don't need it. And I don't waste my time with bars and clubs... there are much better options.

I'll say it again, South East Asia is the only option for men like me.

It might not be, since I live in Asia... it's changing quickly with far less patience for weirdos and masochistic foreigners. Still, you could try Thailand. They tend to be more forgiving..

In any case, You're looking to complain.... not find answers to help improve yourself.

Wibbs · 26-05-2020 3:49pm

Seeking self knowledge is the first step into wisdom. EG

Edwin Damar wrote: »

You just can't admit that women are shallow. Why is that? No one seems to care that women are attracted to money and status. Why are looks such a taboo?

Let's say that you're correct that "all women are shallow", you yourself have expressed the requirement for a "young beautiful woman". You're doing what you are accusing others of doing and can't see it.

Sidenote: it kinda scares me that I know what a "gonial angle" is. :eek: Though only from stuff on the comparative facial anatomy of archaic humans, rather than interwebs forums. Mine may be a worse route.

BTW it's the angle and shape of the back of the human lower mandible.

26-05-2020 3:51pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

Here's the thing, in real life I don't go up to girls and say 'Yeah women are fckin bitches who won't give me the time of day. BTW would like to go out with me?'

I don't talk about Chads and gonial angles and female hypergamy. I act like a normal person. I can talk to women like a normal person. I can make them laugh, I have female friends.

But because I am legit ugly, I will never have a woman.

I give up, You constantly sound like you've been nailed to the cross. . You just don't get any of this. I'm guessing your friends feel the same way. :pac:

Esel · 26-05-2020 3:53pm

Edwin, what time is it in your part of the US anyway?

HiGlo · 26-05-2020 3:56pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

I got to go lads, it's been eh interesting talking to you. I love how you guys dimiss Tinder but then refuse to acknowledge the Face is your most important asset.

You respond as if we're not hearing you, but you are clearly not hearing anyone else posting here.........

You seem VERY attached to your narrative so who are we to deny you.
The term "self fulfilling prophecy" comes to mind.
Enjoy your day

The Black Oil · 26-05-2020 4:07pm

HiGlo wrote: »

I found this thread an interesting read.

I'm a female who uses online dating platforms. I'm pretty average looking - prob 6 out of 10, maybe a 7 on a good day.
What I find the most surprising online is how BAD majority of guys photos are. There are many many guys I've swiped left on where their brutal photos were a big deciding factor in that.
I find myself excessively superficial on dating sites; I definitely dismiss guys that if I actually encountered them out and struck up conversation with I would be open to chatting more or meeting for coffee. I'm sure there's guys that do the same to me. So even more so good photos are needed. If your average looking but have little or no blurb/info about yourself I would probably swipe left - you're not good looking enough for just your photos to sell yourself so you need to show something else too....
Need to have at LEAST 1 good face pic. There seems to be a relatively high number of guys who don't put any face pics or photos of themselves at all on their profile. I can't help but wonder how they achieve any matches. I assume they are the guys who then swipe right on everyone and just to see who pops up for them.
Don't have just group photos where I have to spend 15 mins working out which one you are - you'd be surprised how often that happens!

I've never understood the rating out of 10 thing. Not having a go, btw, it just comes up in internet discussions and culture.

I've no group photos up. I'm not in many holiday pics as I tend not to ask for them to be taken. I do have a very good shot, but it's from 2016 and whilst that wouldn't be obvious, it might be misleading to use it, so I don't. One of my best is from last winter where I didn't know the picture was being taken and it's a more natural smile than 'cheese!' I should probably post more than 4 pics, I dunno. The amount of blank bios on Tinder is very frustrating. Plenty of sunglasses or nights out only as well, dolled up all the way. Some of the profiles I've liked have been people surfing, in a wetsuit, on a hike, etc. Bumble is slightly better for effort, but still a lot of blank bios. I joined POF recently and messaged someone who had one of the best personal descriptions I've ever read about her job, travel and interests, hobbies and her feelings about online dating as a whole. I don't take myself too seriously in my bio, but have put some thought into it. I've no gym photos which some women (understandably) complain about.

HiGlo · 26-05-2020 4:24pm

Well, rating out of 10 is not something I do in any form. I'm just using it here for demonstrative purposes given the lack of visuals for this discussion! haha

I think 4 pics is fine. Also, unless you've changed DRAMATICALLY in 4 years

they why not use the photo from 2016? I'm sure it's not THAT misleading...
I don't totally object to gym photos, but if that's ALL your presenting then yes, it has no appeal.

SimpNation · 26-05-2020 4:36pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

'Chad' just means 'jock' or 'player'. It has nothing to do with the alt-right.

Agreed, don't hate Chad. Become Chad

Bandana boy · 26-05-2020 4:41pm

drop your standards and you will have a ball with online dating

The Black Oil · 26-05-2020 4:43pm

HiGlo wrote: »

I think 4 pics is fine. Also, unless you've changed DRAMATICALLY in 4 years they why not use the photo from 2016? I'm sure it's not THAT misleading...
I don't totally object to gym photos, but if that's ALL your presenting then yes, it has no appeal.

Ah, it's not a great photo, tbh. It's a work one and I look a bit serious. My boss didn't like it - 'stern', apparently. But yeah, I've seen people use 2016 Dublin marathon photos.

SimpNation · 26-05-2020 4:45pm

The Black Oil wrote: »

Ah, it's not a great photo, tbh. It's a work one and I look a bit serious. My boss didn't like it - 'stern', apparently. But yeah, I've seen people use 2016 Dublin marathon photos.

Running marathons will not serve you well in the world of dating, if does not lead to a aesthetic physique even though they are in great cardiovascular condition.

Weights make you look better, marathon runners usually have the body of skinny fat teenage boys in fairness. This is coming from someone who used to run 5 times per week

Ultrflat · 26-05-2020 4:53pm

That guy has to be a troll

26-05-2020 5:07pm

Edwin Damar wrote: »

So you live in Asia? Well haven't you just proven my point? I mean how were your results in Ireland?

My results in Ireland sucked ass.

My results in the UK were better, and were much better in France, Germany or Italy.

That's less due to the standards of the women, and more to the personal development I went through. Although, back when I did date Irish women, I found most of them pretty difficult. Very high opinions of themselves, and excessive hoops a guy should jump through.

As for proving your point, hardly. I could and have dated since.. in many countries worldwide without any real issues. My looks haven't improved. My shaking disorder is worse than ever before. But I'm generally far more successful in my 40s than I ever was in my 20s.

I do recommend to most people to live outside of Ireland to gain some persepective. Irish women used to be rather rough on guys (no idea what they're like now).

Even I could get a girl in Asia (because I'm white). Might have to settle for one born without limbs but still...

Yup. Hell, you could get the same here. As for being white in Asia, sure, that works somewhat.. except that she'll be expecting you to be comparatively rich.. that's the association with white guys. Prosperity. At least it used to be. They've seen too many poor idiotic guys come and go.. the cultural perspective has changed. Still... populations are higher here.. there's a match somewhere out there for you.

Is online dating worth trying?

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