BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

RachelDDD · 08-10-2014 2:28pm

catrin11 wrote: »

He is difficult case. I suspect he's got Narcissistic Personality Disorder with BPD. He says he is happy with his anger as that means passion for him. He knows he sees all in black-white, no grey but at the moment he thinks about anything that would be in between as boredom. He doesn't comprehend how negatively it affects everyone around him. He doesn't believe it could be changed ever ('I've tried everything yet and nothing worked ergo nothing will ever work for me. Maybe for the others but definitely not for me'). There is no way of starting the subject or suggest anything (according to him I know nothing as I am not trained so whatever I say doesn't matteer, even the therapist doesn't want to touch that part yet. I don't think he is ready anyway. And this is absolutely basic! I do see change but I wouldn't mind if progress was happening without ups and downs. At least I'm no longer dancing the BPD dance. I've done that earlier and the end might have been very tragic for me. Luckily I was put only on anti-depressants and advised to go for therapy. I'm off the medication now and promised myself never again. The therapy helps me to put myself together and in a way to distance from the whole situation. Otherwise I'd go mad. I started using some alternative ways to de-stress myself (music, visualisation, learn how to meditate, reiki). And first of all chats with my friend. I see now everything differently, DBT played important role in that realisation. It was that extra kick I needed. Rachel, my doctor forbid me doing any research, said it wasn't my responsibility. But I had to find out why my husband suddenly changed so much (I still can't believe it is the same person I married only 2 yrs ago!). Now although I am not professional I can say with 100% accuracy he has BPD....

My daughter is very like your husband in that she always knows everything already and we are all just a bunch of idiots. You just cannot reason with her and she is so closed down sometimes to hearing the truth. I am sure this is classic BPD and the narcissistic bit is when they assume they are the only people who have the answers (even when they don't). For us, the diagnosis was a huge relief because we didn't know why the hell her behaviours were so extreme. At least now we knew what we were dealing with (maybe!). I do honestly think she has other things going on in that head also, but they are so reluctant to diagnose anything with her age being under 18. I am amazed that your husband has only really become ill in recently and that he was a different guy when you married him. I wonder if maybe he was putting a brave face on things and hiding his problems from you. We had no clue anything was wrong with our daughter until she took a very serious overdose a week after her 13th birthday. We were devastated as she showed no signs of depression, was popular and had heaps of friends/boyfriends. She was top of her class in almost every subject and then this bombshell. I now know that puberty often kick-starts the symptoms and traits. One thing that I hate about BPD is that it is known to affect people who have come from abused homes or had an abusive past. This is definitely not the case for my daughter as we are a super close family. It really hurts though to read negative things about parents 'causing' BPD. My husband had a previous marriage and a much older daughter had similar 'problems' when she hit the same age, so in our case I feel it is most definitely genetic. This girl is in her 30's now and still on medication and has regular admissions to hospital.

triona1 · 09-10-2014 10:34am

Same happened with my husband we are together 19 years and a car crash start ptsd and it went on the chronic bpd.Its only the last 5 years we have gone through all this.I did find out he had a pretty nasty childhood and some other bits before the crash and it escalated from there,It is genetic ive to keep an eye especially on my 3 sons,my gp does this for me as its so extreme.My husband will be on meds for life too.
Im still baffled by him shaving his hair off.he was thrilled with himself!

My gp also told me not to research it,he said to look after myself and the 4 kids and give the psych team a brisk kick up the A**e.I should also have a care team after this amount of time and respite.he said he should be taken into the unit every couple of weeks for respite,and home visit should be a must so they can see how he is at home.My gp knows more about him and everything than the stupid psych and team,sure at one stage his psych could not deal with him and the professor was brought in and that's when high risk in port Laois was mentioned.Thats 22hrs in bed sedated a day(so ive heard)and there is no easy way to get out.I was always worried that dundrum was the next place for him as im from that area and those walls freak me out still.

I found his "personal Journal" and read his last input and rang the unit asap as he was going to do something,they ate me and asked did he give permission to read it,i said i dont care about permission im his wife and he was acting unusual and i seen fit to read it,Well they said i ruined everything now that he will never trust me again,so i told him and he said ah jesus don't mind them they are nutters,it was also said to me by him many times not to question or give out about his care when he is in as they can be rude/nasty too him!!!
Honestly he is better and safer at home with me.

RachelDDD · 09-10-2014 11:12am

triona1 wrote: »

Same happened with my husband we are together 19 years and a car crash start ptsd and it went on the chronic bpd.Its only the last 5 years we have gone through all this.I did find out he had a pretty nasty childhood and some other bits before the crash and it escalated from there,It is genetic ive to keep an eye especially on my 3 sons,my gp does this for me as its so extreme.My husband will be on meds for life too.
Im still baffled by him shaving his hair off.he was thrilled with himself!

My gp also told me not to research it,he said to look after myself and the 4 kids and give the psych team a brisk kick up the A**e.I should also have a care team after this amount of time and respite.he said he should be taken into the unit every couple of weeks for respite,and home visit should be a must so they can see how he is at home.My gp knows more about him and everything than the stupid psych and team,sure at one stage his psych could not deal with him and the professor was brought in and that's when high risk in port Laois was mentioned.Thats 22hrs in bed sedated a day(so ive heard)and there is no easy way to get out.I was always worried that dundrum was the next place for him as im from that area and those walls freak me out still.

