Are NSA encounters safe?

noubliezjamais · 03-03-2019 12:51pm #1

I've been thinking of hooking up with someone for a casual encounter on Locanto, Craigslist etc...

Many people online say they've done this but my family and a few classmates say that it seems very unsafe. I don't think Ireland has murder/kidnapping from online meetings like the US or the UK would but still, is it an issue?

04-03-2019 12:14am

noubliezjamais wrote: »

I've been thinking of hooking up with someone for a casual encounter on Locanto, Craigslist etc...

Many people online say they've done this but my family and a few classmates say that it seems very unsafe. I don't think Ireland has murder/kidnapping from online meetings like the US or the UK would but still, is it an issue?

Just have a bit of cop on and keep it safe and you'll be grand.

wakka12 · 07-03-2019 12:05am

Youve a very small chance of being murdered or kidnapped in a hookup in UK or USA too, you just hear about it happening there more than ireland because theyre bigger countries. Just try to get to know them a bit before, know that theyre real and who they claim to be at least, then meet them in a public place first if you want to be sure, if you feel comfortable around them theyre more than likely normal people

Ten of Swords · 07-03-2019 12:34am

368100 wrote: »

Just have a bit of cop on and keep it safe and you'll be grand.

Pretty much this op.

Consider how you want to meet up with someone too, Craigslist discontinued their personals over a year ago. Did you discuss hooking up with someone with your friends/family or just get their opinions on anonymous hookups in general, your post confuses me.

Qrt · 07-03-2019 12:37am

I’ve had many, many a hookup. I don’t think I’ve ever felt unsafe, just make sure you have some sort of connection really. If it doesn’t feel right, then don’t do it.

Some of my hookups have been incredible, some mediocre, some ****e but not dangerous.

baby and crumble · 07-03-2019 10:16am

Putting yourself in a vulnerable position with a stranger (presumably) alone is always going to have an element of danger, OP, but like others have said have your wits about you (ie don't get drunk, high etc) you should be fine. It's more likely whoever you're meeting is in your situation than is a possible Ted Bundy.

Gael23 · 10-03-2019 9:35am

Make sure you wear a condom, no exceptions.

noubliezjamais · 10-03-2019 11:18am

Gael23 wrote: »

Make sure you wear a condom, no exceptions.

Really???I thought even HIV is very difficult to transmit among gay partners.

wakka12 · 10-03-2019 11:23am

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Really???I thought even HIV is very difficult to transmit among gay partners.

Why take the chance, with so many new infections annually its hardly that difficult

Heebie · 10-03-2019 11:50am

noubliezjamais wrote:

Really???I thought even HIV is very difficult to transmit among gay partners.

Did you forget your <sarcasm></sarcasm> brackets? I'm guessing yes.

noubliezjamais · 10-03-2019 11:58am

Heebie wrote: »

Did you forget your <sarcasm></sarcasm> brackets? I'm guessing yes.

Nope. The HIV virus is very fragile (however that gives it strength in its ability to evade detection from the human immune system). Apparently the probability of contracting HIV from anal sex with a gay partner is still very low. It's frequent contact that makes it so high.

Annasopra · 10-03-2019 12:06pm

OP

Please educate yourself on sexual health using reliable sources and not fake news.

http://man2man.ie/

http://www.sexualhealthcentre.com/

https://www.gmfa.org.uk/Pages/Category/hiv-aids-and-safer-sex

https://www.tht.org.uk/hiv-and-sexual-health

And heres some advice around safety and hook ups

https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/11/23/15-ways-you-can-stay-safe-on-grindr-and-other-dating-apps/

Ten of Swords · 10-03-2019 12:54pm

HIV is not the only STI you need to protect yourself from, besides if your hookup is willing to bareback you having just met you then you can assume they have done that with others too.

baby and crumble · 11-03-2019 1:28pm

Yep, although HIV/AIDS is the 'scariest' of the STI's, genital warts are no picnic.

Or gonorrhea.

Or public lice.

Or syphilis.

Or chlamydia.

Or ...

well, you see where I'm going with this.

J_E · 12-03-2019 9:10pm

Ten of Swords wrote: »

HIV is not the only STI you need to protect yourself from, besides if your hookup is willing to bareback you having just met you then you can assume they have done that with others too.

Exactly this. Please honestly be careful with anyone who has a careless attitude towards safe sex regardless of their practices!

PointHop123 · 13-03-2019 3:16pm

NSA hook-ups are safe if you exercise caution with condoms; don't be wasted and just exercise some caution in general.

Miike · 13-03-2019 10:00pm

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Nope. The HIV virus is very fragile (however that gives it strength in its ability to evade detection from the human immune system). Apparently the probability of contracting HIV from anal sex with a gay partner is still very low. It's frequent contact that makes it so high.

Just because there's a 1 in 123 chance of contracting the virus from a HIV+ partner doesn't equate to "I'd need to have sex 123 times to get it". That's now it works. Educate your self and be careful.

L1011 · 13-03-2019 10:39pm

noubliezjamais wrote: »

Nope. The HIV virus is very fragile (however that gives it strength in its ability to evade detection from the human immune system). Apparently the probability of contracting HIV from anal sex with a gay partner is still very low. It's frequent contact that makes it so high.

