miserable life

LegacyUser · 25-03-2020 4:16pm #1

I'm fast approaching my 42 birthday and I am very unhappy with life at present . I remember my 21 birthday with my whole life ahead of me like it was yesterday and wonder where the hell has my life gone. I am single with 0 dependents . I have never had a girlfriend mainly due to self esteem issues stemming from being overweight. My parents weren't the most confident of people either and my mother in particular had a pretty rough child hood. As a child we we moved house three times and my parents moved for a fourth time when I was an adult so I never had a sense of somewhere being home or knowing a community of people. My parents also kept their distance from there own side of their own families so I don't really know my Cousins Uncles and Aunts. I'm in my current job now about 12 years. I make decent money but its not a very professional role. Its more a good job and I have to work shift to earn what I do. I have 0 friends in the city and find my life very boring. All I do is play the PS4 and watch TV and I'm constantly on the internet . Its also led to a pretty serious drink problem, I drink about 2 bottles of wine most night I'm off work which is 4 nights a week and ill have 1 sometimes even if I have work next day. I am constantly trying to lose weight, attempting to go on the most aggressive plan so I can lose the weight ASAP. I never stick to it though. The bordom and cravings for alcohol break me every time. Does anyone have any insight on to what I should do. Ill elaborate more if needs be later

hawley · 25-03-2020 8:55pm

Hi there, first of all, do you have an idea of what you want out of life. You need to focus on what you can change, other things like your parents and family relations are out of your control. How about going to a weight management clinic, they will give you a realistic plan and help you change your lifestyle. Theres loads of activities taking place every evening, maybe join a gamer group or any type of activity. I'm not sure if you're a man or woman, do you want to have a partner and children? It would be a massive change in your life.

Kylta · 26-03-2020 2:03am

Unfortunately at the moment with social distancing you might find it hard to meet people. You might have to seriously ask yourself what you want out of life and how far am I going to go to achieve it. If your determine to change your outlook you can start by doing a bit of solo walking when you off work (social distancing) it will help you be creative in your outlook and its good for the weight loss. When things pick up A.V after virus. You could volunteer, take night classes, join a gym. All good ways to meet people. Dont fret about the age thing. Load off people start over at ages older than you. Some from divorces, or losing husbands or wives etc. So when you rise in the morning say its a new day and the start of a new me. If it doesn't work out tomorrow it might work out the day after. If you dont try, you can't succeed.

mouldybiscuits · 26-03-2020 2:09am

You're gonna need to take several steps to overcome this and step one, the most important one is to quit drinking. Alcohol is a huge factor in depression and drinking that much that often affects your life negatively in so many ways. So step one stop drinking them you can move onto the other steps. If you're finding it too difficult to stop drinking then definitely see your GP and see if they can help. What helped me stop drinking was the realisation if I don't drink today I'm guaranteed to get the results I want. Start right away and take it day by day. You will get there when you make the decision that you want it enough.

26-03-2020 9:20pm

If you're a man, start going to the bars even if it's by yourself.
Stick to the busy nights so it's not as obvious you're solo. Bars are full of men out by themselves, noone barely notices.

After a few attempts at it, you'll feel more at ease especially after a few pints deep.
You'll get chatting to the regulars and other randomers. If you make any small effort at all, most people would have the decency to chat at least a few minutes to you.

Knock the midweek drinking on the head.

TheW1zard · 26-03-2020 9:32pm

A jobs just a job and you cant pick your family.
Alcohol is your number 1 weight gainer, so unless you suss that out you wont see results, same for us all ;-)

As for a relationship no one can love you unless you love yourself

Tyson fury lost 10 stone in a year so if you really want it you can do it, confidence and success will follow.

Best of luck!

26-03-2020 9:38pm

TheW1zard wrote: »

A jobs just a job and you cant pick your family.
Alcohol is your number 1 weight gainer, so unless you suss that out you wont see results, same for us all ;-)

As for a relationship no one can love you unless you love yourself

Tyson fury lost 10 stone in a year so if you really want it you can do it, confidence and success will follow.

Best of luck!

That's not necessarily true, it more likely a daily diet filled with sugar, pastries, bread and the likes. A 90% clean diet does a lot for weight loss.

TheW1zard · 26-03-2020 9:40pm

salonfire wrote: »

That's not necessarily true, it more likely a daily diet filled with sugar, pastries, bread and the likes. A 90% clean diet does a lot for weight loss.

He drinks 8 bottles of a wine a week.

Edit: Minimum

Some Yoke · 26-03-2020 9:49pm

Maybe trying one new thing a day or week might challenge the boredom a bit and get you a new interest that might branch out into meeting new people through it and new experiences. You have worked in the same place for 12 years so you must be respected and a good person to work with- try not to be hard on yourself, hope things get better for you, you never know what is around the corner and if you are ready for new things in your life you might end up a lot more content than you currently think is possible

The_Honeybadger · 26-03-2020 10:08pm

Hey OP. As above you need to address the drinking, sounds like a dependency that initially started out of boredom. Do whatever you need to do to tackle it but you must tackle it or nothing else you do will matter.