I found his "personal Journal" and read his last input and rang the unit asap as he was going to do something,they ate me and asked did he give permission to read it,i said i dont care about permission im his wife and he was acting unusual and i seen fit to read it,Well they said i ruined everything now that he will never trust me again,so i told him and he said ah jesus don't mind them they are nutters,it was also said to me by him many times not to question or give out about his care when he is in as they can be rude/nasty too him!!!
Honestly he is better and safer at home with me.

I am so glad you have such a brilliant and supportive GP. He really understands the daily hell you have to contend with, plus trying to hold it all together for your kids sake. I would try to push for the respite as it would give you some breathing space for yourself, even if it was only one weekend a month. I agree with you about Dundrum, it gives me the willies driving by there too. We have huge guilt about putting our loved ones into any kind of psychiatric care, or at least I do. I feel like such a failure and as low as I can get walking away from the hospital. The first time my daughter OD'd and they were trying to resuscitate her for the second or third time, I was pacing the corridoor outside the room pulling out my hair and praying like crazy. I swore if she died that I would just walk out the front door of Temple Street and under a car. I really didn't know how I would cope and this had all come out of the blue. Now in hindsight of course I am so glad I wasn't so stupid, but it was my first reaction to this whole nightmare kicking off. I have another daughter and parents etc. to think about so would never go to those extremes. It is bad enough one of us killing ourselves without me jumping on the bandwagon!

I know if things got much worse down the road with my daughter, I would consider anywhere as long as it keeps her safe. It's an impossible task for us to undertake, especially for someone who is a partner of a BPD patient, you are the only other adult in the home to try to cope alone. At least I have a partner (who is usually as helpful as a chocolate teapot but oh well!), my parents live close by too and are great if I need to get some sleep they will sit with her and be vigilant.

I think you were dead right to read the journal, how dare they chastise you for doing it. It is your right to make sure he is in a good state of mind. I do the same with my daughter and have been in your shoes phoning doctors horrified at what I had read. She was going to stab some girl at school etc. and mad rants and raves about everything. I never knew she was hearing a voice in her head for the past 4 years until recently when I read it in one of her diaries. No-one ever thought it was important or that I had a right to know my daughter was hearing a nasty voice 24/7!!! I was incensed because it is a HUGE issue and helped me understand her condition much better. I would continue checking his journal but do it discretely, thats what I do now. If I see something bad I let her doc know and he will casually bring up the topic without saying I read her diary. I am glad no-one ever read my teenage diaries!

catrin11 · 09-10-2014 1:47pm

triona1 wrote: »

Same happened with my husband we are together 19 years and a car crash start ptsd and it went on the chronic bpd.Its only the last 5 years we have gone through all this.I did find out he had a pretty nasty childhood and some other bits before the crash and it escalated from there,It is genetic ive to keep an eye especially on my 3 sons,my gp does this for me as its so extreme.My husband will be on meds for life too.
Im still baffled by him shaving his hair off.he was thrilled with himself!

My gp also told me not to research it,he said to look after myself and the 4 kids and give the psych team a brisk kick up the A**e.I should also have a care team after this amount of time and respite.he said he should be taken into the unit every couple of weeks for respite,and home visit should be a must so they can see how he is at home.My gp knows more about him and everything than the stupid psych and team,sure at one stage his psych could not deal with him and the professor was brought in and that's when high risk in port Laois was mentioned.Thats 22hrs in bed sedated a day(so ive heard)and there is no easy way to get out.I was always worried that dundrum was the next place for him as im from that area and those walls freak me out still.

I found his "personal Journal" and read his last input and rang the unit asap as he was going to do something,they ate me and asked did he give permission to read it,i said i dont care about permission im his wife and he was acting unusual and i seen fit to read it,Well they said i ruined everything now that he will never trust me again,so i told him and he said ah jesus don't mind them they are nutters,it was also said to me by him many times not to question or give out about his care when he is in as they can be rude/nasty too him!!!
Honestly he is better and safer at home with me.

In the beginning of the year we experienced horrible situation where also a few members of his family were involved. I can see now that it was the starting point and he according to my knowledge began to suffer from PTSD. He was put on anti-depressants for 3 months and then his now ex-gp simply refused to give him another prescription. It was more than dangerous for everyone, including my husband. By then he already started behaving totally different and sudden withdrawal only made things much worse.

As to the reason why people have BPD it's complicated. Genetics plays important part - they have differently working brain and its wiring, with the part called amygdala responsible for emotions always over-working and the frontal part of brain responsible for logic and reasoning under-working. Also the neural connections are not properly developed. That's why when it comes to anything involving emotions, especially the negative ones like shame or guilt, amygdala always win. Hence one can forget about any reasoning. It also takes much linger time for them to calm down. Another factor is the family environment the person grew up in - the mutual relations between the close family members, how emotionally they were connected, etc. And yes, it is true that many people who experienced any kind of abuse in childhood (physical, mental, sexual) or were neglected by parents/carers develop BPD. It is also worth checking if they were any people from the family (parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc) who had mental problems as it very often runs in the families with some history of mental illnesses. The person with BPD was simply unlucky to pick up the wrong set....

Triona, my gp said exactly the same - stop doing any research, leave it for the specialists, look after yourself, he must make his choice, etc. I did follow that advise partly. And I'm glad I didn't stop searching. I found out for example that if the therapy for the BPD patient is to work the involvement of family in it is absolutely crucial! Who spends with them more time - the family or the therapist? Who can pick up the slightest change in our loved one - us or the therapist? Who suffers and goes through hell because of dealing with BPD day by day? DBT is not only about helping the patient (though that's its primary goal) but also to help families and close friends of that patient. In USA there are special workshops specially designed for the families. I read that this year similar workshops were started in Cork. I took the risk and started following the guidelines of DBT at home and I can see the difference! I'm still learning, still making mistakes but I am doing my best. I acknowledge that sometimes because of lack of the knowledge and skills I was responsible for my husbands outbursts. Now I have pretty good image of what he goes through each day, what may be the trigger for another fight, etc. But because it is so different from my way of seeing and experiencing the same situation I would have never known that without learning DBT.