If you have had unprotected sex with this clearly delusional view, please go get an STI test urgently.

Gael23 · 15-03-2019 9:53am

Is bareback something you should never do?

I’m circumcised and I can climax much easier without a condom.

J_E · 15-03-2019 10:19am

Gael23 wrote: »

Is bareback something you should never do?

I’m circumcised and I can climax much easier without a condom.

You really should only do it with someone you know and trust to both be tested regularly, after that you are taking a risk and have to accept any consequences of taking that risk. In my opinion it's never an option for me.

Qrt · 15-03-2019 10:39am

Gael23 wrote: »

Is bareback something you should never do?

I’m circumcised and I can climax much easier without a condom.

Don’t do it unless you’ve both been tested, and trust each other.

PrEP will soon be an option for many more people in the country.

L1011 · 15-03-2019 10:44am

PrEP requires actual adherence to the dosing regime to be fully effective and doesn't protect against other STIs that condoms can.

While its a huge step forward that needs introduction urgently, it is not a miracle allowing 'safe' bareback. Reserve that for actually monogamous relationships after testing.

wakka12 · 15-03-2019 11:01am

Gael23 wrote: »

Is bareback something you should never do?

I’m circumcised and I can climax much easier without a condom.

Its advised that you never do it with strangers, for good reason

Is wearing your seat belt something you should never do? Im sure youre old enough to know the risks

Ten of Swords · 15-03-2019 11:18am

Gael23 wrote: »

Is bareback something you should never do?

If you're in a monogamous relationship and you have both been tested then generally it's ok but as another poster mentioned it's still a risk, for a variety of reasons, and you accept the consequences.

Common sense should dictate that you never do it with a stranger or someone who's STI status is unknown.

Qrt · 15-03-2019 6:00pm

L1011 wrote: »

PrEP requires actual adherence to the dosing regime to be fully effective and doesn't protect against other STIs that condoms can..

Event-based dosing is being researched more and more, mostly all saying it’s the same once it’s done right. Obviously it does protect against HIV, but that’s the worst of the “common” ones.

Miike · 15-03-2019 6:12pm

Qrt wrote: »

Event-based dosing is being researched more and more, mostly all saying it’s the same once it’s done right. Obviously it does protect against HIV, but that’s the worst of the “common” ones.

However, the official guidelines are still based on the fact that for someone to remain at maximum protective effect from the medications - they are required to follow a strict dosing schedule and not miss a dose.

Event-based dosing is being researched in the sense of emergency situations. For example needle stick injuries or sexual assault where this is the only line of defense.

Some event-based dosing research suggesting it could actually play a significant role in the rise of tenofovir and emtricitabine resistant HIV, in the long term.

Heebie · 15-03-2019 8:39pm

Qrt wrote:

Event-based dosing is being researched more and more, mostly all saying itâ€™s the same once itâ€™s done right. Obviously it does protect against HIV, but thatâ€™s the worst of the â€œcommonâ€ ones.

That sounds like PEP (Post Exposure Prophalaxis) which had been around a lot longer than PrEP (PRe Exposure Prophalaxis)

L1011 · 15-03-2019 8:40pm

There's event-based dosing of Truvada before an expected encounter also, but it's even more of an issue than the not having access to condoms should something unexpected occur - there's no Truvada machine in the toilets, and it isn't even available OTC in a pharmacy. So using it as your sole safety is even more dangerous.

Ten of Swords · 15-03-2019 8:49pm

There is a drug called Cabotegravir that is undergoing trials at the moment, if successful it will mean a single injection once every 90 days that will be enough to suppress HIV or act as a preventative measure.

L1011 · 17-03-2019 12:07am

Still requires regime compliance - plenty of depoprovera user pregnancies to show the issues with that

Keep wearing condoms for NSA. scientific improvements are not going to save you for quite some time yet if ever. And keep getting tested.

Qrt · 17-03-2019 1:53am

Heebie wrote: »

That sounds like PEP (Post Exposure Prophalaxis) which had been around a lot longer than PrEP (PRe Exposure Prophalaxis)

It’s not PEP. I’m fairly clued up on this matter.

Qrt · 17-03-2019 2:47am

Phil.x wrote: »

Your family!!?

I’m guessing he’s going by what they’ve said in the past, and hasn’t asked them directly.

But you never know...

Anteayer · 19-03-2019 6:42pm

I was going to post this as a separate thread earlier, but I think I'll just put it here instead:

I'm in my 30s but when I was around my late teens (18ish-19) I rather idiotically got talking to a guy online. This was in the days before apps, so I'm talking about Gaydar and IRC. Anyway, he turned out to be considerably older than me (late 20s but afterwards found out probably more like mid 30s).

Like a complete moron (and I was relatively naive and geeky at the time) I met up with him and while nothing dangerous happened, I felt absolutely awful about it afterwards and it was really embarrassing. What was worse was the guy was fairly recognisable and I kept running into him in public contexts when I was in university. It wasn't the fact that it was an gay encounter, it was just how it happened. I really felt bad about it.

