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Is online dating worth trying?

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  • 28-03-2020 2:05pm
    #1
    mr_fegelien
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,483 ✭✭✭


    When I go to college next academic year in September, I'm planning on beginning dating. I've been told to try Bumble or Tinder but then I've also heard don't bother because the odds are not in your favor as a man (too many fish trying to bite onto a hook).

    The thing is, I'm sure that I'm on the spectrum and a bit too weird for casual dating. Also never had and don't have any friends. in secondary school and worse, went to a single sex school so my opportunities are completely hampered unless I go online.


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    #2
    Ultrflat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,016 ✭✭✭Ultrflat


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    When I go to college next academic year in September, I'm planning on beginning dating. I've been told to try Bumble or Tinder but then I've also heard don't bother because the odds are not in your favor as a man (too many fish trying to bite onto a hook).

    The thing is, I'm sure that I'm on the spectrum and a bit too weird for casual dating. Also never had and don't have any friends. in secondary school and worse, went to a single sex school so my opportunities are completely hampered unless I go online.

    I think that's a load of crap any one can be successful and able to go out on dates if they make the effort. Gotta learn to figure out who's genuine and who's looking for a confidence boost.

    In my experience if they say very little on their profiles just move on if they make no effort to talk then forget about them and move on. get some pics of you up be honest and don't send an essay either. Keep it light hearted :cool:


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    #3
    thegolfer
    Registered Users Posts: 346 ✭✭thegolfer


    It can be a great experience online dating, and also a lonely existence. Right now between tinder and bumble there are loads of people online, though what I am seeing is that no one is chatting, potentially just looking for the ego boost.

    Consider not going online straight away, it can be a rabbit hole, with no end, and potentially you may feel that being online is easier that actually talking to people face to face.

    If you are genuine, and you sound like it, consider something over the summer that may push you in the right direction of becoming more chatting, tour guides, bar man, or similar? Join groups at college allowing you to mix more easily.

    If it's a fear thing, then do the thing that scares you, you'll realise that it wasn't really that difficult after all.

    Say hi, smile, and compliment, use their name.

    College is great, life is great, do the thing that is right for you, not what the herd does.


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    #4
    Xertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,069 ✭✭✭Xertz


    It can work out well but, I would advise to just use it as an introduction and then go on some proper dates with the person.

    Obviously at the moment it’s not going to be very safe or practical with COVID-19 but in general, online dating is really what you make of it.
    It can be a good ice breaker and forum for meeting people.


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    #5
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,608 ✭✭✭Feisar


    It should be just another string in your bow. The great thing about it is it's always working for you.

    Remember though, it's the Indian not the arrow.

    First they came for the socialists...



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    #6
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    When you go to college join any clubs and societies that interest you. Get to know girls as people. Online dating is ok but not always good for those who don't do bull$hit.


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    #7
    hardybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭hardybuck


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    When I go to college next academic year in September, I'm planning on beginning dating. I've been told to try Bumble or Tinder but then I've also heard don't bother because the odds are not in your favor as a man (too many fish trying to bite onto a hook).

    The thing is, I'm sure that I'm on the spectrum and a bit too weird for casual dating. Also never had and don't have any friends. in secondary school and worse, went to a single sex school so my opportunities are completely hampered unless I go online.

    Absolutely it's worth it. You're investing very little and you might get a huge return.

    My advice is to enjoy yourself and not take it too seriously as a fresher in college.

    Get out and about. Join clubs and meet people with similar, or very different, interests. You could be in the skiing club or the Dungeons and Dragons Soc and love both.

    I met my significant other online, but before that I hadn't really taken it too seriously and hadn't arranged any other dates off it.


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    #8
    The White Wolf
    Registered Users Posts: 5,157 ✭✭✭The White Wolf


    You need a thick skin for it which unfortunately I don't have. :P For example during my latest dalliance I got a super like notification which I knew must have been a slip of the finger, but I still took the step of making the first comment after waiting a period of time.....unmatched instantly. :pac:

    So it's a frustrating and sometimes cruel process. The only advice I could give is have a plan for your profile when signing up, put some effort into the pictures you put up and stick with it if you believe this is what you want.


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    #9
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    for fellas in their 20s online dating can be an uphill battle. In your 30s it is a turkey shoot. I probably block and delete more girls than I message.
    However, on the flip side of it the girls messaging you are often those in a panic to settle down before all their eggs go off. If looking for casual riding, they will wreck you head and resulting in drama. Sure it is grand too if that is your thing.

    I hear people saying online dating is a cruel and unforgiving experience. That is an over the top take on it. It isn't at all. It is people who take it too seriously who end up thinking that. It is generally just a light hearted thing and done for fun and tbh most people only go on swiping to pass the time if they are bored. If you are unmatched, deleted or don't get a reply, it is not a personal dig at you and you shouldn't take it personally.