As to the psychiatric care. Well, we had 1 bad experience. My husband once rang the unit because he felt he was dangerous and couldn't be responsible for his actions. When he finally got through and started explaining everything the person on the other end told him to hurry up as he was busy! How can you say something like that to someone who is mentally unstable (dangerous for everybody) and literally is begging for help????

triona1 · 09-10-2014 9:31pm

physical, mental, sexual abuse,didn't want to say,id die if he knew i posted here.
He over the last year or so is acting child like.and some of his meds make him sit on the chair dribbling.he has tantrums all the things 2-4 year olds do.I was at my gp's and crying as usual and he said Triona all you can do then is treat him like a child!It works.if i had a bold chair here and he was acting up and i sternly told him to sit on it he would.I have often shouted at him to just stop doing whatever it is doing because it pointless and asked why he is doing it and he would say because he wants too.So when i told my gp this he said treat him like a child so and tell him why you are treating him like this,he will actually shrug his shoulders in a huff,and it goes back to his childhood i think.he see's me as a mam.
When i told the unit that he is a danger to himself many a time they were convinced he had rang and told me he was going to do something.i get this weight on my back and my front lifts like off the floor,then i just know its harm/suicide mode.

Can i ask could we post number say 55 for catrin11.instead of quoting.Im sure you will all understand that the internet is nomansland and any of our loved ones could find our post just by typing bpd ireland.My husband would no it was me talking about him.
Its grand if it doesn't suit.

Just to add may make no difference,My husband was and i'm sure somewhere inside still is an extremely highly intelligent and very successful man until 5 years ago i never had to worry about anything,everything was no object.Now id give it all back and live in a box on o'connell bridge with him and the kids.
As my mam says he had/has a beautiful mind.just goes to show how scary the mind is.x

Im sitting here trying to think back over the last years of bpd,and i still don't know how he is here.I still wont give up.everytime he ends up in hospital and says f**k i'm still here i tell him ill stick by my marriage vows.Better or worse and sickness in health all the days of our lives.ive got in that car with him and said to him so many times ive not let you die yet and i wont now.while hitting him to keep him awake.Heartbroken to think he didnt care enough to live for ME!.Took a long time to get to grips with this.

catrin11 · 09-10-2014 10:34pm

I bow my head in front of you! Really!!! To say I am impressed would be understatement....

No problem about being a number ;-)

Can I ask you a question? I remember you saying your husband had DBT. What about you and your family? Did you receive any guidelines, set of tools of how to manage your domestic life? Did they give you some ideas how to deal on a daily basis? Or maybe it was only about your husband and nothing else?

triona1 · 10-10-2014 1:21am

Dr Doran was the only one that ever ever had my interest at heart.He went above and beyond for me.but he moved on to teens.i posted the link for him in a previous post.he was the only one that cared,I asked him can this be fixed,he asked was i a optimist i replied im a problem solver.as in i would never have a glass full of water or empty.He smiled.he truly looked after me and it was he who 6 months in told me to get to my gp as i was loosing weight and gaunt and the rest.He is a great man.A funny man that gave me hope.
I once joked with him.
Me)How many psych's does it take to change a light bulb?
He)No idea
Me)None it has to want to change its self.he lolled,truly great man and a joe soap no big head nothing but a great man.
After dr Doran nothing i get no help at all(apart from my gp).its not brushed away,his family know they are to blame i told them everything i heard as they would not go to sessions,oh they would pay for private ones no bother and if i asked they would pay for respite,but i want nothing from them,as i said ill mind him and if needs be like a child,as i posted they turn off their phones at 10pm and ive told them id never ring if he died after and unusual time of night id wait until the next day,he wont get any deader to them.when he is gone he is gone to them.DBT didnt work,i hate saying it but he is chronic and im just hoping that none of you end up in my situ.I know how bad it is but im not lowering anyone.i cant explain chronic enough.x

No after dr Doran.Nothing nada everything he promised was done,but i did get a call from child protection to try take my kids away!My gp was on it like a fly on s**t.And the schools.It was his new psych that could not deal with him i reckon got them involved.And i was not allowed tell my husband as he was in the unit and was not allowed to know about worries or the outside world!.

triona1 · 10-10-2014 1:58am

RachelDDD · 10-10-2014 12:59pm

[QUOTE Im sitting here trying to think back over the last years of bpd,and i still don't know how he is here.I still wont give up.everytime he ends up in hospital and says f**k i'm still here i tell him ill stick by my marriage vows.Better or worse and sickness in health all the days of our lives.ive got in that car with him and said to him so many times ive not let you die yet and i wont now.while hitting him to keep him awake.Heartbroken to think he didnt care enough to live for ME!.Took a long time to get to grips with this.[/QUOTE]

I too am in awe of you and your devotion to your husband & kids. You are an incredible woman and I wish I had an ounce of your strength to cope with all this. I love that I have met such strong people on this forum because you all (Catrin, Triona etc.) inspire me so much to keep going and that there is some hope out there. If you guys can do it then so can I. I am more determined than ever to try to get a support group up and running.