Looking back on it with hindsight, I think the guy was a total sleaze bag basically preying on very naive young guys online. I mean, I know it's not illegal as I wasn't underage, but at the same time it was pretty disturbing.

It gave me a terrible introduction to men and I had this notion for years that guys were all like that and being bi, it didn't really help with my figuring out where I stood as I just had this sense that every guy was going to be just interested in one thing.

Add to that a couple of other meetings with guys who were total closet cases (my own age) and it was just giving me a dire opinion of the same sex. You know the usual stuff, you meet up with a guy he's all over you and then you bump into him somewhere else and he blanks you or crosses the street. That kind of stuff left me feeling like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

I know it's probably a bit stupid going on about this years after and I know I was a bit of a fool for doing what I did, but I would just caution against NSAs as a result of that.

I kinda feel like I was almost groomed, even if it wasn't illegal. I was hassled online for weeks until I basically allowed myself to be convinced to meet up and I had a pretty grim experience that left me feeling very bad about myself for years. used to have a lot of panic attacks and stuff and never really got my head around what had happened. I'm still not very comfortable talking about it.

Thankfully nothing bad happened in the physical sense and I did have the good sense to be paranoid about taking sti precautions, but it's something that just left me a really bad sense of what NSA encounters can be like and how they can be both dangerous and psychologically draining.

All I'd say is be extremely careful about who you're meeting, that someone knows where you are and that you can talk about and that you know that there's a strong possibility it will be meaningless and that you're prepared to deal with that emotionally. I mean, that's fine for some people, it's weird and cold for others.

Ten of Swords · 23-03-2019 5:24pm

Anteayer please don't think I'm trying to diminish your experience, i'm not, and honestly it sounds pretty horrible but NSA means just that - No Strings Attached - so I don't think op is looking for an emotional connection with anyone. Were you led to believe in your situation that it was something more?

Anteayer · 23-03-2019 5:25pm

I don't really know tbh. I just know it wasn't a first experience that I had intended to have. I'm not conservative about sex but it went way too far from fast and with the wrong person.

Just find the whole thing never sat well with me and years later I'm still feeling like a moron for ever having allowed myself to something so stupid, so I've never gone near anything online / NSA since.

Beechwoodspark · 23-03-2019 5:37pm

Im not gay but I have good gay friend who told me the following

When he was 18 around the year 2000 he randomly started chatting online with a guy who told him he was 24 or so. Seemed like mr perfect and attractive etc.

He travelled to Dublin from rural Ireland to meet him. Turned out the guy was more like 40, scruffy and overweight.

He had a brief chat with him then decided to walk off as not for him. The guy followed him for ages around A well known dept store in O’Connell st and texted him saying please let’s have a drink etc just as friends

My friend was freaked out by this but went along with it against his better judgment. He felt intimidated and was wondering how to get rid of this man following him.

The guy brought him to some seedy pub which he thinks was the gay bar on the quays(now gone) and got him very drunk. Again stupid by my friend but he was literally around 18 maybe his first time in a gay bar.

The older man then was in the process of bringing him to the Sauna on the quays when my friend coincidentally bumped into someone he knew on the street and took his chance to get away from the older guy.

Older guy hung around a few meters away and then stormed off in a foul humour.

The older guy bombarded him with texts for days after.

The same man was convicted a year or so later for being involved in pimping/rent boys. My friend said he was a complete and utter creep and actually quite dangerous.

Anteayer · 23-03-2019 5:57pm

This guy wasn't scruffy or ugly but he was way, way too old for me and somehow managed to convince me to get involved with stuff I would NEVER normally do and it was an awful intro and just felt like gay life was nothing but NSA hook ups and kinda gave up on it for a long while after and didn't bother looking much.

I know it sounds a bit mental, but I went through this sense of just feeling "dirty" to the point I just wash and shower and paranoid about STIs even tho I was definitely clear of them. Took a few years to snap out of that.

I mentioned it to a friend of mine once (maybe ten years ago) and he was just hugely judgemental and gave me a big lecturing about how stupid I was (which I already knew) so I haven't really ever discussed it since as I just find it extremely embarrassing.

I wasn't really ever on the scene in any significant way, possibly partly because I was a bit of an indie guy, somewhat geeky about music and didn't like the kind of music that was typically in gay venues at the time - most of my nightlife focused on music on the edge groups of people who were involved in bands and DJ scene and so on, rather than finding someone to go out with.

Any guys I've met since have been just randomly through my university days or other contexts - always avoided online stuff since, but in recent years fairly unsuccessful strategy. I've almost just given up on meeting anyone at this stage.

Ten of Swords · 23-03-2019 6:01pm

Anteayer wrote: »

I mentioned it to a friend of mine once (maybe ten years ago) and he was just hugely judgemental and gave me a big lecturing about how stupid I was

That was a foolish and very unhelpful reaction from your friend

Anteayer · 23-03-2019 6:03pm

Ten of Swords wrote: »

That was a foolish and very unhelpful reaction from your friend

Anyway, apologies I probably hijacked a thread

Are NSA encounters safe?

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