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Healing after toxic relationship

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  • 01-04-2020 8:26pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've just come out of a toxic relationship and I'm still reeling from it all.

    He did a lot wrong, but the one that's stuck with me is he told me I had an amazing body "apart from" my small boobs. He also made comments that made it clear he had a preference for big boobs.

    This, along with his other behaviour, (lying, manipulating), has really has put a dent in my self esteem. I feel really inadequate now and keep thinking that all men must lust after big breasts and I'm not good enough.

    I also feel really lost, and alone. It was such a toxic relationship that I lost myself in it. I thought that by ending it I would come back to myself but I still feel completely lost and alone.

    I have no idea how to heal from this. I would see a counsellor but with Covid-19, I don't know if that would be possible.

    I wondered if anyone has any advice?


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    #2
    HildaOgdenx
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,516 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    Check with counsellors in your area.

    I am sure that they will have had to set up alternative methods for sessions, via Skype, Facetime etc.

    Best of luck.


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    #3
    Kylta
    Registered Users Posts: 15,457 ✭✭✭✭Kylta


    Your confidence is just dented, thats all the boobs thing is basically his way of sowing a seed in your head and your basically letting it grow. Dont let the tits( sorry im gonna called them tits ) worry you. Because most men look for a woman with a personality, sense of humour etc. (Not good a woman with a cracking body and the personality of a gnat) Most break-up are hard anyway. Sh-t gets said to hurt that hurts. But like everything else it will pass, you'll get stronger and get your confidence back. If you have family and friends try hook up with them via phone or apps. Its them that will help.


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    #4
    Caranica
    Registered Users Posts: 10,032 ✭✭✭✭Caranica


    You got a lot of good advice on previous threads about the breast size and other comments. This included counseling, did you do anything about it while you were still in the relationship?

    It is a difficult time to access some services but counseling can be done either on the phone or by Skype/Zoom etc so those services should still be available.

    It strikes me that you need to learn to love yourself, it took me many years to get there but my life has turned around since I truly recognised the good things about me and blocked out negative forces in my life. Own your body, celebrate it. Your ex didn't have a clue, clearly.

    Mindfulness (if that's your thing) can really help to settle people. Lots of apps are free at the moment. Some people do positive jars, every time someone says something nice to you, or you do something that makes you feel good, write it on a piece of paper and put it in a jar. On a bad day, read the notes, that kind of thing. Any little crutch that helps you to build yourself back up and block that ... Insert swear word... from your mind, your heart, and your memory is a bonus


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    #5
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Bouncing back after a toxic relationship is difficult enough at the best of times; doing so with the restrictions currently in place is even more so.

    As above, I'd suggest reaching out to friends and talking it out - even in light of the Coronavirus, there are still many options to get together online - zoom and so on. If you do feel that this would be best discussed with a counsellor, ring around. Many counsellors are offering one-one-one counselling sessions via Skype these days, and will be equipped to address your needs.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Guys that make comments like that about your tits being small are very often of the type that are beta males and say these things to make themselves feel and appear more alpha. You need to avoid these kind of men in future at all costs, and find a guy that's calm, collected and confident in himself. Watch out for any moods - it doesn't change with time. These can be the most difficult men to deal with and on the extreme end of the spectrum, the most aggressive and likely to act out. Be very happy you escaped and can look forward to the rest of your life with these lessons learned.


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    #7
    lastusername
    Registered Users Posts: 338 ✭✭lastusername


    The only thing standing between feeling good about yourself is some thinking that isn't real.

    Thinking that all men must lust after big breasts and that you're not good enough: that's just a thought.

    Nothing more. Not real, just your mind spitting stuff out that isn't actually true. There's nothing to that, it's just a thought bouncing around.

    There's nothing you need to do, you just need to see that. And you will, when your mind quietens down.

    You're already well and free and you have everything you need, right now.


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