RachelDDD · 10-10-2014 1:06pm

[QUOTE No after dr Doran.Nothing nada everything he promised was done,but i did get a call from child protection to try take my kids away!My gp was on it like a fly on s**t.And the schools.It was his new psych that could not deal with him i reckon got them involved.And i was not allowed tell my husband as he was in the unit and was not allowed to know about worries or the outside world!.[/QUOTE]

That is disgraceful when you are struggling to hold everything together. His family should be trying to support you and give you some respite by even taking the kids or coming over to sit with him for an evening while you get out of the house. I had a similar thing happen where the hospital called Social Services into a weekly meeting saying that my daughter was at risk if she went home because I said I was unable to cope looking after her (ie. providing a 24 hour suicide watch on her). She was in the throws of depression & 100% suicidal, no-one in their right mind would take her home. The medical team were trying to blackmail me into saying "oh well, if you don't take her home we will hand her over to social services to find her a home". I went apesh!t and said that you better make sure they are a couple of psychicatric nurses because they are the only people who are qualified to care for her. I had to threaten legal proceedings against them if they made a move in that direction. Thankfully social services ran a mile and didn't want to be involved in a high court case. The hospital had no choice but to keep her for 6 months. At least on discharge she wasn't suicidal and her mood had lifted a lot, however damn all treatment for BPD.

RachelDDD · 10-10-2014 1:10pm

triona1 wrote: »

On destruct watch,not harm/suicide have to wait till 4am to make sure all is safe.Im on 45mg of disperse zispin at night and it knocks me out.100mg of lustrul in the am.0.5 xanax x 4 daily and have a prn in case.never mind my bp tabs and nexum.

I am hoping your night went well Triona. My heart goes out to you having to sit up all night alone waiting for something to happen. Plus you are struggling to hold it all together yourself, I know what thats like too. What about getting in touch with that lovely doctor again and asking him if he could refer your husband to a new guy? Your current one sounds a total ass and neither of you are getting any support.

triona1 · 10-10-2014 9:48pm

A quiet night in the end and a good day,Ive tried to get in contact its impossible.Honestly i think only i can deal with him,if i could write scripts id be great lol.
Sure even when he does get to see his psych which is once in a blue moon its a quick chat/script off you go now.
The junior psychs are much better there is one in particular that seems good but has not got a real push yet until maybe when he is a dr.

RachelDDD · 10-10-2014 10:01pm

triona1 wrote: »

A quiet night in the end and a good day,Ive tried to get in contact its impossible.Honestly i think only i can deal with him,if i could write scripts id be great lol.
Sure even when he does get to see his psych which is once in a blue moon its a quick chat/script off you go now.
The junior psychs are much better there is one in particular that seems good but has not got a real push yet until maybe when he is a dr.

I agree with you Triona, I think the younger guys have a passion at least to try to help/cure their patients and show a bit of enthusiasm. I am so glad you had a good night, I was worried about you today after reading that post. It is such a desperate situation to be in. I have never been that bad as my daughters OD's were out of the blue. However, whenever she was out of hospital we had the usual vigils, or rather 'I' did. No-one can describe that awfulness of lying awake and worrying whats to come, what could they do, and what will you find in the morning. You have had the worst situations I have heard of and I really don't know how you do it and cope. You are a remarkable woman and I pray you keep getting that inner strength.

RachelDDD · 10-10-2014 10:18pm

I am so glad I started this thread because I felt so alone as a carer of a BPD patient. There was so little BPD information out there in relation to Ireland, particularly to support groups - there are none that I know of. This forum in its short few weeks has shown that there are so many people suffering out there, whether they are carers or patients of BPD. Something needs to be done NOW. I have had tremendous support from lovely people on this forum with books and advice and I know it would help so many other people too. I really think you can't beat the power of human interaction though and a group meeting would be amazing. I am going to do some research in the coming week and try to come up with a city centre option and hopefully people could attend. I think the key is advertisement in all health centres throughout the Leinster area.

I also would love to start a support group for BPD patients are they are the most important people in this equation. My daughter would love to relate to other people with the same issues and discuss treatments etc. So please don't feel this forum is a bitch fest against BPD patients. On the contrary, we want to make your lives easier too and hope you can share good treatments etc.

All ideas are always welcome.

chinacup · 11-10-2014 11:03am

RachelDDD wrote: »

I am so glad I started this thread because I felt so alone as a carer of a BPD patient. There was so little BPD information out there in relation to Ireland, particularly to support groups - there are none that I know of. This forum in its short few weeks has shown that there are so many people suffering out there, whether they are carers or patients of BPD. Something needs to be done NOW. I have had tremendous support from lovely people on this forum with books and advice and I know it would help so many other people too. I really think you can't beat the power of human interaction though and a group meeting would be amazing. I am going to do some research in the coming week and try to come up with a city centre option and hopefully people could attend. I think the key is advertisement in all health centres throughout the Leinster area.

I also would love to start a support group for BPD patients are they are the most important people in this equation. My daughter would love to relate to other people with the same issues and discuss treatments etc. So please don't feel this forum is a bitch fest against BPD patients. On the contrary, we want to make your lives easier too and hope you can share good treatments etc.

All ideas are always welcome.

It would be amazing if there was a meet up group. Seems nothing in the line of it in Dublin and it would be kind of nice to have something outside of the professional bounds, more informal and friendly. The opportunity to link in and make friends/contacts with others who have BPD (or those affected) would be great I think. Down the line if we were united we could potentially pool our resources too. For eg petition to get hse to do more for those affected by BPD, family and otherwise. Just throwing out thoughts as they come here. I'm BPD and have been following the thread haven't contributed much but sympathise with all of you posting big time!