In terms of the weight, stopping drinking will be a huge help in itself, but a healthy balanced diet is also hugely important. Lots of fruit and veg, lean proteins etc. Get some exercise, even if it’s just walking, get a good set of headphones and get out for a good long walk in the evenings instead of playing video games. I go to a gym lifting weights and spinning a few times a week in a group setting. I was the quintessential couch potato through my 20s and 30s and am now very fit and strong in my 40’s and I love it. There is no better feeling than being physically fit and the group classes are a good way to get to meet people even if it’s just a casual chat to whine about how hard the training is. I started going a few years ago because I put on a bit of weight and just wasn’t happy with the way I looked and felt.

Develop an interest outside gaming and TV. Everyone is interested in something in my experience, photography, cycling whatever. It doesn’t matter. Pick something you like and join a club or meet-up. Keeping to yourself at home is easy and safe but you will need to make a change at some point if you want to create a social circle for yourself.

It sounds like there is some trauma and unhappiness from your childhood too. No shame in talking to somebody professional about this to help put it behind you.

Good luck to you

26-03-2020 11:56pm

TheW1zard wrote: »

He drinks 8 bottles of a wine a week.

Edit: Minimum

Sorry yes, you're right.
That's far too much OP.

I would still advocate going for pints in a few busy bars around the place of a Saturday night. There's every chance you'll strike up acquaintances in the same position as you and you might even get chatting to the opposite sex.

jimbobaloobob · 27-03-2020 12:01am

I think if you sit and read your own message from the start pick out what you think is the alarm bell things going on there and go after them if you're really serious. 2 bottle of wine a night you're saying I think that could be a starting point for you. Best of luck.

LegacyUser · 27-03-2020 12:47am

This isn't the first time you've started a thread about this, is it? A lot of what you wrote here is very familiar to me. If you are who I think you are, why are you doing nothing about your problems? Your life is now miserable because you allowed it to go that way. I don't want to hammer you about your life's choices but you've got to understand that posting repeatedly on boards is futile unless you follow it up with action on your part.

You have a few problems that need attending to. By far, the most urgent one is the drinking. If you're drinking 8 bottles of wine a week, you are way over the recommended guidelines. You're consuming 60 Standard drinks a week - the recommended maximum on drinkaware.ie is 17. It is known that for some people who are heavy drinkers, going cold turkey has its risks. Your first port of call should be a doctor. The HSE run a Drugs and Alcohol Helpline. If you can't get to a GP, give them a call https://www.hse.ie/eng/services/list/5/addiction/drugshivhelpline/

I'm in the middle of an ongoing battle with my own weight so I know how hard it is to lose the timber. However, you are going about it in the worst way possible. Crash dieting never works for long. All it does is prepares the groundwork for the mother of all relapses. A much kinder way of losing weight is to start eating properly rather than starving yourself. If we weren't in the middle of this battle against Coronavirus, I would suggest to you that you join a slimming class. Slimming World and Weight Watchers normally hold their meetings both during the daytime and in the evenings. Even with your shift work, you'd be able to find one that suited you. That's something you'll have to park for now. In the meantime, there is nothing to stop you looking up recipes and having a go at cooking some meals that are healthier than the junk you are eating. A lot of people swear by the My Fitness Pal app. The free version of it is good enough for your purposes. If you started recording exactly what you're eating and watch the calories start to add up, it might help give you some focus.

Something else I did (but may not suit you) is that I joined a gym that does small classes and semi-personal training. It brought a focus into my life, got me fit and I made some friends out of it. It wasn't the cheapest thing in the world but it wasn't too much more than what you're squandering on wine.

tdf7187 · 29-03-2020 7:40pm

AA might be worth trying, you have nothing to lose.

vikings2012 · 29-03-2020 10:52pm

Get up the yard wrote: »

”This isn't the first time you've started a thread about this, is it? A lot of what you wrote here is very familiar to me. If you are who I think you are, why are you doing nothing about your problems? Your life is now miserable because you allowed it to go that way. I don't want to hammer you about your life's choices but you've got to understand that posting repeatedly on boards is futile unless you follow it up with action on your part. “

Whether OP has posted previously is pure speculation and should not come into the equation. I would encourage the OP to continue to post on boards. This might be the only communication stream available at present and oftentimes it is far easier to be honest and upfront to strangers than it to a friend or family member.

OP, I don’t believe there is any quick fix to solve your current predicament. In my opinion, the feeling which you are expressing, the isolating lifestyle which you are living and the increased consumption of alcohol are all symptoms of a underlying and more complex issue.

I would encourage you to seek professional assistance and communicate your thoughts and feelings. It may be hard to find this help during Covid19 so even if you could talk to a close friend or family member that would be a great start. Set small achievable milestones like a 30 min walk, not drinking any alcohol on a particular day of your choice and picking up the phone just to say hello to someone.

Wishing you all the best.

Hannibal_Smith · 30-03-2020 8:11am

Mod note

Tdf7187 offering to exchange pms is not permitted here. Rather than delete the whole post, I removed that part of it. Please take a look at the charter and sticky regarding PMs.

Thanks.

JeffKenna · 30-03-2020 8:24am

Hi OP,

I think you know yourself the drinking is a problem. You'll never lose weight if your putting that amount of calories into your system, not to mention what its doing to your mental health.

Get a black bin bag and throw all the drink you have out. Don't restock. Make an effort to go for a walk each day and get yourself a new PlayStation game or find a good box set online. If you do this much I promise you'll be in a lot better place in a few weeks.

miserable life

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