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    #10
    KiKi III
    Registered Users Posts: 2,653 ✭✭✭KiKi III


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    for fellas in their 20s online dating can be an uphill battle. In your 30s it is a turkey shoot. I probably block and delete more girls than I message.
    However, on the flip side of it the girls messaging you are often those in a panic to settle down before all their eggs go off. If looking for casual riding, they will wreck you head and resulting in drama. Sure it is grand too if that is your thing.

    You seem like a catch.


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    #11
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    why?


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    #12
    Padre_Pio
    Registered Users Posts: 4,934 ✭✭✭Padre_Pio


    KiKi III wrote: »
    You seem like a catch.

    He's not wrong though... :rolleyes:


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    #13
    Padre_Pio
    Registered Users Posts: 4,934 ✭✭✭Padre_Pio


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    for fellas in their 20s online dating can be an uphill battle. In your 30s it is a turkey shoot. I probably block and delete more girls than I message.
    However, on the flip side of it the girls messaging you are often those in a panic to settle down before all their eggs go off. If looking for casual riding, they will wreck you head and resulting in drama. Sure it is grand too if that is your thing.

    I hear people saying online dating is a cruel and unforgiving experience. That is an over the top take on it. It isn't at all. It is people who take it too seriously who end up thinking that. It is generally just a light hearted thing and done for fun and tbh most people only go on swiping to pass the time if they are bored. If you are unmatched, deleted or don't get a reply, it is not a personal dig at you and you shouldn't take it personally.

    Honestly this is my experience.

    Especially the second part, never take anything personally. You could be having great chats with someone and they'll disappear off the face of the earth the next day.
    It takes a amount of effort to get a stranger to meet up with you and many women and men just aren't pushed on making that effort for the 95% of people they chat to on these apps.


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    #14
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    It has been a while since I partook but online dating is great craic. I had some smashing times and met some smashing people, some of which I remain friends with.

    The early days of Tinder were 🤟🏻 .

    Definitely give it a bash Mr_F.


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    #15
    Padre_Pio
    Registered Users Posts: 4,934 ✭✭✭Padre_Pio


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    When I go to college next academic year in September, I'm planning on beginning dating. I've been told to try Bumble or Tinder but then I've also heard don't bother because the odds are not in your favor as a man (too many fish trying to bite onto a hook).

    The thing is, I'm sure that I'm on the spectrum and a bit too weird for casual dating. Also never had and don't have any friends. in secondary school and worse, went to a single sex school so my opportunities are completely hampered unless I go online.

    But in this thread you say that you went to a mixed school? :confused::confused:
    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=112937590

    And this is your third or fourth Tinder thread in the past year too... :rolleyes:


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    #16
    mr_fegelien
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,483 ✭✭✭mr_fegelien


    Padre_Pio wrote: »
    But in this thread you say that you went to a mixed school? :confused::confused:
    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=112937590

    And this is your third or fourth Tinder thread in the past year too... :rolleyes:

    When i say school, I mean I currently attend a PLC college, not a "university" college.


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    #17
    Adam Carter
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4 ✭Adam Carter


    Waste of time unless you are very good looking.


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    #18
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Do no do the whole Tinder Gold thing. It doesn't work. It's a gimmick.


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    #19
    Savecoronabeer
    Registered Users Posts: 33 ✭Savecoronabeer


    I done very well from Tinder a few years ago but now it is literally filled with spammers and insta huns. The likelihood of getting an actual date from it these days is very slim.


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    #20
    Mister Vain
    Registered Users Posts: 6,041 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    I never had much luck with it myself. I met one girl off POF years ago, back when you had to put a bit of effort into it. It's all to easy to swipe on your phone and then say to yourself that you tried.


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    #21
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    In my opinion online dating, and dating in general is a bit like fishing.

    There are two types of fishing. Fishing for the fun of it and fishing to feed yourself. It's the same with dating. If you want to date for the general experience, meeting new people, having a laugh it can be an enjoyable experience. If you want to date because you are lonely, or trying to fill a void, it can be a lonely demoralizing experience.

    I have gone on fishing trips, not caught a thing, ended up wet, cold and hungry, but still had a great time (and stopped off at tesco on the way home for something for dinner).

    Likewise I've been on disastrous dates but was able to laugh it off.

    However, during a low, lonely phase of my life, dating was an arduous, lonely experience.

    Edit: Also, I have come to the conclusion, that some people use the likes of Tinder as an alternative to Candy Crush just so they have something to do on their phone during their commute, or when sat on the couch.