RachelDDD · 12-10-2014 1:24pm

chinacup wrote: »

It would be amazing if there was a meet up group. Seems nothing in the line of it in Dublin and it would be kind of nice to have something outside of the professional bounds, more informal and friendly. The opportunity to link in and make friends/contacts with others who have BPD (or those affected) would be great I think. Down the line if we were united we could potentially pool our resources too. For eg petition to get hse to do more for those affected by BPD, family and otherwise. Just throwing out thoughts as they come here. I'm BPD and have been following the thread haven't contributed much but sympathise with all of you posting big time!

It's great to have input from an actual BPD sufferer and I agree a group would be fantastic. I am going to try to do a bit of research this week and find out how to organise a venue. I know the Mission Hall in Middle Abbey Street do a lot of meetings for various groups - AA, Al-anon, Weightwatchers etc. I will give them a call and see what the charges are and availability. Once a venue could be found, then its just a matter of advertising in Health Centres, CAMHS and online. It would be good to meet up with anyone who has some free time and thrash out some ideas. I know its tricky for a lot of people to attend, especially those who are carers or have young families. Further down the road we could get a Facebook page going so at least there is a forum online for people to get information & help. Get those thinking caps on and hopefully in a few weeks we can meet up for a coffee and see what we can come up with. Hope everyone is having a good weekend

catrin11 · 12-10-2014 4:13pm

RachelDDD wrote: »

It's great to have input from an actual BPD sufferer and I agree a group would be fantastic. I am going to try to do a bit of research this week and find out how to organise a venue. I know the Mission Hall in Middle Abbey Street do a lot of meetings for various groups - AA, Al-anon, Weightwatchers etc. I will give them a call and see what the charges are and availability. Once a venue could be found, then its just a matter of advertising in Health Centres, CAMHS and online. It would be good to meet up with anyone who has some free time and thrash out some ideas. I know its tricky for a lot of people to attend, especially those who are carers or have young families. Further down the road we could get a Facebook page going so at least there is a forum online for people to get information & help. Get those thinking caps on and hopefully in a few weeks we can meet up for a coffee and see what we can come up with. Hope everyone is having a good weekend

Rachel, actually we may start from creating the page/group on Facebook. It can be close so people will be sure that whatever they say stays in the group. There is one I know of but it hasn't been updated for a while. We can start from that point (I think there are people out there who either need help or can offer some help), advertise it in that way and in the meantime search for place to meet up in reality. What do you say for that?

chinacup · 12-10-2014 9:35pm

RachelDDD wrote: »

It's great to have input from an actual BPD sufferer and I agree a group would be fantastic. I am going to try to do a bit of research this week and find out how to organise a venue. I know the Mission Hall in Middle Abbey Street do a lot of meetings for various groups - AA, Al-anon, Weightwatchers etc. I will give them a call and see what the charges are and availability. Once a venue could be found, then its just a matter of advertising in Health Centres, CAMHS and online. It would be good to meet up with anyone who has some free time and thrash out some ideas. I know its tricky for a lot of people to attend, especially those who are carers or have young families. Further down the road we could get a Facebook page going so at least there is a forum online for people to get information & help. Get those thinking caps on and hopefully in a few weeks we can meet up for a coffee and see what we can come up with. Hope everyone is having a good weekend

Thanks. Great, well if there's anything I can do let me know. Another place to advertise would be Samaratins and Aware if we get this going as I've heard a lot of people (including myself) with BPD or suspected BPD avail of these services. That's if we can get something going. As a matter of interest where are people based?

catrin11 · 12-10-2014 9:59pm

chinacup wrote: »

Thanks. Great, well if there's anything I can do let me know. Another place to advertise would be Samaratins and Aware if we get this going as I've heard a lot of people (including myself) with BPD or suspected BPD avail of these services. That's if we can get something going. As a matter of interest where are people based?

I live in Dublin.... Good idea about Samaritans and Aware!

chinacup · 12-10-2014 11:10pm

catrin11 wrote: »

I live in Dublin.... Good idea about Samaritans and Aware!

Great. Just remembered meetup.ie there's a fee to create a group not sure how much but I think its minimal.

BPD_Patient · 13-10-2014 11:02am

I would be interested in a group / meet up and perhaps a facebook group, once it was a closed / secret group that didn't show up on my page as very few people in "real life" know I have BPD. I'd love some info on access to DBT and how people went about it.

RachelDDD · 13-10-2014 12:23pm

catrin11 wrote: »

Rachel, actually we may start from creating the page/group on Facebook. It can be close so people will be sure that whatever they say stays in the group. There is one I know of but it hasn't been updated for a while. We can start from that point (I think there are people out there who either need help or can offer some help), advertise it in that way and in the meantime search for place to meet up in reality. What do you say for that?

Sounds like a great idea Catrin. I am not on FB at all so not very techy in how to set up a page. It would be a good idea to have a couple of Administrators though and make the whole thing Private. Anonymity is a really important aspect to ensure everyone feels their privacy is respected. I would be willing to do Admin with someone if any clever clogs out there could set up the page and make it look professional. I think it should be called something like 'BPD Ireland' so anyone with a diagnosis and googling would easily find it.

RachelDDD · 13-10-2014 12:25pm

chinacup wrote: »

Thanks. Great, well if there's anything I can do let me know. Another place to advertise would be Samaratins and Aware if we get this going as I've heard a lot of people (including myself) with BPD or suspected BPD avail of these services. That's if we can get something going. As a matter of interest where are people based?

Those groups would be perfect and we could link into them via FB too and hopefully they would advertise for us. Another good one is Pieta House and we could also target local community centres & health centres too. I am based in Dublin, close to City Centre.

endacl · 13-10-2014 3:21pm

Don't forget folks, that a private group on Facebook is only private to the public, if that makes sense. Facebook still gathers data from them. That's how the Facebook business model works.

