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pretentious friend

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  • 25-05-2020 11:33am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    A friend who is a writer got a temp job with a free advertiser paper. I am happy for him but fed up of the jargon. Now he is full of pretentious jargon about filing copy meeting deadlines and searches for titles or expressions that might apply to him.

    He is just someone who has writen a few freelance articles previously as i have but i am not going to describe myself like that. We are not journalists. I know it. He only has to send in an article every week. It is not the New York Times I would be embarrased and am embarassed for him

    I often have articles in a magazine but do not boast or massage my ego like that

    He once told an editor his sources were superior to others and thinks the editor became silent because he was impressed.

    I hate jargon and ego dispays. I have had photos in national papers but do not call my self a photojornalist. I don't talk about it at all.


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    #2
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    OP is there any reason you're letting this bother you so much? There's nothing wrong with him being proud of the work he does, even if you disagree.

    Some more context about your friendship in general would be helpful. Is this the only issue you have with him or is there a pattern of behaviour that has been bothering you for a long time and this is just the last straw for you?


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    woodchuck wrote: »
    OP is there any reason you're letting this bother you so much?There's nothing wrong with him being proud of the work he does, even if you disagree.

    Some more context about your friendship in general would be helpful. Is this the only issue you have with him or is there a pattern of behaviour that has been bothering you for a long time and this is just the last straw for you?
    I didnt say i disagree.I said i was happy for him But I do not like ego talk and there is a differnce between proud and boastful

    it is embarrassing.


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    #4
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,717 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    Hi OP

    Without setting out to offend you, the issue here appears to be yours, not his.

    Being confident and blowing your own trumpet are not traditional 'irish' traits, we tend to like self effacing heroes who say i couldn't have done it without the team, rather than the braggadocio types.

    There is nothing inherently wrong with this guy having confidence in his abilities and celebrating his successes. However it does appear to rub you up the wrong way. Even if you are better than him, it does not invalidate his successes. It sounds to me like you are uneasy with his approach to success.

    If there is a personality clash, perhaps hes not a great friend for you.

    But i maintain the problem is between your 2 ears and nothing you have said is bad form or wrong. You just don't like it or him. As is your right.


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    #5
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    I can understand your point of view.

    He will probably drop it as he settles in. If its true what you say then others he works with will be noticing it.

    He'll figure out its giving the wrong impression.


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    #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    sorry your friend got a job OP thats tough


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    #7
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Mod note:

    @snoopsheep, your post is not helpful and falls below the standard expected in PI.

    @OP - can you please clarify what type of advice you're seeking here? PI is an advice forum. If you're purely looking to vent, there are other places on boards to do so.


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    #8
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    antijargon wrote: »
    I didnt say i disagree.I said i was happy for him But I do not like ego talk and there is a differnce between proud and boastful

    it is embarrassing.

    If he’s not embarrassed, then why would you be embarrassed for him? He is proud, why can’t you be proud too?


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    #9
    Flimsy_Boat
    Registered Users Posts: 154 ✭✭Flimsy_Boat


    I had a friend like this.

    My solution was to distance myself and find new friends. Imagine my delight when they said she was a pretentious attention-seeker, completely unprompted by myself.

    You need to distance yourself and be content that you are a more humble person.

    Some other posters in this thread appear to be triggered by your disapproval of your friend and are turning it back on you. I didn't pick up any envy on your part, just annoyance. But you will drive yourself crazy if you think about how annoying your friend is to you.

    Don't allow them into your thoughts, that is a form of distancing if you feel obigated to interact with them.


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    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Flimsy_Boat wrote: »
    I had a friend like this.

    My solution was to distance myself and find new friends. Imagine my delight when they said she was a pretentious attention-seeker, completely unprompted by myself.

    You need to distance yourself and be content that you are a more humble person.

    Some other posters in this thread appear to be triggered by your disapproval of your friend and are turning it back on you. I didn't pick up any envy on your part, just annoyance. But you will drive yourself crazy if you think about how annoying your friend is to you.

    Don't allow them into your thoughts, that is a form of distancing if you feel obigated to interact with them.
    I am not envious. I said i was happy for him. Neither do i hate him. He has many good qualities. I was annoyed not because he told of his success but the jargon way. I hate those silly expression and i am fed up being told how "you can't do x when you write for a local paper"


    I just do not like that attitude in anyone.It is a bit childish. I just needed a break from it. In fact I would be embarrassed to speak like that about such a small town free publication. Maybe if it was a big publicaion but still I hate jargon. I have heard it alot in companies. Some love it because it makes them feel superior to people they percieve as being outside their circle. There is a difference between quiet pride and egotism. He also says someone on the facing page writes rubbish and the readers prefer him.

    He said several times he told an editor his own sources were superior to those of others. He said the editor went silent and cannot fathom why

    Some people here, who didn't even read it properly, just project their anger on to me. I ignore such people. Some genuinely said it was my problem.They are entitled to their view and i appreciate it but it is not the case that I am jealous.I had such a job years ago but I did not speak of it. I do not like boasting. That does not mean i don't like him.

    @ woodchuck This can be closed. I have had my vent. Thanks


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    #11
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    In my view, he sounds insecure and sounds like he's masking impostor syndrome. This job may have been a dream of his for a very long time and he has finally landed it, even if its temporary, handing in the odd small bit of writing, its it. He looks up to journalists and now, he kind of is one. Give him a few weeks/months to let the novelty wear off, if its too cringe to listen to, give him a bit of space for awhile.


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    #12
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,932 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Thread closed as per OPs request.

    Thank you to all who took the time to respond and offer advice.


This discussion has been closed.
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