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    #22
    mr_fegelien
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,483 ✭✭✭mr_fegelien


    Deleted User wrote: »
    In my opinion online dating, and dating in general is a bit like fishing.

    There are two types of fishing. Fishing for the fun of it and fishing to feed yourself. It's the same with dating. If you want to date for the general experience, meeting new people, having a laugh it can be an enjoyable experience. If you want to date because you are lonely, or trying to fill a void, it can be a lonely demoralizing experience.

    I have gone on fishing trips, not caught a thing, ended up wet, cold and hungry, but still had a great time (and stopped off at tesco on the way home for something for dinner).

    Likewise I've been on disastrous dates but was able to laugh it off.

    However, during a low, lonely phase of my life, dating was an arduous, lonely experience.

    Edit: Also, I have come to the conclusion, that some people use the likes of Tinder as an alternative to Candy Crush just so they have something to do on their phone during their commute, or when sat on the couch.

    You're also forgetting that to maximize your chance of a good catch (i.e. get an attractive woman), you have to put in the resources into 'fishing' (good photo, nice teeth, well groomed hair) etc...


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    #23
    granturismo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,893 ✭✭✭granturismo


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    You're also forgetting that to maximize your chance of a good catch (i.e. get an attractive woman), you have to put in the resources into 'fishing' (good photo, nice teeth, well groomed hair) etc...

    Maybe you need to reevaluate your priorities.


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    #24
    mr_fegelien
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,483 ✭✭✭mr_fegelien


    granturismo wrote: »
    Maybe you need to reevaluate your priorities.

    What do you mean?


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    #25
    Ultrflat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,016 ✭✭✭Ultrflat


    Savecoronabeer wrote: »
    I done very well from Tinder a few years ago but now it is literally filled with spammers and insta huns. The likelihood of getting an actual date from it these days is very slim.



    Are they like wannabe influanncers who have there instagram page on there account same as POF? :confused:


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    #26
    LoughNeagh2017
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,074 ✭✭✭LoughNeagh2017


    I think you need to swallow the black pill, I was in your shoes once, now I am a 28 year old kisless virgin. There is a very high chance you will never find a woman and you need to prepare your mind for that. However maybe I am being too hasty, I don't know what you look like and your autism symptoms may be positive for dating for example a socialable personality but for men like me it is over, it never really began. Ugly men, high inhibition, unsociable personality, uncharismatic. If I got a girlfriend I couldn't cope with being around her anyway so I suppose my unsociable personality works against me and for me. I don't want a girlfriend because of the autism and I couldn't get one anyway because of the autism.



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    #27
    The Black Oil
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 18,224 CMod ✭✭✭✭The Black Oil


    Why would you watch anything about coloured pills, ffs? Enough with the labels and jargon, you'll end up brainwashed.

    Moderator: Television, Psychology and Dublin County North.

    CMod: Entertainment



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    #28
    Goodigal
    Registered Users Posts: 456 ✭✭Goodigal


    @LoughNeagh I have two sons on the spectrum and I truly hope they don't end up feeling this way. Sad to read. I hope things change for you. That you find a way to socialise comfortably. However difficult that may be.


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    #29
    _Kaiser_
    Registered Users Posts: 28,714 ✭✭✭✭_Kaiser_


    Online dating can work as long as you don't take it too seriously and have a bit of a thick skin - same as Internet use in general really.

    Most of the popular apps are deliberately based on looks alone and a quick hookup which is fine if that's all both sides want, but they're not great beyond that I think.

    You'll encounter a lot of people who'll expect you to fall based on their own previous experiences or relationships. While it's true that many/most guys are only after an easy hookup, it's very hard to compete against a ghost and nor should you need to "make up" for some other guy's behaviour and the resulting cynical attitudes.

    It's also a bit of a lottery anyway as there's a lot more guys than girls on these things too so even getting a reply can be tough unless you are Brad Pitt or whoever girls like nowadays :)

    Best thing is to go in with no expectations beyond meeting someone you can have a conversation with and a laugh. Anything more is a bonus really.


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    #30
    peteb2
    Registered Users Posts: 1,813 ✭✭✭peteb2


    Married one of the women i met online dating! Happily married for the last 8 years with two kids.

    I would have been shy and not the most forward in any situation. So hooking up with a randomer was never going to happen for me. I would have dated people I was friendly with first. Not going out with the intention of that to begin with.

    i generally dont make a good first impression. Bit of a resting bitch face and never used to make eye contact. Like most I'm probably a little on the spectrum.


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    #31
    Just Be Confident Bro
    Site Banned Posts: 13 ✭Just Be Confident Bro


    Studies from Okcupid and the like have shown that women consider 80% of men to be unattractive. Unless you regularly turn heads when walking down the street, there is no point in bothering with online dating.


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