Just something to bear in mind when setting up a group around a difficult and sensitive topic. Nothing online is 'private'.

BPD_Patient · 13-10-2014 5:15pm

I meant "private" in the sense that I don't want my friends list to be able to see that I'm a member of the group.

The ridiculous lack of access to affordable DBT is ridiculous. Just putting it out there like - it's horrendous. I'm trying to "teach" myself DBT skills by listening to YouTube presentations on core skills, mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. I'm sure it's not the best way to go about things but currently few options are available to me.

I must look to access some of the books that have been linked here. I've read all about mindfulness in different books by Jon Kabat Zinn.

Today is a bad day. I'm very urgey. Unfortunately the therapist I've been linking in with is currently on holidays so I've nobody to talk to about my urges. Its times like this I really wish that people in "real life" knew so that I'd have some support

endacl · 13-10-2014 5:38pm

It may be helpful to explore some other modalities that have had promising results in long term studies. This may be of interest to some.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2816926/

RachelDDD · 13-10-2014 6:29pm

BPD_Patient wrote: »

I meant "private" in the sense that I don't want my friends list to be able to see that I'm a member of the group.

The ridiculous lack of access to affordable DBT is ridiculous. Just putting it out there like - it's horrendous. I'm trying to "teach" myself DBT skills by listening to YouTube presentations on core skills, mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. I'm sure it's not the best way to go about things but currently few options are available to me.

I must look to access some of the books that have been linked here. I've read all about mindfulness in different books by Jon Kabat Zinn.

Today is a bad day. I'm very urgey. Unfortunately the therapist I've been linking in with is currently on holidays so I've nobody to talk to about my urges. Its times like this I really wish that people in "real life" knew so that I'd have some support

I totally agree with you. Ireland is in the dark ages when it comes to successful treatments such as DBT. There is only that one programme in Cork and a few scattered therapists around the country who have little experience. Anyone I contacted was reluctant to take my daughter on as its such a 'new' treatment. It's been around for years all over the world and the UK, have been implementing it in treatment programmes for over 25 years now. Why are we so backward at going forward in this country. No wonder the suicide statistics are so appalling. There are so many people out there crying out for help and there is none available.

I also think its shocking that your therapist is away on holidays and has left you without a back up person for support. I think you are great for watching those videos on youtube and trying your best to get through this. I know it is so hard to fight those urges but I hope you have a friend or a family member who can try to help you through this patch. If you feel like you are losing control and at risk then I would definitely go to an A&E. I have been in this situation so many times and I know it has always helped my daughter, just a simple chat with a Pysch on call. I have found the Mater Hospital A&E have always been fantastic and so supportive whenever we have a crisis. My daughter has always said they were so understanding & wishes she could have been admitted there long term, rather than sent to an adolescent unit elsewhere. Please feel free to PM me any time. I know I am not a BPD patient but I have a small understanding of what you might be going through. Hang in there and be good to yourself.

RachelDDD · 13-10-2014 6:31pm

endacl wrote: »

It may be helpful to explore some other modalities that have had promising results in long term studies. This may be of interest to some.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2816926/

Thanks for posting this link, I have never heard of this before and will definitely investigate it.

catrin11 · 13-10-2014 8:23pm

endacl wrote: »

It may be helpful to explore some other modalities that have had promising results in long term studies. This may be of interest to some.

Thank you for the link. I read about mentalization in one of the books and it seems to be one of successful methods. The more we know the better

BPD_Patient · 13-10-2014 10:33pm

RachelDDD wrote: »

I totally agree with you. Ireland is in the dark ages when it comes to successful treatments such as DBT. There is only that one programme in Cork and a few scattered therapists around the country who have little experience. Anyone I contacted was reluctant to take my daughter on as its such a 'new' treatment. It's been around for years all over the world and the UK, have been implementing it in treatment programmes for over 25 years now. Why are we so backward at going forward in this country. No wonder the suicide statistics are so appalling. There are so many people out there crying out for help and there is none available.

I also think its shocking that your therapist is away on holidays and has left you without a back up person for support. I think you are great for watching those videos on youtube and trying your best to get through this. I know it is so hard to fight those urges but I hope you have a friend or a family member who can try to help you through this patch. If you feel like you are losing control and at risk then I would definitely go to an A&E. I have been in this situation so many times and I know it has always helped my daughter, just a simple chat with a Pysch on call. I have found the Mater Hospital A&E have always been fantastic and so supportive whenever we have a crisis. My daughter has always said they were so understanding & wishes she could have been admitted there long term, rather than sent to an adolescent unit elsewhere. Please feel free to PM me any time. I know I am not a BPD patient but I have a small understanding of what you might be going through. Hang in there and be good to yourself.

Can't risk going to a&e unfortunately. Despite being an adult I live in fear that they'd contact my next of kin and I'm not ready for that...

Therapist left word with someone else in the centre that I might call and told me I could see someone else instead, but I don't feel comfortable trying to explain everything to someone new from scratch if that makes sense...

chinacup · 14-10-2014 12:21am

It could be an idea to name the group something not obvious as to what it is as I think it can still show up on news feed even if its private!

RachelDDD · 15-10-2014 1:42pm

BPD_Patient wrote: »

Can't risk going to a&e unfortunately. Despite being an adult I live in fear that they'd contact my next of kin and I'm not ready for that...

Therapist left word with someone else in the centre that I might call and told me I could see someone else instead, but I don't feel comfortable trying to explain everything to someone new from scratch if that makes sense...

