Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

obsessive controlling friend

Options
  • 19-03-2020 6:04pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have a friend who does my head in giving me things and trying to control my life. I was joking last week re toilet paper shortage.he had to arrive with tp.it is not an isoated incident or related to covid 19. no matter what i say or just thinking out loud he will be giving me things. he is the same with others

    He is obsessive and whatever i do tries to change it. Iset up a youtube and he tried to change it, change the name, bring in his brother to promote it.if i say i am going to do something he will tell me how to. if it is photos he will tell me what pictures to take,who to send them to, what to say.I made a mistake of takeing out a camera in his presence last week. "do you want to shoot from that angle, from this angle etc. Do you want to get a shot of the entrance, will i push down the grass its in the way. It wasn't.

    I was planning to buy something and wondered aloud if it would fit in my car. he wanted to go to someone he knew who has one of these and bring it out to see if it would fit

    someone was having a coffee morning he went to him and said you can't use that cheap coffee and he bought him coffee he considered good. When people do not appreciate it he says "you can't tell him anything"

    Istay away from him for a couple days now. he is just doing my head in. He is a good person but doing my head in


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    hedzball
    Registered Users Posts: 764 ✭✭✭hedzball


    Ive had worse friends to be honest.

    Any lad dishing out tp in these times is a keeper imo.


  • Options
    #3
    tony1kenobi
    Registered Users Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭tony1kenobi


    Stop saying everything you are thinking.

    Sounds like a good mate.


  • Options
    #4
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Stop telling him things to plan to do.

    Tbh I wouldn't say he's a good friend. He's a bit too intense and to willing to offer an opinion/object for my liking.

    A good friend doesn't behave like that.

    Fir your own sake, maybe lessening the time you spend with him would help. You don't owe him your company you know.


  • Options
    #5
    leggo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    Yeah I get uneasy around people like this too. You start to feel like you’re accumulating debt with them that they’re going to call in, and in my experience a lot of these types do despite the fact you didn’t ask them for what they did to begin with. You start to feel like you’re not in control of your own life because there they are again...doing something that’s technically ‘sound’ but in a way that you feel bad refusing to get on with your day or plans. It’s also tough if you don’t feel as close to them to do the same and you start to feel selfish, despite the fact that you didn’t actually agree to this intense level of friendship with them to begin with. It’s like if someone offers you a loan but you know you wouldn’t give them a loan back: you’re not wrong for feeling that way, loaning with friends is a risky business, but the fact that they’re volunteering it to you makes you feel like you’re the selfish one.

    The solution is simple though: just acknowledge and accept that that’s who he is and adjust accordingly. Whether it’s being careful what you say around him, drawing clear boundaries or distancing yourself from their lives.


  • Options
    #6
    CaoinDory
    Registered Users Posts: 112 ✭✭CaoinDory


    Sounds an awful lot like a family member of mine who is on the Spectrum. Hes very intense and always thinks he knows best... but he is honestly only ever trying to help and be kind in the only way he knows how.

    Could your friend maybe not realise and understand what hes doing to annoy you? Maybe he is honestly just trying to be the best friend he can be?


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    Mic 1972
    Registered Users Posts: 3,213 ✭✭✭Mic 1972


    I have a friend like that too. I think it's a compulsive behavior, an obsession with controlling others, buying things for them, giving advise on everything and trying to stay ahead of their needs. People like that can be very manipulative too, when you try to make space for yourself they will play victim


  • Options
    #8
    LimeFruitGum
    Registered Users Posts: 1,001 ✭✭✭LimeFruitGum


    How close is the friendship? What happens if you push back or decline the help?
    It sounds like he means well, but going way over the top. Could you get away with just seeing them occasionally?
    What if you turned the direction around and get him to talk about what he is up to, rather than him being all up in your business?


  • Options
    #9
    Dancewithme
    Registered Users Posts: 70 ✭✭Dancewithme


    OK I have been there and done that. Definitely tell him nothing, you will see the gifts increase and questions about your personal life being asked. Make it clear you don't want the gift and be very vague on your personal life. This person has loads of information on you. He is thriving of you. Like a greedy leech. Now you need to look at yourself and ask why do you disclose so much personal information. He was obviously satisfying some need in your life. Take a step back. If he is annoying you this much now maybe your need was fulfilled some other way....


Advertisement