I am not sure if A&E would contact your next of kin unless it was serious (ie. you had to be admitted against your will). Regarding your clinic, I can understand you not wanting to go through your history with some random person who you probably won't see again. I hated when my daughter was switched to a new doctor on rotation every few months. We had to rely on them to read her file which of course they didn't, and really had only a brief summary on what was going on for her. It is so important for BPD patients to have continuity of care with the same person, someone they trust & can relate to. I hope you are starting to feel a little better by now at least.

RachelDDD · 15-10-2014 1:42pm

chinacup wrote: »

It could be an idea to name the group something not obvious as to what it is as I think it can still show up on news feed even if its private!

Sounds like a good idea

Roquentin · 15-10-2014 4:07pm

what you could do is set up your own blog wherein people can contribute.

if you dont want to use facebook, im sure there are other things that will enable you do set up a group

margarite · 20-10-2014 6:33am

I did the DBT course in Celbridge and found it very hard and that was with a group. We had a session with the teachers and found more about then. 1. We do not like going out, 2. It was normal to have certain urges. 3. We all agreed it was very emotive. I found that doing the (I can t remember the name of the exercise but basically I do the following anywhere i.e. the bus/train I imagine that I m in my favorite place and surrounded by my favorite people and we are all having a party big bonfire each time the people change location change etc. Just take 5 minutes or thereabouts it make makes me happy and able to deal with my problems in a sensible way. We were taught this in the class also which helps that we were to close our eyes, ignore any noise or bring ourselves back to the room and after a while I felt relaxed. Hope this helps.

RachelDDD · 20-10-2014 1:49pm

margarite wrote: »

I did the DBT course in Celbridge and found it very hard and that was with a group. We had a session with the teachers and found more about then. 1. We do not like going out, 2. It was normal to have certain urges. 3. We all agreed it was very emotive. I found that doing the (I can t remember the name of the exercise but basically I do the following anywhere i.e. the bus/train I imagine that I m in my favorite place and surrounded by my favorite people and we are all having a party big bonfire each time the people change location change etc. Just take 5 minutes or thereabouts it make makes me happy and able to deal with my problems in a sensible way. We were taught this in the class also which helps that we were to close our eyes, ignore any noise or bring ourselves back to the room and after a while I felt relaxed. Hope this helps.

That sounds like such a great technique and useful for anyone even if not suffering with BPD. I am going to tell my daughter about it later, she may have come across it during her therapy. I didn't know there was a DBT course in Celbridge (probably just for Adults I would imagine). It's good to know that it is available and worth looking into for anyone living in Dublin/Kildare region. It is crazy to think that DBT is the number one treatment for BPD and yet it is a nightmare to find someone who teaches it or even a therapist offering it in the HSE.

guitarzero · 11-11-2014 8:35pm

Hey, just came across this thread. Any luck in finding/creating a support group? Would be great to meet and accompany others with this.

Even google+ / skype could be really useful.

margarite · 14-11-2014 7:18am

RachelDDD wrote: »

Hi,

I am just wondering if anyone knows of any support groups out there for either BPD patients or their families? I know there was a FB group but I think it is now obsolete. There is a very strong need for a support group and would be keen to try to kick start something if there is enough interest. Would love some (positive!) feedback.

Thanks.

If you get any information on support groups please share?

RachelDDD · 14-11-2014 11:30pm

guitarzero wrote: »

Hey, just came across this thread. Any luck in finding/creating a support group? Would be great to meet and accompany others with this. Even google+ / skype could be really useful.

So far I haven't come across any in Ireland unfortunately. I would love to try to set one up and delighted to know there are interested people out there. At the moment I have a bit of a crisis going on with my daughter and trying to get her through it. For some reason, this is always a bad time of year for us (change in weather - SAD, pressures of upcoming social events etc.). I promise to get back on track and try to organise something - even a coffee meet up for anyone interested to try to swap ideas about how to get this kick-started. Please follow this post and come along if you have any suggestions or advice you can give

RachelDDD · 14-11-2014 11:33pm

margarite wrote: »

If you get any information on support groups please share?

Hi Margarite, I definitely will post anything regarding either a meet up or any links of groups I have come across as soon as possible - hopefully sooner rather than later

RachelDDD · 14-11-2014 11:35pm

Just wanted to let people know that there is a lot of information/documentaries etc. on BPD on Youtube. I was randomly searching today and ended up watching 3 different ones. I learned a lot of new information and realised that BPD is quite a common condition (although mostly misdiagnosed, or not diagnosed at all). Well worth typing "BPD" into Search on Youtube and watching a few if you get some free time.

margarite · 15-11-2014 11:49am

RachelDDD wrote: »

So far I haven't come across any in Ireland unfortunately. I would love to try to set one up and delighted to know there are interested people out there. At the moment I have a bit of a crisis going on with my daughter and trying to get her through it. For some reason, this is always a bad time of year for us (change in weather - SAD, pressures of upcoming social events etc.). I promise to get back on track and try to organise something - even a coffee meet up for anyone interested to try to swap ideas about how to get this kick-started. Please follow this post and come along if you have any suggestions or advice you can give

When I did the dbt training and had a meeting with the a Counselor we all said that going out was a big no no for us all. Good luck.

triona1 · 07-12-2014 2:01am

Sorry folks iv'e not been on at all.noting to report at the mo.well not for night time reading.Hope you are all doing well.will post when i get a chance.im just reading back now on threads,meet ups sound great but honestly with 4 kids its near impossible or actually is impossible so i cannot commit as i would let you all down.xx

Rockbutt · 02-02-2015 3:33pm

Hi all
I don't know if this thread has closed but I'm hoping someone can offer some advice if not. I am in my 50's now and can see a lot of bpd symptoms in my behaviour. Not severe, certainly not as hard to live with as some of the experiences here, but it's a battle all the same. I mentioned it to my doctor some years ago and he dismissed it, because I'm not suicidal or don't cut, he just couldn't take me seriously. I am very emotional and can't function at work, get angry at the stupidest of things, fall heavily for people and cling to them, then hate them and dump them because of some perceived grievance. And more, but they didn't all add up to anything until I started to read about it thanks to the web! Now what I really need is a diagnosis and hopefully some help. I'm in Limerick. Does anyone have any advise as to how I can get a diagnosis?

Anything at all really appreciated
Best
RB

triona1 · 28-03-2015 1:31pm

Im not much help Rockbutt,Might it be an option to see a different dr in the surgery?Or even go back to your gp now after mentioning it a couple of years ago he may take notice now.Im more bumping this post for you with hope someone else may have some input.

catrin11 · 28-03-2015 3:50pm

Rockbutt wrote: »

Hi all
I don't know if this thread has closed but I'm hoping someone can offer some advice if not. I am in my 50's now and can see a lot of bpd symptoms in my behaviour. Not severe, certainly not as hard to live with as some of the experiences here, but it's a battle all the same. I mentioned it to my doctor some years ago and he dismissed it, because I'm not suicidal or don't cut, he just couldn't take me seriously. I am very emotional and can't function at work, get angry at the stupidest of things, fall heavily for people and cling to them, then hate them and dump them because of some perceived grievance. And more, but they didn't all add up to anything until I started to read about it thanks to the web! Now what I really need is a diagnosis and hopefully some help. I'm in Limerick. Does anyone have any advise as to how I can get a diagnosis?

Anything at all really appreciated
Best
RB

Rockbutt, I think that the most important thing at the moment is to put all those symptoms on the paper, think how often they happen, how they affect your daily life or relationships, etc. and then visit your gp. That's the first step. If you can explain to him/her what you've noticed and what effect it has on you a good doctor will take it seriously and send you for a test. I don't know much about the mental health services in Limerick (I'm based in Dublin) but I suppose now the Borderline Personality Disorder is wider known then a couple of years ago. So I suppose it may be easier to have it recognised. Especially these days with the Dwyer trial when BPD was mentioned in the main Irish news. Hopefully that can help you.

catrin11 · 28-03-2015 4:23pm

Sorry for being quiet. Life has been hectic for me for a while. You must remember I deal with everything on my own and sometimes simply have no time/energy.

Just to let you know that I see big improvement in my husband. And most importantly he see that in himself. We appreciate each good day. There are still moments when situation can be worse but that's normal. The therapy ha had last year although not strictly DBT but similar to it helped in in many areas: controlling his anger and other destructive behaviours like drinking, recognising elements which trigger his BPD at the early stage, calming down techniques, etc. The improvement came with a price of cutting off the ties with some people who had played important role in his life for a while. But he said they were also his triggers and at this stage of his life there is no room for them in it anymore. We managed to get under control his epilepsy. And we did it without any medication - just some changes in diet (coconut oil has been working wonderfully!), less stress, more regulated days. I think the relapse was partly due to high level of stress. Having it under control helped him to calm down. At the moment he is at home where he says he feels safe and works on some projects. They keep him not only busy and focused but also help him express himself. It's a sort of therapy as well, to be able freely show what one feels. I use daily what I have learnt about DBT. Yes, sometimes I make mistakes but I accept them and take full responsiblity. Most importantly, I try never make them again. On the final note I want to add that when recently one of my friends who has seen my husband's ups and downs asked me if I was celebrating his improvement I said I appreciated each day. And that's enough for me for the moment.... x

catrin11 · 28-03-2015 4:46pm

I would like to tell you some very positive news I got from one of my friends. She knew I was on this thread and wanted to share it with others as a message of hope. Her husband suffers from BPD and just recently started doing the DBT therapy. The change in him is incredible! With her permission I pass on what she told me. 'My husband started dbt a couple of weeks ago and the difference is truly amazing! He is great now! The team of doctors from cork doing dbt course came up and decided they would pilot from there. It's a trial but I truly can't recommend it highly enough. It's amazing. It's definitely worth trying. I really thought this was the rest of my life looking after him but now he can do so much stuff without strong medication. He simply functions the way he normally did years ago.'
I don't think any comment is needed :-)

chinacup · 26-04-2015 11:39am

catrin11 wrote: »

I would like to tell you some very positive news I got from one of my friends. She knew I was on this thread and wanted to share it with others as a message of hope. Her husband suffers from BPD and just recently started doing the DBT therapy. The change in him is incredible! With her permission I pass on what she told me. 'My husband started dbt a couple of weeks ago and the difference is truly amazing! He is great now! The team of doctors from cork doing dbt course came up and decided they would pilot from there. It's a trial but I truly can't recommend it highly enough. It's amazing. It's definitely worth trying. I really thought this was the rest of my life looking after him but now he can do so much stuff without strong medication. He simply functions the way he normally did years ago.'
I don't think any comment is needed :-)

You sound like you are both doing an amazing job, you for your patience and clear love and him for accepting and engaging with the help. Its really great to hear & I hope the improvements continue beyond what you've already seen. Best of luck! I have just started DBT myself so fingers crossed I see some results too.

SATSUMA · 04-05-2015 5:09pm

Does anyone know how to get on a waiting list for DBT and how long the wait is in Dublin?

BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

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